Chapter 31
Slade
I cried .
That’s my first thought as I wake up.
The next thought is a bit more complex as I stare at the ceiling, lying in Bane’s bed, his masculine scent wrapped around me.
I squeeze my eyes shut at the memory of admitting to him that the ring on my finger is just a prop. That I was able to force out and tell Bane Antwane’s heinous name. That Bane felt some of my scars.
I can’t decide if I’ve made progress or if I’ve just royally fucked myself.
Such a drama queen, I can hear Granger droll on with an eye roll.
“Eyes on me, baby.”
My head snaps to where the deep, rough voice came from.
Holy motherfucking shitballs, Camber’s favorite saying springs forth.
Bane sits in the middle of the couch, with his muscular arms thrown along the back of it and his long legs bent at the knee and spread wide. It’s such an unapologetically alpha male position, and both my vagina and my ovaries kick into overdrive.
And the ‘eyes on me’ command in that dark, sexy voice…?
Yes, daddy.
I’m frozen as I stare at him.
He lifts his hand and crooks his finger, beckoning me to come closer.
I must still be asleep and having a dream—a wet dream—because my body instantly obeys his silent command. Throwing back the blankets, I sit up and swing my legs over the side of the bed, the cool floorboards a shock to my bare feet.
Then I’m walking toward the large, dangerous man who was clearly watching me sleep, and I’ve never felt safer. When I reach him, I stop and look at him. He looks up at me, then slowly—as if giving me time to step away from him—rests his hands on my hips.
I’m heady with lust. Dizzy and intoxicated.
He traces circles on my hips and continues to stare up at me. “You’re feeling, baby.”
Oh, I’m most definitely feeling lust, but there’s a low-grade buzz of contentment…almost happiness. Without the accompanying horrible memories or the screams.
The reminder is enough to wake it all up, though, and I close my eyes, trying to force everything deep down inside me again.
But then I’m pulled forward and my eyes fly open to find myself straddling Bane’s lap. His head is tilted back, and his eyes are filled with determination. “Let yourself feel, Slade.”
He takes my hands and places them on his chest, then wraps one of his around the back of my neck.
My heart stalls and I jerk when he touches the thick, long scar that runs along the right side of my spine with his other hand.
But he doesn’t stop; he runs his hands gently down my back and then slowly back up, repeating the motion.
I shiver at the touch; I haven’t let anyone, not even my friends, touch me since Antwane scarred me as my punishment. The Numbers’ screams want to break free to fill every crevice in my head, but I manage to hold them back.
“Bane.” My voice shakes.
“I’m right here, my fierce, strong warrior. Just stay with me and let yourself feel.”
After a shuddering breath, that’s what I do.
Eyes locked with his, he keeps me grounded as I feel the emotions.
My hands push inside his leather cut and run over his solid chest, his heat warming my palms and dumping fire into my blood. His chest expands and relaxes with his breaths, the powerful thud of his heart beneath my hand. My hand trails down over the hard, washboard abs I can feel beneath his shirt.
There’s a distinct hardness that presses into me between my legs. I want to grind down on it and rock against it, to make myself come, and I can see the desire and need on Bane’s face, but he doesn’t move. He lets me have full control and to touch him however I want. However I need.
Both my hands thread through his hair—thick, almost long enough to tie back, and incredibly soft.
“May I touch you?” he asks in a husky, thick voice.
Technically, he is touching me with his hand on my nape and his other on my back, but I know what he means. My throat works as I swallow, then I finally nod.
As he holds my gaze, his hand moves from my nape to cup my cheek. The touch and his look are so tender, it brings tears to my eyes. One slips free and onto my cheek, and he leans in, kissing it away.
I don’t pull away as his lips ghost over my skin, over my cheek and down to my jaw. I stay perfectly still as he trails his lips along my jawline until he reaches the tip of my chin and begins an upward path.
The feel of his warm, full lips with his scruff on my skin makes goosebumps and shivers erupt everywhere. But the feel of those lips, just barely brushing over mine, makes me want more, want it all, everything that Bane will offer me.
However, I don’t lean in, because with this, the fact that he doesn’t kiss, I need him to be the one to take that first step.
And what an amazing first step it is.
His tongue dips out to trace my lips, and I tremble with need for him to kiss me. I need him to keep me in this space for as long as possible, where I don’t feel numb, where I can feel things again without spiraling into chaotic hell.
Then, with a deep breath expanding his chest, he wraps one arm around my back and cups the back of my head and fully presses his lips to mine.
His kiss unleashes me, or maybe it births something in me, and I let go of my heavy, haunted past, if even just for a bit. I live in the moment rather than the devastation of my past or the threat that my future holds.
I live in the time and space where there is only Bane and me, where he somehow gives me the strength to safely feel, and where, in his arms, I’ve never felt safer. Or more loved.
His lips move over mine—possessive and dominant—and I yield.
One hundred percent. I kiss him back, welcoming his tongue into my mouth, dancing mine with his, and he deepens the kiss and tightens his hold on me.
I don’t feel threatened as he all but crushes me to his body, his mouth ravaging mine; I feel anything but.
I’m free. For the first time in years, I feel truly free. That I can do whatever I desire and be whoever I want to be.
“Bane,” I whisper.
He cups my head, breaking our kiss, only to say, “Take what you need, Slade. Use me, baby.”
My hips shift, and sparks ignite and fly in my core as I grind against him.
“That’s it,” Bane growls. “Make yourself come by humping my aching dick. I want those leggings soaked from your cunt.”
Holy hell…
Filthy talk kink? Check that as unlocked.
I undulate my hips, grinding and rubbing against him like I’m a bitch in heat, but I don’t care.
I want this. I want Bane. I want the way he’s devouring me with his mouth and his growls and groans.
I want his hands on me, even if it’s only over my clothes.
I want his fingers digging into me, to leave bruises, his marks on me, to claim me.
I want him to be the first man I used to make myself come. Then I want him to be the first man who makes me come with his fingers, his mouth. With his cock that feels like a beast between my legs.
My movements are fueled by the emotions flowing wild and free within me. They’re fueled by the euphoric pleasure that’s building to greater heights. They’re fueled by Bane’s possessive kisses, the sounds he’s making, and the filthy words he’s growling.
“Bane,” I gasp into his mouth, my body stiffening, close to toppling over the edge.
“That’s it. Come for me. Come for daddy.”
My eyes fly open and meet his shocked, lust-filled ones. I can tell he never meant for that to slip free.
And it breaks everything inside me.
My movements are jerky, frantic and chaotic, and he presses me harder against him.
“Eyes on me as you come, as your cunt spasms,” Bane orders darkly. “As it convulses, empty and needing my cock and my cum to fill you up and drip out to make your perfect pussy so fucking messy and filthy.”
I hadn’t realized I closed my eyes, and I obey. His filthy words and everything he’s doing is my kryptonite. “Yes,” I moan.
He bites my chin, staring up at me. “Yes, what?”
“Yes…” My whole body tingles as my orgasm is on the verge of exploding. “Daddy.”
And I detonate, feeling my world erupt, my body flying into a thousand pieces as heat and emotions wash over me. It’s like he lets those pieces of me fly but keeps them tethered just enough so he can rein them in and pull me back together. Stronger.
“Bane,” I cry out as the intensity of my release continues.
“I’m here, baby.” Then he kisses me deeply with a groan, and his big body shudders under mine.
As I float down from my orgasm, the intensity of Bane’s kiss transitions from ravaging to gentle and tender, but that possessiveness is still there. I can feel wetness between my legs, but holy shit, that can’t all be from me, can it?
I pull away and look down, finding his jeans have a big wet spot.
My mouth falls open. “Did you… Did you come in your pants?”
“Yep.” He grins. “Like a teenager just discovering what his dick is for.”
I laugh. Not a half-laugh or a chuckle, but a full-on, joyful, relaxed, and big laugh.
Bane’s expression is warm and happy.
Then, because my mind is fucked, and doesn’t believe I should ever be able to laugh again, I’m reminded that I’m feeling and everything inside me wants to wake up.
Bane’s expression morphs into one of determination. He cups my face. “Let your mind and body be retrained that it’s okay to feel and that you can do it without spiraling. Stay with me and feel everything.”
Tears simmer and blur my vision. I blink, seeing Bane’s rugged, gorgeous face staring up at me. I feel his touch, I inhale his scent; everything about him grounds me.
“What if I no longer have you to help me?”
“Always.” That single word is fierce. “You’ll always have me.”
Confusion and disbelief fill me, but for now, I curl into him and let myself try to believe it.