Chapter 22
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
BECK
“Call it twintuition, but it feels like this attitude you have going on is about more than just dear old Dad,” Ford said as we walked back from completing our weekly delivery service.
“What gave it away?” I asked dryly.
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe it was when you kicked that puppy.”
I rolled my eyes at his dramatics, but he wasn’t far off.
The irony was, it felt like my puppy had been kicked.
It’d only been two days since my talk with Everly, and maybe she would eventually settle into this new rhythm, but I didn’t want to wait for that to happen.
I couldn’t wait. I’d spent nearly the entirety of our relationship waiting, and I didn’t want to go back to that place anymore.
I’d finally gotten to where I wasn’t always anticipating the other shoe falling, and I…enjoyed it. I’d been happy in my life for the first time in a long time, and it killed me that instead of mirroring my outlook, Everly had been feeling lost.
“Everly’s thinking about moving back to Washington.”
Ford jerked to a stop in the middle of the winding road that led through the resort. “What the fuck? Since when?”
I took off my hat and scrubbed a hand through my hair before settling the cap back on my head. “I don’t know how long she’s been thinking about it. She just told me on Monday.”
“What happened on Monday?”
“What didn’t happen on Monday?”
“Gonna need a little more than that, man.”
I blew out a heavy sigh. “She’d had a really bad day.
The first day of house calls didn’t go great, she can’t drive a stick shift to save her life, she forgot the lunch I made her, and Esther booked an appointment for her cat while she was at the senior center for bingo—who does that, by the way?
—and didn’t bother to tell Everly. So Everly, who was already running behind, showed up at her house and, surprise, Esther wasn’t there.
And now Everly’s thinking she’s the odd one out because she doesn’t know every fucking movement of every fucking resident of Starlight Cove.
She doesn’t think she belongs here. Doesn’t think she fits in.
And I don’t know how to tell her that the people in town orbit around her like she’s the goddamn sun when she can’t see it for herself. ”
Ford’s eyes grew wider the more I spoke.
He glanced around at the various guests roaming the property—that was something we hadn’t had to contend with for years—and tugged me off the beaten path and toward the beach.
It was cooler out today, with a storm settling in, and waves crashed against the shore, the ocean’s turmoil mirroring my own.
“Okay, first of all, I think that’s more than you’ve said at once in your entire life. Second, it’s not going to help anybody if you lose your shit.”
I blew out a humorless laugh, dropped down onto the sand, and braced my forearms on my bent knees. “I’m in love with her, Ford. If she leaves…”
Fuck, I didn’t want to think about what it’d be like if she left.
What my life would be reduced to. Couldn’t even remember what Starlight Cove was before she’d shown up.
Before she’d swept into the diner with her way-too-fucking-chirpy-for-7-a.m. voice and her smile that shot straight through my heart and her Everly Voodoo that’d had me wrapped around her finger in less time than it took me to make her favorite grilled cheese.
Ford sat next to me, bracing himself back on his hands and stretching his legs out in front of him. “Does she know that?”
“Everyone else in the whole fucking town seems to. How could she not?”
“Okay, but did you tell her? Or did you just grunt at her like you usually do?”
Well, I’d made her come three times last night, and again this morning in the shower, but somehow, I didn’t think that was what he was getting at.
“I’ll take that as a no,” he said.
“What am I supposed to do? Just drop the bomb now? Tell her I love her after she’s already told me she’s thinking of leaving? She’ll think it’s a ploy to get her to stay.”
“It is a ploy to get her to stay.”
“You know what I mean. Everyone’s always forced her into her decisions.
Hell, she’s here because her aunt died and gave her the clinic.
If that hadn’t happened, where would she be?
” The thought sent a sharp ache through my heart, my gut churning over the very real possibility that I never would’ve known her.
“It’s not fair of me to rope her into something if she doesn’t really want it. ”
“Wow.” He stared at me, brows raised. “Well, that’s super noble and shit, but this is your happiness we’re talking about too. I get that you don’t want to corner her, but that’s not all this is about. You can’t tell me a part of you isn’t hesitating because you’re scared.”
I looked straight ahead, lips pressed together in a thin line, because fuck yes, I was scared. I’d never in my life had something so important to lose, and now I had everything to lose.
“Look, I know Dad fucked us all up,” he said, “but at some point, you’ve gotta make the decision on if you want to let that steer the rest of your life, or if you want to take control and not let a man who’s spent the past ten years locked away in a single-room cottage instead of actually living be the one running your life. ”
I let his words sink in, the certainty of them ringing true. “That’s pretty deep for you. You following some new influencers or what?”
“Nah.” He shrugged. “It’s the romances. I didn’t realize they could go so deep and not just, you know, deep.”
I breathed out a laugh and rubbed the heels of my palms against my eyes. “Believe me, I know. Everly’s already given me an entire dissertation on how romance novels are inherently feminist and help heal traumas in healthy ways. And, you know, they’re hot as hell.”
He laughed along with me, quiet descending between us. Ford and I truly could not have been more opposite, but we knew each other. We got each other. And the silence between us always felt as comfortable as if I were alone.
Eventually, he nudged me with his elbow. “This is where she wants to be, man. She’s happy here. She’s happy with you. And whether or not she’s told you, she loves you back. God knows why,” he said dryly, “but she does.”
“Maybe. But that still doesn’t solve the issues she’s facing. Even if she miraculously decided to stay, that doesn’t take care of the fact that she’s not going to have enough from insurance to rebuild a home and a business here. The entire reason she came is gone.”
“Well, then it sounds like you need to give her a reason to stay.”
“Great, how do I do that?”
“Fuck if I know.”
I huffed out a laugh and shook my head. “You’re no help.”
“Did you think I’d be? You came to the wrong McKenzie.”
Images of our sister, tackling any situation head on with no concern for things like helmets, flicked through my mind, and I scrubbed a hand down my face. “Fuck.”
“Yeah, fuck. This should be fun…”
I stared out at the ocean that’d been our backyard my entire life. This had been my home for thirty-two years, but it hadn’t felt like it until Everly had come into my life. She’d brought sunshine and happiness and hope. And I would do anything to keep her.
“You sure you want to enlist the dictator with this?” Ford asked.
“Could possibly be my worst idea ever.” I stood, offering Ford a hand to help him to his feet. “But I don’t think I have a choice.”
Everly
I’d always been lucky in my life in that things tended to come easily for me.
Or maybe it was just that I tended to choose the path of least resistance.
From the time I was little, I didn’t usually put up a fight.
One, because most of the time, it wasn’t worth it.
But probably even more so because I didn’t want to give anyone a reason to discard me or write me off.
I already felt like I was on uneven footing, even though my parents had never done anything to make me feel that way.
I’d gotten it in my head from a very young age that the way to be the best daughter—the best person—I could be was to just go along with it.
If I was served something I didn’t like, I ate it with a smile because I didn’t want to be any hassle.
If I was put in an extracurricular activity I didn’t enjoy, I stuck it out without a peep.
I’d never pushed back on anything in my life.
And I’d enjoyed that life. It was nice, and I didn’t have many complaints.
But what would my life be like if I wasn’t so busy pleasing everyone else other than myself?
I’d had a glimpse of what that would be like since I’d moved here.
Because although the reasons I’d come to Starlight Cove in the first place were based on someone else’s design of my life, my life here was mine.
And for some reason, Beck had been the one person I’d been completely and totally myself with.
I didn’t sugarcoat anything with him. If I had a bad day, he saw it.
He knew I hated brussels sprouts and I secretly loved raunchy comedies and that I loathed softball even though I’d played it all through high school at my parents’ urging.
From the beginning, we’d had a connection. Even when he’d spent the majority of the time responding to me in nothing but grunts, I’d just felt like there was something there.
But now, when everything else was crumbling, it felt like even we were on rocky ground. I was basically living with him, but even still, there were some days when I didn’t see him until he crawled into bed next to me. I knew this was just a phase like anything else, but I hated it.
He was busy helping with the Cupcake Festival, which was apparently something that happened every year at this time. That meant this would be my third, and yet I had no recollection of it at all. Maybe Ash really was onto something when he said I was oblivious.
One thing I couldn’t miss was how weird everyone had been acting lately. People were actively going out of their way to avoid me when they saw me around town, and it was getting harder and harder to convince myself that this was where I belonged.
I unlocked Beck’s apartment door and strode inside. And though I knew it would be empty, it still sucked to have that confirmed when Chuckanut was the only one greeting me. Well, that and a shit-ton of Post-it notes.
Beck and I had seen each other so little in the past week and a half that we’d taken to communicating through them.
They were scattered around the apartment, most of his reminding me to eat or lock the door or turn off the stove.
And mine to him revolved almost entirely around how cute his butt was because I figured it’d make him smile since I wasn’t there to do it in person.
He’d left me three tonight, all of them arrows pointing directly to the fridge where he’d left my dinner, complete with reheating instructions like the saint he was.
I didn’t know how such a huge shift in our relationship could have happened in such a short amount of time. Had it really only been three weeks ago when I’d been living on my own and totally unaware of how amazing my best friend was?
But no…I hadn’t been unaware of it. I knew how amazing he was. I just hadn’t known how amazing he was for me.
I’d just settled in Beck’s chair with my plate full of deliciousness when my cell phone rang, my mom calling right on time. She hadn’t missed a day since the fire. Hadn’t missed a coercion attempt to get me to move home either.
I hated that my stomach was in knots every time I saw her name on my screen. Hated the thought that she obviously wasn’t happy with my life here. Hated the thought of disappointing her.
I took a deep breath and answered. “Hey, Mom.”
“Guess who’s back in town?” she said without preamble. “Mallory’s son, you remember him? Mark? He’s a few years older than you…a doctor…and he’s looking to settle down.”
I closed my eyes with a sigh and pressed my head back into the chair. “That’s great, Mom, but he sounds a little young for you. And there’s that whole you’re already married thing to worry about.”
My mom gasped. “Heavens no, Evie. I mean for you.”
“Well, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen Mark, so I can’t be sure, but I’m guessing he’ll probably want a local wife.”
“That’s why it’s so perfect! It’s just one more reason for you to move home.”
My stomach churned, but I couldn’t tell anymore if it was over the thought of staying or leaving. “I’d really like to talk about something other than me moving, so why don’t you tell me what’s new? How is quilting club?”
After I steered her in the direction of one of her favorite topics, she prattled on for ten minutes, barely taking a breath as she detailed their upcoming projects for the children’s hospital.
And though I’d asked her if we could stop talking about my moving back, she couldn’t help but drop one last comment as we were saying our goodbyes.
“I know Ash told you about that house on Maple Street that went up for sale. I just drove by it today, and there’s a price reduced sticker on the sign! ”
“Mom, you do know I live in Maine, right?”
“Well, now you do, but this is just something to keep in your pocket for the future.”
A future I wasn’t so sure of anymore.
After we said our goodbyes, I stared down at the plate full of food I hadn’t taken a single bite of. In the twenty minutes we’d been talking, I’d lost my appetite. But Beck had worked so hard on my dinner, so I forced myself to eat a bit before I covered the plate and put it back into the fridge.
Chuckanut was curled on the ostentatious bed Beck had purchased her, dead to the world, and it was too quiet in the apartment without his presence. Wanting to feel close to him, I climbed out on the roof and sat, my knees tucked up to my chest, and I listened to the waves against the shore.
I didn’t know what to do. Didn’t know if I should stay or if I should go.
I couldn’t even parse my feelings on it anymore, half of me yearning for familiarity and the comfort that I knew home would provide.
And the other half of me wanting to explore this new side of myself, this newfound life that I’d built all on my own without anyone’s input. One that included Beck.
Still, my mom’s words rang in the back of my mind as I pulled out my phone and searched for the house I’d loved for years.
It was still as gorgeous as I remembered, a single story in a soft, cheery yellow with white shutters, flower boxes under the front windows, and a porch swing I’d always pictured I’d sit on with my future husband.
Except I couldn’t picture that anymore. Now, it was just me, there by myself.
With the price cut, it was now just under the amount the insurance adjuster quoted me. Maybe that was a sign to move back home. Maybe it was meant to be.
But there was only one problem with that. Beck wasn’t in Washington. And I wasn’t so sure I could live without him.