Chapter 6
CHAPTER
SIX
Willow
I stare down at my phone, irritated. More with myself than anyone else. I let Haze get to me, and none of that was his fault. I was a bitch.
Should he have shown up to my ceremony in club colors?
Probably not. I was more unnerved that my father would see us and he’d certainly have a lot to say about that.
Avoiding a headache is just as much a priority as saving my sanity.
And make no mistake, Haze knew what he was doing.
He had that smug look on his face that I know only too well.
Of course, after he left, guilt inevitably followed. I know he means well, but showing up brings everything we’ve already been through back up again.
Still. At least he cared enough to come by. That’s the part that has me in knots.
I stare down at my phone, knowing that I’m being ridiculous.
Haze doesn’t get his feelings hurt, unlike most normal people.
He’s too easygoing to let anything really get to him, or so he lets everyone believe.
I just know how antagonistic the Rebels MC can be, and for the most part, we try to stay in our own corners of the city.
That can be a little tricky when I’ve grown friendly with Audrina, one of the club members’ ol’ ladies.
When I was undercover a while back, investigating The Cut City boys — a gang of vigilantes that were forming a new alliance with other criminal organizations — I was in a cell with Audrina.
She didn’t know it at the time, but I had been undercover for six months flushing these dudes out. After that, we kinda bonded.
Now that she’s had a baby, I’ve kinda lost my drinking buddy, not that Audrina was much of a drinker anyway, but she’s older and gave me advice on certain things that I should’ve been able to ask my mom. Men mainly, and being single, which she was until she met her old man, Hustler.
I sigh. My parents have never been heavily involved in anything I’ve done from growing up to now, so with Dad showing up, it’s more than a surprise. I need something to take the edge off.
Instead, I’m having to sit through dinner with my dad because he wants to celebrate.
I’m immediately suspicious. I don’t know what his hidden agenda is, but it can’t be anything good.
Unless he has news on Max and this is his way of breaking it to me gently.
God knows what my little brother is up to now.
I reach out to him now and again, but his replies are few and far between, and almost every time from a different number.
There’s a knock at my door and I’m jolted out of my reverie.. I smile when I see Payden standing there. She’s a lawyer, and best friends with Luna, another one of the ol’ ladies from the club. Despite her connections with the MC, we get along just fine.
“How’s it going, Captain?” She leans against the doorframe with a big smile on her face.
Payden is tall and slender with mid-length hair the color of a latte, and turns heads wherever she goes. She’s not only beautiful, but smart and funny, too.
“Well, not officially until a couple more weeks.” I thumb behind me. “Out with the old and in with the new.”
Recently, the whole force got a major shakeup when the internal crime division moved in.
Our own Police Commissioner, Seymour Montgomery, was found guilty of corruption and went to jail.
So many cops were found guilty of taking bribes, second hand deals, not to mention being involved in some shady shit.
My own colleagues — people I trusted and worked alongside.
So many sell out, but the one thing I’ve never done is use the law for my own personal gain.
My job is to serve and protect, and that’s exactly what I plan on doing now that I’m captain since the previous one recently retired.
“The Mayor sends his regards.” She smiles.
Cale Callaghan, my ex-partner, left the force and ran for mayor after everything went down.
He won by a major landslide, added to that?
Nobody cared his ol’ lady, Stella, is the first female member of the Rebels.
Yep, a real life biker chick. Everyone loves Stella.
She’s beautiful, smart and works as a mechanic for the club.
Her dad, Harlem, is a badass motherfucker and another thorn in my side.
Not as much as Tag, Luna’s old man, who causes the police nothing but headaches.
Mainly because he won’t cooperate and hates cops like it’s a national hobby, but Cash, the club President, has always been the link between the two worlds of right and wrong.
He has his rules, and we have ours, but I know he’s not a bad man. In fact, I respect him for some of the choices he’s made. Cash tries to keep this city as safe as I do, and at one point, was doing more than the actual police. Not that I’d ever admit that out loud.
I miss Callaghan, but he’s way happier where he is now, plus he’s one of the good ones doing right for this city. We need it because after the last shake down, the more sinister side of the dregs of this city came out to play. Human trafficking.
As for the rest of the Rebels? I used to think the club was just a bunch of bad eggs, but I know that isn’t true.
They’ve done more to fight crime and corruption than half of the recently disposed departments, and that’s saying a lot.
Still, rocking the boat with Haze showing up with his club colors is like rubbing salt in the wounds.
“I’m sure he does. How’s Stella?”
She shrugs. “As badass as ever. More to the point, how are you?”
I’ve gotten quite close to Payden over the last year. She’s one of the few lawyers in this city that isn’t a scumbag. “My dad’s in town for the ceremony,” I sigh. “So it’s going about as good as it can get.”
She frowns. “I’m sorry. Is he staying with you?”
“No, thank god. He’s at a hotel. We’re meeting up later for dinner.”
“Did he even act like he was proud of you?”
I shrug. “My dad has never acted that way, but I’m sure he is in his own way. He flew in from Florida,” I say. “So that’s gotta mean something, I guess.”
Dad always has an agenda, I just don’t know what this one is. Being a detective, I will get to the bottom of it.
“Soooo, how’s Connor?”
I let out a breath. “Fine, until Haze showed up.”
Her eyes grow wide as she steps into my office, taking a seat opposite me. “No way.”
“Yes way, oh, and his brother, too.”
“The quiet, hot one who’s single?”
“No. Brew.” I roll my eyes. “Wait, Logan?”
She shrugs. “Hey, God didn’t make sexy men for me to not look. I mean, we know he barely speaks, but still.”
“I know but he’s a Nomad.”
“Actually, out of the three of them, he’s the least likely to be one,” she points out, which is true.
Logan, who’s also known as Hustle because he runs a bar and doesn’t take too kindly to people in general, is the eldest and the least likely to get into trouble.
He’s also not part of the MC, preferring to brood all by himself in his downtown bar.
“You have a point,” I say, “but you’re forgetting he was once my brother-in-law.”
“Ugh, I forgot that part. Speaking of the family, what did Haze do when he saw you with Connor?”
“Uh, you could say that went down like a lead balloon. When Connor called me babe, I thought Haze was gonna explode.”
“Holy shit.”
I briefly tell her the rest, along with the fact that I’ve been on two dates with Connor, and he wasn’t invited to my ceremony.
Payden pulls a face. “What do you mean he just showed up?”
I shrug. “Yeah. It was kinda out of left field. So I had him to deal with as well as my ex, who was acting like a three-year-old.”
“That’s men for you.”
“Honestly, they never grow up.”
“What happened with you and Haze, anyway?” she goes on. “You were married, then you weren’t.”
“It’s complicated,” I sigh. “Like everything to do with me and Haze. He walked away to ‘give me space’.” I hold up my fingers in inverted commas. “At the time, we were both going our separate ways.”
“So, you didn’t exactly want to break up with him?”
“I knew we got married far too young, but we were different people then to who we are now. Maybe if we’d met now…” I trail off, unable to finish that sentence. I blow air out of my cheeks. “What am I even saying?”
“Do you still love him?”
I run both hands over my face. “I’ll always love him, there’s too much history there, but us together?” I shake my head. “We’re better as friends.”
“Except you’re not his friend, you barely tolerate him.”
I think about her words, knowing she’s right. I give her a look. “What are you, my shrink?”
“No, but if I were I’d say there are underlying issues that you haven’t dealt with.”
“You sound exactly like my other friends.”
“Well?” She piques a brow. “Is there?”
I rub both of my arms. “No. I- I didn’t think so… but…” I lean toward her and lower my voice. “Can I tell you something I haven’t confessed to my other friends?”
She leans in. “I’m all ears.”
“Ugh! I kinda slept with him a few times.”
Her eyes widen. “Holy shit.”
“Yeah, and it was good. Really, really good, but that was ages ago. He got called away for six months and things cooled off, and after that I sort of came to my senses.”
“Okaaay.” She frowns. “Came to your senses, how?”
“Well, we were right back where we were all over again. Yes, the sex was amazing, but he’s still Haze, and I’m still me.”
“That makes no sense. What’s he doing that’s putting you off giving things another chance?”
It’s a good question, one I haven’t had the guts to really ask myself, to be honest.
I swallow, shifting in my seat. I know I can trust Payden. She’s my friend. But this is like a deep dive into the depths of my soul kinda stuff. I take a breath, then blurt it out, “I’m afraid of getting too close, and then him hurting me all over again.”
She sits back in her seat, analyzing me while she thinks. “So, basically you’re ga-ga for him, but you won’t let yourself get too close in case he leaves for a second time?”
“I’m not ga-ga for him,” I retort.
“And because of that, you remain the one in control when it’s just sex without any promises or commitment,” she goes on as if I haven’t spoken. “You get to kick him out, not the other way around, and it keeps him dangling on a string, right where you want him.”
I blink. “You think I’m dangling him on a string?”
She’s blunt, I’ll give her that.
“Okay, that was a tad dramatic, but I’ll bet he’s the one who keeps calling and coming around, right?”
“I’m the one who instigated our, uh, union the first time.” I point out. “I didn’t exactly drag him kicking and screaming.”
“I’ve seen the way he looks at you, how he shows up for you, Wills, he’s completely head over heels.”
“Right,” I grumble. “That’s why he left.”
“You said it yourself, you were different people then.”
“He blamed my career, making out he was ‘letting me spread my wings’.” I shake my head. “He could’ve just said: I don’t want to be married anymore.”
“Uh huh, is that why he won’t give you a divorce?”
I open my mouth, then close it again. “Very funny.”
She pokes out her tongue. “Maybe you should give him a second chance, unless you aren’t even thinking about reconciling?”
“I don’t know what I want,” I say truthfully. “A big part of my identity was me with Haze. Now I’ve been by myself for so long, working my way up in the force, I’m used to things how I like them. I don’t know how he’d fit back into my life, or me in his.”
“I get that, but you really have to tell him if you don’t want anything more. He walks around like a lovesick puppy.”
“He does not.”
I lean back in my chair. Annoyance washing over me. Not from her, but from this whole situation. Sex really does complicate everything. Even if we haven’t even been in bed together for over a year.
“Maybe he really did want you to spread your wings, baby girl.” She smiles wistfully. “And just maybe it wasn’t about leaving and more about growing. I’m not saying his leaving was a good thing, but maybe it was the wrong time, not the wrong guy.”
“Stop trying to make sense of a bad situation,” I say. “You’re supposed to agree with me that he’s an ass and getting together was a bad decision.”
She taps her chin, a smile playing on her lips. “Whatever you say.”
I point at her. “Don’t give me that look.”
She zips her lips just as Carl, one of my colleagues, sticks his head in the doorway. “Hey, boss lady.” He smiles over at Payden. “Me, Luke and some of the others are going downtown for drinks, you too good to still drink with us?”
“Sorry, I wish I could. My dad’s in town,” I explain. “But count me in next time.”
He gives us both a chin lift. “If you change your mind, you know where we’ll be.”
When he’s gone, Payden goes to stand. “I’ve gotta get going.”
“You can’t just emotionally destroy me and then leave.”
“I’m hopelessly single, you shouldn’t listen to anything I say unless you can get me a date with Logan.” She wiggles her eyebrows. “Though, I’d have to do all the talking.”
“At least offer to call with a pretend emergency so I can leave early,” I whine.
“Ey, ey, Captain.”
“You only say that on a ship!” I yell after her.
I’m doomed.