19. Home
Home
Islept for most of the flight back home, and the whole time, I was having dreams of Gio dragging me to the room, locking me in there, and the look in his eyes while oxygen was leaving his body.
It wasn’t like I wanted to think about Gio. He would just enter my thoughts and stay there, no matter how hard I tried to push the thought of him away and move like I normally would, but everybody kept asking if I was okay.
I kept telling everybody yeah, but the truth was…I didn’t even know.
By the time we landed, everybody looked just as exhausted as I felt. The ride from the airport was quiet, like nobody really knew what to say. Every now and then, somebody would ask if I needed anything, and I’d shake my head before looking back out the window.
The city looked the same.
I didn’t feel the same.
When we finally pulled back to the house, my girls hugged me while Keith and Sammy dapped Love up, and we watched as all of them got in their cars and pulled off, going their separate ways.
Then it was just me and Love.
He grabbed our bags while I stood there for a second, staring at the front door.
“You coming?” he asked.
I blinked a couple of times before nodding. “Yeah, baby.”
I followed behind him into the house and stood in the entryway, looking around.
Everything was exactly the way it was supposed to be, but I couldn’t shake the weird feeling sitting in the pit of my stomach. It was like my body knew I was home, but my mind was still trying to catch up.
Love sat our bags by the stairs while I slowly walked through the living room, letting my eyes drift from one side of the house to the other.
Then I noticed it.
A fake rose sitting on the living room table.
I frowned before walking a lil’ farther into the house and saw another one sitting on the kitchen island, then another one by the bar.
I looked over my shoulder at Love.
“What are all these roses?”
“I bought one while you was gone…”
My forehead wrinkled.
“Every day?”
“Yeahh…” he said it like it was some corny shit. “I didn’t know how long it would take me to get you because I was coming up short, so I didn’t want you to miss the flowers you got daily.”
I swallowed hard.
“Did you know I was coming home?”
“Is the sky blue?” he asked.
We both laughed, and Love walked over to me slowly.
“You thought I would let you go?”
“You didn’t sign up for all that,” I responded.
“When I decided I wanted you, that meant I signed up for whatever came with you with no issues. You know why? Because I’m HIM and losing you was never in my plans for us.”
Love leaned down and kissed me.
“I’ma take the bags upstairs.”
I nodded and watched him walk off, then looked around at all the fake roses. Every single one of them represented him going out looking for me, refusing to give up.
When I walked upstairs and saw him close his eyes, inhale, and exhale hard, I walked over to him and hugged him.
“I am so sorry,” I whispered.
“You have nothing to be sorry about, mamas.”
“I do. I know this hurt you just like it hurt me. I know you were worried.”
“Worried?” he said, pulling away from me. “I was losing my mind low-key, but I don’t bend, I don’t fold…”
Love shook his head. I could tell that he didn’t want to talk about it.
So I didn’t push him.
Instead, I slid my arms back around his waist and rested my head against his chest. For a second, neither one of us said anything. The silence wasn’t awkward. It was just heavy.
“You’re home now,” he said quietly.
“Yeah,” I responded.
“And he is gone for good,” he said. “That’s all I care about.”
I nodded against him, but my eyes drifted to the window. A car drove past outside, and my body tensed before I could stop it.
Love noticed; I should have known he would.
He took his hand and rubbed slow circles against my back. “Relax, mamas.”
I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. “I’m trying, baby…”
“I know you are, but remember that I am here for you. Get comfortable, I’ma get us some food.”
I nodded and listened to Love walking down the steps and out the door before walking into the bathroom and turning on the water.
“What is wrong with me?” I mumbled to myself.
I was so jumpy. I didn’t understand why. I was home. I had my man. Gio was gone for good. I didn’t understand why I was still feeling like he was alive and was gonna come back for me or something.
Once I was finished, I walked downstairs to Love, walking in with some pizza and wings. We sat in the living room and fucked up the food, then I lay back in his arms and watched a movie while he smoked and fell asleep in his arms.
Later that night, I woke up gasping for air.
My heart was beating so hard it damn near hurt. For a second, I was back in that room pleading for Gio to let me out.
Love jerked up, his eyes wide as he ran to the kitchen and came back a few seconds later with water.
“Drink this, baby,” he said softly as he helped me take sips. “Breathe, mamas, slow, deep breaths.”
I watched him to focus my breathing and to calm down all the way.
“I’m sorry,” I stated once I got myself together.
“Don’t apologize.” He pulled me against his chest.
I held on to him tight. “I thought I was okay,” I finally admitted.
“You don’t have to fake it with me. I know you need some time.”
His words made my chest ache because he said them so simply. I was trying to snap back to myself, whole time, he wasn’t expecting me to.
Love helped me stand up, then he carried me to bed, turned on some soft music, and held me in his arms, reminding me he was there and that everything was going to be okay.
The next morning, after getting me a new phone, we drove to Katie’s to get Amir.
Before we could get out of the car fully, Amir was running out of the house.
“ISLAH!” he yelled out.
That made my heart melt. I rushed to him, and he wrapped his arms around me.
“I miss you and your cooking so much.”
I laughed. “Well, I missed you and feeding you.”
Amir squeezed me tight again, then looked back up at me.
“Did Dad tell you that my mom is gone?”
I exhaled. “He did, and I am so sorry to hear that. Are you okay?”
He nodded. “I’m okay. Her service is in a few days. Will you come with us?”
“Ummm….” I said softly while looking back at Love.
“Of course she is coming with us,” he expressed with a smile.
“Good,” Amir yelled before running back into the house to get his things.
Love walked up behind me, wrapping his arms around me while we waited for him.
“Is her family gonna be okay with me attending the service?”
“No. And I don’t give a fuck.”
Once Amir came back out with Katie, Love paid her, and we hopped back in the car.
We spent the rest of the day together. Nothing big, just lunch, and we stopped at a park and watched them play ball for a bit. Every chance Amir got, he talked to me about something I missed. I can’t lie, Amir did bring me some peace that I needed.
As soon as we got home, Amir was stretched across the couch with a game controller in his hand, while Love took out the trash and then went to sit with Amir.
They talked back and forth about 2K and how Love hadn’t been on in some days.
I shook my head, smiling, then I heard his voice again in my head.
Gio’s.
Calling me, telling me I wasn’t leaving over and over.
I tried to smile through it, but it was hard to. Gio was still in the back of my mind, and I knew it was going to take me some time to get over what I’d gone through with him, even though I didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want him on my mind anymore.
He was.