37. Chelsi
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
chelsi
Ever since my conversation with Kate last night, I can’t stop thinking about telling Alex how I feel.
It’s almost like I’m going to burst if I don’t get the words out.
Most of my workday was a complete blur as I ran countless errands and put together style options for a client coming in next week, all the while, my mind was focused on Alex.
Wondering how he’ll respond when I share my news. Hoping he feels the same way.
It’s why I know waiting until he’s back in a few days won’t work.
I can’t keep this information bottled up.
I worry I’ll lose my nerve and convince myself it’s better to wait and see how things evolve before opening up my heart to him.
There’s less of a chance for him to break it if I keep my emotions to myself.
But I want to be brave. Put myself out there. Tell him that I want a future together.
That’s why I’ve been antsy all evening. Pacing in my bedroom while I wait for him to call. Biting my fingernails as each second on the clock slowly ticks by.
When did I become such a nervous wreck? Usually, I’m calm and collected when it comes to men. But it’s not that way with Alex. Although he makes me feel emotionally, physically, and mentally safe, he also rattles me to my very core.
“Ack!” I scream as the phone vibrates in my hand, almost dropping it. I’ve been waiting for this call for almost an hour, yet somehow it still startles me. “You can do this, Chelsi. Let him into your heart. Trust that he won’t break it.”
I take one deep breath and slowly exhale it to try to calm my rapidly beating heart before I answer the FaceTime.
As soon as Alex’s face appears on my phone, my anxiety starts to recede, and a calming presence surrounds me.
“Hey there, gorgeous. I miss you,” Alex says as he sits on the couch in the back room of the band bus. “How was your day?”
“Pretty good. Got to pick out a few outfit selections for a new client, which was fun.” I walk over to my bed and sit down. I pull the duvet up to cover my legs as I rest against the headboard. “How about you?”
“Relatively quiet. No major issues, and Jimmy didn’t do anything stupid.” He pauses, running a hand through his hair. “Makes me slightly concerned that tomorrow’s concert might be a shitshow.”
I chuckle, pulling my legs to my chest and balancing the phone on my knees. “Just don’t let him off the bus until showtime. Maybe that will keep him out of trouble.”
“God, I hope so. It’s already been a long summer and we’re barely getting started.”
There’s a hint of exhaustion in Alex’s voice and on his face, making me wonder whether it’s better if I wait to have this conversation when he comes back. Let him get some sleep before another long day.
“Well, I don’t want to keep you—”
“Stop right there. The best part of my day is talking and texting with you. I’ve been looking forward to seeing your face all night since you asked if we could have a video call.
I’d gladly go without sleep if it meant I could hear your voice for a few minutes,” he replies with such sincerity and longing in his eyes.
“Now, what did you want to talk about? You were kinda cryptic in your text.”
I blow out a deep breath and adjust my position on the bed. “I’ve been thinking a lot about us. How things are going. How I feel. What I want.”
He swallows hard, and a flash of concern on his face appears, then quickly disappears. “Okay. You can tell me anything. No matter what. I hope you know that.”
I nod, glancing away from the camera for a moment and staring at the wall.
Sharing my emotions with a guy is new for me.
My previous relationships were never serious enough to warrant this type of conversation.
I always kept my heart closed off, refusing to let anyone in until they proved their worth, and it never happened. Not until Alex.
With my gaze back on the call, I look at the man who has so clearly stolen my heart. The one I want in my life. The only thing left to do is tell him. Take a leap of faith and hope he’ll catch me.
My hands tremble as I hold the phone. “I’m not good at talking about how I feel.
I might put on a strong facade and make light of how my past relationships have gone, but the truth is, it’s sucked to only attract the wrong guys.
For a long time, I worried that maybe I was destined to be alone.
To become a cat lady who mutters to herself on the street and lives off adult Lunchables. ”
Alex’s eyes soften. “I don’t believe that’s your future at all, Chelsi. You’re an incredible woman. Anyone would be extremely lucky to share their life with you.”
“I don’t think that’s my destiny anymore, either. Or, at least, I’m hoping it’s not. I guess that depends on you.” I press my lips together tightly and blink away the tears forming in the corner of my eyes.
“What are you saying, Chelsi?” He leans forward, almost like he’s trying to get physically closer to me, even though we’re separated by hundreds of miles.
My bottom lip trembles. “I’ve fallen for you, Alex. So fucking hard.” A ragged breath escapes my mouth, and a shiver races down my spine.
“Thank God.” He closes his eyes momentarily and lets out a deep breath before opening them again.
“I’ve been waiting to hear those words come out of your mouth.
I was so worried you wouldn’t feel the same way.
I fell for you a long time ago and fall harder every day.
You’re the one for me, Chelsi. I know that in the depths of my soul. ”
I gasp softly, surprised by his words. The ease and confidence he has talking about me as his endgame. As much as my brain may want me to question it, my heart knows without a doubt that he means it.
“I want a future with you, Alex. I’m ready to start planning our life together.”
“I wish I could pull you into my arms. Smother you in kisses. Take you to bed and spend hours worshipping your body.” A pained look crosses his face.
“I hate that I won’t be able to see you for two more days.
Shit… We have that double date with Kate and Jake when I get back.
It’s going to take all the restraint in the world to keep my hands off you at dinner.
They might get a little show if they’re not careful. ”
I chuckle as a flush creeps up my neck and face. “Perhaps they need a taste of their own medicine. It’s not like I haven’t heard and seen more than I wanted where the two of them are concerned. Jake has zero self-control when it comes to Kate.”
“I know the feeling,” Alex groans with an intense hunger in his eyes that immediately makes me wet.
“Being away from you is killing me, Chelsi. I’ve dreamed of the moment when you were ready to give me your heart.
To trust me with it. I had so many things I wanted to do to you when that finally happened. ”
My eyebrows arch. “Tell me more.”
Alex chews on the inside of his lip, rubbing his chin as he holds the phone at a different angle. “Not sure I can handle getting us both spun up without being able to touch each other. I’m already hard from thinking about what it’s going to be like to have you in my bed in a couple of days.”
“Doesn’t mean we can’t find another way to release the tension.”
His eyes widen. “What do you have in mind?”
“Some good old-fashioned phone sex with the added benefit of video. All you need is a pair of headphones and a locked door. We can watch each other come. Build up anticipation for what it’s going to be like when we’re finally together. When you do all the things you’ve promised.”
Alex’s throat bobs as he stares at the camera, not blinking, like he’s in shock at what I’m suggesting.
I’m probably pushing him out of his comfort zone, considering the band and God knows who else is sleeping right outside the door.
Not to mention it’s late and he has to be up in a few hours.
All good reasons why we should wait to do anything until he’s back in town.
The only problem is I don’t want to wait. I want him—any way I can have him.
“Fuck, Chelsi. This is not how I imagined seeing you naked for the first time, but I don’t want to wait another goddamn minute.” He stands, locks the sliding door, and puts a pair of earbuds in. His eyes darken, sending a jolt of desire straight to my core. “Strip for me, gorgeous.”
I squeal, unable to control the excitement coursing through my veins. I quickly throw off the covers and jump out of bed. Racing across the room with the phone in my hand, I grab the wireless headphones from my bag and put them in.
“Tick tock, Chelsi,” Alex says in a low, gravelly tone, igniting the heat within me. He’s already taken off his shirt and angled the phone in front of him, sitting with his legs spread wide.
Damn. He’s hot.
Hurrying, I adjust the phone holder on my nightstand toward the bed, allowing him to have a full view of me once I lie down.
“Take off your clothes, Chelsi. Don’t make me repeat myself.”
Holy fuck.
“Maybe I should make you work for it. Take my sweet time,” I tease, standing in front of the bed as I play with the hem of my T-shirt.
“Do you want to be punished when I get home?”
Oh my God. Is he serious? Where is this dominant side coming from? How do I turn it up?
Placing my hands defiantly on my hips, I lean toward the camera. “Depends on what you’re going to do. One person’s punishment is another’s good time.”
“Holy fuck, Chelsi. Are you trying to make me come in my pants again?”
I let out a small giggle and grin—one full of happiness and hope for the future. “Definitely plan on making you come. But back to this so-called punishment for not listening…”
His gaze on me intensifies, practically undressing me with his eyes and making me even wetter. The way this man can control my body from hundreds of miles away is unreal.