Chapter 33 #3
The thought that she had not been fair to him—or herself, let alone others, such as Mrs Ryde—had tickled at the back of her mind since she was in the carriage travelling to Hertfordshire.
Before seeing Mr Darcy again, she had been able to suppress it.
Currently, she knew it would be wrong of her to continue doing so.
Satisfied that she knew how to act, she blew out the candle and went to sleep.
The following day, Elizabeth, her sisters, Mr Bingley, and Mr Darcy walked into Meryton together. Mr Darcy was beside her, and she deliberately slowed her steps so that their companions would go ahead of them.
“Tell me, what do you think of Hertfordshire,” she asked. “I believe this is your first time staying in the county.”
“It is lovely. Very different from the country near my estate,” he said.
“Mrs Ryde once insisted I must go to Derbyshire. She assured me I would love it.”
“I hope you will.”
She glanced at him and was not surprised that he was looking at her.
Likely it was his attempt to secure some hint regarding her sentiments, especially after their difficult exchange the day before.
If so, he was in luck; after all, she had told herself she would take the first possible opportunity to speak to him.
They might further discuss what had happened in town, but she felt in her heart that it was time to embrace forgiveness and joy rather than cling to mistrust and sorrow.
Why delay what she knew was inevitable? “I wish to apologise to you, Mr Darcy.”
“Whatever for?” he asked, his tone and expression showing how puzzled he was.
“You really should feel you are owed an apology,” she said.
“First, because I evidently judged you based on what I heard you say to your cousin during a private moment before we had even been introduced. Second, for running away from town as soon as possible after Lady Todd’s ball.
It was not a particularly mature manner of dealing with the situation.
I ought to have remained to speak to you, or at least determine if you would offer any sort of explanation. ”
“Regarding the latter, I can hardly blame you, and as to the former, I had no idea you overheard me in Dublin.”
“Oh, I know,” she interjected, choosing to overlook his dismissal of her apology; they might return to it another time, but she was satisfied she had given it.
“Neither you nor Lord Bramwell knew I was nearby. I had stopped at the other side of the great hawthorn in Merrion Square to fix the lace on my boot.”
His eyes ahead of him, he shook his head slowly.
“Initially, I did not even recall the conversation when Mrs Ryde mentioned it to me. I can imagine how I sounded, however. As I told you at the Tower, I was raised to think myself better than most others, and I am sure that belief is what you heard in my words and tone. My parents, my relations, people in my social circle all told me—directly or indirectly—what I should demand of the lady who would be fortunate enough to be chosen by me to be my wife. How arrogant that sounds!”
Elizabeth could not deny it, and rather than speak, she slipped her arm around his as he continued.
“Something Lady Romsley said when I told them about you has remained with me. The world has changed since our parents were our age and deciding to settle. Their views on choosing their spouses, the role their parents had in directing their lives, was different. My parents taught me what they were taught—connexions, wealth, social position were their primary considerations. But now, I know they are, by and large, secondary. Most important to me is love and companionship, and it is you who taught me how vital they are. Rebecca has done that for Bramwell, to some extent Miss Strachan has for Fitzwilliam, and it appears your sister has taught Bingley it as well, though I do not believe he needed much convincing. Of us all, I have the thickest skull and required the most time to learn my lesson.”
Of the many reasons she loved him—his intelligence, that he cared deeply for his family, not to mention his good looks and deep voice—she believed this would be one of the most significant in ensuring they shared a long, happy life.
He was willing to admit when he was wrong and not so stubborn as to refuse to change his views.
I shall do likewise, for all the many years of my life, she silently vowed.
Glancing about to ensure they were alone, and her sisters and Mr Bingley remained occupied and would not notice, she pulled Mr Darcy to the side of the road where stood a large tree.
She only vaguely realised it was her favourite silver birch of the neighbourhood; since her return from Ireland, she had often likened it to her preference for the hawthorn in Merrion Square.
She said, “If you wish to have the conversation you planned for us to have at the ball, we may.”
He regarded her for a long moment, his eyes fixed on hers; she kept her expression inviting.
At length, he asked, “And if I said I would prefer we move past that to another subject more directly about our future?”
Her manner coquettish, she replied, “Why, Mr Darcy, whatever can you mean?”
He gave a low chuckle and took both of her hands in his. “I said it took me too long to learn my lesson, but now that I have, I have no intention of letting you escape. I need you, Elizabeth Bennet, to remind me to always question what I believe and why.”
“When I heard you speak by the hawthorn, I thought I knew exactly who you were. How grateful I am to have been so wonderfully wrong.”
“I want you to be my wife, to see your beautiful eyes and hear your delightful laughter every day of my life. Please, say you will marry me.”
Grinning, she nodded. “You have made our friends very happy. And my mother, who has anticipated this moment since you were first introduced.”
He looked heavenward for a moment before saying, “And you, are you happy?”
She laughed. “More than I can possibly describe. Or I will be when you tell me you love me.”
“Have I not?” he asked, his expression alarmed. She shook her head, and kissing her hands, he said, “Then before another word is spoken between us, you must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”
As impossible as it seemed, her joy grew even stronger, and it threatened to engulf her. Before it did, she said, “And I love and admire you.”
With that, she kissed him.