42
E mily sat in the high school pickup line with a big smile plastered on her face. She couldn’t wait to tell the boys that their father was awake.
“Guess what?” Emily exclaimed as they climbed into the car.
“What?” Hunter grunted, clearly uninterested.
“Your father’s awake!”
“Really?” both boys shouted in unison, their faces lighting up.
Emily nodded, her smile broadening as she confirmed, “Really!”
“Can we go see him?”
“Of course,” Emily replied, putting the car into drive and smoothly pulling out of the pickup line. Feeling the need to prepare the boys before they visited with their father, Emily said, “Your dad is still on the ventilator, so he can’t talk,” she explained. “He wasn’t in the best mood when I saw him earlier, so it might be best to hold off pressing him for answers for now.”
“I’m just glad he’s awake,” Hunter said with relief.
“How long will he be on the ventilator?” Hayden asked, concern evident in his voice.
“That’s a question for the doctor. Hopefully, not long.”
“But how will we communicate?” Hayden questioned.
“How about we stop and get a whiteboard and a marker so he can write?” Emily suggested.
“Okay,” said Hayden.
They made a quick stop at the Dollar Store, where they purchased a whiteboard and markers along with some drinks and snacks the boys had chosen. As they returned to the car, Emily realized it was the first time she had gone shopping alone with the boys since they were younger. A slow smile curved her lips; it felt nice.
Noticing her smile, Hunter asked, “What?”
Emily glanced at him. “Do you realize that was our first time shopping together in years?”
Hunter frowned. “No, we’ve gone shopping before.”
Emily shook her head softly, a glimmer of sadness in her eyes. “I don’t think so,” she murmured. “Can I ask you something?”
“Yeah,” Hunter responded.
“Why do you think that is?” Emily asked, her voice tinged with a mix of curiosity and hurt.
Hunter hesitated, glancing away. “I just thought... you didn’t want to be bothered with us anymore.”
“Why?” Emily’s voice broke slightly.
“You have your own child now,” Hunter replied, his tone heavy with a sense of abandonment.
“Just because I have Ava doesn’t mean I don’t have room for both of you,” Emily said, her voice filled with sincerity.
“It doesn’t matter now, anyway,” Hayden replied with a hint of resignation.
“Why would you say that?” Emily asked, her brow furrowing in concern.
“You’re going to get divorced, right?”
Emily sighed deeply, gathering her thoughts. “I’ll be honest with you. It’s a possibility,” she admitted, her voice wavering. But that doesn’t mean I can’t still be a part of your lives.” Her eyes glistened with unspoken emotion as she tentatively reached for Hunter’s hand, but he pulled it away.
When they arrived at the hospital, Emily parked the car before they all headed inside. After obtaining their visitor passes, they took the elevator to the ICU floor. Knowing the visitor limit was just two at a time, Emily turned to them and said, “You boys, go ahead. I’ll wait here.”
She turned left into the waiting room while the boys veered right towards their father’s room, their steps echoing faintly in the sterile hallway.
Hunter and Hayden approached their father’s hospital room, hesitating at the doorway as a whirlwind of emotions and uncertainties consumed them. For a brief, heavy moment, they stood silently, absorbing the sight of their father lying in the hospital bed, fragile yet alive.
Hunter’s eyes widened as he realized his father was awake. The weight of the moment struck him, and without a second thought, he rushed forward, throwing his arms around his father. “Dad!” he cried out with overwhelming emotion.
Gabriel hugged his son tightly, his watery eyes locked on Hayden, still standing in the doorway. He silently urged Hayden to come closer. Hayden hesitated momentarily before stepping forward and joining in the embrace; the three of them united in a moment filled with unspoken love and relief.
When they broke away, Hayden said, “I’m so glad you’re okay.”
Gabriel nodded, his eyes reflecting a deep sadness that spoke volumes without a single word. He mumbled something unintelligible, his voice weak and strained. Noticing his father’s struggle, Hunter quickly reached into the bag he was holding and pulled out a whiteboard and marker, eager to help.
Hunter opened the packages and held up the whiteboard and marker. “We brought you these so you could write,” he explained gently.
Gabriel took the items from Hunter with a trembling hand and slowly wrote, “I’m sorry,” on the whiteboard.
Hunter’s heart ached as he read the words. “It’s okay, Dad,” he reassured softly, trying to hold back his emotions.
Gabriel hesitated for a moment, then wrote, “So ashamed.”
Hunter reached out, placing his hand gently on his father’s shoulder. “Dad, I’m going to give you the same advice you always gave Hayden and me when we messed up,” he began softly. “You reminded us that while you’re mad and disappointed, we could use it as a learning experience to do better next time. And then you always said there was nothing we could do to make you love us any less. We will always love you, no matter what,” he whispered, his voice filled with compassion.
Gabriel embraced his son tightly, pulling him into a warm hug as tears streamed down his face.
Gabriel’s doctor passed by the waiting room window; Emily quickly jumped up from her seat and darted out of the room. “Dr. Morgan!” she called out.
Dr. Morgan turned around and recognized her, a warm smile on his face. “Yes, Mrs. Anderson, right?”
“Yes,” Emily replied, taking a step closer to him. “Do you have a minute?”
“Sure.”
Emily’s face flushed with embarrassment. “I wanted to apologize about earlier,” she said, her voice filled with remorse. “I wasn’t at my best, and I’m sorry you had to see that.”
“No need to apologize; it is an emotional time. There is no right way to react to suicide.”
“Thank you. How is he doing?”
“Good, his vitals are coming down and starting to stabilize. We’re working with him on some breathing exercises to wean him off the ventilator; then, he will be transferred to a crisis stabilization unit.”
Emily exhaled a sigh of relief, “That’s good, right?”
“Yes, it is,” Dr. Morgan confirmed, his expression more serious. “But I must warn you, he has a long road to recovery ahead. After he’s discharged from the crisis center, he’ll need to go to a residential treatment center. There, he’ll receive continuous supervision and intensive therapy. It’s also highly recommended that the whole family participate in therapy to help navigate and cope with these situations.”
Emily nodded thoughtfully, her eyes reflecting a mix of determination and concern. “We’ll do whatever it takes.”
“Good,” the doctor replied, then turned and walked away.
Emily walked to Gabriel’s room and paused in the doorway, her heart swelling as she saw him hugging the boys. Gabriel glanced up, noticed her standing there, and gestured for her to come over. She quickly joined the embrace.
After a few moments, they gently pulled apart. Gabriel reached for the whiteboard and wrote, “Can I speak to Emily alone?” Both boys nodded understandingly and quietly left for the waiting room.
Once the boys had left, Emily turned to Gabriel. “I’m sorry about earlier. I shouldn’t have said what I did.”
Gabriel shook his head and wrote, “Don’t be. You were right. I needed to hear it.”
Emily sat on the edge of his bed, and Gabriel gently took her hand. “I spoke to Dr. Morgan,” she said softly. “They’re planning on weaning you off the ventilator soon.”
Gabriel nodded in acknowledgment. With eyes filled with sadness, he wrote, “I never meant to hurt you.”
“I know,” Emily replied gently.
He paused, then wrote, “Where do we go from here?”
Emily shook her head, her voice tinged with uncertainty. “I don’t know,” she admitted.
Emily knew one thing for sure: her family needed her. She was determined to be there for them and didn’t want anything or anyone to cloud her judgment on what she needed to do.
Resolute in her decision, she called Roman later that night to share her plans. He picked up on the first ring.
“Hey,” she began, her voice steady. “Can we talk?” she asked, reclining on the bed.
“Oh no,” Roman said, “Something tells me I’m not going to like what you have to say.”
“Gabriel woke up today,” Emily announced.
“That’s good, right?”
“Yeah, it’s great news,” she replied, her tone unconvincing. “They’re weaning him off the ventilator soon.”
“That’s good.”
“They’ll be transferring him to a crisis center within the next couple of days,” she continued. “After that, he’ll need to go to a residential treatment center.”
“Okay,” Roman replied, still bracing himself, anticipating bad news.
“He’s got a long road to recovery ahead of him,” Emily sighed.
Roman couldn’t stand the suspense any longer. Anxious and already sensing what was coming, he said, “Just say it.”
“I need to be there for my family.”
“What are you trying to say?” Roman asked, frustration evident in his voice. “Are you staying with him?” he pressed.
“No,” Emily hesitated, “I don’t know. But I know that being involved with you will only cloud my judgment. I owe it to my marriage to sort this out with a clear head.”
“I’ve told you before, and I’ll tell you again.” His voice cracked. “He doesn’t deserve you.”
“Maybe not, but he needs me. What do you want from me?”
“Nothing, Em. I’ve never wanted anything except to be there for you.” Then the call went dead.
Emily dropped the phone onto the bed and then cried herself to sleep.