Chapter 35
Leeva
Ever since Hayes walked out the door, I’ve spent the day worrying.
What if he regrets what we did and doesn’t come back?
What if he does come back, and I end up getting him killed?
I’ve talked to Keifer and Ursula several times for them to talk me out of my panic spiral. They were shocked and more than a little concerned once I told them about the crazy, misogynistic club law.
Why shouldn’t an old lady have the option to be with whoever she wants to be with? It’s not like bikers were well known for their monogamy, even when they made someone their old lady. I mean, not all were douchebag cheaters, but still.
Oh god, what if I’m not enough for Army, and he’s with someone else?
Memories of walking in on Guerilla cheating on me—with not one woman but three—have been assaulting me all day, along with my panic.
Not that I care about Guerilla cheating; I mean, I do, but not in the sense that I loved him and he destroyed that.
I care because no one wants to be the one cheated on.
But when my mind replaces Guerilla with Hayes in that scene, I’m damn near brought to my knees.
Add to it that I know Hayes has a very non-vanilla sexual past, and probably has been with more than one woman at a time, and I damn near puke.
I don’t think he would cheat on me, not truly, so I try to stop those images in their tracks. However, what if I’m not enough for him? What if one woman isn’t enough to satiate his sexual appetite?
It’s early evening now, and I’m on a videocall with Ursula, pacing in front of the window at the back of the house. I voice that last thought to her.
“What do you think, Urs?” But I don’t wait for her to reply. “I mean, you have multiple boyfriends, so you need more than one man to appease your sexual needs.”
“Okay, ouch.”
I grimace. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it quite like that.”
“I don’t have three boyfriends because I’m a ravenous, horny bitch.” She shrugs with a smirk. “I mean, I am, but that’s not the reason I’m with Barrett, Jacob, and Drake.” Her face softens. “I love all of them, and they each offer me something different that I need.”
I drop to the sofa. “That’s what I’m afraid of. What if I’m not enough for Hayes?”
“That’s your past experience talking.”
“You’re channeling Keifer’s counseling mind?”
“Only because he’s constantly spouting counselor advice and trying to improve me. Just give me the prescriptions, asshole; I don’t need the rest. Plus, he’s supposed to be my VP of operations and logistics, not my psychiatrist.”
She shakes her head. “We’re getting off topic; back to your situation. I really think you’re worrying about not being enough woman for Hayes because you’re projecting from being cheated on.”
I sigh, knowing that’s it, or at least part of it. “But I could still get him killed.” This is a very real possibility and isn’t me projecting. “Maybe I should just come back to Berlin.”
“I don’t think that’s what you need.” She leans toward the screen, studying me. “But if it’s what you feel you need right now, then come back. This will always be your home, Leeva.”
Do I do it?
My urge to run—my default—wants me to. But the thought of leaving Hayes…
Heaving out a rough breath, I rub my forehead, feeling like it’s tightening with a vise, warning of another migraine. “I should let you go. It’s super late there.”
“I’m here to talk if you need.”
A beeping at the front door, like the code is being unlocked, draws my attention. I had given Hayes both the code to the front gate and the door, and my pulse leaps at the thought of him being here. Coming home.
Jesus, I have it bad.
The door opens, and he walks in. At the sight of him, it’s confirmed: I have it worse than bad.
He’s so lethally beautiful it makes my heart kick in my chest. The sharp lines of his face and jaw; that ebony hair and those blue eyes. His tall, lean, strong body that moves like a wild animal.
My smile blooms as my eyes meet his, but it falls quickly when I see how serious he is. And then I see who enters behind him and shuts the door.
Ash.
I had made Hayes promise that he’d talk to him today, but the fact that the president of the MC is here, in my home, tells me he has something to say.
He’s probably here to tell me to leave town and leave his family alone so I don’t get Hayes killed.
“I…I have to go, Ursula,” I say without looking away from the guys.
“Leeva, what’s going on? Are you okay?” she demands.
My eyes swing back to the phone, and I try to smile. “Yes, I’m fine.”
She nods. “Call me anytime, day or night.”
“I will. Thanks, Urs.”
We say goodbye as Hayes walks toward me from the front door, and I go to meet him. He doesn’t speak; he just cups my face and leans down to kiss me in a way that can only be described as claiming.
When he breaks the kiss, my eyes dart between his. He runs his thumb down my neck where Guerilla’s tattoo used to be. “You didn’t call me or send a video today.”
Right. I was supposed to do that if I fingered myself. But my sexual needs were the last thing on my mind as I spent the day trying not to lose my sanity with worry and panic.
It’s like he sees and knows that. “It’s going to be okay, little dove,” he reassures me softly.
My eyes flick to Ash, who clears his throat. Hayes turns to face Ash and pulls me tight to his side.
Ash looks the same, but not. Same blue eyes, like dark denim; same dark blonde hair, same rugged handsomeness with a lethal edge.
But he has more tattoos now, and there are more silver rings on his fingers than I remember.
And if I thought there was a darkness in Hayes now, it’s even more intense in Ash.
“It’s good to see you, Leeva,” he says in his gravelly voice that’s deeper with age.
“Is it, Ash?”
Hayes’ fingers curl possessively around my waist, but he stays silent.
Ash tilts his head. “It’s always good to see a member of our family, especially after so long and after such a sudden…departure without being able to say a proper goodbye.”
Well, that’s one way of putting it.
It’s also him not beating around the bush about what happened, and likely the reason he’s here.
“Is this you coming to tell me to leave, but to do it with a proper goodbye this time?”
Hayes growls, and his fingers tighten. “You’re not leaving, Leeva.” It’s both a statement and a warning for Ash and me.
Part of me keens at his possessiveness and that he wants me—the part that had been worrying all day that I was imagining his feelings or that I wasn’t enough for him.
But the part of me that loves him so much it hurts—that worries about the ramifications of us being together—warns me to run. When I’m scared, I’m impulsive, and I always want to run. And I often do.
Hayes knows me best, and his arm tightens even more around me.
Ash inhales deeply before slowly exhaling. “No, Leeva. I’m not here to chase you away.”
“Then why are you here?”
He steps forward and reaches for my neck. Instinctively, I bat his hand away, making him chuckle.
“It’s okay,” Hayes reassures me. “Let him see your neck and that there’s no lingering evidence of Guerilla’s tattoo.”
Slowly, I tilt my head back and to the side so Ash can examine my neck. I wait patiently as he inspects it closely, pulling out a small flashlight from inside his cut to shine a light on it, and his fingers are rough and callused as he palpates the area, trying to feel for scarring.
“There’s nothing,” he murmurs. “Absolutely nothing. I’ve seen and felt tattoos that were removed before, and there’s always something left to indicate it had been there, even if it’s a slight change in skin texture. How?”
“Having access to the absolute best cosmetic surgeon in the world.” I shrug and add, “Probably some good healing genetics, too.”
Ash steps back, but he looks more worried than relieved. “You have money.”
“Luthor’s wealth and connections allowed me to access Dr.—”
“No.” He looks around the house, then back at me. “You have money,” he stresses. “Guerilla won’t back down. He’ll push this as far as he can to re-stake his claim on you, Leeva.”
“I don’t want Guerilla.”
“And we’d never allow him to force you to be with him. But…” Ash trails off, regarding Hayes, and I know what he’s saying.
“I’ll leave then.”
“Absolutely fucking not,” Hayes snarls, glaring down at me and then at Ash. “Leeva isn’t going anywhere.”
“Hayes.”
“Army,” Ash says in unison with me.
He lets me go and stalks the room, looking like a wild, lethal animal that’s about to attack. His long strides eat up the space before he eases and turns to Ash.
“There’s only one way to do this without risking the club’s vote.”
Ash regards him for a few moments, then nods. “It needs to be done quietly. No one can know we’re responsible.”
I’m unsure of what they mean until Hayes adds, “Digits has to find him first.”
Oh god, they’re talking about finding and killing Guerilla.
But as I look at Hayes, and knowing the threat he’s under, if it has to come to this…well, I’m okay with it.
Hayes comes to me and wraps his hand around my nape, and leans down to press his forehead against mine. “You’ll always be mine, siren. And you’ve always been mine, little dove. No one will take you from me…never again.”
“In the meantime, keep Leeva out of sight,” Ash orders and looks at me. “This place has no ties to Leeva Malone, right?”
“It’s registered to Kathryn Wentzell, and she has no ties to Leeva Malone.”
He nods. “We can’t risk having the MC guarding the place.”
“Dom and Hugo have stepped in,” Hayes says.
Ash frowns. “Even that could be a link to us. What about private security?” he asks me.
“Strangers won’t protect her like our allies will,” Hayes grits.
“No, but our backs are against the fucking wall, Army.” He huffs out a harsh sigh. “What about Len?”
Hayes shakes his head. “She’s got something else big she’s working on. She’d do it, just because I asked, but it would spread her thin, which would mean—”
“She’d get herself killed,” Ash deduces.
I’m not entirely sure who Len is, and I don’t ask as I consider a possible solution. “Ursula has a team that would protect me because I’m family. She’s my stepdaughter,” I add in case Ash isn’t aware of my family dynamic.
“That’s weird as hell,” he chuckles, but then looks between Hayes and me. “But seems like a good solution.”
Hayes brushes my hair back from my face. “Would they do it?”
I nod. “But it would mean Ursula and Keifer would also come here. Are you ready for that?”
He steps closer with a small smirk. “Are you asking if I’m ready to meet your stepkids? My future stepkids? Yeah, I’m down for that.”
“Future stepkids? That’s a bit presumptuous, Hayes Cartwright.”
He shakes his head. “Not when you’re going to be my old lady and my lawfully wedded wife.”
My heart clenches, wanting nothing more than that.
Ash clears his throat and gives us a pointed look when we turn to him. “That lovey-dovey shit needs to stay hidden until this is dealt with.”
“Talk to me once you’re taken out at the knees by your future queen fluttering into your life, Ash.”
He grunts and shakes his head with a small smile before he strides toward the front door. He turns before he opens it. “It’s good to have you back. Both of you.”
I suspect what he means by that last statement is that Hayes hasn’t been the same since I left. Since I ran.
The urge to run is still strong within me, but when the door closes behind Ash, and I stare up at Hayes, the urge to run eases.
“Are you ready?” he asks, and there’s a dark heat in his eyes.
“For what?”
“For Hedon and your date with the Sybian Saddle.”
My core clenches, but my worry spikes. “We shouldn’t go out in public and be seen together.”
He wraps his hands around my waist, pulling me flush against him. “No one will know it’s us. I have different masks for both of us.”
“We could just continue my exploration of kinky, hedonistic sex here,” I try to reason, but deep down, I want the environment Hedon provides. I want to fully immerse myself in exploring this part I’ve repressed and denied.
And maybe a part of me wants to test Hayes and his reaction if that red-headed bombshell is there.
Does he truly not care about her? Does he truly want me over her or any other woman in that club?
My old insecurities—ones that, in hindsight, I see Guerilla always nurtured, even before I became his old lady—rear their ugly heads.
Hayes’s brow furrows as he stares down at me, almost like he’s reading my mind.
I smile up at him. “Okay, let’s go to Hedon. But only if you think it doesn’t put you at risk.”
“Siren.” It’s the hedonistic sex god who gives me a sinister smile, no longer my beloved best friend. “I’m a criminal; I’m always at risk. And there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to keep you safe. Trust me.”
And I do.
So I nod and slip my hand into his.