Chapter 12
Analise watched through the windows in her parents’ old apartment as everyone in the clan regardless of age gathered around the wood assembled for the bonfire. Her thoughts were heavy with the conversation she and Tempest had had a few hours prior. She just didn’t have it in her to join them all and pretend there was nothing wrong. So, she watched. She watched as Christian, extremely attentive to Addie, took a blanket off one of the stacks the women always made sure was available at the bonfires they hosted, and wrapped it around her shoulders. She watched as he brought blankets for his mom and dad and his siblings, making sure all were comfortable and warm before he finally took a seat beside Addie. He was such a kind male. “Why couldn’t I love you?” she whispered.
She watched a little while later as Emmalyn stood with her back to the bonfire, her hands on her hips as she seemed to chase Barron from everywhere he stopped until he finally turned to face her. Clearly they were not very happy with each other, both gesturing as they spoke over one another. She saw her sister throw her hands up as though demanding an answer. Barron shook his head furiously seeming to speak calmly before he simply walked away, leaving her standing there alone as he went to sit with Tessa and his parents.
She watched as his mother, Aunt Delilah, placed a hand on his shoulder and he simply flashed her a little-too-bright smile.
And she watched Havoc as he looked around repeatedly, then walked over to her parents and spoke to them briefly before nodding and returning to where he’d left Harley with Maverik and Valerie.
That was enough. She didn’t need to watch anymore. She knew he was looking for her and she didn’t really want to know why. She was pretty sure from the look on his face when he’d turned away from her mom and dad that one or both of them told him to leave her alone.
She went back to the bed and lay down again, having decided to wait out the singing, the stories they were no doubt telling, and the marshmallows Maverik always supplied for the kids to hold in the flames.
Slightly perturbed that she’d be missing out on the traditional bonfire, it was far preferable to spending it with the one person in the world who’d been responsible for destroying her teenage years.
An hour or so later, she heard a ruckus and looked out of the window again to find half of them shifted, the others in the process of, and the run beginning. The run was another tradition. Everyone who could shift, and wanted to, shifted into their animals, and ran the property until they were exhausted. It was a rite of passage when you were a kid, and a way for all of the beasts they housed inside them to commune together unhindered in their own celebration of the season. For years the older clan members ran together, and Brandt’s generation often ran on their property across the highway now that they were older, but the holidays were a special time when both generations ran as one.
She watched as Kaid and Brandt both bolted from the group, leading them away as they slipped into the skins of their beasts, reveling in the freedom of being exactly who they were, free from any eyes who weren’t intimately familiar with their peculiar abilities.
“Thank goodness,” Analise murmured as she waited for the last of the stragglers to disappear into the woods so she could finally get a chance to sneak back into her parents’ home.
She felt a little pang at not joining them, but more so the relief that she could get back to her bedroom, shower and go to bed early. As soon as the last of them shifted and disappeared into the night, Analise made her way down the stairs and out through the side door, keeping to the shadows as she headed the two-hundred feet or so back to her parents’ house.
“Analise?” Janie called out, noticing her trying not to be noticed.
“Yes, ma’am,” Analise called, but made no effort to walk closer to Janie, Avaleigh and Angelle.
“I was wondering where you got off to. Everyone went for a run. It’s only been a few minutes; you could probably catch up with them.”
“Oh, no thank you. I think I’ll sit this one out.”
“Why don’t you come sit with us until the others get back? We’ve got plenty of blankets to snuggle into.”
“Thank you, but I think I’m just going to take a shower and go to bed.”
“But, when they come back, we’ll have more marshmallows,” a little girl’s voice said hopefully.
Analise hadn’t realized that Harley was sitting with them. It made sense that she’d have stayed behind if she wasn’t yet able to shift. “My tummy kind of hurts, Harley. But maybe I’ll get a chance to see you tomorrow. Okay?”
“Probably too much adult drink. Daddy doesn’t drink adult drinks ‘cause they make his Wolf hard to manage,” Harley said.
“I have no doubt,” Analise said.
“We can go for a walk tomorrow since we didn’t get to go tonight,” Harley said hopefully.
“Maybe. We’ll see.”
“I love being outside. But I can’t keep up with the grownups when they run, so I can’t go with them. I have to stay behind at home, too. I usually stay with Aunt Talie when everybody else runs at home. It’s kinda boring.”
“One day you’ll be able to keep up, and I bet they’ll have trouble catching you, then,” Analise said.
Harley grinned and turned to look at Avaleigh. “She’s right.”
“I bet she is,” Avaleigh agreed.
“So, you’ll take me for a walk tomorrow?” Harley called out to Analise who hadn’t quite managed to get home while Harley was talking to Avaleigh.
Analise didn’t want to disappoint the girl, but she most likely wouldn’t be here. And even if she was, she really didn’t want to bond with her any more than she already had. It killed her enough that she missed everything about home, she didn’t want to add this child to the mix. Harley was so easy to love, and so clearly starving for a mother figure in her life. She just didn’t want to give her any false hope, nor have to deal with another broken bond when she went back to Boston with no more contact.
“Tell you what… if I’m still here, we’ll see about going for a walk,” Analise said.
“Yayy!” Harley called out excitedly. “But you have to come get me from by Aunt Hellen’s house.”
“Oh, you’re staying at Aunt Hellen’s house?” Analise asked.
“No. But it’s by Aunt Hellen's. But I might be at Poppy’s and Val’s. We slept at Poppy’s and Val’s house last night, but we moved our stuff to a house by Aunt Hellen’s today. Maybe you should just call my daddy and ask him where I am when you’re ready to go for a walk. But I think I’m spending the night with Poppy again. He makes even better blanket forts than my daddy does, so I hope so. And Val paints with me. I like painting with Val.”
Analise smiled, remembering the blanket forts they’d all played in on rainy days in Maverik’s house and the art projects that Valerie would organize for all the kids.
“I’ll tell Poppy that you’re coming to get me so I need to be ready.”
“Well, we’ll have to see. I might not be here,” Analise reminded her. “But if I am, I’ll come find you.”
“Okay! If you do, we can go early,” Harley insisted. “The birds get up early and they make pretty songs. Except the chickens. I hate the chickens.”
“Why do you hate chickens?” Avaleigh asked.
“Well, really I hate the roosters. They make so much noise!” Harley complained dramatically.
“I completely understand. And we’ll see. If I’m here, okay?” Analise said, smiling a little at Harley’s antics. She was a very animated little girl, and so very self-confident. She waved at them sitting near the bonfire still warming the entire area, then turned and hurried to her parents’ home.
“Sleep well, Analise,” Avaleigh called.
“Goodnight, hon,” Janie called.
Avaleigh shook her head sadly and made eye contact with Janie as Analise slipped inside her parents’ front door and closed it quietly behind herself.
“I know. It kills me,” Janie said. “Last time she was here she seemed so much better than this time.”
“He wasn’t here last time,” Avaleigh said. “She could let her guard down and just be herself.”
“That’s true. But you’d think they’d have both moved on by now.”
“Sometimes the only way to move on is straight through the middle of the worst of it,” Avaleigh said.
“Ain’t that the truth,” Janie said.
~~~
True to her words, Analise did exactly what she said. She showered and got in bed, not even bothering to fully dry her hair before crawling between her sheets and practically passing out. Her mind had had enough — she needed to shut down for a while. She was so deeply asleep that she didn’t even hear the members of the clan as they gradually made their way back to the site of the bonfire, before heading home with their families. She was completely unaware that Aunt Delilah encased the bonfire in ice once everyone was ready to head home. That was her favorite part, watching Aunt Delilah smother the flames as she breathed ice onto them.
But she missed it. She was almost comatose, her body at rest, her soul at play.
~~~
Havoc, dressed in only a pair of pajama bottoms wandered through the house with a drink in his hand. He’d been surprised at how nice the house was, especially since it was unassigned. He’d seen his cousins’ homes, and his sister’s, and quite frankly had been a little jealous, but he’d been happy for them, too. They deserved good, and Brandt had worked his ass off to be sure they had a place to call their own. The rest of the clan had certainly put in the work to help, but it was Brandt who’d had the vision to buy the land across from their parents and start building homes on it.
This particular house was one of the two extras they used as homes for whoever came home from wherever in the world they’d been unexpectedly and didn’t want to stay with their parents. It was spectacular. Almost exactly what he’d have built had he built one. It was a two-story home, well, technically three, but only the top two stories were the home. The bottom floor was for recreation. A concrete slab partially enclosed with spaces to park vehicles, or four-wheelers and such. And on the other side of the bottom floor was a family sized picnic table and a large hammock toward the back of it suspended from the floor joists above it as well.
The house appeared to be Acadian styled for the most part, but instead of the traditional siding, it was brick. The front door was a soft blue, and the trim around the windows along with the working shutters on each window matched the door.
A nine-foot-wide staircase led the way from the drive up to the center point of the wraparound porch, while another smaller staircase led from the side yard up to the porch. The front porch was sheltered from above by another porch that ran from one end of the front of the house to the other on the top story. It gave the master suite on the third floor a private porch and balcony that none of the rest of the house had access to. The back of the house had a similar porch, but both bedrooms on the top floor at the back of the house shared access to the back porch. The roof was metal with the same soft blue tint to it that the trim on the house sported.
And inside… when he walked inside his mouth just about dropped open. The entire home was decorated like a lodge. Warm, teak-colored wooden surfaces, large, sturdy beams overhead in the vaulted ceilings. A highly polished hardwood floor, traditional white appliances offset the beautiful wooden cabinets in the kitchen, along with a traditional farmhouse sink. Each bedroom had fourposter beds, and both bathrooms had spa tubs in them with separate walk-in showers. Even the half-bath had almost as much room in it as his kitchen back home. The laundry room had a white washer and dryer and plenty of racks to hang clothes that couldn’t be dried. The entire house had inset lighting and ceiling fans were placed strategically throughout. The lighting was particularly nice as it wasn’t the stark white most would expect. The light bulbs were clear and gave off a warm golden glow rather than bright white. Every exterior wall was practically covered in glass… windows and candles and glass knickknacks on the built in shelves that reflected the light and made the whole damn thing practically sparkle as the lights bounced off of all the polished wood, windows, and decor.
When he’d told Brandt that he’d like to stay in one of the extra houses they’d built for a little while, not really wanting to get back home right away, Brandt had told him to take the ‘the lodge’. It was closest to Hellen and kind of in the middle of everything, but as of yet didn’t have any direct neighbors. He’d chuckled at the name thinking it was probably just a little cabin like place. Man, had he been wrong. The fact that he’d found it fully stocked was equally impressive. Brandt took care of his family, even the black sheep of the family. There was no doubt about that.
As he wandered through the house, pausing at each window or glass door to gaze out into the darkness before stopping in the kitchen to pour himself another drink from the bottle of Jack he’d cracked open, he thought of Analise. This is the kind of place he’d dreamed of giving her, the kind of place they could raise their family, love and live forever. Retreat from the rest of the world and just be glad they had each other. He dreamed of the days that he could look at her across the room, share a secret smile and both know what the other was thinking.
Unfortunately, it was beginning to look more and more like dreams were the only way he’d get to share a secret smile with her. He’d thought that maybe when she and Harley began to bond there might be more of a chance than he’d at first believed. But, no. She’d completely shut him down, even going to the extent of avoiding him the entire rest of the late afternoon and evening. She’d even skipped the bonfire.
Caught somewhere between desperate and angry he grabbed the bottle of Jack off the kitchen counter and upended it to pour the rest of it into his glass, but it was empty. He’d already finished it. He thought of Harley and was glad he’d let her spend the night with his parents. It would leave him free to wallow in his self-pity without the only good thing in his life there to witness it.
Setting the glass with its melted ice on the counter beside the empty bottle, he simply walked away from it. He climbed the wooden staircase to the third floor and the master bedroom. Arriving beside the oversized king-sized bed, he allowed himself to fall face first into the mattress and all its overstuffed comforters and pillows, and closed his eyes. “Please. Please take me to Analise again. She’ll never accept me, so at least let me have her in my dreams.”