Chapter 15
Analise flopped down on the sofa, still holding the towel around her body.
“You’re turning blue,” Emmalyn said.
“My hair is wet, I was standing outside in cold freaking weather.”
Emmalyn kind of tilted her head in a ‘yeah, okay’ kind of manner. “So, what are you going to do?”
“Are you serious?” Analise asked.
“Very.”
“I’m going home. I’m leaving.”
“He’s going to follow you.”
“I’ll have him arrested.”
Emmalyn flopped on the ottoman across from Analise. “Okay, so, angry me would, too. But, do you really want to do that?”
Analise looked at Emmalyn like she’d lost her mind. She’d always been her staunchest supporter and now she was questioning having Havoc arrested.
“I mean, yeah, he’s an asshole. And he’s an arrogant asshole at that. But he’s Havoc. If you have him arrested, who knows what’ll happen? You can’t lock a shifter in a cage for long. And he’s Harley’s dad. And he’s Uncle Maverik’s son. And deep down inside we love him, he’s family.”
Analise looked angrily at Emmalyn.
“Even if we don’t want to acknowledge what you and he are, we love him because he’s family and we all grew up together. There was a time we were all so close, and so happy.”
“That was a long time ago, Emmalyn,” Analise said, thinking back to their childhoods. The trouble didn’t start until Havoc was about to turn sixteen, and it continued for a while. Wild was an understatement where his puberty was concerned.
“Yeah, but can you remember before it went bad?” Emmalyn asked.
“Can you?” Analise asked.
“Yes, I can. I miss the bond we all had.”
Analise sat back into the cushions behind her. She didn’t say anything for a little while, until she finally admitted what Emmalyn already knew. “I miss it, too.” She closed her eyes and shook her head. “I miss him so much.”
“So, what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. But I’m not going to allow him to dictate what I can and can’t do. I will not give up my career. I will not have him tell me when I can come and go. I worked too hard to build my career to have him tear it down because of a stupid bite on my ankle.”
“You really want to go home?” Emmalyn asked.
“I have to. I have to be back at work at the end of the week.”
“Malta?”
“No, Boston. The shipment should be arriving and I need to be there to meet it.”
“So, why not sit it out here for a while until you have to leave. Take some time, just feel. See what comes naturally to your heart and go from there.”
“Maybe. But I’m really fighting my instincts to just go. Fight or flight, you know, and I’m thinking flight!” Analise confessed.
“Well, you can’t go now anyway. And Mama always said don’t make any decisions when you’re emotional. Think them through with a clear head. Your head is not clear. And besides, your car is gone.”
Analise sat up. “Yeah, where is my rental car? And where are Mom and Dad? You screamed for Dad. I heard you in the shower, it’s why I got out.”
“That is strange. Why the hell didn’t he come when I called?” Emmalyn asked, getting up and going toward their bedroom to see if they’d somehow managed to sleep through all the ruckus. She quietly eased the door open, then pushed the door wide, flipped on the light and walked into their parents’ room, followed closely by Analise.
“They’re not in here,” Emmalyn said.
“And the bed is made,” Analise said.
“Maybe they went out for breakfast or something,” Emmalyn said.
“Maybe. I’m sure they’ll be home soon,” Analise said. “I’m going to get dressed.”
“Alright. You hungry? I could cook some eggs real quick.”
“I really have no appetite.”
“Coffee?”
“I’d love some coffee,” Analise said. “I’ll just be a minute.”
“I’ll have the coffee ready,” Emmalyn said.
Analise got dressed and walked into the kitchen to get a cup of the coffee she could smell from her bedroom. “Smells good,” she said.
Emmalyn smiled at her and handed her a cup of coffee and a folded piece of paper. “Found Mom and Dad.”
“Huh?” Analise asked, accepting the cup of coffee and taking a sip before putting it down on the counter top and unfolding the sheet of paper to see what was written on it.
Dear girls,
Mom and I have decided to take a vacation. While we’re away, fix your messes. We’re tired of being caught in the middle. Mom told me a long time ago that I needed to stop babying you and allow you to live your own lives. She’s right. Behave like adults.
Analise, I don’t know what you are going to do about Havoc, but I know there is not one among us that hasn’t made mistakes — some of us worse than others. He’s a man now and he’s trying to be a good one. Fix it.
Emmalyn, whatever you’ve done to Barron, I’m sure it’s your fault. Stop being so difficult, and if you can’t work it out now, at least leave it on good terms so that you don’t have bad feelings and can work it out later. At the very least, stop chasing him.
We’ll be home when there is no stressful situation to come home to.
We love you,
Mom and Dad
PS: We’re taking Analise’s rental car to the airport. We’ll return it for her early so she should have a credit coming her way.
Analise looked up from the letter.
“Can you believe that?” Emmalyn asked.
“Honestly, I’m surprised they haven’t left us to make things right before now.”
“Not that! He said that whatever’s wrong with me and Barron, he’s sure it’s my fault! That is so wrong. He’s supposed to take my side! How does he know that Barron didn’t do something to me?!”
“Probably because you’ve been the one stalking Barron since Christmas morning.” Analise thought about it then amended her statement. “Actually, since Christmas Eve. What did happen?”
Emmalyn scowled at her sister. “He’s a dick.”
“Barron is one of the nicest males we know.”
“Until he’s pretending he doesn’t know you.”
“Why is he pretending he doesn’t know you?”
“I don’t know! One little night of sex, one sex crazed night and now all of a sudden he doesn’t know me. He’s been after me since my senior year of high-school, now I give in and he’s not interested anymore. Really kinda pisses me off.”
“Because you want to mate him?” Analise asked.
“No! Because now he doesn’t want to mate me! How could he not want to mate me? He’s always wanted to mate me!”
“Well, since your sophomore year anyway.”
“Not actively since my senior year, but I held him off saying I wasn’t sure what I wanted. Now, when I’m thinking maybe it’s time, this might work out, he’s acting like he doesn’t know me.”
“How did you end up… with him,” Analise asked.
“I went to his house, let myself in.”
“You broke in.”
“Same thing.”
“You do know that just because you work for the FBI doesn’t give you the freedom to enter any house you choose at will.”
“You sound like Barron. And Christian. It’s not like they’re strangers, so, no biggie. Anyway, I let myself in and things went a little bow-chick-a-wow-wow.”
“Oh, God,” Analise said, rubbing her temples.
“What? It was freaking fantastic! For a while.”
“For a while?”
“Yes, right after I got off, he stopped. Just… stopped! Got up and got in the shower. He didn’t even finish!”
“He didn’t finish?” Analise asked.
“No! Just gave me the ride of my life, and was like, that’s enough, got up and walked into the bathroom.”
“Wow. Imagine the control,” Analise said.
“Yeah, and the stamina. Damn,” Emmalyn said, giving an exaggerated little shiver with a wicked grin. “And why are you rubbing your head saying, ‘Oh, God’?”
“Because, we’re some kind of screwed up, you know?”
“You are. I’m not.” Emmalyn leaned across the counter top toward her, pounding the counter with her fist to accentuate each word. “Why doesn’t he want me?!”
“I don’t know, Emmalyn.”
“Everybody wants me! I’m unattainable! He can attain me, and he’s not interested!”
“Maybe you pushed him away one too many times and he’s tired of it. Maybe he’s just not into playing games. Barron was never the game playing kind. You like him or you don’t. And for a long time you let him believe you don’t. Then you break into his house and jump on top of him…”
“Rode him like a rodeo bronco!” Emmalyn whooped proudly.
“Maybe he doesn’t want to be ridden like a rodeo bronco. Maybe he wants someone to love him the way he loved you. Maybe he wants a relationship like Uncle Kaid and Delilah have. He’s always wanted simpler things. Take over the construction company, start a family, have a mate to spend his evenings with, not travel the world.”
“I don’t travel the world!”
“Emmalyn…”
“Not always. Most of the time I’m just in Atlanta. Or wherever the case leads.”
“And you’re happy with that?”
“Sometimes. Mostly.”
“Then why give him false hope?”
“You know, you’re one to talk. Why give Havoc false hope?”
Analise just looked away.
“Can’t answer me?” Emmalyn asked.
“I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking it was false hope. I was thinking this was probably the only chance I’d have to know what it’s like to lie in his arms. I didn’t think about tomorrow. I woke up from having the same dream I always have, and I just couldn’t resist anymore. I knew he was over there, somewhere near Hellen’s house. Harley told me. So, I went over there. It wasn’t hard to figure out which house he was in. There are only a couple unassigned, built for whichever of us might need one. And only one of them is near Hellen’s.”
“And now that you know what it’s like to ride the wild pony with him?” Emmalyn asked.
“Can you stop? That makes it feel cheap and meaningless!” Analise snapped.
“You said it didn’t mean anything. That it was just a night. I heard you say it — to him,” Emmalyn said calmly, watching her sister for any reaction at all.
“Leave me alone.”
“Nope. Not what they pay me for.”
“Who pays you?”
“FBI, but, no, that’s not what I meant. What I meant is, I’m your sister. It’s my job to make you realize what you’re about to do, even if I still think he’s an asshole.”
“What am I about to do?”
“About to make this being apart thing permanent, ‘Lise. Is that what you want?”
“I don’t know.”
“What do you know?”
“That I can still feel him touching me. I can still smell him,” Analise said angrily, irritated that her sister made her admit things she didn’t want to admit.
“Yeah, me, too,” Emmalyn said. “With Barron, I mean.”
“What are we going to do?”
“You? You’re going work things out with Havoc. He mated you, you’ve got your male. I’m probably going back to Atlanta and track down more bad guys.”
“Why?”
“Barron doesn’t want me anymore, Analise. And that’s okay. I’ll be fine.”
“Emmalyn…”
“Dad’s right. At least stop chasing him. It’s embarrassing.”
“Havoc is pretty angry,” Analise said.
“Yeah. But he’s determined not to let you go.”
“There is that. Problem is I’m not sure if it’s what I want.”
“You love him?”
“Yes.”
“You love his little girl?”
“Yes.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“Trust.”
“I get it. But Dad’s right about not holding past mistakes against him. Everyone in this clan has made mistakes at one time or another. I mean, Uncle Maverik almost lost Aunt Valerie, so did Uncle Bane with Aunt Janie. She could have even died!”
“Yeah, I know,” Analise said.
“You just need to let it percolate for a while. Then see what you feel.”
“Percolate?” Analise asked, chuckling. “You sound like Ms. Sadie.”
Emmalyn laughed, nodding. “Fits, I think. But one thing is for sure, though. Whatever you choose this time, it’s a forever choice.”
~~~
“Can you believe that shit? Just a fucking night! It wasn’t just a fucking night!” Havoc yelled.
“You make clear what you wanted before you started?” Maverik asked.
“No! She told me not to talk. She just wanted to feel.”
“Feel what?” Maverik asked.
“She said, I don’t want to talk. I want to feel you, know what it’s like for you to focus on me. I want to be surrounded by you, loved by you. Said she didn’t want to wonder anymore. Don’t talk to me. Show me. So I showed her. And I claimed her. And she’s mine like she always should have been and now she’s saying it was just a night! It wasn’t just a goddamn night!” Havoc yelled.
“Do ya think you could not yell your fool head off?” Maverik asked.
Havoc glared at him, then realized that Harley was right inside. “You’re right. I’m so fucking angry. How could she not know? How? She’s mine. She’s always been mine. How could she not have faith in us?”
“Havoc, son, you did all kinds of damage to that girl.”
“I know that! But damn, am I going to be punished all of my fucking life? I know what I did. And I’ve taken responsibility. I did the best I could in the situation, and believe me, it wasn’t what I wanted to do. But I did it. And I’ve made the best of it. And I’m a damn good father. I’m a good male, now. What else do I have to do to be worthy?” he asked.
“You are worthy. But, have you considered that it might never be enough? Maybe it’s not possible for her to overcome everything. And yeah, some time has passed but just because you’ve moved past all the crap, doesn’t mean she has. It could still be a part of her everyday life.”
“Can’t be. I can’t accept that.”
“You might not have a choice. And if you don’t, lots of perfectly wonderful, beautiful young ladies out there.”
“Nobody’s better than Analise. She’s part of me, always has been. I don’t want anything without her. I’m not me without her,” Havoc said, the pain in his voice palpable.
“Wish you’d have figured that out before you blasted her heart all to shit.”
Havoc just shook his head. He had nothing to say. He fucked up and he knew it.
“How’d you leave it?” Maverik asked.
“I told her that if she tried to leave me I’d track her down and make it so neither her fancy ass boyfriend or her fancy job would want her back. Told her that she was mine, plain and simple and she wasn’t fucking going anywhere and to learn to fucking deal with it.”
“Well, that was absolutely the best thing you could have said,” Maverik snarked.
“I didn’t say it was the right thing to say. I just reacted.”
“Y’all just keep fucking things up, don’t you? It’s like you’re having a contest.”
“You’re one to talk,” Havoc said. “Mom says that she was engaged to somebody else and despised you before you finally got your head out of your ass.”
“Yeah, well, it must run in the blood. Thing is, I got my head out of my ass.”
“So did I! But she still has zero faith in me.”
“Have you given her anything to hold onto?” Maverik asked.
“Like what? I’ve given her me! What else could I give?”
“How about an understanding of how important her job is to her. How about a promise that you’ll go with her wherever it takes her. All she’s had all these years is her career. You just told her she can’t go back to it.”
Havoc heaved a sigh and sat down on one of the camping chairs in Maverik’s back yard. “Can I use your phone?”
“Use your phone.”
“She won’t answer mine.”
“You didn’t even try.”
“I don’t need to; I already know she won’t answer.”
Maverik handed his son his phone.
Havoc dialed Analise’s number and waited a few rings until she answered. “I’m sorry! Please don’t hang up. I just want to apologize. I shouldn’t have threatened your job. I know how much you love it and I’d never do anything to take that from you. In fact, I’d follow you around the freaking globe so you could do your thing wherever you needed to. Happily, even. I was all kinds of wrong to say that I’d mess it up for you. I wouldn’t do that. I’m sorry. But I meant what I said about your boyfriend.”
He listened for a few seconds, then Maverik watched as he nodded, as though Analise could see him.
“I’m glad to hear that, at least. And thanks for saying so. I just really called to tell you I was wrong for saying what I did and that I’ll support you in any career, anywhere, anything you want. I’m right beside you. And so is Harley. I hear international schooling is a good thing for kids, you know?”
Havoc listened for a few seconds more. “That’s fine. Time doesn’t change things, though, Analise. It won’t change who we were, what we are, or how we got here. We’ve grown into different people that have to find a way to work around the past if we can’t leave it behind. Our bond is firmly in place. We solidified it. And don’t go telling me people sever them all the time. I’m not severing this bond. I’ve waited for it all my life.”
Havoc rolled his eyes. “Fine, I’ve waited for it since I was seventeen. I’ve still known always that I’d die for you.”
Havoc paused for a second while he listened again. Then, “You sure that’s what you want?”
He nodded again. “Fine. I’ll be around.”
He ended the phone call and handed his phone back to his dad.
“What’d she say?” Maverik asked. “You know she can’t see you nodding your head, right?”
Havoc glared at his father. “She said she appreciated me apologizing. She said she doesn’t really have a boyfriend, just somebody that she dates from time-to-time. She also said she needs time to wrap her head around things because she doesn’t know what she wants.”
“You need to do what Barron’s doing.”
“What’s Barron doing?”
“He’s pretending he don’t want nothing to do with Emmalyn. Emmalyn is chasing him like her life depends on it. Turns the tables when they think their mate don’t want them anymore, they come running.”
Havoc shook his head. “I’m not playing any more games. If I think it, I’m saying it. If I feel it, I’m doing it. She’ll know where she stands with me at all times.”
“What about Maia and Riley?”
“I don’t know. I’ll call her and tell her what’s happening. I told them I wouldn’t be back until after the first of the year. I could just say I’m not ready to come back yet if I don’t know what’s happening.”
“If you two can manage to get your act together, that house you’re in is a fine house. You could be happy there.”
“Yeah, I thought of that. I’d love to raise Harley there.”
“Then raise Harley there. We got a construction company here, too.”
“I want to raise her with Analise.”
“Whether or not that happens, you got people here. You should tell Brandt you want that house and you’re thinking of staying. Even if it’s not full time, go ahead and claim the house unless you want a different one. I’m sure he’d appreciate a heads up about what’s going on with you and Analise as well.”
“I love this house. It’s like I made it for my own family.”
“Tell Brandt today. Tell him all of it.”
“I will. I’ll take care of it,” Havoc said.
“Give the girl her time. Step back. Make her wonder what you’re thinking. You’re not playing games. You’re doing exactly what she asked.”