36. Mathias
36
MATHIAS
M athias woke first. He experienced a mild confusion, typical of rousing in an unusual place; next to someone else. Then it occurred to him the someone else was Alberto, and his breath caught just as his fingers itched. Through the window, the sky was clear, the sun bright. It was probably late, and Mathias didn’t care.
Morning-Alberto, trapped within his arms at last. A sleepy, cuddly creature to be woken with kisses. Mathias’s way.
Mathias pressed their bodies together under the blanket. Alberto’s skin was warm; almost impudent in its softness. Mathias breathed in its scent, his lips finding the other’s nape. Then he heard it: the same sound that nearly undid him all these months ago. Almost a moan, but not quite so. A gift, a testimony of his consciousness returning to him. Inspired by its invitation, Mathias’s hands wandered with ease, from the shoulder to the thigh. With tender fingertips, he counted Alberto’s ribs, explored his narrow waist, caressed the outline of his back until he reached the place he longed to bury himself in. He kissed, he licked, he willed and hummed his lover awake.
And then he stopped, waiting.
“Don’t…” the creature at his side said, his voice thick with sleep.
“Don’t… what?”
“Stop.” And sounding almost scornful, “Don’t stop.” Reaching back, Alberto caught Mathias’s hand and placed it on his stomach. “Like this, but lower,” he breathed .
Mathias stretched his neck to see his face. He was already panting under his touch, shivering almost, his hips jerking as he seemingly attempted to merge their bodies together. And then his eyes snapped open, and he wriggled out of Mathias’s grip.
“Hang on, I need to…” He gasped when Mathias’s fingers closed around his already significant erection. “Pee,” he finished, in the most uncertain of tones.
No, no, no. Mathias released his cock to hold him against his chest, cutting short his plans of escape. “Unless you really need to go, you should stay right here.” And he swallowed his garbled words of complaint with a kiss.
It worked. Alberto became soft and docile between his hands. Mathias rolled him over. With painstaking care, he made his way downfrom the column of his throat, his tongue sliding over his collarbone and a puckered nipple, which he regretfully abandoned to kiss his way to the greatest reward yet: his navel, in which Mathias buried his tongue. Finally, he ducked his head between Alberto’s legs with a familiarity that surprised even himself.
“Breakfast?” he joked, glancing up.
The darkness he found in Alberto’s eyes resonated with his own desire. Take me, but fast , they dared him. Lest I escape you again. Mathias took this challenge head-on and swiped his tongue along the length of Alberto’s erection until he heard an Italian slur, one he’d looked up long ago. With a puff of laughter, Mathias swallowed his entire cock, his lips stretching when Alberto gripped the headboard with a drawn-out moan. For a moment, the room was filled with sounds Mathias had almost lost hope he would ever hear again. Until Alberto grew quiet again.
“Is it always like this?” he asked, looking down. The vulnerable look on his face tugged at Mathias’s heartstrings.
“It can be,” Mathias said, his own eyes soft.
They held each other’s gaze for a long time.
“Go on then,” Alberto said at last. He parted his legs a little wider, and his eyes shone a little wilder, and Mathias remembered to be a wolf again.
He took his cock first, then he took him entirely. Spread his legs open and buried himself between them, slow and steady, until Alberto’s eyes rolled back in their sockets, and he came all over his own stomach, Mathias’s name on his lips.
And then , Mathias made him breakfast .
Alberto watched him dress with a curious look, especially when Mathias recovered his chain from his pocket and put it around his own neck.
“Is that… my lock?”
Mathias shrugged. “You left it at my place. It’s mine now.”
“I didn’t know you liked that brand,” Alberto said, sounding surprised. “If you had told me, I would have gotten you something better.”
Mathias was so stumped, his arms fell to his side, but Alberto missed it, already on his way to the shower. They reunited a few minutes later in the kitchen, where Mathias was setting the table.
“I know you like grapes,” he said, his brow arched uncertainly.
Alberto plopped on a chair and, with a quick thanks , he immediately plunged his hand in the bowl of grapes. Mathias turned to the coffee machine with a sigh of relief.
“Can I ask you a question?” Alberto asked with his chin in his hand, watching him work.
“You can ask me anything. Anything.” He whirled around to face him.
“You might live to regret that,” Alberto said, reaching out for a glass of water. He ingested a small white pill with an indifferent expression. Mathias realized he had never seen Alberto take his medication before.
“I don’t think so,” he said absently. “What was your question?”
“What did you mean by, ‘It’s not being gay that’s the problem, it’s you’?”
Maybe it was Alberto’s gaze fixed on him with obvious affection, or the simple fact that he was asking him such an intimate question, but Mathias’s face started burning, and he would have taken to his legs if not for the flash of desire in Alberto’s eye suggesting he was into it.
“I-I don’t—” he stammered. “Sorry. What are you talking about?”
Alberto rolled his eyes, but his own face was flushed. “When I touched you, you were fine, but you didn’t want to touch me… and when you finally did, you kicked me out of your place…”
“Yes, I did,” Mathias admitted, his wits finally returning to him. “Because… Because you laughed in my face!”
“Did I?” Alberto’s innocent blink wasn’t as convincing as it was charming. He seemed to be aware of this, because he shoved several grapes into his mouth and went into a small fit of coughing.
“The thing is…” Mathias said, wondering if his heart could take an y more of this, “I’m not… comfortable with touching people. I don’t even realize I’m doing it. It’s just… I only touch the people I’m really close to. I’ve always been like that. I wasn’t about to get on my knees the first time we hooked up. Part of me didn’t want to hook up with you at all. You acted like the sort of guy who’d shit all over my feelings.” Mathias’s brow furrowed. “I’ll never forget the way you laughed at me…”
His mouth still full, Alberto grimaced, suddenly absorbed by the ugly modern art painting hung across the room. Thankfully, a series of beeps announced the coffee was done.
“You’re the one who assumed I was afraid of dicks,” Mathias went on, pouring coffee into a cup. “But it’s your dick I was afraid of. I’ve spent my entire life not being into anybody. Then I met you. It’s not like I understood anything that was going on.” Mathias set the steaming cup in front of Alberto. “If you say I’m gay, fine. I’m gay. I must be, since I’m so into you.”
Alberto finally swallowed. “That’s okay,” he said in a small voice. “You don’t need to say more.”
“No, I want to.” Mathias smiled. “To me, admitting that I like men is admitting that I like you. I can’t separate the two. I just didn’t want to tell you, ‘Fine, I’m gay, I’m into you,’ before making sure you wouldn’t laugh in my face again.”
Alberto’s lips pursed into a pout. “Meanwhile, all this time, I was hoping you’d admit it. All. This. Time.”
Mathias leaned across the table until they were face-to-face. “I think I admitted it pretty loud and clear since then.”
“Do you mean last night?” he teased.
“And this morning.”
For some inexplicable reason, Alberto leaned back in his chair, his expression turning mournful.
“Would that every morning be as the one we just shared,” he said in a dejected tone, the expression of melancholy.
Let me in, and it would be .
Mathias couldn’t bear to look at him. He knew he would sound too sappy if he said he loved him again, so he busied himself around the kitchen instead, his pulse racing. “Talk some more,” he said. “Please.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“Whatever you want.”
“Hmm…” Alberto assumed a thoughtful pose. “I want to say all th e wrong things so that you get mad again, push me down on the bed, and?—”
“Okay, settle down.” Mathias pointed a spoon at him. “Let’s try to have a conversation that doesn’t end with you on all fours.”
Alberto’s subsequent burst of laughter caught Mathias by surprise. He dropped the spoon, which bounced and clattered on the tiles until he stepped on it.
“O-kay.” Alberto cocked his head. “Let’s be real for a second. I find it hard to believe that you’ve never been into anyone.”
“Why is it so hard to believe? How many people have you been into?”
“… Good point.”
“Funny…” Mathias gazed at him thoughtfully. “I used to think I was traumatized. It turns out I’m just different.”
His words made Alberto sputter with another laugh. “You’re right, it’s funny.” He shook his head with an amused expression. “You thought you were traumatized, but you’re just different. I thought I was different; turns out, I’m just traumatized.”
Mathias’s body momentarily froze. He wasn’t sure how to react. But Alberto only laughed some more.
“Look at us.” He held out a grape and waited until Mathias got close to feed it to him. “So domestic.”
Reassured by his good humor, Mathias took his offering and made sure his tongue lingered on Alberto’s fingers while staring into his eyes.
“Since we’re asking questions…” he said, his voice low, “can I ask who your other lovers are?”
Alberto suggestively pushed the fingers Mathias had just licked into his own mouth. “My other lovers…?”
“Three more, you said. Three more. Remember?”
To his shock, Alberto reacted by slapping both his hands over his face. “Oh, Mathias…” His fingers parted, revealing a gray eye glinting with mirth.
“What?”
“My other lovers… They were my toys!”
“Your… what?”
“Toys! Sex toys!” Alberto gave Mathias an appraising look. “What? you don’t have any?”
“No.” Mathias gave him a scornful look. “Why would I need that stuff? I have you.”
Alberto chortled. “And how did you manage before me? ”
“With my hand, like everyone else.”
“Good for you. I have my hand, and I also have toys… which I tend to name after my fictional crushes.” Alberto smirked at Mathias’s helpless expression. “You were boiling with jealousy that day, it was so hot. I wanted to push you even more.”
“Oh.”
“Mathias, don’t look so sad. My toys may have preceded you, but you were the first brave knight to breach that sacred land.”
“I was your first?” Mathias grinned, delighted at the prospect.
Alberto didn’t answer, instead turning away from him to get more grapes. “So, what should we do today?”
“Hang on.” Mathias just had a realization. He caught Alberto’s wrist, who gave him a startled look.
“What?”
“If I was your first… Didn’t it hurt?” Mathias recalled Eric’s stupid face as he was holding his butt with both hands. “It must have hurt.”
“Yes, maybe…” Alberto’s cheeks took on a rosy hue. “I guess it did a little bit, but I loved it, so don’t worry.”
Mathias stepped back, horrified. “ Don’t worry? Of course I worry. Why didn’t you say anything?”
Alberto shrugged. “I was afraid you’d stop!”
“You—” Mathias gave a groan of despair. “Alberto, pollito , you don’t get it! I don’t want to hurt you. I really, really don’t want to.”
“Oh, yes you do!” Alberto’s expression turned scandalized. “You want to bend me over that table right now and teach me a lesson.”
He flung himself into Mathias’s arms and pressed their mouths together, before sinking his teeth into his lips. With a grunt of pain, Mathias leaned back, unimpressed.
“You are so unbelievably slutty.”
“Deal with it!” Alberto turned away from him with a flourish. “I’ll stop being slutty when you stop looking like this.”
“Fair enough.” Mathias caught him and held him from behind. “Look outside, Alberto. The weather’s nice. My dad’s friend’s car is parked outside. Do you wanna go for a ride?”
Alberto glanced at him over his shoulder. “You can drive?”
“Of course I can drive. You can’t?”
“Do you know anyone who’d let me drive in my state?”
“Oh, right.” Mathias dropped his head. “Sorry.”
“Now you have to make it up to me.”
Mathias obliged, with a little bit too much fervor. The table rattled for a minute or two while they shared a… passionate kiss. Mathias feared it would actually end as Alberto had said, with him bent over the table and taught a lesson about the consequences of teasing, but thankfully, Alberto broke the kiss first.
“Mathias?”
“Yes, pollito ?”
“Why do you love me?” He gave Mathias a look that dared him to mention his face. “Why me?”
Mathias thought he could lose himself in those eyes. Just drown in them. His chest tightened from the thought. “Because…” He dared the truth, for once. He brought his lips to the side of Alberto’s face and breathed the words like a secret in his ear. “You’re so weird…”
The greatest reward was the softening of Alberto’s features. His lip curled, his eyes narrowing in an endearing way. “You like that, huh?”
“Uh-uh,” Mathias replied, drowning . “I love that.”
Mathias had to concede, being in love was the strangest thing. Suddenly, he wanted it all, not for himself but for the one at his side. His own comfort felt like an afterthought. Mathias cupped Alberto’s face and gave him a kiss he hoped conveyed enough of the burning love he felt for him.
In response, Alberto shuddered, before taking his hand to lead him back to the bedroom. Mathias followed him, his gaze fixed on his nape, wondering where their actions would actually take them.
Gratitude, affection, perhaps love. Mathias wondered what Alberto could give him. He didn’t dare hope much. He was content to have him in his arms once again. He felt like he had fully woken from a bad dream, his fears finally put to rest. Inevitably, the two of them fell into bed again, and Alberto’s mouth, crafty and cherishing, brought him to the edge, their fingers interlocked. Mathias, breathless, felt Alberto’s pulse against his own. “You’re the most beautiful man in the world,” Alberto said when Mathias reached his climax.
“Don’t be silly,” Mathias panted, his vision swimming. “You should know… you should know better.”
“And I do,” Alberto said against his lips. His kiss was as soft as a petal, leaving Mathias wanting. With a contented sigh, Alberto curled up on his chest, and Mathias closed his eyes. His thoughts drifted, peacefully, toward an old, buried truth.
The first time Mathias saw Alberto was on the first day of school.
He was hard to miss, tall as he was. A tower clad in black, expensive clothes, perfectly tailored to his long and thin body. Perceived, at the time, as an unmistakable sign he had parents, alive and well, who took good care of him. Made sure he looked his best and felt it, too. Rendering him, intentionally or not, unforgettable.
And Mathias thought, with bitterness at first, Wow. Imagine being this guy.
Until their eyes met. Accidentally of course. Alberto stared right through him and yet… Mathias’s heart thumped in his chest. In thehollowness of his gaze, Mathias saw himself, a crumpled boy robbed of the light of his life. Never once had he met someone with eyes to match his own, their emptiness suggesting a kinship that was yet to come bare. Mathias stared and grew angry at himself. He scoffed, he shrugged, he forced his gaze away. And he hoped never to learn his name.
But he never forgot.
Without his knowledge, Mathias had never expected Alberto to join in this stupid quest to find out their parents’ secret. It was the dumbest plan, born from the dumbest guy. But he was hoping for it. He never expected Alberto to really be as weird as people said, but he was hoping for it, too. He never expected Alberto to let him when he kissed him the first time, or to jump headfirst down that rabbit hole the first time they touched each other almost for a dare.
Alberto was never what he was expecting to find.
He was even better .
Mathias, on the other end, was the predictable one.
Since the first time he caught sight of Alberto as he stood, surrounded but alone at the school gates, cool gray eyes raised to the matching sky. Since the first time he stopped to look and failed to smother the strangest thought as it occurred to him.
Wow .
Imagine being with this guy.