Chapter 20
Analise walked into the living room and sat down across from Emmalyn, who was gorging on canned chili and corn chips. “That stuff will kill you.”
“Hey, it’s not bad if you don’t want to cook. It’s a Frito pie, what could be bad?”
“The fact that it’s from a can.”
Emmalyn looked down at her impromptu snack. “It’s got cheese on it. What else do you want?”
“Give me a bite,” Analise said, taking Emmalyn’s fork out of her hand and shoveling a big bite into her mouth. “Mm, mmmm, mmhmm, it is good,” she mumbled around another bite of canned chili, corn chips and cheddar cheese.
“Give me my fork back! What do you want?” Emmalyn asked, turning her crisscrossed legs halfway away from Analise to keep her from eating more of her food.
“I’m leaving.”
Emmalyn immediately turned back to her. “You’re what?”
“I’ve been on the phone with my boss and my colleagues all day. The artifacts are coming in from Malta and some have been broken during shipment. I need to help identify the pieces and repair them as much as I can.”
“Can’t they do that?”
“I packed them. I don’t know if I packed them incorrectly or what the problem is.”
“You didn’t. You’d never do that. Something had to happen to the crate on its way to Boston.”
“I don’t know. I was excited and nervous about coming home. Maybe I didn’t pay enough attention. I’ve been scatter-brained since I got here.”
“Maybe, but not before. You’re very, very good at what you do.”
“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”
“You’re welcome. What are you going to do about Havoc and Harley?”
“Just go back to the way it was, I guess. There’s not a lot to be done. I have my boundaries and he has his.”
“Is that what you want?” Emmalyn asked.
“Doesn’t matter what I want. It’s the way things have to be.”
“I don’t believe that.”
“Why would you even say that?”
“Because you’re sitting here with tears streaming down your face just talking about it. You haven’t even done it yet and you’re just short of sobbing.”
Analise lifted her hand to her face and smeared the tears there with her fingertips, taking a moment to look at her tears on her fingers. “I didn’t even notice.”
“I vote you let him in. Let go of what happened. You don’t have to forget, but kind of just set it aside and see if you can find your way back to the way things would have been had you just met each other this year.”
“I wish we had. I wish all that happened before had never happened. I wish he was an estranged son of Maverik’s from long ago and he just showed up and we met and got swept away.”
“Then make it that way.”
“Wishing and reality are two different things. You can’t forget you know someone and all that passed before.”
“You can if you decide to.”
“You’re not helping, Emmalyn.”
“You know what?” Emmalyn asked, taking her bowl of chili and standing up. She snatched her glass of iced tea off the coffee table and looked haughtily down her nose at her older sister as her voice raised to shout at her. “Neither are you. All I hear is poor me, I’m so upset. I got hurt and no I can’t see past it. My mate hurt me…”
Analise’s mouth fell open in shock as Emmalyn continued to mock her and yell at her.
“Yes! He did. But he’s not the same as he was then. Hell, he probably didn’t even have pubic hair back then! He wasn’t a grown male who makes grown male decisions! He was a kid! He fucked up. He fucked everything and everybody up. But he did the grownup thing afterward. He did the right thing by his daughter, and he’s doing his very best to be the male we all knew he could be once he got his head out of his ass!”
“Your point?” Analise said, her voice clipped as she got to her feet.
“He’s got his head out of his ass. But yours is so far up your ass that I’m sure if you open your eyes wide enough you can see sunlight though your own mouth!”
“I can’t believe you just said that to me!”
“Well, I did. And you want to know something else?”
“No, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me anyway!” Analise yelled.
“Everything that happened is partially your fault!”
“What?!”
“Yes! Your fault! All you wanted to do was sit home, read a book, swing on the porch swing. Well, he was a freaking Wolf! He wanted to go out and have fun. Ride his bike and go hang out with his buds and have a few beers. He wanted to party and see what life was about, and all you did was sit home and not understand why he wouldn’t sit home with you!”
“I was shy!”
“I get that! But you didn’t even go out riding his bike with him. When he shifted and went exploring you wouldn’t leave our property. You can’t expect a wild Wolf shifter, much less one that just hit puberty to not have an adventurous side. You didn’t even make an effort.”
“He wouldn’t even take me to eat sushi! When we went to school dances he wouldn’t stay more than thirty minutes and he was ready to go!”
“I’m not saying he was perfect. Far from it, he needed his ass kicked and regularly. But why is he the only one that needed to adjust his behavior? He’s not, you should have adjusted yours, too! You were two very different people with very different views of what you wanted. All you could see was you and all he could see was him! You should have never been together. You should have never even been friends. You had nothing in common. Neither of you made an effort to even slightly accommodate the wants or needs of the other. All you did was make each other miserable. Not just him, both of you! Until now! Until this particular point in time when you’ve both grown and changed and you’ve come out of your shell, and he’s calmed down and figured out what values are. Now is when you needed to meet. Now is when you were meant to be together, not back then! For fucks sake, forget you knew him. Introduce yourself to him and start the fuck all over!”
“Emmalyn!”
“I’m going to eat my chili! Leave me alone!”
Analise still wore a stunned look on her face as she slowly sank back down to sit on the sofa. She couldn’t believe Emmalyn would say those things to her. Those were horrible things. Insulting things. She couldn’t help it if she’d been so painfully shy back then. And Havoc didn’t need to have flaunted his girlfriends in her face either. She sat silently, thinking of things as they’d been. Well, maybe he didn’t actually flaunt them, he did try to hide them from her. And he begged her to go with him so many times she couldn’t possibly even count them, and she always told him ‘no’.
“Was it my fault?” Analise asked aloud.
“Part of it sure as hell was!” Emmalyn shouted from her room.
Analise scowled in the direction of her sister’s room. But she didn’t argue with her. Everything Emmalyn said had been true. But it didn’t make any difference in the fact that she had to go back to work. She didn’t want to lose her job and her job was in Boston. They had a problem and they needed her.
She picked up her phone and walked outside to call Havoc. She needed to let him know. She dialed his number and sat down on the porch swing while she waited for him to answer.
“Hey,” he said, the deep timbre of his voice carrying through the phone causing her to shiver just a little.
“Hey,” she answered.
“What’s up?”
“I thought I’d call you as soon as I knew.”
“Knew what?” Havoc asked.
“I have to go home. I’m leaving tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?! You said you had another week.”
“I did, but there are some problems with the shipment of artifacts they’re receiving. They need me to help identify and repair the broken pieces.”
On his end, Havoc was clenching his teeth, and shaking his head. He didn’t know if they really needed her or if it was a convenient issue to help her make an excuse to leave before they’d settled things.
“That’s fine. Have a safe trip,” he said, getting ready to hang up.
“No! Wait, I wanted to apologize.”
“For what? Not giving us a chance?”
“It was my fault, too. What happened between us when we were kids. I didn’t make it easy for you. I was so shy and not willing to expose myself to anything or anyone that didn’t scream home and safety to me. You tried to get me to go out with you and have some fun. All I wanted to do was stay home. I’m not saying everything was my fault, but I certainly did nothing to make you want to stay at my side.”
“’Lise, you’ve always been quiet and timid and so kind and sweet. You did nothing wrong.”
“Yes, I did. I refused to make any allowances for your needs. I drove you away and toward anything that was exciting and adventurous. That was what you needed and I made no effort to accommodate you.”
“I made no effort to accommodate you either. It’s not all on you. In fact, it’s all on me. I made choices that put me on a different path, not you.”
“I didn’t help. I just want you to know I know that. And that I accept my share of the responsibility for what happened between us. It’s not all on you.”
“Thank you for saying so, but it was still me that got us here.”
“Do you think that I could come over and explain to Harley why I can’t take her to feed Kaid’s birds today, and why I have to leave?”
Havoc thought about it, and the only answer he could come up with was no. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. She’ll be heartbroken. She’s grown really attached and I think it would be better if we just tell her that you have to go back to work. I’ll get her to help me make a couple of birdhouses and try to get her mind off of it.”
“I understand,” Analise said.
“I’m sorry, Analise. I really, really am.”
“So am I. At least we’re friends now, right? Nobody has to hide themselves away. We can come back on the holidays and not have to worry about seeing the other.”
“Yeah. It’s a change at least. Feel free to plan whatever you want for next Christmas. I think I might go back home to Maia’s for a couple of weeks, though. So, don’t worry about how things will be here.”
“So, you’re just going to not be here because I will be?” she asked. “I thought we were over all that. Didn’t we just say that?”
“Just seems easier that way, Analise.”
“Easier for who?” she asked.
“Me. Harley. Everybody. Travel safe, ‘Lise. I hope you fix all your stuff that got broken.”
“Havoc…” she said. But silence greeted her, he’d already ended the call.
“Fuck!” Analise shouted, throwing her phone across the porch.
~~~
Havoc pressed the ‘end’ button on his phone and tossed it onto the love seat across the room. He didn’t even want it near him.
“Daddy?” Harley said from right behind him.
He turned around quickly, pasting a fake smile on his face. “Hey, little girl! I thought you were sleeping.”
“I was. I woke up and heard you talking so I came to see if Analise was here.”
He pushed himself up off the sofa and started toward her.
“Why are you crying?” Harley asked.
He stopped walking and swiped at his eyes quickly, looking at the dampness on his hand in surprise. “It’s just allergies. I’m not crying.”
“Who were you talking to?”
“Oh, yeah, that. That was Analise. She’s not going to be able to make it.”
“Oh,” she said, her disappointment clear. “That’s okay. We can go tomorrow.”
“Baby, Analise has to go back to work. She’s getting things packed and ready to head home so I don’t think she’ll be able to go at all. But we’re going to make birdhouses here. We’ll make all kinds so we’ll have different kinds of birds everywhere. And we’ll get you a puppy, too.”
Her little arms fell at her sides. “I don’t want to do that. I just want Analise.”
“She’s got to go to work. You know she has an important museum job. They need her because some things they found broke and they need her to put them back together.”
“Oh. Well, after she fixes them she’ll come back!” Harley said, smiling.
“Maybe. But it’s a long way off and they’re gonna need her for a long time.”
Harley’s smile fell and her lip started trembling.
Havoc went over to her and picked her up, holding her close as she cried a little. “Want to watch some cartoons?”
“No.”
“Want to watch Brave?”
“No,” she said, sniffling.
“What do you want to do, then?”
“Just sit here.”
“That’s what we’ll do. We’ll just sit here until you want to do something else. Then we’ll do that. Okay?”
“Okay,” she said, sniffling a little as Havoc sat down on the sofa, holding her on his lap.
“It’s gonna be alright.”
Harley nodded. “Is she going to come say goodbye?”
“No, she was going to try but I told her I knew she’d be busy so she should just keep packing.”
“I would have said goodbye.”
“I know, but adults got all kinds of things to worry about. You understand.”
Harley nodded again.
“I promise. Everything is going to be alright. Daddy always makes everything alright, doesn’t he?”
“Yes,” she said, her head leaning on his chest.
“Trust me. It’ll be okay.”