42. Alex
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
alex
As I sauté onions for the pasta sauce, I mentally run through what I want to say to Chelsi tonight and try to calm my nerves.
There’s so much I need to tell her about my past. How it affects my current life and, to some extent, my future.
I’ve tried to avoid it as long as possible to give us time to build a strong foundation—one I hope can withstand the truth I’ve been hiding.
Why didn’t I listen to Zac and get this out in the open sooner?
For the same reason that no one else in my life knows about it, except a few of my fellow Marines—the ones who’ve been with me since I enlisted. They’ve seen the scars I’ve earned on and off the battlefield. Now it’s time for Chelsi to learn about them, too.
The real question is whether or not I share that I’m in love with her before diving into the shitstorm that is my past. It felt like she gave me a hint that she could be feeling the same way in the amphitheater.
She’s always been vocal, but this was different.
The words she used came across like a whispered secret.
One she wanted me to hear but was too scared to say.
It’s given me the courage to put my heart on the line for her and say “I love you,” hoping that she’s finally ready to hear it.
Clenching one fist, I aggressively stir the translucent onions, then add a large amount of chopped garlic to the pan.
The aroma of roasted onions, nutty garlic, and Parmesan chicken cooking in the oven fills the air, soothing my scattered thoughts and wrapping me in a warm cocoon of comfort that only cooking seems to bring. At least until I met her.
Now she feels like my safe space. The place to call home. No longer a physical location, replaced by a person—her.
“It smells amazing in here,” Chelsi says when she walks into my apartment, dropping her work bag on the table.
A smile crosses my face, realizing she didn’t knock this time. Opened the unlocked door and came in. Finally comfortable enough to do so after weeks of me reiterating that we’re past the formalities of her needing to knock. She’s been reluctant to take a key, but I’m hoping that changes soon.
She wraps her arms around me from behind. “How did I get so lucky to find a man who can cook?”
I chuckle, knowing exactly what she’s thinking.
Her cooking skills aren’t the best. She survived mainly on takeout, wine, and cheese since Kate moved out.
Slowly but surely, I’ve been expanding her horizons by teaching her some simple tasks in the kitchen.
I’m not trying to pressure her to learn to cook, but I want her to know she can accomplish anything she sets her mind to.
It also has the bonus of being closer to her while I make dinner.
Plus, she sometimes fulfills her sous-chef duties while wearing an apron with nothing underneath.
Dinner definitely takes longer to prepare when that happens.
“Been waiting for you all my life, Chelsi.” Placing the spoon down on the counter, I turn to face her. “Good thing your best friend fell in love with my boss.”
“Who would’ve thought those two crazy kids would result in me finding a man who can feed and fuck me? Best of both worlds.” She presses a quick kiss to my lips. “Any chance you need some sous-chef help?”
“While I appreciate the offer, I’m almost done with dinner. Should be on the table in less than ten minutes.”
“Okay. Just know that I’m available for dessert, too.” She wiggles her eyebrows, then gives me a peck on the cheek before heading to my bedroom, where I anticipate she’ll change into something more comfortable.
Every aspect of being with Chelsi feels so completely natural.
The exact opposite of most of my life, when I had to fight tooth and nail to survive.
No part of me ever expected to have anyone I could call my family.
Not until she showed up. Occupying my every waking thought and taking over my dreams.
My world revolves around her. Not because she asked or expects it. Because I can’t imagine living any other way.
After pouring the crushed tomatoes into the onion mixture, I mindlessly add various seasonings, along with salt and pepper, operating on autopilot while I steel myself for what I’m planning to tell her at dinner. The words I’ve longed to say for weeks—the ones I’ve felt for even longer.
When Chelsi comes back into the kitchen, she starts getting out plates, forks, napkins, and wine glasses, then sets the table. It’s a simple task, but one that makes my heart soar. I can envision her doing the same thing every night. For the rest of our lives.
I spend the next few minutes tossing the pasta and sauce together, then pull the chicken out of the oven. We both fill our plates and pour a large glass of Chardonnay before sitting directly across from one another at the table.
“This is delicious, Alex,” Chelsi says after taking a large bite of the pasta. “I really lucked out to find a hot man who cooks amazing food and fucks like a god.”
Choking slightly on my pasta, I pound my chest, trying to clear the obstruction. Did she really just say what I think she did? No matter how much time we spend together, I never know what is going to come out of her mouth.
“Are you okay over there?” she asks with a smirk.
“Yep. Glad to know you’re satisfied in the bedroom.”
“Don’t sell yourself short. It’s not just the bedroom.
I’m also highly pleased in the amphitheater, the shower, the kitchen counter, the living room, your truck…
” She taps her fingers against her luscious lips.
“Can’t forget hotel rooms. And I never thought I’d have someone fingerfuck me in an elevator.
” She grins widely and takes a drink of her wine.
“You weren’t complaining…only moaning my name. That’s what you get for not wearing anything under your skirt.”
“If you think that’s a punishment, I’m never wearing panties again,” she teases, twirling spaghetti noodles around her fork and taking a bite.
Is she trying to turn me on? If so, it’s working. My cock strains against my pants, making me grateful I’m still wearing my work clothes and haven’t switched into sweats yet, where her impact on me would be more noticeable.
Need to stop stalling and start talking before we end up fucking on the table. Again.
I clear my throat and rub my sweaty palms on my pants. “I need to talk to you about something important.”
“Oh. Okay,” she replies softly, placing her fork on her plate.
The light in her eyes diminishes slightly, like she’s preparing for bad news.
“Are you getting deployed? I know there’s instability in parts of the world, and you’ve mentioned it could happen…
” She clenches her fists as her lower lip slightly trembles.
I shake my head. “It’s always a possibility, but I actually want to talk about us.”
She presses her lips into a thin line and swallows. A mix of fear and panic in her eyes.
Reaching across the table, I take her hand into mine, lacing our fingers together. “It’s nothing bad, Chelsi. It’s all good. I promise.”
She exhales deeply and nods for me to continue.
Here we go. Time to put my cards on the table and see if she might love me back.
“You enchanted me when I met you more than a year ago, and you continue to do so every single day we’re together.
You’re the first thing on my mind when I wake up and my last thought before I go to sleep.
My entire world.” I pause, blowing out a breath.
“I’ve tried to be vocal about how I feel about you.
How you’ve stolen my heart. How much I’ve fallen for you. ”
She smiles softly at me as her eyes remain locked on mine.
“What I’m trying to say is I love you, Chelsi. I’m so deeply in love with you that it consumes me. I don’t want to go another day without you knowing how I feel.”
The room is silent except for the sound of my pounding heart.
I’ve told myself I’ll be okay if she’s not ready to say it back, and I know that’s the truth.
The only thing that could break me is if she left.
If she didn’t want what we have anymore.
That would destroy me in a way I could never recover from.
“Oh, Alex,” she whispers as her voice shakes softly. “You’re the first man who has ever said that to me. And hopefully the last man who ever will.”
I gasp, holding my breath, hoping there’s more.
She squeezes my hand and uses her other one to wipe away a falling tear. “You’re the love of my life. I don’t know why it took so long for us to find each other, but I’m so very grateful we did. I love you more than words could ever say.”
I leap up from my chair and pull her into my arms, wrapping her in a tight hug as I bury my head in her shoulder. This amazing, wonderful woman loves me.
Me.
The kid who had no family growing up. Bounced from one foster home to another.
The one no one could ever really love.
She. Loves. Me.