Chapter 5
Elijah
“So, what do you wanna do with my body?” I fucking loved the way Hazel looked at me. She had the richest, roundest, brown eyes lined in long eyelashes. There was the slightest hint of something wild and unfed concealed in her buttoned-up exterior. Feeding that untamed piece of her had become a point of fixation. But now that I got the opportunity to really take her in, I could see the darkened skin under her eyes and how her cheekbones were more prominent than they had been last year.
I liked hearing she was single… a lot. But I wanted her to see me as more than just a man in her bed. Of course, the suggestive question I’d just asked didn’t really lend to that impression.
“How long do you got?” She tilted her head, and her buttoned-up personification slipped. I wanted to peel it away like the bulky coat wrapped around her, but there were a few things I needed to understand first.
“I’ve got a while. Let’s get you outta the cold and get you some food. What’s open right now?”
She blinked, her eyebrows lifting. “That is not what I was expecting for you to offer.”
“Come on, what do you want?” I nudged her tennis shoe with the toe of mine.
She dropped her gaze to the zipper of my pants, then back to mine.
“To eat, Hazel.”
She lifted an eyebrow.
I chuckled, my mouth pulling to one side. For a second, I considered pressing her against the side of my car and kissing her, long and deep. Nothing more than that, not while we were lit up with a spotlight overhead. Just enough to remind her that what simmered between us would ignite with the slightest friction. Just enough to make her dizzy and breathless. Just enough to settle this persistent need tearing through my veins.
It was torment to close even more space between us, but I couldn’t stop myself. She had wrapped me up in so many knots, and I wanted to tie a few of my own. She stood completely still as I bent low enough to nearly brush my lips on her ear. “Benji’s should still be doing food.”
Her surprised breathy laugh puffed through the scruff on my jaw.
She seemed caught between irritation and entertainment, but I jerked my thumb over my shoulder. “You want me to drive?”
“Fine.”
I held her door open and waited for her to scoot onto her seat. She watched me round the hood of the car with an arrogant grin on my face. The smile didn’t leave as I turned over the engine.
“Feelin’ pretty impressed with yourself, aren’t you?” she asked.
For a moment, I considered saying something flirty, something that wouldn’t let her see the truth of my good mood. It took bravery to be vulnerable when I said, “I came here tonight thinking you were seeing someone else—now I know you’re not. It’s good news for me.”
I turned the car onto the empty road, my hands sweating on the steering wheel.
She lit up the entire car with a grin so beguiling it made me feel like I was driving under the influence. Just like that, my honesty was worth it.
“It is?” she asked.
“Yeah. I don’t know what that text was about, or why you haven’t texted me sooner, but I get to take you out to dinner, and I like that.”
“You do?”
I pulled into an angled spot on the street just outside of Benji’s Place. Putting the car into park, I turned the key and shifted to look at her. “Yeah.”
“I like it, too.” Her incredible smile hadn’t faltered, but it had turned a bit shy.
I considered giving in to the desire to kiss her—to see if she tasted like the giddy light in her eyes. Could I pull that excitement in and give her some of mine? I’d pined for this woman for month after month, berating myself for not asking if it was okay if I reached out to her when the sale of the clinic was done. The way my dad had lorded the sale over her to control me, I didn’t want to threaten her stability. I found her social media platforms, typed out messages, and then deleted them. Without so much as sending a friend request.
I assumed if she wasn’t calling or texting, when she’d gone out of her way to get my number from Ransom, there had to be a reason.
But now she was in my car, looking at me like I’d just told her something she’d hoped to hear.
Fuck, I wanted to kiss her.
Displaying incredible self-control, I stepped out of the car.
I was determined to make a point that I wasn’t just a guy she’d fuck around with every few months. If she didn’t want a relationship, I couldn’t give her anything else. I liked her too much, and it would hurt to not be liked back.
It was a weekday, so there weren’t many other patrons, but we still got glances from the few that were there. A table of women who appeared close to our ages shared excited whispers about us. I thought maybe I recognized one of them, but I wasn’t sure. Judging by their reactions and age, we probably all went to school together. Which meant they knew my…reputation from high school.
A reputation that was earned. It was fueled by a flirty nature, being a horny teenager, and a need to claim control of my life in some way.
And of course, getting caught with someone I shouldn’t have been fooling around with…
Hazel must have been aware of my history, like everyone else in town. As a grown man, my monogamous relationships were few and far between. I only entered them if I really cared for the person and saw potential for a future.
And that was exactly what I wanted with her, a future.
Hopefully, my past wouldn’t get in the way of that.
It had been a long time since that sweaty summer day. The earthy smell of the shed’s interior. The blinding sunlight slicing through the dark. A booming angry voice making Hannah’s body turn rigid in my arms. Her sudden fear as sharp and potent as mine was in me.
I took Hazel’s hand and led us by the gossiping table, walking by them as if they weren’t there. Her fingers were cold and strong. They fit nicely in mine.
She let go of my hand and slid into a navy booth, sitting with her back to the other women.
“Sorry about that,” I mumbled, lowering to the booth across from her.
Her eyebrows drew together. “Why are you sorry?”
“I didn’t realize us being seen together would cause a scene.”
“Elijah, you haven’t lived here in like over ten years, and they’re still using you as gossip fodder. That’s… embarrassing for them. Also, I think it was more about what they thought of me being with you.”
“Why would you think that?”
“Just the expression on Lily’s face.” She shrugged. “I’ve never been one of the cool kids.”
I opened my mouth to tell her they were wrong when a familiar voice boomed, “Eli, I was wondering when you were gonna darken my door again. Why do you always keep me waiting?”
Ben Hart strode around a table between us and the bar, two paper menus in one hand. The lines around his blue eyes and smirk were deeper than they had been when we were in school, but he was just as welcoming as ever.
I gave Emily, the bartender, a wave that she returned.
Standing, I hugged him, both of us pounding on each other’s backs. “Anticipation makes the heart grow fonder.”
In one motion, he shook my shoulder and handed Hazel a menu before sliding into the booth next to her. “This jackass. Hazel, how are you?”
“I’m doing well, thanks.” She leaned against the wall to speak directly to him.
“No, please, have a seat. Make yourself at home,” I grumbled, not appreciating the way his arm was slung across the backrest, or that I couldn’t talk to her about the things I needed to.
He shot me a shit-eating grin. “I will, thank you.” To her, he said, “I haven’t seen you in a couple of weekends. You doin’ okay? The first year of this place nearly killed me.”
Back in my seat, I watched her closely.
Her shoulders lifted toward her ears. And while she kept her features comfortable and easy, there was tension in her body. “I’m good. I’ve needed quite a bit of sleep on the weekends.”
“Weeks can get long.”
“They can.”
“If there’s anything I can help with, just let me know. I should’ve asked for more help that first year. I didn’t have to do everything alone.”
She sucked her lips between her teeth and squinted between me and Ben.
“What’s up?” I asked.
A groan rumbled in the back of her throat. When she spoke, it was quieter than before. “Did you get a weird text from Nora?”
Ben pinched the bridge of his nose. “About selling my body? I did. I decided not to step into what I hoped was a philosophical conversation.”
All my thoughts screeched to a halt, and instead, only one question roared in my mind, Why did Nora send a text to Ben that was just like the one Hazel sent me?
Hazel’s cheeks grew bright red before she hid behind her hands. “I don’t even want to say this out loud.” Her hands lowered to her throat. “She wants to hold a bachelor auction.”
“A bachelor auction?” he asked.
“Where people buy dates?” I asked.
She nodded. “I don’t like the idea, but I don’t know what else to do. We’re in a bit of a tight spot…”
“What’s going on?”
We all leaned in to hear better as she explained about the donation the humane society was expecting, and how she didn’t have the funds for it. Her anxiety was woven into every one of her words.
My hand clenched in a fist under the table. “Dad didn’t tell you about this?”
“He did, but we had to redraft the pricing at the end of the deal. One of the things that was no longer in consideration was this donation.” She held my gaze, conveying that there was more to the story, but that we’d have to talk about it later.
This was right out of his playbook. If Hazel didn’t make the donation, then everyone would talk about how she wasn’t running the clinic well. My dad would come out of the ordeal appearing like the better man for offering help that she turned down. It didn’t matter to him that she would look flaky and foolish.
I didn’t know how, but I would not let that happen to her. Even if I was disappointed that it had been Nora who’d texted me, not Hazel.
“Do you need some of the money to come from the bar?” Ben offered.
“That’d be amazing. But, um…” She bit her lip and tilted her head down. “If we do the auction, can we hold it here?”
We all leaned back in our seats, considering each other. In the short time I’d spent in town, I’d seen that there was a shift happening. A more accepting and less staunchly evangelical sector of the community was beginning to grow. But there was still a large portion of the population that would be beyond offended by an event that could be seen as salacious.
After a few moments of silence, Ben shifted. “Why… this?”
“Nora thinks it could bring in a decent crowd, and we’d have a relatively low investment. You know, we could ask Sterling to make some graphics and do some posts on social media. The auction itself would be the entertainment. But…”
“Obviously, this could backfire.” He ran a hand through his dark blond hair.
“Yeah.”
“My dad would not like this,” I pointed out. “He’d definitely push people to boycott.”
She swallowed. “Yeah.”
Ben gave her an encouraging smile. “Well, I’m happy to host an event. We just need it to be square with most everybody in town. This auction would raise too many hackles.”
“I think so too, but you know how Nora gets.”
One side of his mouth lifted, and he nodded. “She’s determined.”
“What sucks is how many men have said they’re willing to do this.”
“Really?” I knew the town had changed, but that seemed further than I would have expected. I couldn’t see older generations willing to help with the auction.
“I know. They’re willing to sell their time, but they don’t know what to do once their time has been bought.”
“They could sell their trade,” I suggested.
“Meaning?” Ben’s eyebrows drew together as understanding dawned in Hazel’s eyes.
“You’d sell a weekend of free drinks or something, Sterling could sell marketing work, Ransom would sell masonry, I’d sell computer repair. Your vets could sell off a certain number of appointments or something.”
“Like a silent auction?” she asked.
“No, because Nora’s right; it’s gotta be a little risqué, a little naughty. Get people talking about it, get ’em showing up. The men would still stand on stage, and people would still shout out bids, but it’s wholesome enough to not cause an uproar.”
“That might work.” Hazel covered her mouth to hide a yawn. The energy had been leaking from her little by little in the past few minutes.
“Hey, man,” I said to Ben, “can you get her some food so I can get her back to her car?”
“Sure thing. Let’s get you home, Hazel. I’ll reach out to Nora, and we’ll start figuring shit out.” He took our order to-go.
“We can eat here,” she said, but her voice was showing signs of exhaustion.
“It’s okay, I’ll bring you lunch tomorrow, and maybe we can talk then. I sprung this on you.”
“It’s a busy day tomorrow… I wasn’t planning on taking a lunch.”
“Then I’ll just bring you food, so at least you eat something.”
“I always have food in the work fridge. It’s the only way I eat during the day.”
“Okay.” I tried to keep my shoulders from hunching. It seemed that whatever I thought had passed between us last year was one-sided. She didn’t want me the way I wanted her.
We talked about the clinic and my business. I felt worse and worse for bringing her out as she massaged her temples and struggled to stay alert. When the food arrived, I paid, and we got back into my car. She argued that I didn’t have to follow her home when we got back to her vehicle.
“Are you uncomfortable with me knowing where you live?” I asked.
“No, you just don’t have to. I’ll be okay.” She pulled her keys from her coat pocket.
“I’d really like to make sure you get there safely.”
She nodded, covering her mouth on another yawn. We leaned across the center console for a hug. I was torn between the way she fit her head on my shoulder and how she felt in my arms, and the ache of knowing that she wasn’t noticing those things as well.
Holding up her to-go box, she reached for the door handle. “Thank you for dinner. I’m sorry I’m not much fun to be around right now.”
“I’m the one who should apologize. I’ve kept you from getting the rest you need.”
Her blink was a bit too long. “No, it was my choice. I could have gone home. It was nice to see you.”
Nice. I cringed inwardly at the word.
“It was,” I half-heartedly agreed.
“I wish I could think straight right now. It feels like my brain is underwater, like, sluggish.”
“It’s okay, you know how to get a hold of me.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
She slipped out of my passenger seat and into her car.
I drove behind her into a little neighborhood near the elementary school until she pulled into the driveway of a cute house. There was a porch swing lit by the front door and pots of fall-colored flowers. I parked at the curb, waiting for her to get inside. She waved before closing the door behind her.
There was already so much stacked against us. How likely would it be that we would connect enough in a few short weeks that we’d be able to carry a long distance relationship? Ending before we began would be better in the long run.
“It’s okay,” I said to my empty car. “Not everything works out.”
But it didn’t feel okay. It felt fucking terrible.