Hawk's Woman

Chapter Eighteen

Hawk didn’t want to wait for the lab results to come back from Diana’s autopsy. There was no choice as his guy had said there had been a delay. According to him, Diana had been dead before she was even moved, and there was apparently bruising to suggest it happened after death.

Whoever had killed Diana then had a difficult time carrying her dead body. Hawk glanced around the club, and he knew that ruled out every guy there. They were all capable of moving dead bodies. Diana had been a slender woman, but in death her weight would have been higher. Even still, his men could lift each other. They never left anyone behind. That was their rule, and being able to carry body weight was a necessary factor in the club.

He didn’t know if anyone in the club was even responsible for killing Diana. It was easy for him to rule out the men, but as he glanced across the bar, he couldn’t help but wonder about the women. Would they have killed Diana?

She was getting desperate in her search for a man. Did the women feel threatened? Did they want her gone? There were also some other people who might have wanted her dead, and that list could go on and on.

He ran fingers through his hair and glanced around, trying to figure out who would want to kill Diana. That woman had been a first-class bitch, but she had already been expelled from the club.

The door to the clubhouse opened, sending in a wave of cold air, and then Darlene and Nikki stepped through the threshold, and she took his breath away.

Nikki was in a short dress, which came to just above her knees, along with a pair of tights, and they were meant to be torn. Her makeup was perfection, apart from the dead look. Her lips were smeared red, and there was makeup on her neck, where it looked like a creature had taken a bite right out of her. The makeup was pale. Even though she looked like the undead walking, she still looked stunning. She made his dick ache.

Stepping toward her, he couldn’t help but close the distance between them. All thoughts of Diana fled his mind, and the only person he could think about was Nikki. He’d been there the other night, when she told her mother about the party.

He invited Ethel to come, and she already had plans at the church. He was going to insist but Nikki had kicked him beneath the table. It was later that she would tell him that her mother was being polite, but she was avoiding all possible crutches of the past. Drinking, drugs, parties, men—she refused to participate. Afterward, he felt like a dick, but it had seemed rude to him not to ask her mother or to insist she come along for the ride.

Darlene nudged Nikki, she turned to look at him, and that was when he finally got to see her smile. It brightened her whole face. Lightened his world.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey,”

she said back.

Were they a couple of high school kids?

“This is thrilling. I’m going to get myself a drink,”

Darlene said.

Within seconds, they were alone, and he looked at Nikki, offering her a smile. “How are you?” he asked.

She glanced down at herself. “Considering I’m dead after being bit by a deadly creature, I’m quite peachy.”

He laughed.

“And what is your costume?”

“Dead biker.”

He pointed at the sticky label he’d placed over his President’s patch, that declared him a dead biker.

Nikki burst out laughing. “Wow, I love that.”

“I’m always a dead biker.”

And he insisted on no one else being a dead biker either.

“Is that because you don’t want to wear any other costume?”

she asked.

He shrugged. “Being the boss, I get to have first pick.”

At the party there were a lot of zombies, pirates, ghouls, monsters, and anything in between. The women ranged from dead sluts to princesses, and witches. There was a variety of costumes on display, and he did find them all fun. Halloween was not his favorite holiday. He didn’t mind the drinking, the partying, and of course the fun sex. That was all over now.

There was only one person he wanted to have sex with tonight, and she was standing right in front of him.

“Is it okay for me to be here? Darlene said she could bring me as her plus one, but if you’re not happy with it, then I could go.”

“No,” he said.

“I know you have rules,”

Nikki said.

“And they were fucked-up rules, and I don’t want you to go. Come on, let’s go and get you a drink.”

He knew she wasn’t a heavy drinker, and of course, Dan was manning the bar, and Darlene was helping him.

Those two were not even together, and yet they seemed to be doing everything together. He knew they had not declared a relationship yet, as he overheard Trixie asking them. Dan also wasn’t fucking anyone else, and from what he could tell, neither was Darlene. Still, even as Trixie asked the two of them, they both denied it. He was not going to meddle. What happened between them stayed between them.

“Two beers,”

he said, slapping his hand on the counter.

Dan presented him with two beers and Darlene winked at him, which he didn’t get. Handing one of the beers to Nikki, she took it and gave him a smile. Now, he didn’t know what else to fucking do. This was not like him. He was not the kind of man who didn’t know what to do.

Nikki was not like any other woman. She was not here to impress him or to sign her life to the club.

“I love the decorations,”

Nikki said.

He glanced around the club and only then realized it had been decorated for Halloween.

“I, uh, I didn’t even notice.”

She laughed. “Seriously?”

He shrugged.

“I don’t know, I think if I had been the one decorating, I’d be a little pissed if the guy who owned this place didn’t pay attention,” she said.

“If you had decorated, I’d have noticed,”

he said. Fuck him, that sounded so fucking lame. He was never going to be able to look in the mirror again after tonight.

Nikki took a sip of her beer. “Do you want to dance?”

Fuck, no, he didn’t. He didn’t dance, but seeing as Nikki was already reaching for his hand and putting their beers on the nearest table, he guessed he was dancing.

He was thankful for whoever was controlling the music, because the moment they hit that dance floor, it was time for couples only. Nikki smiled at him, and that was when he realized she looked nervous. Banding his arms around her waist, he pulled her in closer and breathed her in. It didn’t matter that she had all the makeup on, she still smelled like his Nikki.

The music was slow, dark, deep, and it meant he got to be closer to her. Holding Nikki in his arms, this is how he knew what to do. To him, it felt so natural having her in his arms. This was where she was supposed to be, and he didn’t want her anywhere else.

She tilted her head back, staring at him. Those big brown eyes of her had plagued his dreams for weeks. It wasn’t right, her not being with him, but he was going to do everything in his power to fix that.

“You’re beautiful,” he said.

“Hawk, I look like the undead.”

“And yet, you’re still the most beautiful woman in this room.”

“This room is filled with beautiful women,” she said.

“Not to me. To me, there is only you.”

He couldn’t resist glancing down at her lips. They were plump and beautiful, and he wanted her so badly. He wanted to kiss her. It had been too long since he finally got his lips on hers.

“Nikki, I’m going to kiss you, tell me to stop.”

“No,” she said.

“Damn it, Nikki.”

“I don’t want you to stop.”

She licked her lips and smiled at him. “Kiss me, Hawk.”

He didn’t know if it was the magic of Halloween or if Nikki wanted him to kiss her, but he was not going to pull away. This was the kiss he wanted. Right there, at the center of his clubhouse, and he didn’t give a fuck. His rules had been fucking pointless. Pieces of shit he didn’t need. Nikki was the woman he wanted, the only reason that mattered. Nikki. No one else.

He kissed her with a roomful of witnesses and he didn’t care. Nikki was the love of his life, and it might have just been Halloween talking, or common sense was finally prevailing, but he felt on top of the freaking world. This was what it meant to fall in love, to finally be with a woman for the rest of his life. In that moment of kissing Nikki, he knew how his dad felt about his mother.

His old man hadn’t been able to move on, not truly, since his wife’s death. This was how fucked up it was. When you finally found the woman for you, there was no one else. There was no room for anyone else. It was why his father was never able to take another woman. He slept around, but no one was good enough to replace the woman he had.

Hawk got it.

Nikki pulled away, and then the music changed and he was able to dance with her, speeding up the pace. He kept hold of her, not allowing her to leave. The other men could look, but they were not going to touch. Nikki belonged to him, and they all knew it. Anyone who dared touch her would answer to him.

As far as Halloween nights went, this had to be the icing on the cake. Nikki, in his arms, all night long. He did allow her to drink, enjoy some food, and then at the end of the night, it was nearing two.

The music had already quieted down, and Darlene and Dan had disappeared. Most of the guys had gone to enjoy their women for the night.

“I, uh, I don’t suppose I could stay here tonight, could I?”

Nikki asked. “It’s really late, and I don’t want to wake my mom up. I know she used to come home at all hours of the day and night, but I’m not going to do that to her.”

“You can stay in my room.”

He held onto her hand and led her back to the main part of the rooms. He took the stairs, leading up to his own room, and he opened the door.

It smelled like lavender. Sandy had stopped by his room. She tended to put little fragrances around the club. If she didn’t, the club would probably stink like death.

Closing the door behind Nikki, he let go of her hand reluctantly and went to his tall chest of drawers. He pulled out a pair of sweatpants and a long shirt, and moved closer to her. “The bathroom is through there, and here you go.”

He didn’t know what to expect tonight.

Nikki was in his domain. And she was not arguing with him. He wanted to keep that up.

“Thank you,” she said.

He watched her go to his bathroom, and he glanced around his room, checking for anything out of place. There was nothing. He liked to keep a tidy room. It was fucked up, he knew that, and then he moved to the single mirror across the room.

“Stop. Fucking stop. You’re not a randy teenage boy, and you know what the fuck you are doing, so this stops right now.”

He tried to give himself a stern talking to, but it seemed to fall flat. What the fuck his problem was, he didn’t know.

Nikki didn’t take long, and when she came back out, she looked flushed and fresh, and there was a smile on her face. “You have a nice shower.”

“Thanks.”

He moved past her. “I’ll be a moment.”

Hawk was not used to being a gentleman. He never gave a woman his bed. This was not who he was. Stripping out of his clothes, he took a shower—a cold one—because his dick was rock-hard and he wanted to fuck her so damn badly. He was not going to push. Tonight was not about his own needs. He wanted to be there for Nikki.

This was all about Nikki, and he was so fucking pussy-whipped. The guys were going to have a field day with this.

Once he was showered, dried, and changed into a pair of sweatpants, he made his way into the bedroom. Nikki was sitting up in the bed, and he came out, willing to take the floor.

“I hope you’re comfortable.”

“Hawk, you don’t have to do that. This is your bedroom.”

She pulled the covers back. “Come on.”

“Nikki…”

“Hawk, I trust you, and it’s not like we haven’t slept together before.”

But that was when he could touch her, and knew she wanted his touch, when she would look at him like he was her everything. A lot had changed in such a short space of time. He didn’t argue with her.

The floor was going to be uncomfortable as fuck, and besides, it was his bed, and he knew from firsthand experience it was comfortable. More than comfortable.

“See, that’s not so hard, is it?”

she asked.

“I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

“I’m not. I’m with you, and there is nothing uncomfortable about that.”

She sighed and settled back.

He turned to find her staring at him.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Just … thinking.”

“Is that a good or bad thing?”

“About you and me,” she said.

He sighed. “That could be a bad thing.”

“I enjoyed tonight.”

“I did as well, and I usually fucking hate these things. I’m just pointing that out.”

“You hate the Halloween parties?”

“Fuck, yeah. They’re a pain in the ass. I never like them.”

Nikki laughed. “I loved it.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, I did. It was the first one I ever came to, and I got to dance with the best-looking guy at the party.”

She nibbled her lip. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to be sorry. I was the one that fucked up.”

“Hawk, you don’t have to say that.”

“But I did. I … from the moment you walked into that library, and you were … different. You didn’t come for me. You came to get away from the party. You came for some peace and quiet, and that was refreshing. I wanted to know who you were.”

“And that is why you came to the supermarket?”

“I wanted to talk to you again, but I always wanted to see if I had it right.”

“If you had what right?”

“You? If the drink had messed with my head. You didn’t care who I was. My patch meant nothing to you.”

He sighed. “I wanted you.”

“And now?”

Nikki asked.

“I still want you, Nikki. That is not going to change.”

There was silence and he reached out, cupping her cheek.

“What has changed is that I realized you’re not just a quick fuck. You’re not someone I can have some fun with and forget. I don’t want that, not anymore. I want to come back to you. I want a place to call home with you. To see that smile on your face and know that to a certain extent I am the cause of it.”

He saw the tears glistening in her eyes.

“Fuck me, Nikki, I don’t know what you have done to me, but I also want to have some kids with you, and that is scary.”

“Kids?”

“Yeah, little brats. I don’t even know if I want boys or girls. If I have boys, they’re going to be involved in the club, and I’m going to have to toughen them up, like my dad did to me. If they’re girls … fuck me, if we have girls, and I know what men want… Crap, we can’t have kids, Nikki.”

She giggled. “You make this sound like a sure deal.”

He stared at her for several seconds. “Look at me, Nikki, and tell me you and I don’t feel like a sure thing. There is no one else I want. You called me when you needed me. I’ve never said this to any other woman, Nikki Brown, but I love you.”

“You don’t know that.”

“But I do. I know exactly how I feel when it comes to you, and these feelings are not going away. They’re getting stronger, and I am willing to do whatever it takes to make you feel safe, and for you to realize I am telling the truth. I love you more than anything, and I am going to make it up to you. I am going to prove that I am sorry for everything I did.”

****

Nikki stood at the frying pan, thinking about everything Hawk had said to her last night. She hadn’t expected his declaration of love. That had come as one big gigantic shock. She didn’t know if she should laugh or cry.

Last night had been intense, surreal, amazing, scary, and everything in between. She wanted to laugh and cry. It was her first Halloween party. And this morning, she had snuck down to make pancakes, bacon, eggs, and whatever else she could find in the fridge.

Much to her surprise, there was a fully stocked fridge. She already had the coffeepot going. A couple of the guys had already stopped by the kitchen, had some bacon and eggs, some coffee, thanked her, and left. They called her “Hawk’s woman.”

Or “the Prez’s wife.”

She liked it. She belonged to Hawk.

Part of her wanted to say fuck it to their past. They made mistakes, and it was time to move on. Hawk told her he loved her. That was still a hard one to get out of her head. Hawk loved her. Loved her. She couldn’t stop laughing.

Darlene groaned as she entered the kitchen. “You look way too happy, and how are you able to even be smiling right now? My face hurts.”

She’d never seen her boss first thing in the morning. Darlene did look rough, but she was still beautiful. Her hair was pulled back into curlers.

“Nice to see you too,”

Nikki said, laughing.

“Don’t laugh too hard.”

Darlene offered her a smile, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Did you have fun last night?”

“It was a good night. I enjoyed it. Are all your Halloween parties like last night?”

Nikki asked.

“Most of the time they are. Hawk’s appearance until late in the morning is not usual.”

“It’s not?”

“Nah, he tends to stick around for about an hour, then disappear to his library.”

“Does he take a woman with him?”

Nikki asked. She was not going to be jealous of the past, but it was so hard not to be.

“Nope. No woman goes into that library with him.”

Darlene shrugged. “I think half the women here are afraid he’ll ask them to read.”

Nikki frowned. “That’s not nice.”

“I’m not saying they can’t read, Nikki, I’m saying most of the women here don’t want to come and read. They came to party and have fun.”

“Oh, yeah, of course.”

Darlene laughed. “You find reading fun?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“The more I think about it, the more you and Hawk seem like the perfect couple.”

Nikki couldn’t help but smile. She nibbled her bottom lip.

“What is that smile about?”

Darlene asked.

“It’s nothing.”

“Does this mean you might be considering forgiving him?”

Darlene asked.

Nikki poured her friend a mug of coffee and brought it to the table for her.

“I don’t know.”

“What is holding you back?”

“Would you forgive him?”

Nikki asked.

Darlene wrinkled her nose. “Don’t even ask me that. I don’t hold grudges, and life is too fucking short to take things personally.”

“So, you would?”

Her friend sighed. “I better have extra bacon and extra pancakes.”

Nikki was already serving them up on a plate, and she quickly placed them in front of Darlene, with a knife and fork.

“I’m not going to tell you the answer. This one is on you. Do you think you can forgive Hawk, and if you can, then what are you waiting for?”

“What if he hurts me again?”

“Come on, Nikki. This is life. People get hurt all the time. Most of the time they get hurt by the people they love.”

Darlene put her fork down. “You haven’t made your mom work years to get back in your good graces. After everything she put you through, you’re living with her again, aren’t you?”

“That’s different.”

“How? That woman put you in dangerous circumstances. She also wanted to use you to pay for rent. You had no choice but to get out of there. Hawk kept you a secret. He helped to change your luck. He lied to make your life better. He’s not looking half bad when you put it into perspective like that, and another thing, when you needed him, he came running, didn’t he?”

Nikki stared at her friend, and everything she said sounded so logical.

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“Of course I’m right.”

Seconds passed and Nikki went back to the stove.

She looked at the batter she just put into the frying pan, and watched it start to set, and little bubbles appear across the surface. Could she do this?

“I love him,”

Nikki said.

“I know, and I bet he knows as well, and if he doesn’t, that is because all men are dumb.”

“What if I can’t be what he needs?”

Darlene frowned. “What do you mean?”

“The club. All of this. I don’t know if I have what it takes.”

Her friend put a large forkful of pancake into her mouth and started to chew. “You don’t think you’ve got what it takes to stand by his side when the going gets tough? You put up with your mother for years. Trust me, you’ll handle the club, and I’ll be there to give you pep talks.”

She looked at Darlene and saw the smile on her lips.

“Why are you so happy?”

“Because, if you’re falling for Hawk, that means you’re sticking around, and it is not the first time I have told you I think you have real talent. That means my salon is going to benefit when you qualify. More work, more clients, more money.”

Darlene winked at her.

Nikki wasn’t entirely sure, but for the first time in a long time, she felt hopeful.