Chapter 7
Hazel
Isat on the back patio of Benji’s Place, which afforded a great view of the parking lot. But now that the sun had set, I couldn’t make one car out from another. They were just headlights coming and taillights going—and even if any of them were Elijah’s car, I couldn’t tell.
Fridays were usually busy days at the clinic, but today had been a bit light. I was trying not to freak out about it, especially since news about our auction was starting to spread. The community page was divided, just like I knew it would be, but with an added bonus of people like Lindsey Goodman posting, “Hazel Matthews is doing this? I didn’t know she had it in her.”
I didn’t. But I was desperate and doing it anyway.
Even though the workload wasn’t really mine; Nora, Sterling, and Ben were coordinating all of it. For a moment, I considered Ben’s offer from the other night to help if I needed it. He’d be able to show me how to be a boss, to run a business. I wouldn’t ask, though. He’d only offered because I was suddenly cool enough by association to Elijah.
Ben was a nice man, but we did not exist in the same social circles.
He had always been a ringleader of the cool kids—Sterling Strauss, Shane Briar, Elijah—Ben had never shown interest in knowing me before. It wasn’t a failing of his. We all had our groups we fit into naturally, mine leaned toward bookish people like Brooks, and our point person, Nora. But then, she could flit between groups. Her assertiveness meant that she went where she wanted, when she wanted.
Remi sat in the chair to my right with his fingers laced across his barrel chest and his legs extended in front of him, ankles crossed. Brooks was on his other side, staring at a point on the tabletop. Anyone who didn’t know him might think he wasn’t paying attention as Nora spoke, but I knew—and more importantly, Nora knew—that he was. I’d lost track of the conversation a while ago and was sipping my Moscow mule—probably a little too quickly—and watching people in the bar through the window. Searching for chestnut-colored curls, or a flash of green eyes.
“Who are you lookin’ for?” Remi asked, craning his neck to see into the building.
Shrugging, I tried to act normal. “No one, just looking around.”
He narrowed his dark blue eyes at me. “You shouldn’t lie; you’re not good at it.”
“Shut up.” I chuckled.
“All right, so it’s someone of interest,” he said.
“Why do you say that?”
“Because if it wasn’t, you’d just tell me. But I can figure this out.”
“There’s no need to do that.”
“Well, I could wait and find out when they get here, or I can speculate. I have nothing but time and drink on my hands, so I might as well take a guess.”
I rolled my eyes. “Elijah March said he’s coming out tonight.”
Remi’s eyebrows shot up and the corners of his lips turned down. “Good for you.”
“I don’t know. Maybe.” I chewed on the inside of my lip, considering him. “Honestly, you’d be a good person to talk to about this.”
“Talk about what?” Nora’s brown eyes fixed on me.
I flicked my hand dismissively. “You already know.”
It was all the explanation she needed, and she sat back in her metal chair. “Oh, that.”
Brooks paused with his beer halfway to his lips, considering the rest of us before taking a drink.
“I told you,” she said.
I shook my head. She and Brooks were tight friends, so I wasn’t surprised.
She lifted one shoulder. “I can’t complain to you about you.”
He set his drink on the tabletop. “I don’t even know what we’re talking about.”
Gesturing toward him, she argued, “See, he’s a steel trap.”
I trusted her. If it was something I’d shared in confidence, she wouldn’t tell anyone—not even Brooks. But she did need to complain to someone about the man I was being stupid about—I was making a mess of this.
“It’s fine.” I rolled my eyes. Then to Remi, I said, “Elijah and I had a thing last year.”
After Remi’s divorce a few years ago, he’d had a lot of things, and it didn’t surprise me when he nodded. “Okay.”
“Then he left, and we didn’t talk—”
“Even though you had his number,” Nora interrupted.
I glared at her. “Yes, I had his number, and I didn’t use it.”
“Okay,” Remi said, again.
“But now that he’s back, I was really happy to see him. And the other night, he showed up at the clinic late and took me to get dinner. And he thought I was seeing Dennis—which, apparently, everyone thought.”
Brooks shrugged. “I did.”
“No, it was casual, and I’m okay that we’re not hanging out anymore.”
“Thank god.” Nora groaned. “If I had to hear about the introduction of nonnative salmon into the Great Lakes one more time…”
“So, what’s the problem with Elijah?” Remi asked, ignoring her complaints.
“Nothing, I’m the problem.” I pointed at my chest.
“Truth.” Nora nodded.
I sighed. “I was really tired the other night, and he noticed and made sure I got home safely. Also, he kept on trying to see me for lunch the next day, and I kept pointing out, like, all of the dumbest reasons he couldn’t.”
“Mm-hmm,” she hummed, lifting her drink to her mouth.
“You’re really not helping,” I pointed out.
Remi disregarded the side conversation between me and Nora, and asked, “What is it you want help with?”
“I don’t know,” I whined, melting into my chair—an arm draped dramatically over the armrest. “He’s my first crush. I have vivid memories of going to baseball games—that I did not care about—just to see him in his varsity uniform. He’s so hot, and I like him… I like him. But I don’t know how to talk to him because he’s so hot, and I’m so bad at this.”
“It sounds like he likes you, too.”
Nora raised her hands, palms up, somehow conveying I told you so in the gesture.
She was really getting on my nerves.
Brooks shot her a Cool it look, but I didn’t have much faith in it helping.
“I don’t know if that helps or makes it worse,” I said.
“Why would it make it worse?” Remi asked.
“I don’t know… Because my stomach is in knots, and I’m sweating in weird places, and I don’t know what to do with my hands.” I had to pause as we all shared a laugh at my expense. When we recovered, I added, “It’s weird because last summer, I didn’t have any of this anxiety. Probably because I didn’t have time to think about it; I just did it.”
“Okay, so what would make it less stressful?”
I pressed my lips together, shaking my head.
One side of his mouth quirked up and wrinkles pressed into his forehead. “You like him, but does that mean you want a relationship, or do you want a couple of fun nights with him?”
“How could we have a relationship? He doesn’t even live here. I’m so busy—I shouldn’t be out tonight. I should be home sleeping, or catching up on charts, or any number of things.”
“You could let us help more,” Remi said as Nora demanded, “Will you let us help you?”
I went on as if they hadn’t said anything—it felt wrong to ask them to do more than they already were. It was my business, and I should have more responsibilities.
“But I really want to see him.” I was sure my helplessness showed all over my face and the droop of my shoulders. “He’s great. He’s thoughtful, and nice—”
“And unbelievably hot,” Nora offered.
I exhaled in a whoosh and smiled. “Unbelievably hot.”
My eyebrows shot up in surprise when Brooks said, “People don’t stay single forever. If you don’t say something… Well, regret fucking sucks.”
His observation seemed personal, but I couldn’t see how. Then again, he’d never shared that part of himself with me. He stared out at the parking lot in his usually impassive way. White headlights flashed across the contours of his face, but it didn’t reveal any more insight about the thoughts underneath.
Nora’s expression was void of all emotion and unreadable, proving that she understood exactly what he was talking about, but she’d never let on.
Next to me, Remi’s large chest rose and fell. “Regret does fucking suck.”
I didn’t have to look to see how those words wore on him; I understood exactly what he was thinking about. There was a shadow that etched into his eyes the day his ex-wife, Alicia, left. Years later, it was still there—an open wound.
My phone buzzed, and I looked down to find a text from Elijah. I’m here. Where are you at?
The organs in my gut flipped.
Patio, I sent back.
Lifting the Moscow mule’s copper cup, I toasted before throwing back the remaining contents. “To no regrets.”
Brooks began a slow clap, and Remi threw his head back and laughed. Nora whooped, and I tried to convince my insides to appear as self-assured as my outsides.