23. Another Ending
Another Ending
It was the morning of Jada’s service, and I sat up in bed looking and feeling crazy.
Since we had been in Miami, I could feel a shift in Love, and I knew I was the one causing it. I just didn’t know how to fix it.
It was very early when I woke up. We had a few hours to spare before we needed to get ready for the service, but an alarm didn’t wake me up. Waking up alone did.
I hopped outta bed, threw on my robe, and made my way down the hall.
Amir was knocked out with his TV sky high. I closed his door softly while shaking my head at his noise and walked downstairs.
Everything was quiet as I moved around the main floor. The TV was off, and there was no music playing. The only thing that could be heard was the faint noise from Love down in the basement.
I made my way down the steps and found him sitting at his work desk with smoke in the air around him. He looked up at me.
“Good morning, mamas.”
“Good morning, boo, how are you?” I asked.
He shrugged. “I’m good. How are you?”
I nodded. “I am okay.”
I walked over and looked at what he was working on as he hugged me.
“Is this for Amir?”
“Yeah,” he said, picking up the necklace pendant. “I stayed up all night working on this for him.”
“Baby, this is beautiful.”
“Took his mom from him, this is the least that I can do.”
I shook my head, trying to forget his role in her death.
“I think he will love it.”
Love nodded. “I’ma get some work orders out of the way, but then I can work on the piece I’ma give you on our wedding day. I just know what I make for you, I’ma have to make a collection for the store. Bitches is gonna want it.”
I didn’t know if I wanted to smile or tell him to hold off on it.
“Well, I don’t want you to rush your work for me,” I expressed, hoping that he didn’t read more into it, but from the look he gave me, he did. Even though I didn’t even know what I meant.
“Are we okay, Islah?” Love asked.
It hurt me that he even had to ask me that, but the way I was acting and feeling, I understood.
“We are…good, baby. I’ma get Amir up and start getting dressed.”
Love nodded, and I went on. As I walked through the house, I thought about what I could do or say for him to know we were good for real, but I didn’t know what to do.
Once I made it upstairs, I was about to knock on Amir’s door when he walked out.
“Good morning, Amir,” I said softly, looking at the look on his face.
“Good morning, Islah,” he said low. I already knew what was wrong.
I opened my arms, and he ran to me, squeezing my waist tight.
“I had a dream about Mom last night.”
I looked down at him.
“Come sit down and talk to me.”
We walked into my room and sat on the edge of the bed. I got Amir some tissues while he stared at the floor.
“Do you think my mom was mad at me because I wanted to live with Dad?” he asked.
I exhaled. “To be honest with you…yes. But I don’t think that had to do with you; I think that had to do with me.”
Amir agreed. “Yeah, me too. She hoped that Dad would want to get back together, but I told her Dad was happy.”
“Listen, that is grown-up stuff that you don’t need to worry about. All I want you to focus on is how much your mom loved you, and how she will still be with you, and how proud of you she is.”
That made Amir smile.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes,” I said at the same time Love was walking into the room.
Love sat on the floor in front of us, looking at Amir.
“You know what Islah said is right?”
Amir nodded.
“Your mom loved you more than anything in this world. And I know she would be proud of the way you are holding up. Between her death and Islah being gone, you’ve been through a lot and been holding it together.”
Amir nodded, but I could see his little lip quiver.
“I don’t think I will be strong today.”
He wrapped his arms back around me and cried into my chest as I looked at Love. The pain his son was feeling was starting to hit him.
“You don’t have to be, baby,” I said, letting Amir know. “You can cry, scream, or talk to your mom. Whatever you need to do to feel better, you do it. You know why? Because nobody can tell you how to feel, but what we can do is comfort you, and me and your father will always do that.”
“I couldn’t have said that better myself,” Love expressed.
I smiled, and he winked back at me.
“And you get to show everybody how much you loved your mom with this.”
Love handed Amir his chain. It was yellow and white diamonds with his mom’s name, with pictures of them in the middle of the letters. Amir held the chain in his hands.
“Dad, you did your big one!”
That made Love smile.
“Whatever I can do to make you smile, or you,” he said, looking at me. “Or that baby in your stomach, I will.”
Amir stood up and dapped Love up. “Thank you.”
Once he pulled away from Love, he looked at me.
“And thank you. Will you sit with me at the service?”
I paused and looked at Love. He gave me a slight nod.
“Whatever you need me to do, I will.” Amir smiled and walked outta the room.
Leaving me and Love standing there.
“They are not going to like me sitting with him.”
Love shook his head. “We are sitting with him. That’s my son, and if he wants you beside him, you will be beside him.”
We spent the rest of the morning getting dressed. We all put on all black, with our jewelry doing the talking for us.
Before we got to the church, we stopped for breakfast for Amir and me.
Love kept his eyes on the road with his jaw tight. I know I hadn’t been the easiest to deal with, but I hope I wasn’t adding to his stress. I placed my hand on top of his, making him look at me.
I didn’t ask him anything, knowing that he took Jada from this world then had to sit front row at her service. To be honest, I didn’t want to go. She didn’t like me, and I didn’t do a thing to her.
But to find out that she helped Gio take me, I hate to say it, but I was glad that she was gone.
We pulled up to the church and saw a bunch of cars around with people walking up the steps to go inside. Love parked across the street and walked around to help me out.
He held me close to his side as we watched Amir get out, fixing his chain.
“You ready?” Love asked.
He exhaled and shrugged. “I have no choice, right?”
Love nodded. “I know this is going to be hard, but we got you.”
“I’ll be on one side and your dad on the other,” I added.
Amir smirked, stepped in the middle of us, and we walked across the street and up the steps. We were greeted by Amir’s great-aunt.
She hugged and loved on Amir while mean-mugging me and Love as we walked in.
Love looked over at me. “It’s okay, you know I will check them.”
I smirked. I knew he would do that and more.
We walked down the aisle slowly. People were stopping Amir to check on him and give their condolences.
Everybody that loved on Amir mean-mugged me and Love one by one. Part of me wanted to laugh in their faces; the other side of me felt like I needed to run out when we finally made it to the front row.
Love and Amir stepped to the side so I could sit first, then Amir sat beside me. Love kept standing for a lil’ bit longer, mean-mugging everyone in that church back.
“Are you okay?” I asked Amir.
He took a deep breath.
“Right now I am.”
I opened my hand to him. Love did the same, and he took both of our hands.
People were still coming in while we sat there. I looked over the obituary and was a lil’ taken aback when I started reading.
I let go of Amir’s hand for a minute and tapped Love on his shoulder, making him lean over.
“Baby, don’t act up, but read the obituary.”
He looked at me, confused, and I nodded for him to do it, and he did.
I stared at him the whole entire time, waiting for him to get down to it, and when he did, his head shot toward me.
“What the fuck?!” he said out loud. I tapped his shoulder again, reminding him where we were.
Love started looking around when a lady walked and stood beside him.
“What are you doing here?” she asked him.
Love looked at Amir then back at her.
“My son wanted us here.”
The lady looked down at me.
“Grandma—” Amir said, but she ignored him.
“And who the hell is this?!” she asked.
Love stood up. “She’s my wife.”
“WIFE?!” yelled three ladies from different areas.
“How can that be your wife when Jada told us y’all were getting back together?” the grandma stated.
Love shrugged. “Cause your daughter was crazy. She knew I told her we would never get back together, and she knew I was getting married.”
Another lady walked over.
“Love, you know you have no right being here,” she expressed.
“Man, shut up, Veronica. Why the fuck would you put in the damn obituary that she is survived by her fiancé and put my name beside it? Why the fuck is my name in the shit at all? She wasn’t my damn girl!”
I stood up, and they looked me up and down.
“And she looks pregnant!” the grandma and Veronica said at the same time.
“Love, I will go wait in the car. This is about Amir.”
“No!” Veronica yelled out. This is about my sister! How dare you come here with her man!”
“I wanted Islah here!” Amir stood up and yelled.
Love walked around and wrapped his arm around Amir’s shoulder as he walked to his grandma and aunt.
“Mom and Dad were not getting back together. Dad has been with Islah. I live with them, and I told Islah I wanted her here with me.”
The grandma pushed past Love and me to get to Amir.
“Amir, baby, why would you want her here? She broke your family up.”
“Man, what!” Love yelled out.
I shook my head, amazed that Jada could keep up with all the stories she was telling.
“No, she didn’t, Grandma. Mom wanted to get back with Dad. She told me. Dad said no.”
The grandma looked around at all the people she had just shown her ass in front of in the church, then she turned and looked at Jada lying there looking at peace.
“Amir, I am sorry… Grandma is sorry,” she said before she walked off with Veronica following her.
We sat back down with Amir and waited for the service to start. After a few more minutes, more of the family came in and sat around us.
The service finally started. People spoke about Jada’s friends, family, and men she was with. They all spoke so highly of her, making me and Love steal looks at each other and hold back laughs.
I was so proud of Amir. He stayed strong through the whole service, even smiling from time to time.
It was near the end, and they were about to close the casket when Amir jumped up and leaned across Jada.
“I love you, Mom, and I’ma miss you, and I’ma make you proud. Islah is going to help Daddy take care of me.”
Love and I stood back for a second, letting him get out everything that he wanted out. Once he started crying, Love walked over and grabbed him, holding him tight in one arm, and holding my hand tight in the other as we walked out.
I sat in the back seat with Amir, and he leaned on me the whole ride home, crying on my chest.
Once we got in the house, I took Amir up to his room, got him changed, gave him a snack, and rubbed his back until he went to sleep. I was heading into the kitchen to start dinner when I saw Love sitting on the patio smoking, looking like he was thinking.
I walked out the side door, and he shook his head at me.
“I fucked my son up.”
I shook my head. “No, you didn’t.
“I did,” he said as he exhaled smoke. “I hate that he’s sad and that cry—I never heard him cry like that.”
I walked close to Love, listening to him express his feelings so easily.
“Do you regret it?” I asked.
“I only regret it because Amir is hurting, but reading that obituary and everything else she has done, it was always going to end like this.”
I nodded and turned to walk back into the house, and he yelled out, “What about you?”
I turned back to face him as he continued. “Do you think I was wrong?”
I looked up at the sky as I exhaled.
“I don’t know, Love. I love Amir, but I don’t know. At least she was laid to rest.”