Chapter 9 #2
Just the thought of him having died with Auggie made me tremble, and I shocked myself by reaching out for his hand. “You feel guilty.”
“Every fucking day.”
I could hear the pain in his voice, just as I’d heard the hesitation to even say Auggie had died , like putting that word out into the universe made it too real. I met his hooded gaze, his eyes dark and tormented. He’d filleted his side and hadn’t so much as blinked, but grief had taken him down.
“No one could possibly blame you.”
“ I blame me.”
I shook my head. “I’m so sorry you lost him. It doesn’t seem fair.”
“Life isn’t fair.” His gaze searched mine, still dark, still hurting, but somehow his expression gentled. “You know loss.”
I nodded. “My dad’s been gone a long time now, since I was a kid, but you never forget.”
“How old were you?”
“Nine.”
He winced, as if feeling my pain as his own. “Nell raised you?”
“My mom at first. Well, more like we raised each other.” I smiled, even though it wasn’t funny at all. “And then later on, yeah, my grandma.”
“And now you’re raising Wyatt. He must be your…half brother?”
“Hard to believe I’m the adult in charge, but yep.” My smile was more of a grimace. “Guess we have some things in common after all—both of us stuck living a life we hadn’t planned on.”
“You don’t have to be stuck,” he said. “You could still follow your dreams. Maybe open that café your grandma mentioned.”
I snorted out a laugh as I finished with the skin glue and went back into the kit for gauze. “Pipe dream.”
“Doesn’t have to be.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, Mister Perfect Crafted-For-Him Suits that probably cost more than my car,” I said on a laugh, “but some of us barely make ends meet.”
The kitchen door opened and Bill strode in, heading directly for the coffeepot, muttering a string of obscenities while he was at it, something about stupid fucking thieves picking the wrong fucking company to mess with, and how if he caught them, he was “going to shove his fucking foot up their?—”
He stopped short at the sight of Ryder and me on the floor, along with the bloody gauzes, and froze. “Jesus. What happened?”
“Nothing,” Ryder said.
“Yeah, right. Should I be concerned?” Bill asked, looking preemptively concerned as he eyed Ryder.
“Negative.”
Bill took in our positions, our closeness. The concern faded, replaced by a brows-up expression. “Am I…interrupting something?”
“Yes,” Ryder said, at the exact same time I said, “No.”
Bill’s scowl turned upside down. In fact, he laughed out loud, even slapped his own knee. “I knew I liked you,” he said to me, and then he winked. “And not just because you just won me a lovely pot of cash.”
Ryder’s eyes narrowed, irritation seeping from his pores. “Tell me I’m not paying you and a bunch of nosy-ass busybodies to bet on my personal life.”
“Have you met us nosy-ass busybodies?” Bill snorted. “We bet on everything. But this one wasn’t my idea.”
“And yet you still put money down. See that it doesn’t happen again.”
Bill saluted him. “You got it, boss.”
“ Oh, and make sure Penny gets the winnings. All of it.”
Bill opened his mouth, clearly to balk, but Ryder cocked his head.
Looking pained, Bill nodded. “Will do.”
When he was gone, Ryder shook his head, like he couldn’t believe he actually paid these people. Our gazes met. “So,” he murmured. “What’s next for you?”
“Oh, um…” I struggled to think when my brain kept whispering in my ear to lean in a little closer and press my face to the crook of his neck and inhale him… “Work, grocery shopping, and then laundry.”
He flashed a smile, and it became my immediate goal to make him do that more often. “I meant,” he said on a chuckle, “what’s next in your life plan. Why not the café?”
“You’re hilarious.” I pretended we were done with that convo, searching for medical tape to hold the gauze to his injury. “Hold still,” I murmured when he went to straighten and sucked in a breath through his teeth.
“I’m fine.”
I met his gaze. “Do men ever admit when they’re hurt or scared?”
“It’s just a scratch.”
No tape, but I found a wrap to hold the gauze in place, faltering when I had to lean into him to wrap it around his torso. It put us nearly mouth to mouth. Annoyingly breathless, I sat back, pretending to look him over as if I hadn’t been doing just that for ten minutes.
“No other injuries?”
“No.”
“Swear?”
The very corner of his mouth quirked. “You’re good in an emergency, you know. Cool head.” He paused. “You’ve done this before.”
I found a mirthless laugh. “Oh yeah.”
“As a job?”
“No.”
“For…people you care about?”
I shrugged. “You’d be surprised how resourceful having crappy insurance can make you.”
A ghost of a smile crossed his face but faded quickly. “So who takes care of you?”
“Me.” Feeling oddly exposed, I started to gather the trash from the supplies I’d used. “Have you had a tetanus shot lately?”
“How old are you?”
I slid him a look. “Always answering a question with a question.”
“Bad habit.” Cocking his head, he looked me over. “Twenty-four? Maybe twenty-five? So young to be so serious.”
“I’m twenty- seven , and if you ask Wyatt, that’s ancient. Now answer my question. Have you had a tetanus shot?”
“Yes.” He smiled. “You worried about me?”
“Well, you are adjacent to the biggest portion of my paycheck.”
“Pragmatic and brutally honest,” he said with a nod. “I like it.”
“Yeah, well…” I gave him a shoulder check. “Give me some time. It’ll grate on you soon enough.”
His warm hand caught mine as he looked into my eyes. “You know that for sure, huh?”
I was finding it hard to think as he gave me a light squeeze, his calluses sliding against my own. “I do.” Cold hard facts and my own past had taught me that. But…in the time I’d known him, he’d never treated me with anything but respect.
Working in a service industry, I’d learned that in general, I was mostly invisible.
So I wasn’t exactly sure when my bar had been set so low that I’d stopped expecting to be treated well.
It’d been a long time since I’d felt seen, like really seen, and I never would’ve guessed it’d be this man to do it.
I realized we were staring at each other again, the air practically crackling around us.
He flashed that smile of his, more than a little naughty now. “This thing seems to be getting stronger.”
“You mean worse ,” I corrected.
“You think so?”
“I know it.” I was still hovering over him, our mouths lined up, and the urge to close the distance shocked me. “I mean, what are we even doing?” I whispered.
He gave a slow shake of his head. “Whatever you want to be doing and nothing more.”
I absorbed the words, the meaning behind them, and warmed from the inside out. “I…need to tell you something.”
“Anything.”
I closed my eyes. “I thought about the whole…ju st dinner thing. And I’m not ready.” When he didn’t say anything, I opened my eyes and found him still looking at me, no bad temper, no annoyance, no irritation.
“Too soon?” he asked softly.
I nodded. “I’m sorry.”
“No, don’t.” He shook his head. “You don’t owe me an apology.”
“I really want you to understand…” I bit my lower lip, let out a nervous laugh, then bit it some more. “But I don’t quite understand myself. It’s just that the thought of purposefully going out on a date, it’s a step to a relationship, and…I’m not ready for that. But…”
“But what?”
There was a physical ache in my chest at the thought of going back to just delivering food and not seeing him, not talking and laughing…
“This…talking, laughing…flirting.” I gestured between us.
“I like this. All of it.” Especially the flirting.
I couldn’t explain it, but somehow it gave me back some power.
“I just don’t want to lead you on or anything. ”
“I understand. And you’re not.” He smiled, eyes warm. “Because I like it too.”
Relief made it hard to breathe, much less speak, so I just nodded, hoping he got it.
“So how about this,” he said. “We keep doing…this.” We both smiled. “Nothing has to change,” he said. “Not until, or if, you want it to. It’s your move, Penny. Always.”
I felt the smile curve my mouth. “You’re putting me in the driver’s seat?”
“You’ve always been in the driver’s seat.”
My smile got wider. “I do like driving.”
He laughed, and then winced. Sobering, I went back to being Nurse Penny.
“Pain level from one to ten. Where you at?”
“I’m good.”
“That’s not a number.” The waistband of his cargos had slipped low, revealing that vee cut of muscles that some guys had, the ones that made women stupid. He reached for his discarded shirt, his lean stomach folding in on itself. Mine had never done that a day in my life.
He cleared his throat, and I realized it wasn’t the first time he’d done so. Caught red-handed ogling. “Hey, I’m just making sure the glue is holding and that you won’t bleed out on my watch,” I said.
“Uh-huh.” Given the canary-eating grin on his face, he was enjoying the attention. “Hey, Penny.”
“Yes?”
“You’re cute when you blush. And I like when you look at me like that.”
Flustered, I picked up the first aid kit. “Debt now officially paid. Be careful today.”
A real smile curved his mouth. “Where’s the fun in that?”
I snorted. “Fun’s a luxury.” I started to move toward my cart.
He slid his hand into mine, stopping me. “When I was little, my grandma always kissed my boo-boos to make me feel better.” His voice was guileless, his eyes not so much.
I snorted with as much sarcasm as I could muster, but on the inside, my stomach went squishy. “Did she now?”
He nodded solemnly. “She said kisses given with care were magical and healing.”
I was pretty sure I was getting a glimpse into just how much of a player he could be when he wanted.
He’d probably made seduction an art form, and why shouldn’t he?
He was all calm confidence with a hint of bad boy swagger, and let’s not forget those washboard abs.
Or all the testosterone and pheromones he exuded by just breathing.
And I loved that he’d not skipped a beat at me turning him down for a date, but he’d made me feel safe when he’d listened to what I’d wanted, that I still wanted to play.
And he was game. So…I didn’t back down. It was my greatest character flaw, I knew this, but I also knew without a doubt that this man liked it when I played with him.
And somehow, in some way I hadn’t realized, I needed that.
I needed to know I could go toe to toe with him, that he liked my snark, liked my challenging him.
He could have no idea that he was helping me regain some of my inner power that I hadn’t felt for too long.
It filled my empty tank to the brim, allowing me to access emotions that I’d locked away, things like curiosity and desire.
And in the moment, just this once, I wanted to be selfish.
I wanted something for myself. And to my great shock, what I wanted was him.
So in the spirit of messing with his head the way he so effortlessly messed with mine, I smirked and slowly lowered my head to his injury, absorbing and smiling at the rough sound of surprise he let out, watching as I put myself into position to make him a very happy man, and…
…brushed a chaste kiss to the bandage before straightening and shooting him an innocent smile.
A low groan rumbled from his chest. “Cruel, cruel woman.”
I laughed. “Is that not how your grandma did it?”
“Funny. Come here, Wonder Woman.” His eyes, heated now to a near molten gold, never left mine as he slipped one hand into the hair at my nape, the other cupping my face, tilting it the way he wanted before pressing his mouth—God, his hot mouth—over the still fresh scar just under my jaw.
If the air between us had crackled before, it burst into flames now.
Slowly he pulled back, and we stared at each other in shock at the seductive, erotic chemistry vibrating between us. I knew what he could do to me with just a look, but somehow I always forgot until I found myself whimpering on the inside for more.
“I think it’s safe to say that wasn’t a grandmotherly kiss,” I whispered.
“No, it was not.” His voice was deliciously whiskey smooth and rough at the same time. “You okay?”
“Very.” I stared at his mouth. “Maybe…maybe we don’t need a label for…this.”
“Label, schmabel.”
With a breathless laugh, I leaned into him again. “Tell me if I hurt you.”
“You won’t.”
Guy code for: he’d die before admitting to it . “I mean it,” I said. “I don’t want to make this too hard.”
“Too late,” he quipped.
We were both laughing when I touched my mouth to his.