Chapter 22
“I appreciate you coming over to watch Harley, Mom,” Havoc said.
“Are you kidding me? I’ve waited all my life for grandkids to spoil. This is my dream! And now that you’ll be back here, I’ll be here all the time. You’ll have to send me home.”
Havoc chuckled. “Naw, you’re welcome any time.”
“How are you, Havoc? I’ve tried to keep out of things, I figured with your dad always doing his part to fix things the last thing you needed was two of us meddling.”
“He’s actually been pretty good about staying out of it this time.”
“Surprising,” Valerie said.
“Yeah, it is. I’m okay, though. I gotta be. Not much I can do to change things. I have tried more than I care to admit and it just doesn’t make a difference. So, she’s going back to Boston and I’m staying here.”
“Did you tell her you love her?”
“She knows, Momma. She just can’t let go of the years of hurt.”
“And you can’t let go of her,” Valerie said.
“I have to. I can’t do this anymore.”
“Have you talked about it?” Valerie asked.
“Yeah, more or less. She apologized and said that she’s partially responsible. That we both made mistakes and she’s aware that this isn’t all on me.”
“Do you agree?”
“I don’t know. I mean, yeah, I needed more from her growing up. But she needed more, too. And neither of us made any effort to be what the other needed. But I’m the one that screwed around. She never disrespected me like that. I’m the one that took that route. So, could she have done things differently? I guess, but so could I, drastically differently. Bottom line is it doesn't really matter anymore. It’s done. It’s finished. It can’t be undone, and I’m so damn tired of having the same damn conversations about it. I’ll never be given the chance to prove that I’m not who I was then, and most of the time I’m pretty sure it’s the best I deserve. Despite the fact that I know that, I can’t help wanting her. I did this, and I know that. But I have to set it aside and move on or it’s going to tear me up.”
“Is that what she wants? To set it aside?” Valerie asked.
“I don’t know. I told her to travel safe and hung up before she could say anything.”
“Is she coming to say goodbye?”
“No. She wanted to, asked if she could, but I told her that it wasn’t a good idea. If you’re going, just go. No reason to stretch it out and make it a drawn-out ordeal, you know? Harley is already attached, why make it this big traumatic thing?”
“Harley might have wanted to tell her goodbye.”
“Harley wants her to be her mother.”
“She does need a mom. Little girls need their moms.”
“Lots of little girls grow up just fine with aunts and grandmothers and dads that love them more than moms ever could.”
“I know. I just wish things had been different.”
“Me, too. But they’re not. We deserve someone who wants us, not someone we’ll have to apologize to every moment of every day for the rest of our lives.”
“You don’t have to apologize for anything. It was a long time ago.”
“Feel like I do.” Havoc had been fidgeting with the keys he held in his hand. He looked up at his mother. “I’m so tired, Momma.”
“I know. Maybe if you gave someone else a chance. Are you open to somebody else?”
Havoc thought about it for a moment. Finally, he shook his head. “No. I’m not. But that doesn’t mean that I have to keep putting up with being dismissed either. She knows that I’m here. Knows that I want her. I’ve done everything I could to make her see me. Either I’m what she wants, or I’m not. I’m not begging anymore. I mean, I claimed her, Momma. She knows I claimed her. She knows how I feel. And I thought I knew how she felt. Guess I’m wrong again.”
“You’re not wrong. And there is progress here. Maybe just leave it alone for a while and see what happens.”
“All I know is that at the moment, I’m going to have a few beers with Ronan. I need a break, from everything.”
“You take your time. I’ll be right here. We’re making cookies and whatever else Harley wants to do.”
“Thanks, Momma,” Havoc said, kissing his mother’s cheek before quickly leaving the house.
Valerie watched from the kitchen windows as Havoc drove off, then went upstairs to check on Harley.
~~~
Harley stood at her bedroom door with her ear pressed near the crack, trying to hear her daddy and her grandmother talking. She heard enough to understand that Analise and her daddy were kind of arguing, but not much more, other than Analise wanted to come tell her goodbye and her daddy wouldn’t let her.
She heard her daddy’s truck start and then listened to it drive away. Almost immediately she heard her grandmother’s footsteps on the stairs as she came upstairs.
Harley ran and jumped onto her bed, pulling her blanket over her and pretending she was still napping.
Harley heard her bedroom door ease open, then she felt Val tuck her in, kiss her forehead and quietly leave the bedroom.
Harley lay there pretending for about five minutes more, just in case Val came back.
Her eyes popped open when she heard Val using a mixer in the kitchen downstairs and she sat up throwing the blanket off of herself. She got out of bed and walked over to the French doors that led from her bedroom and onto the back porch. She looked out over the woods that bordered her backyard and imagined the paths she’d learned that would take her from her new house through the woods and over to where Poppy and Val’s house was. Only it wasn’t Poppy and Val she wanted to see; it was Analise.
Harley sighed as she stood there considering how much trouble she’d get in when her daddy found out she snuck out of the house to go find Analise. She didn’t want to make her daddy mad. But she really wanted to tell Analise goodbye. And if she waited too long, she’d never get to, because Analise was leaving to go back home.
Harley listened to Val downstairs in the kitchen and decided she sounded really busy down there, and maybe nobody would even know she was gone. She could make it there, see Analise, and run back home before anybody even knew she was missing.
She opened her door and walked out onto the second-floor porch. She eyed the woods ahead of her, knowing that if she followed the road up to the highway and then across to other side, chances were that somebody would see her before she got there and take her back home. So, she’d have to go right into the woods once she got on the ground. Harley turned to her right and hurried down the side stairs so that Val wouldn’t see her leaving. The minute she reached the ground, she ran straight for the woods, wearing a huge grin every step of the way.
~~~
“You’re going to get your ass arrested.”
“They’re going to get arrested! I told you that stupid bitch threw hot coffee on me and hit me!”
“Then why did you get arrested and not her?”
“Do you ever listen to anything I say to you, Beryl?”
“All I know is you were arrested for public drunkenness, and not one of them was. They weren’t even there.”
“They were there!” Marie-Claire shrieked.
“Nobody saw them but you. You’re just angry because you want more money.”
“I want my kid! She’s my goddamn kid! Nobody has the right to tell me I can’t have her,” Marie-Claire said.
“You said you gave her to them. You told me that yourself!”
“That’s beside the point.”
“Marie-Claire, I’m telling you. This is going to come back to bite you in the ass if you don’t stop. You’re stalking these people.”
“I’m not!”
“Have you or have you not been driving by their place every day this week?” Beryl asked.
“I just want to see my kid! And both times I’ve managed to get a glimpse of her, she’s with the fucking bitch that ruined my life! I just want to fucking hit her!”
“If I remember right, it was the other way around. She never did anything to you. You targeted her.”
“What kind of fucking friend are you?” Marie-Claire asked. “I could have been happy if it wasn’t for her.”
“You know what? You had him. And you had his baby. If you’d have had a brain in your head, you still would. And for your information, I’m the kind of friend that’s trying to give you a chance here. And despite the fact that I’m the only one that will have anything to do with you, you still keep trying to start trouble with Havoc and his family.”
“I am not starting trouble with Havoc. I’m making sure that stupid little perfect bitch doesn’t get around my kid.”
“She’s not yours. You walked away. You signed away your rights.”
“I had to! They wouldn’t give me the money I needed to leave if I didn’t. And besides, the money they gave me ran out a long time ago. Kind of makes the agreement null and void.”
“No, Marie-Claire, it doesn’t. A legal document is a legal document. If you signed it, it’s still very much in effect. And if Analise loves the child, why is it a bad thing for her to be around her?”
“Don’t fucking say her name!” Marie-Claire shrieked. “You know what? Just mind your own business. I’ll do me and you do you, alright?”
“If the police come here, I’m telling them everything I know.”
“You do that! Then you’ll be an accomplice,” Marie-Claire snapped, doing her best to slam the door of Beryl’s apartment on her way out, but stumbling against the door jamb instead. She managed to get her balance, then very carefully step outside before slamming door on her second try.
Beryl sipped her coffee, wondering why she’d ever invited her old friend to stay with her. If she wasn’t drunk, she was high on something all the time. Her life had turned to crap and she blamed everyone but herself for it. But, still, Beryl didn’t have it in her heart to turn the woman who was one of her best friends in high-school out into the cold with nowhere to live. “Lord, please find her somewhere else to be,” Beryl prayed aloud.
~~~
Marie-Claire maneuvered the old 1972 four-door Pontiac sedan through town and back onto the two-lane highway Havoc and his family lived off of. She scowled when she thought of them all living on the same property like some kind of damn doomsday cult or something. “Something’s wrong with these damn people. Same as his sister and her people. They’re all fucked up,” she grumbled as she did her best to keep the wide car between the lanes painted on the road. She drove slowly past the driveway that she knew led to Havoc’s parents’ home, then about half a mile further before she finally found a place she could turn around, then headed back in the opposite direction, going slower than she had before. She was determined to locate her kid and drive away with her. It wasn’t that she wanted her, she just didn’t want Analise to have her. And a little extra money to have her sign away her rights again wouldn’t hurt.
She pulled over to the side of the road before she got to the driveway this time, and turned off the engine. She knew exactly what she was doing. It was just a repeat of the same thing she’d done for the last three days. Ever since that first day she’d happened to see the bitch walking with her kid along the side of the road, she’d been back daily. “I’ll show you what’s what,” Marie-Claire said. Marie-Claire got out of the car and started down the road, determined to get eyes on the little girl again. She’d seen her twice more, and it was at about this time, and in this area. She staggered down the road, her head on swivel, looking for any indication that the kid or Analise was about.
She walked up and down the road a couple of times, irritated that neither of them was there. “Stupid little bitch! Can’t even fucking be where you’re supposed to be,” she snapped, looking over her shoulder when she heard a vehicle approaching. Marie-Claire thinking she was being slick, just happened to reach the mail box up ahead as a log truck came into view. She leaned on the mailbox and opened it, peeking inside like she was checking her own mail. After the truck was gone, she straightened up and looked down the highway in the direction the truck had gone. It was then that she saw Harley. The child had crossed the road right behind the truck and was just stepping into the tree line.
“Hey! Hey, little girl!”
Harley hesitated and looked toward the lady calling her.
“Harley! That’s you, right? Come here!”
Harley recognized the woman as the same one who’d been mean to her the night her daddy had left her in the truck. Instead of waiting for the woman who was stumbling toward her, Harley darted into the woods.
“No! Come here! Come right back here right now!” Marie-Claire shrieked. “You are in so much trouble! I’m going to beat your ass when I catch you!”
Harley didn’t stop running, she just kept going. Problem was, paying more attention to the woman following her than to where she was going, she ended up losing her way. Instead of running into Kaid’s property, she entered on Kaid’s property line, but ended up running parallel to the highway instead of straight into the property itself.
“Come here! Harley! That’s you right? Why would I know your name if I didn’t know who you are? Come back here right now!”
“No! You’re that mean lady!”
“I am your mother! I will come find you any time I want to and you will do what I tell you or I’ll whip your ass so bad you’ll never run away again!” Marie-Claire shouted angrily.
Harley didn’t stop running, but she started crying.
“What kind of people raised you that you don’t respect your own mother?!” Marie-Claire shrieked. High as she was, trying to catch a six-year-old little girl as they both ran through the mud and woods, Marie-Claire screamed in pain and surprise as her ankle twisted, snapping as it took her down hard onto the cold damp ground. “My leg! I broke my leg!” Marie-Claire screamed, sobbing. “You stupid little brat! This is all your fault! All you had to do was stop running! I hate you! I hate you more now than I did then! I hate you!” she shrieked.
Harley stopped running and looked back toward the angry, screaming woman. She was lying on the ground quite a distance away and her foot was flopping around every time she tried to lift it.
“Help meeeeee!” Marie-Claire screamed. “You stupid, stupid brat! I hate you!”
Harley looked around herself and realized that she wasn’t anywhere on a path that looked familiar to her. In fact, nothing at all looked familiar. Harley moved further away from the still shrieking woman, but not so far away that she’d be totally alone, then sat down under some low branches and quietly cried, waiting for someone, anyone to come find her.
~~~
“Hey, sleepy head. You ready to wake up and come help me make some cookies?” Valerie asked, walking quietly into Harley’s bedroom. Valerie stopped when she was almost to the bed, realizing that Harley wasn’t there.
“Harley, honey? You in the bathroom?” Valerie called out. There was no answer. Valerie started toward Harley’s bathroom, and realized on her way there that one of the French double doors was standing slightly ajar. “Harley?” Valerie called, opening the doors and stepping out on the porch. “Harley?!” Valerie shouted. “Oh, no! No, no, no!”
Breaking into a full out run, Valerie ran back inside, then downstairs. She grabbed her cell phone and dialed Havoc’s number.
“Hey, Mom,” Havoc said into the phone, laughing lightly as he joked with Ronan.
“She’s gone!”
“Who’s gone?” Havoc said, standing slowly from his seat at the table across from Ronan.
“Harley! I thought she was napping. I went to wake her up and she’s gone! Her door onto the porch is open. I’m going to look for her!”
“Check the yard, the woods nearby. But stay close in case she turns up. I’m coming.”
“I’m calling your dad.”
“Call everybody!” Havoc said, ending the call and immediately starting to dial another number as he hurried away from the table.
“What’s happening?” Ronan asked, taking money out of his wallet and dropping it on the table before he followed his brother outside.
“Harley’s missing,” Havoc said, waiting for the person he was calling to answer.