Chapter 34
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
PENNY
My heart pounded so hard that I could barely hear myself think as I took in the sight of Ryder and his family sharing breakfast—my boss included.
Caleb and Tucker greeted me warmly, but it was Kiera I was worried about. Shockingly, she gave me a small but genuine smile, which faded when she realized who stood next to me.
Her father.
“Morning,” Ryder said to us. His smile, aimed at me, was also warm and genuine, if a bit strained.
Wasn’t hard to figure out why. I knew they hadn’t told Kiera about Hank.
Ryder had the twins on his lap, who were oblivious to the sudden tension between the adults, happily munching on pancakes. Alex shoved in his last bite and eyed Ryder’s plate.
He put his hands over it protectively.
Alex stuck out his lower lip.
Ryder sighed and handed over his last pancake, then nudged the twins off his lap so he could stand. He nodded to my grandma and Hank, then turned to me.
Before he opened his mouth, Kiera spoke, face expressionless. “I’m guessing there’s something you all forgot to tell me.”
“Oh, right.” Tucker smacked the side of his head. “Dad got kicked out of his retirement home.”
“Actually,” Caleb said. “he got kicked out of all the retirement homes within a hundred miles. Then he had two strokes and a craniotomy, and now he’s nonverbal. I think that’s it.”
“Except none of those places will take him back,” Tucker added. “There. That’s everything.”
Hank was still smiling, and I couldn’t tell if he understood they were talking about him or not.
“He’s living with me,” Ryder said. “Nell, Penny’s grandma, is his caretaker during the day while I’m at work.”
“He’s just as sweet as can be,” Grandma said, putting her hand on Hank’s arm. “No trouble at all. As long as you don’t feed him dairy, if you know what I’m saying.”
Kiera looked at Ryder.
“It happened shortly after Auggie died,” he said.
She just kept looking at him.
He sighed. “You had enough on your plate.”
“You should’ve told me.” She eyed her brothers. “You all should’ve told me.”
“You’re absolutely right,” Ryder said. Paused. “You okay?”
“I’m trying to decide.” She shook her head. “I want to be furious, but I can’t hold on to it. I’ve been a disaster and I know it.” She eyed Hank, who was still smiling at her. “He really doesn’t talk?”
“No,” Ryder said. “And we have no idea how much he remembers, but his demeanor’s calm and…affable, so I’m guessing he doesn’t remember much.”
Not for the first time, I wondered just how incredibly difficult it must’ve been for the guys to take care of this man who’d once been the source of their nightmares. Especially since Hank stood there, looking happy to see so many people he actually knew.
Kiera drew a deep breath and looked at Hank. “Do you remember who I am?”
“Ah.”
Kiera shoved Tucker. “Move.”
Tucker shoved Caleb. “Move.”
Everyone shuffled so Kiera could get out of the booth to stand in front of her father. “Do you remember me?”
Hank tilted his head to one side, the smile never faltering.
“Do you remember what kind of a dad you were?”
Hank just kept smiling.
Kiera turned to Ryder. “He really doesn’t.”
He gave her a small sympathetic look that pretty much broke my heart for all of them.
“Huh,” Kiera said. “Karma really is a bitch.”
Ryder winced. “I’m so sorry, Ki.”
“You’re sorry you got caught, you mean.” She let out a long exhale. “Don’t worry, I get why you did it. You were just trying to protect me, like always.” She looked at her dad again. “So he’s really…nice?”
“And sweet,” Grandma said. “God’s got some sense of humor, huh?”
“Nice. And sweet,” Kiera repeated softly to herself. “Wow.”
Hank reached out and gently patted her shoulder.
Kiera let out a half laugh, maybe half sob, but patted her dad’s hand in return. Then she looked at her brothers. “So what was your plan? Were you ever going to tell me or just hope I never found out?”
Tucker, Caleb, and Ryder looked collectively guilty.
“Door number two then,” she said and shook her head. “What’s the deal, you all taking turns taking care of him?”
“Mama,” Abi said. “Alex’s looking at me again.”
“Not now, baby, I’m watching the season finale of Idiots On Parade.” Kiera shook her head at her brothers. “Morons, all of you.” She gave Tucker, who’d sat back down and had resumed shoveling pancakes into his mouth, a shove. He sighed and stood up again so she could scootch back into her spot.
“Put me on the schedule,” she said to Ryder. She pulled Abi onto her lap, then held out a hand for Alex across the table.
Ryder scooped the boy up by the back of his Paw Patrol sweatshirt and dropped him into Kiera’s lap.
Hank turned to Grandma. “Ah.”
“You’re hungry,” Grandma said. “Gotcha.” She smiled at the group. “I’m going to take Wyatt and Hank to the counter. We’re getting ours to go.” She turned to me. “Your usual?”
“Yes, please.” And when they walked away, I realized I was just standing there, so many emotions coursing through me that I couldn’t keep up.
Sadness that I’d sidelined my relationship with Ryder out of fear.
Frustration that I’d ignored how my heart beat for him.
Adrenaline from just looking at him. And last but definitely not least, a bone-deep affection watching him love his family so deeply.
They seemed to always have each other’s backs, through thick and thin.
Yes, maybe they fought as loud as they loved, but they did love, even after all they’d been through. It was amazing.
So was how they never gave up on each other.
Never.
I could learn from that. I knew I needed to say something, but all I could seem to do was stand there, both aching and yearning, knowing what I wanted, but unsure how to get it.
The Colburn brothers were all looking at Kiera. She let out a long exhale, then said, “I reserve the right to be messed up about this later, but for now, I’m fine so stop looking at me.” And then she hugged the kiddos and accepted a massive bite of pancake dripping with syrup from Alex.
Everyone dove back into their food as well. Except Ryder. His gaze locked on mine. “Sorry about the drama,” he said quietly.
“Don’t be. Your family’s amazing.”
He stroked a finger along my temple, doing that sweet, affectionate thing where he tucked a stray strand from my face.
I gave him a shaky smile. “Can we talk?”
“Of course.” Leaning in, he brushed a kiss on my cheek, then lingered, taking a deep breath like he’d missed me.
My heart skipped a beat. Skipped all the beats.
“He never kisses me like that,” Caleb said to Tucker.
Ignoring this, Ryder took my hand in his.
“So she didn’t dump you,” Kiera said with a small smile in my direction. “Not that any of us would blame you if you had.”
“Oh good,” Ryder said dryly. “You really are doing better.”
“I didn’t dump him,” I said, then turned to him. “I didn’t dump you. Or I didn’t mean to… I was wrong?—”
“ Whoa .” Caleb looked around. “Did you all hear that? A woman just admitted she was wrong. Quick, someone check to see if hell froze over?—”
Not taking his eyes off mine, Ryder said in a dangerously low voice, “Tucker.”
Tucker put his hand over Caleb’s mouth.
The only other empty booth was next to this one. Ryder tugged me to it, turning our backs to his family.
“What were you wrong about?” he asked me in a tone so gentle my eyes stung.
I’d had it all planned out in my head. I was going to track him down after work and tell him everything, starting with how stupid I’d been to give into my fears, but then I’d seen him sitting here and I knew I couldn’t wait.
“I—”
“What’s happening?” Grandma asked, having come back with Wyatt and Hank and a lot of food. She handed me a cup of orange juice and a to-go bag with pancakes.
“Over here, Grandma,” Caleb called out and scooted over, patting the bench.
And just like that, Grandma and Wyatt sat with the Colburns, our mismatched families seamlessly blending together like sprinkles on a cupcake.
The waitress brought over some plates and silverware, Grandma started opening up the to-go bags, and transferring the pancakes out of the containers.
Caleb and Tucker fist-bumped Wyatt. Grandma cut up Hank’s pancakes and poured his syrup.
I closed my eyes to the chaos and looked at Ryder. “I’m not sure you know this, but when we first met, I was pretty closed off.”
“It’s okay,” he said. “Like recognizes like.”
Hard to believe I could find a smile when I felt so anxious, but I did. “I’d locked my heart and soul up tight and thrown away the key. I didn’t see that ever changing. I didn’t want it to.”
“I know.” He ran his fingers lightly over my hair. “It was months before I even got to see your smile, but once I did, I was done for.”
“True story,” Tucker called over to us around a big bite of pancakes. “Last week, he walked right into a wall while he was talking to you on the phone. Made a huge dent in it too. It was pretty great.”
“Hey,” Caleb said. “Why do you get to talk?”
Our families laughed, and I didn’t know how to explain the feeling that came over me, but I felt like I was a part of something. I’d opened the door to my heart and soul, and Ryder had walked right on in. And not just him, but the people he loved and cared about as well.
Once again, Ryder turned us away from the other booth. He kept his eyes on me, calm, patient, waiting for whatever I wanted to say—which gave me the courage to do it, in a soft, just-for-us voice.
“I once told you that I couldn’t open up my heart, not ever again.
But that was before you. Before all those mornings at Colburn Restorations, before all the late nights fixing up grandma’s kitchen, laughing, talking.
You let me in, Ryder, and it was…” I searched for the right word.
“ Everything . If you could do that after everything you’d been through, surely I could do the same.
” I shook my head with a little laugh. “I think it was how you accepted me, hot mess and all. I never saw that coming. I never saw you coming.”