20. Aimee
Aimee
Parties at the compound ebb and flow. Some nights, it seems as if the guys’ energy is so high that the walls can barely contain their antics. Others, like tonight, only a few people hang around.
It all starts to blur together as the days pass.
Levi doesn’t tell me much, but he’s hinted that he’s no closer to finding out where Titan is keeping my dad than we were a few weeks ago. Titan’s ties to Rick Zane make it impossible because Zane owns too much of Vegas. They could be hiding him anywhere.
I just hope Dad hangs on. It was horrible when I thought the Iron Sinners killed my father over a decade ago after he helped me escape.
But to know he’s been alive this entire time, suffering at Titan’s hand for helping me get away from them, is so much worse.
Especially now that I’ve slipped from Titan’s grasp again .
The short time I was with the Iron Sinners recently, Titan made it clear that my father would pay if I crossed him.
He proved it by locking me in a cage and then dragging my father to the basement and beating him until he was unconscious.
It’s one of the reasons I was so angry with Levi for rescuing me.
I knew my father was the one who would suffer.
He’s probably suffering right now while I sit sipping water with people laughing and enjoying themselves. Dad is likely being confined or tortured.
“You’re lost in thought tonight.” Luna knocks my elbow with her own, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“It’s been a long week.”
She hums, taking a drink of her beer.
We claimed loungers on the back patio so we could watch the party and the stars, and I like that it’s quieter out here.
The nice thing about Luna living at the clubhouse, instead of in the neighborhood like Tempe and Reagan, is that it gives me another woman to spend time with when the guys are busy with club business. Especially considering the patch bunnies want nothing to do with me.
I don’t blame them when I’m not particularly comfortable around them either. But other than Reina, the girls seem nice.
They enjoy being here as much as the guys like having them around. It’s not forced like I remember with the Iron Sinners, where the girls were kept drugged and bound .
At the Twisted Kings compound, the women are their own sort of family. On top of that, they seem to have built friendships with the guys.
Jealousy aside, I understand how they are a part of this place the same way the members are.
Through the window, I spot Reina crossing the room, and I wish there wasn’t so much animosity between us. I don’t blame Levi for not wanting to be lonely when I was gone, but in that same vein, I wish she’d be more understanding about the fact that I’ve returned to his life.
At least I can handle it. There’s no point being jealous. Of all the things in Levi’s life that worry me, his loyalty isn’t one of them.
Luna wraps her lavender hair into a bun on the top of her head. Ghost was sitting with her when I first arrived, but Soul pulled him away to discuss something at the same time I walked outside.
“So what’s new? Catch me up.” Luna smiles. “I heard Legacy’s room has been empty. Could that be because Havoc is sleeping somewhere else?”
“Is it possible to keep anything a secret around here?”
“Nope.” Luna shrugs. “Especially when you make friends with Chaos and Soul. Those two love to gossip.”
“Noted.”
“So you and Havoc…”
She lets the question hang, but I don’t know what to say. Levi and I are complicated. The past and present mixing together. Balancing avoiding the past with facing the fallout of it. I haven’t quite figured us out myself.
“Levi is just helping me out. ”
“Mm-hmm.” Luna smirks. “I remember when Ghost was just helping me out .”
I roll my eyes, turning to the dark desert. I should have worn a thicker sweater. Nighttime has been getting chilly this past week.
“Speaking of Ghost helping you…” I bite my lower lip. “You went through some shit with the Iron Sinners right? How did you do it?”
“Do what?”
“Stay here.” I wave my arms out to the property. “With the club. In this world. After seeing the worst of it, why didn’t you leave?”
“Ghost wouldn’t leave the club for anything.” She shrugs. “And even if he would, I wouldn’t want him to. It’s part of who he is, and that’s the man I fell in love with.”
“You make it sound so simple.”
“Or you’re just making it more complicated than it needs to be.”
“They’re bikers.”
“But they’re not the Iron Sinners.”
I’d like to think that. The more I get to know the guys, the more I understand why the two clubs are at war. They have nothing in common and very different moral boundaries. Except that doesn’t absolve any of them completely. In the biker world, none of them are innocent.
Luna reaches over and plants her hand over mine. “I stay because this is my family. Not just Ghost, but everyone on this compound. You’ll see. ”
She sounds so certain that I’d like to believe her. But even if I could stay here with Levi—with his club—could I forget how Vegas haunts me? That I’d always be looking over my shoulder, waiting for Titan and his men to catch up with me again.
The glass door behind us slides open, and Levi steps outside. He was in bed for only a few hours last night when his phone rang, and he had to leave. He’s running on fumes, and I’ve barely seen him.
“Hey, Luna,” he says, glancing at me. “Aimee.”
“Havoc.” Luna smiles; her gaze darts between us. “I’ll give you two some space. I need to find Ghost anyway.”
Levi nods, taking Luna’s seat when she stands and walks into the clubhouse. She closes the door behind her, and then it’s just the two of us.
“You’ve been avoiding me,” I say, staring at the stars.
“I’ve been busy.”
My eyes slide in his direction, and I pause in response.
“I’m sorry.” He reaches for my hand and sighs.
“I didn’t say that because I wanted an apology. I’m just making an observation. I know that what I said last week is a lot to process.”
He drops his chin, and a few long strands of his hair fall over his eyes. “It is, but mostly because I should have—"
“Don’t go down that road, Levi.” I cut him off, and he looks at me. “I’ve been there. And trust me, there’s nothing good at the end of it. What’s done is done. No one can erase the past.”
This time, it’s my gaze drifting away .
“You don’t have to be strong for my sake.” He squeezes my hand.
“I’m not.”
It’s the only way to survive.
To breathe.
Because if I stop and let myself sit with the truth long enough, I have to think about all the things I can’t change. I have to stare at this scar on my abdomen and accept what it means. That I’m too hard to love.
I have too much baggage.
And if all that isn’t enough, there’s the fact that I know Levi wants to have a family someday.
A big family like the one he didn’t have growing up.
We used to have that in common. But now, I don’t think I can stomach it.
Not just because I can’t give birth to a child myself, but because I’ve changed on a fundamental level.
Sometimes things break to a point beyond repair.
What if that’s me?
I shake that thought. It’s too overwhelming, so I change the subject.
“Why did you choose the name Havoc when you patched in? Was it to piss off my dad if you ever saw him again? Because I think you might finally get your chance.”
Some of the weight in Levi’s eyes eases with his smile. “Yes and no. It’s a long story.”
“I think I can pencil you into my busy schedule.”
“Brat.” He smirks. “Do you remember what your dad said when he got home from work early and caught us in the backyard holding hands? ”
“That if you laid a hand on me, he’d cut it off. So to think about that when considering where you were going to put your dick?”
He grins so wide it steals my breath. Even his dark eyes spark against the dark night. “He wasn’t my biggest fan.”
“It didn’t help that you peeled out of the driveway and left tire marks streaking the new cobblestone.”
“Guess not,” he agrees. “But I was talking about the other thing he said—after the losing my dick comment.”
“I figured.” I press my lips together. “He said your life brings only havoc.”
“And that if I didn’t let you go, then I’d bring it on you too,” he finishes.
The letters stitched into his patch are barely readable in the moonlight, but I can’t help staring at them. Of all the things my father could have been wrong about, I wish it had been that.
“The name was my reminder of why you left.” He scrubs his palm over his face. “Or why I thought you left, since I didn’t know the real reason. He was right, and I wanted to make sure I’d never forget, so I wouldn’t put someone through that again.”
His name was a self-inflicted punishment. One that closed him off for years.
Havoc.
It’s not a badge of honor. It’s a reminder of what he thinks he’ll never deserve because of his club or his family. Maybe both.
“Guess it’s not that long of a story after all.” Levi shrugs .
“I guess not.” I look up at the moon. “But for the record, it pissed me off when my father said that to you.”
“I know.”
“It’s not that simple.” I frown. “And it’s not fair.”
He squeezes my hand. “Not much is.”
I meet his gaze and wish he wasn’t right, but he is. Nothing is fair—certainly not the things we’ve been through. But it’s reality, and it made us who we are.
Would I change that?
If I could erase certain trauma, yes. But Levi and I finding each other again? Understanding each other in ways we never did? I wouldn’t take that part back.
“Do you want to go inside?” Levi asks, releasing my hand.
I shake my head and stand. “Not tired.”
He hums, not standing up. “What are you thinking about?”
“Nothing,” I lie.
His eyes narrow. “Aimee…”
“I hate how easily you read me.”
“Because I pay attention when it comes to you, firecracker. That’s not going to change. Now, talk to me. What’s on your mind?”
“You haven’t tried to touch me since I told you.” I avoid his gaze. “We haven’t done anything since that night we had sex.”
Any amusement wipes from his expression. “It’s not for whatever reason you’re thinking.”
“I’d understand if it was. ”
Levi lifts out of the lounger, standing in front of me. When I refuse to meet his gaze, he forces my chin up. He towers over me. Broad and tall. All-consuming.
“I see every part of you, Aimee Landry. I did before you told me, and I do now. What you said—what happened to you—changes nothing as far as my feelings for you are concerned.”
“Then stop holding back. Stop acting like I’m breakable or I’ll melt down if you come anywhere near me. You didn’t have a problem fucking me in every corner of your room before you knew what Titan did. If this changes nothing, then stop acting like it does.”
The smallest smirk climbs in the corner of his mouth as his thumb brushes my jaw. “How should I act then?”
I step closer, tired of this stalemate I’ve held between us. Tired of this distance.
Tired of Levi looking at me like I’m damaged.
“How do you want to act with me?”
He narrows his eyes. “That’s a dangerous question.”
“Is it?” I grab his wrist and pull his thumb from my chin to my mouth, slowly wrapping my lips around it. Teasing him with my tongue until a growl reverberates in his chest.
“You’re playing a dangerous game.” He shoves his thumb deeper. “I think you might overestimate my self-restraint when it comes to you. Even with my brothers just on the other side of the glass behind us.”
Slowly, I drag his thumb out, and he smears it over my lips. “Is that so, Havoc ? ”
The use of his road name has his eyes flaring. I crave that reaction as heat swells between us.
My hand skates down his chest to the thick bulge of his cock. Hard and ready. My knees almost buckle.
“Fuck.” He grunts. “The fact that you could ever doubt how much I want you? That you think there’s anything in the world that could change that…”
“How bad do you want me?” I take a step back. “What if I just turned and walked away right now?”
“Like I’d let you do that.” He smirks.
“You won’t?” I take another step back, taunting him as my feet find the end of the patio.
“Are you thinking about running again, Aimee? It won’t work this time.”
“Because you’ll chase me?”
“Find out.” He juts his chin at the desert in a challenge. “See how far you get.”
“And if you catch me?”
The smirk that climbs his face is wicked and dark. “Then you’ll really get to meet Havoc.”