Chapter 32
Leeva
It’s been two days since Hayes showed up at my door and revealed he was my masked wolf. Two days of unbelievable sex—both kink-filled and making love. My body is deliciously sore, my heart wonderfully soaring, but my mind is a jumbled mess.
Confusion, elation, panic, and fear.
I’m certain that I’ve seen some of those emotions play across his face when he thought I wasn’t aware.
We’ve spoken at length about our past pain, asking each other for forgiveness for our roles in causing it.
We spoke about the baby girl I lost, both of us breaking down, and he held me tight as I told him my fears of ever getting pregnant again.
He hasn’t pushed me to let him enter me without a condom.
Each time after sex, though, I ask him to make me come one more time with his cum-coated fingers, taking small steps to work through my panic around this.
And when the alarm to take my birth control pill goes off, he’s the one who gets the pill and brings it to me to take.
I explained in detail the tattoo removal process and told him more about my found family, and how they not only gave me safe refuge but love that helped me heal.
We’ve spent the past two days hidden from the world, just the two of us. And he’s been making good on the free use—not that I’m complaining. To ensure easy, unencumbered access, he’s kept me naked, or only allowed me to wear a short, silk robe that barely covers my ass.
But there’s something so confidence-boosting about a sinfully hot man looking at your bare body like you’re a goddess and he’s here to worship at your altar. And Hayes loves seeing my body, complete with its curves.
It’s hard to believe this is my life, and just as hard not to panic when I think about Guerilla discovering I’m back and coming for me.
And what could happen to Hayes when everything comes out.
I don’t fool myself for a second that he won’t assert his claim on me in front of Guerilla—not just to rub it in his hated brother’s face, but to claim me as his to the entire club so we don’t have to sneak around.
Which leads me back to the worry that we’re operating on a loophole, a technicality, when it comes to their club law, and Hayes could face the ultimate punishment—death.
I chew on my bottom lip while sitting on the kitchen island in my short silk robe, ruminating and worrying.
He steps between my legs, dressed in his biker attire—dark jeans, black shirt, his leather cut, and boots. He’s Army now, not Hayes or even my masked wolf. He tilts my face up to his. “Stop worrying.”
“I’m not.”
“You can’t lie to me. You never could.”
I rest my head on his chest, right over his beating heart.
Right over where the lotus tattoo sits. Last night, while we lay naked in front of the electric fireplace with its heat and glow, I had traced it.
He confessed it was his first tattoo and told me its meaning.
Which made me want to cry all over again because he had kept his feelings from me for so long, and I was too blind to even sense how deep and romantic his love for me was.
He promised never to hide his love for me ever again, and solidified that promise by making love to me in front of the fire.
Then again, but more ravenously and savagely, he fucked me within an inch of my life, talking filthy and making me a boneless puddle.
I woke up this morning to find him already fucking me again, making good on the free use I had agreed to.
Which I love almost as much as I love the man himself.
He places his finger under my chin to tilt my face back up to his. “Stay here today, as we discussed. Don’t let anyone through the gates except me.”
My hands fist his leather cut. “Do you think Guerilla is in the city?”
“Digits still hasn’t been able to find him, so I’m not ruling it out.
” He rubs a circle on my neck with his thumb, right over where Guerilla’s tattoo used to be.
“But stay here and don’t let anyone in. I have someone I trust outside watching, just in case, though.
You’re safe; Guerilla can’t get to you even if he’s in the city and knows where you are. ”
I know that whoever Hayes has watching my place won’t be someone from the Havoc Guardians because he hasn’t come clean to Ash, Bane, and Pix. I know Digits is aware, but I made him promise to tell Ash and the others today.
The fact that he’s been keeping this from his closest and most trusted friends tells me he’s more worried about the club law and me being forbidden territory than he’s letting on.
I’m worried about what they’ll think when Hayes confesses everything. I knew them in the past; we were close, but not as close as Hayes and I were. Even then, I was his, even if it was just as his best friend.
But I ran and hurt him. I could be the reason he gets hurt, or worse, in the future.
The entire MC is like a found family, but with Hayes’ closest friends, they’re his family-family. And with the potential threat I pose to him, I wouldn’t blame them if they told me to leave and never look back.
It would be what I’d do if someone were a threat to him. It’s what I should do.
If the Wentzell private jet was still here, I think I’d be getting on it; this time not to run from the boy who hurt me, but to save the man I love.
His blue, intense eyes stare into mine. “I barely survived losing you before,” he says, somehow guessing my swirling thoughts. “I won’t survive losing you a second time, Leeva.”
My breath sucks in sharply at him saying that again, and my fear rises about the risk we’re taking. “Don’t say that; you have to survive, Hayes.”
He threads his fingers through my loose hair at my nape. “If I don’t have you, there’s nothing left for me to live for.”
I know these aren’t words spoken just to be dramatic. He means every word.
“Now that I know you love me as much as I love you… That you’ve forgiven me for the part I played in your pain…” Pain and sorrow etch across his face, and he shakes his head. “Now that I’ve gotten a taste of you, there’s no going back, little dove.”
“But Guerilla… The MC’s law—”
“Fuck him and fuck the law.”
“Hayes—”
“You don’t have his mark, his brand.” His eyes are cold fire. “Nothing lingers of his claim on you.”
“But a case could still be made against you.”
He silences me with a kiss. It’s a chaste one, though, not the ones where his intention is to ravage me senseless.
When he breaks the kiss, he pulls me close against his chest, and I wrap my arms and legs around him, pulling him as close as I can. “Promise me you won’t let anyone inside your locked property gates and that you’ll stay here, Leeva. That you won't try and run.”
He knows me too well.
“I promise.”
My promise must sound weak or flighty because he adds, “Don’t make me remove every article of clothing from this house so you have no choice but to remain here.”
“I can just go nude or use a blanket until I find some clothes,” I tease.
“Like fuck you will,” he growls, and I laugh softly, pleased by his possessiveness.
But I sober quickly and pull back so I can look at him. “Will you be safe? If Guerilla knows I’m back, he could go after you, even if he just suspects we’re still only friends.”
Guerilla hated Hayes as much as Hayes hated him. But Guerilla’s hate was fueled by jealousy and envy of his younger brother.
“I’ll be fine.”
I bite my lip, not wanting him to go, but knowing he has to. “Go tend to the MC duties you’ve been neglecting.”
Reluctance coats his expression as he runs his knuckle down my cheek. “I’ll be back as soon as I can, and tonight we’ll go to Hedon. I’ll bring you a dress, along with a new mask.”
My nipples tighten at just the thought of going back to the club. Being here with him has been heaven, but we’re both excited to be immersed in Hedon’s hedonistic environment and for him to help me discover what I like.
Plus, I still have a date with the Sybian Saddle I’ve been dreaming about.
He gives me a kiss that borders on filthy, then steps back and looks at my spread legs. I’m naked underneath the silk robe, and I’m fully exposed to him. He licks his bottom lip, staring at my pussy that has begun to throb.
“If you finger-fuck that needy cunt today, you send me a video,” he says without looking away from my ‘needy cunt,’ which clenches at his dirty order.
He smiles, lifting his eyes to mine. “That’s my good girl.”
Jesus. His praise turns me into a puddle.
“I love you, Leeva.”
The switch from the hedonistic sex god to the best friend I’ve loved for years is smooth and seamless.
Because Hayes is two sides of a coin. Both the sex god and my beloved best friend, but it also applies to him as Hayes and Army: my childhood best friend and the dark, dangerous member of a criminal MC.
And I love all sides and parts of him.
And I could be the one who gets him killed.
It’s a stark reminder, as is my worry that when he leaves, reality will come crashing in, or the past few days will all turn out to be nothing more than a fever dream my Hayes-starved brain has concocted.
“I love you, too. So much,” I stress, and he kisses my forehead. “I just need you to be safe. Or as safe as possible since you’re a criminal and all.”
My attempt at levity works, and he smirks. “Born and raised in the lifestyle, little dove.”
I grip the sides of his cut. “You’ll come clean to Ash and the rest of the Council? And make a plan?”
Hopefully, a plan that prevents him from facing the end of a gun because of his choice to be with me.
He leans down to brush his lips over mine. “I promise. Now, be a good girl and eat the breakfast I made you.”
I look over my shoulder at the buffet of options on the counter.
“You’re going to need your energy tonight for Hedon.”
My pussy clenches at the promise, and he gives me one more filthy kiss, then backs away from me.
When he turns to walk toward the door, I admire his lethal, stealth-like grace and that amazing backside.
“Stop staring at my ass.” He grins at me over his shoulder. “Remember to video if you’re going to finger-fuck yourself.”
“I do have a vibrator, you know.”
He reaches inside his cut and pulls something out. It’s my vibrator. “No, you don’t. And the only toys that are allowed to go into that delicious pussy are ones I put in.”
Oh. Dear. Jesus.
Slipping the vibrator back into his inside pocket, he flashes me another smirk, then he’s gone out the door.