Chapter 10
Havoc stepped into the kitchen and over to the kitchen island that held numerous bottles of bourbon and wine, and had an ice chest of beer, and another full of ice sitting on the floor beside it. He filled Analise’s glass with ice and took the tops off a couple of the bottles until he found the bourbon she’d been drinking — it had honey mixed into the bourbon and was a little sweeter than the others. He poured until the glass was about three quarters full before capping the bottle.
He was on his way out of the kitchen when he realized the bottom of the glass was sticky and went over to the sink to clean it off. While standing there cleaning the outside of the glass, one of the phones left on the kitchen counter began to ring. He glanced over at the phone, then realizing it was Analise’s phone, looked up toward the living room to be sure that no one was watching him, then he moved closer to look at it.
The name Beau and a picture of a very handsome male popped up on the screen.
Havoc shook his head, doing his best to control his emotions. He had no right to be angry, and he knew it.
The phone stopped ringing and Havoc breathed a sigh of relief.
No sooner had he decided to just ignore it, than it started ringing again. “Asshole,” Havoc gritted out, reaching out and flicking the phone off the top of the pile it lay upon, causing it to slide off the phones beneath it and land in the dishwater Everly had partially filled the sink with when she’d been washing some of the plates a little earlier.
“Oh, shit!” Havoc rushed out, quickly fishing the phone out of the water. He looked at the screen, then patted it on his jeans a couple of times, to dry it off and looked at it again. The screen was damp but seemed to still be functioning despite the bath it took, though it was still leaking water out of the case. “Crap! Maybe it won’t ring and he won’t be able to call her again,” he grumbled, putting it back on top of the stack of phones.
He turned around to leave the kitchen and almost bumped into Bam, standing there watching him with his arms crossed over his chest.
“Uncle Bam!”
“Havoc.”
“Didn’t see you there. I’m really enjoying my day. Thanks for having me and Harley.”
“You’re always welcome, you should know that,” Bam said.
“I do, but, I wonder sometimes, you know?”
“Yeah, I know.”
Havoc flashed a quick smile and tried to go around Bam, but Bam moved to block his way out of the kitchen.
Havoc took a step back and looked up at Bam.
“You know I love you, Havoc.”
“Yes, sir.”
“You know that if you hurt her again, I’ll have to kill you. Which means that your daddy, my best friend, is going to come at me. And when he does, one of us will end up dead. And it will cause dissension between the entire clan. You get that, right?”
Havoc sighed, but he never broke eye contact with Bam. “First, I’ll never hurt her again. Second, before I let anyone but me suffer for my actions, I’ll leave, for good.”
“You swore you’d never hurt her the first time. And Havoc, she’s suffering.”
“I had no idea what I was going to cause back then.”
“You trying to tell me you made a mistake?” Bam asked.
“No, sir. Hell, no. It wasn’t a mistake. It was poor choices. I knew what I was doing, but had no idea what the fallout was going to be. I figured we were just kids; how bad could it get? I had no idea what I was toying with. I had no idea our lives would blow up like they did. Other kids broke up, got back together, it wasn’t a big deal. I had no idea, Uncle Bam. No fucking idea.”
“I know. And you’re both paying every day since.”
Havoc nodded.
“Couple things you need to know.”
“Alright,” Havoc said, waiting for Bam to say his piece.
“I see you. I see what you’re doing. I still don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing, but like I said, if you hurt her again, I’ll kill you.”
“Yes, sir,” Havoc said.
“If she hurts you, that’s all on you. I figure you deserve at least that much.”
“You wouldn’t be wrong, Uncle Bam.”
“But most of all, I really hope it’s not too far gone to fix. Life is hard enough for a shifter to have their ever out there hating them somewhere, too.”
Havoc nodded slowly. “I don’t know if it’s even possible. But if it is, I’ll never turn away from her again. If she’ll let me, I’ll make it up to her.”
“If she pushes you away, go away,” Bam ordered.
“Yes, sir.”
“And take some raw rice out of the cabinet. Pour it into a freezer bag and drop her phone into it. Should soak up the moisture and dry it out, but hopefully not too soon. Whoever the hell Beau is doesn’t need to be calling her so damn much.”
Havoc grinned. “Yes, sir. I will. Maybe the ringer will get turned onto silent while it’s drying out. Not sure how that might happen, though.”
“Me, neither,” Bam said, winking at Havoc as he finally stepped aside to let Havoc move past.
~~~
Havoc walked over to the dining table where Analise still sat with Harley, watching her eat all of her dessert, too.
“Harley, baby, you ate Analise’s, too?”
“I had to, Daddy. She offered it and it would have been bad manners if I didn’t take it.”
Havoc smothered a grin as he handed Analise her drink. “You want some dessert?”
“What I’d really like is just a tiny bowl of the bread pudding, with the whiskey sauce on top, if it’s still warm.”
“Let me check for you,” he said.
“I want…” Harley started.
“You’ve had enough sugar for right now,” Havoc said.
Harley frowned, glared at her daddy as he walked over to the dessert table and placed a hand on the baking dish the bread pudding was in. He reached for a bowl and started scooping some of the pudding into the bowl.
Analise smiled, realizing that must have meant that it was still warm.
She watched as he turned back to them, staring into her eyes the entire time he walked toward them.
He placed the bowl in front of Analise.
“Are you mad at Analise?” Harley asked.
“No, I’m not mad. Why would you think I’m mad?” Havoc answered.
“Because you’re staring at her. And I never saw you look like that before. So, it must be mad, because I know you try not to look mad when I’m around,” Harley explained.
“I’m not mad,” Havoc reconfirmed.
“Sure wish I had another piece of cake. Or Pie. Or a cookie.”
Havoc shook his head. “You have had enough for right now. You ate your dessert and Analise’s.”
“Hey, little girl, want to go outside and help us build the bonfire for tonight?” Hellen asked, leaning over Harley’s shoulder from behind.
“Really? Can I, Daddy?”
“You can, but be careful, and listen to the adults. They been doing this a lot longer than you and have reasons for whatever the rules are,” Havoc said.
“Yes, sir,” Harley shouted excitedly. She jumped down from her chair and hurried to put her hand in Hellen’s, jabbering away excitedly as they headed outside.
Analise sat quietly, slowly eating her pudding, stopping every once in a while to sip her bourbon. She hadn’t looked at Havoc since Harley had gone outside with Hellen.
“Analise?” he asked.
She looked up at him.
“Maybe we could hang out at the bonfire tonight,” he said.
“Well, yeah. I mean, we’ll all be there.”
“Yeah, but I mean, you and me. Maybe we could spend a little time together.”
Analise gently placed her spoon in her bowl and sat back in her chair. She looked up at Havoc again. “I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”
Havoc, to his credit, didn’t lose his shit. He just nodded. “Just as friends, you know? Harley really likes you.” He smiled. “She thinks you’re like her own warrior princess or something.”
Analise smiled sadly. “She’s a sweet little girl. You lucked out in the child department.”
“Yeah, I did,” he admitted. He waited until she looked up at him again. “There’s just so much left unsaid between us.”
“You think so?” she asked.
“Don’t you?” Havoc countered.
Christian who’d been sitting with Addie all evening, slowly stood up, thinking he might have to get involved if Havoc pushed too hard.
Addie looked up at Christian standing beside her, then over at the conversation that was starting to take center stage.
Analise didn’t even realize anyone else was invested in their conversation. Soley focused on Havoc, she shook her head slowly. “I’m very well aware of everything that happened between us, and why. I know what you did, and I know what I did as a result. I’m not sure there’s anything left to discuss, Havoc. There’s nothing that I’m not aware of.”
“Do you know how sorry I am?”
Analise shrugged. “Do you think it matters?”
“Do you know that I still dream of you?”
“It doesn’t matter,” she whispered, looking anywhere but at him and realizing the entire clan was silently watching them.
“It does matter, Analise. It matters. It will always matter.”
“Not a single thing can be undone. It’s all in the past where it should stay,” she hissed at him, focusing on him again.
“But we’re not in the past. We’re both sitting here, now, today,” Havoc insisted.
“I never thought we’d be in the same room again. I guess we lucked out that we’re able to see past all the… well, the past.”
“You’re not hearing me, Analise,” Havoc said.
Analise pinned him with a stare that left no doubt that she did indeed hear him. “Your daughter would probably like you to help her build her first bonfire.”
“We’re not finished, Analise. We’ll never be finished,” Havoc said.
“Havoc, we were finished the first time you chose anyone over me. It was done. And if it wasn’t, it should have been.”
“We were freaking kids. We shouldn’t have had to deal with all we did.”
“It’s not just the cheating, Havoc. It’s the lies, the deception. The selfishness. All you ever did was cater to you. What you wanted. What you needed. What you were going through. I didn’t matter. I was just supposed to standby and understand while you did whatever it was that you needed to make you feel like a man at any given moment. So I’m living my life now. I matter. To me, to those in my life, I matter. I only participate in the things that make me and those I love happy. The rest I leave untouched, it’s not worth even considering. The past is done. I’ve moved on. You’ve certainly moved on. Just let it be so that we might possibly salvage enough of a friendship that we can be around each other for the benefit of our families and clan if nothing else, without animosity.”
“I was an idiot kid. I didn’t think it would be forever.”
“I have learned one thing, Havoc. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe we don’t know the reason at the time it’s happening, but eventually we will. Make peace with it, I have.”
“I had no idea it would cost me the rest of my life!” Havoc said, his voice carrying through to the living room.
Christian and Brandt both started over but Bam stepped in front of them, cutting them off as he moved closer to the table Analise and Havoc were sitting at.
Analise saw her father moving closer, and she saw Christian and Brandt both move quietly up behind him. This was not going to turn out well if she didn’t stop it.
Analise smiled at Havoc, leaned toward him and pressed her hand to his. “It didn’t cost you. It made the rest of your life. If you hadn’t done all you did, you might not have Harley. And she’s worth it. If I had to survive all I did so that little girl could walk beside you all her life, then it wasn’t all for nothing. You’re blessed, Havoc.” She stood up and patted his shoulder in a lingering kind of way. “You’re luckier than most, my friend.”
She walked away leaving him sitting at the table as she walked past her father, smiling at him and shaking her head to let him know she was fine. She touched Brandt’s shoulder and accepted a quick hug from Christian as she stepped between them and went out the back door.
Havoc’s Wolf raged in the back of his mind, trying to force him to go after her, throw her to the ground and claim her no matter what she said. Instead, he clenched his jaws, closed his eyes and reached for their connection as he had daily for years praying that she’d finally stop blocking him and let him in, even if just a little.
Suddenly his eyes popped open, and he sat there with a shocked expression on his face. He’d felt her. She’d let him in. It was only for a moment, and if he was being honest with himself, she probably didn’t even realize he’d slipped in, but he’d felt her. For just a flash of time, he’d felt her.
Taking a deep breath, and letting it out slowly, he got to his feet and walked out of the house. Things weren’t great, were far from good even. But he’d felt her psyche for the first time in years, and the peace it brought him only confirmed what he already knew… she was his one. She’d always be his one and there’d never be another.
He refused to accept that they were done. That was an admission that he’d never experience for a single moment in time, because he’d never give up.
~~~
Shortly after, outside, helping the family gather wood and dead trees that had fallen since the summer to add to their bonfire, Tempest felt a pull at her periphery and turned back toward the house. She walked toward the house, but stopped before she went in, realizing that was not where she felt the call from. Walking past the house down toward the opposite end of the road, where it became a dead end with a circle to turn your car around in, she wandered up to a two-story building with a work shop on the first floor, and a small apartment above. She tried the door to the first floor and found it locked. Peering through the windows, she realized there were wonderful things inside and simply imagined the doorknob unlocking to let her inside — and it did. She turned the knob and went inside, taking her time walking through and admiring all the sculptures. Whoever did these, presumably Everly from the little she’d learned, was insanely talented.
She felt a tug at her periphery again and reluctantly followed the cry of a soul in need. She set one foot on the circular metal staircase in the far end of the small workshop and climbed the stairs, intentionally making noise, intentionally letting whoever she’d find there know she was on her way up.
“I told you, to let it go. Go. Now! Leave me alone!” Analise shouted angrily.
Tempest hesitated, but decided that she was needed, so she continued on up. Only once her head rose above the floor level of the apartment above her, did she announce herself. “It’s me, Tempest. Are you alright?”
Tempest had no problem seeing in the dark, so she clearly watched as Analise who was stretched out along a double bed, still neatly made, sat up and quickly wiped her eyes.
“Oh, hey. I thought you were someone else.”
“No problem. I just thought I’d come see if you were alright.”
“How’d you know I was in here?” Analise asked. “I used the inside staircase so no one would see me going up the exterior stairs.”
Tempest shrugged slightly. “Honestly? If I open myself up, I hear souls from multiple planes calling to me. I unconsciously keep most blocked, but once I’ve accepted someone as my own, they kind of burrow themselves into my awareness and I’m more likely to pick up on their need. You’re clan, and consider Brandt your Alpha, so, I felt the need, but I didn’t exactly know who was here, just that someone that mattered to me was hurting, and that maybe I could help.”
Analise watched her spellbound for a moment. “That just boggles the mind.”
Tempest laughed. “Yeah, it can boggle a whole lot more than the mind if it gets out of control. But that’s not important right now. How can I help? What can I do to ease your pain?”
Analise sighed. “No one can help. This was a such a bad idea.” She smiled despite the fact that she swiped at the tears still falling from her eyes.
“The whole coming home for Christmas thing, huh?”
“Yeah.”
“Mind if I sit down?”
“No, go right ahead.”
“So, first, who made all those amazing things downstairs?” Tempest asked, turning the conversation away from the obvious issue at hand to hopefully make Analise relax a bit.
“My mom. She’s a very gifted sculptor. Or sculptress,” Analise said animatedly, dramatically striking a pose when she said sculptress.
“Yeah, she is,” Tempest exclaimed.
“This apartment used to be my dad’s when he was single. His work shop was underneath. He worked on air conditioners, and radios, whatever kind of machinery that needed fixing, he’d take it apart, fix it and put it back together. He lived up here. When they got together, they lived here together until he finished building their house.”
“The house where your family lives now?”
“Yes. The same house. He closed in the workshop downstairs so my mom could have a place to work if inspiration struck when she was home, but left this apartment because neither could quite make themselves change it. It’s where they started, you know?”
“I do know. Yeah, I can certainly understand that.”
“She’s got another shop in town, but works here more and more. Just takes the things to town that customers may want to buy.”
“You are surrounded by talent and gifted people,” Tempest said.
Analise looked around the apartment, then thought about all the different people in her life. “Yeah, I guess I am.”
“Then, why, I wonder, do you continue to live in the past?”
“What? I don’t live in the past,” Analise said. “I have a whole life!”
“You do! Rooted firmly, and devoted to remaining, in the past,” Tempest said.