June 2018
Hello, everyone, and welcome to my column. I’m Jory Harcourt, and I’m here answering questions about kids, life with my husband, and of course giving out unsolicited advice. Because who doesn’t like that? Anyway, here we go!
DEAR JORY:
What are words of advice or reminders that you and your husband give your children in terms of sayings or something repeated that you say around the house a lot?
Jory: My advice tends to come from lots of different sources.
For instance, “when in doubt, throw it out,” is from my brother and cuts down on clutter around the house.
“False enthusiasm is better than no enthusiasm at all,” is from my mother-in-law, who always wants everyone to feel good when they announce something that everyone has to do instead of wants to do.
My husband has told both our kids, “always double-tap.” Meaning of course that if someone came after them, tried to hurt them, and they put that person down, then go ahead and shoot them again to make sure they stay down and can’t come after them.
This of course has only, thankfully, come in handy playing video games thus far.
“Head on a swivel,” is another one and something my husband barks—I mean says—to all of us whenever we walk across a parking lot, walk into a mall, an arena, whatever.
He wants us to look around and be aware of our surroundings and not have our faces in our phones.
He is also a big “trust but verify” guy and “inspect what you expect.” I say, “leave something better than you found it,” and that means a room (as in go ahead and unload that dishwasher or put away leftovers), people (give a compliment when you can or a smile), or even advice.
Sam: You forgot “pain is weakness leaving the body.”
Jory: Not a fan of that one, as you know. Trying to get you to go to the doctor is hard enough without any more macho crap.
Sam: You don’t know what you’re talking about.
Jory: Of course not.
Sam: It’s important for kids to stay strong and not cry about every little thing.
Jory: But it’s also important that they tell their parents when they’re in pain.
Sam: Well, of course it is!
Jory: And to tell people when, say, they’ve pulled their stitches and need to go back to the doctor.
Sam: I have no idea where you’re going with this.
DEAR JORY:
How do you deal with secrets, not bad ones but good ones, like, for instance, if say your husband saved someone’s life on the job but jumped off the side of a building to do it? How do you handle being blindsided, even by something remarkable?
Jory: Well, sometimes, when perhaps a video that the person you love didn’t know was being taken but was in fact uploaded to YouTube before the marshal service could have it removed and then you see something like that…it comes as quite a shock.
Sam: But we went over this, and I—
Jory: It’s hard to find out that the love of your life didn’t tell you that his life was, in fact, hanging in the balance off a four-story—
Sam: It was hardly four stories.
Jory: Five.
Sam: Now you’re just being ridiculous.
Jory: But the point is, when you do become aware, don’t attack the other person but instead open up a dialogue and discuss why the secret of them nearly dying—or whatever the case may be—was not discussed.
Sam: Definitely don’t start losing your shit—
Jory: Hello! Column!
Sam: —losing your mind when you confront them. Try and be a grown-up.
Jory: I’m sorry? What did you just say?
Sam: Wait-wait-wait—I’m sorry. That was crappy. I just—maybe next time—
Jory: Next time?
Sam: I meant if you found out something amazing, even if it was scary, perhaps attacking someone the second they get in the door—
Jory: So there you have it, communication is key. If one is not blindsided, one won’t go on a rampage that will leave another person’s ears ringing.
Sam: You can say that again.
Jory: Did you have something to add?
Sam: No.
DEAR JORY:
My husband has not only been bringing his work home with him but his crappy attitude as well. What do you do when your husband drags his dark cloud home?
Jory: If I see that my husband has brought his work home with him, which happens on occasion, we’re all human, I first try and ask him if he wants to talk about it just to vent.
A lot of times just him telling me relieves some of his stress.
I used to make suggestions to try and “fix” the situation, but I learned that it’s simply not possible.
Now, I let my husband explain everything without making any comments and then ask him what his thoughts are.
If after he’s all talked out he says, what do you think—then and only then, do I offer my insight.
If, on the other hand, he comes home, doesn’t want to talk, and then is just pissed at life and makes me and our kids miserable, then we have an issue.
As a rule, he’s not like that, but he’s a “whole world on his shoulders” kind of guy, and tends to take too much on himself. I’m working on him.
Sam: I’m not the only one who has bad days around here.
Jory: I never bring stuff home.
Sam: What about when you fight with a client?
Jory: I vent to Dylan and Fallon, never to you.
Sam: Maybe I want to help. It has to be a two-way street. I talk, then you, back and forth. We can get a timer if you want.
Jory: With everything you have on your plate, you want to help with my teeny client problems?
Sam: They’re not that teeny. Remember the time right before we got married when that event went sideways and that guy hit you?
Jory: Yeah, but that was a one-off. Things like that don’t happen much. Most of my issues these days are with clients not liking design concepts or not paying us on time.
Sam: You tell me who’s not paying you and I’ll go have a talk with them.
Jory: Oh yes, have the chief deputy of the Northern District just drop in.
Sam: I’ll bet they’ll pay you.
Jory: I suspect so.
Sam: Do I get a kiss for that?
Jory: Yes. You’re very cute
Sam: The hell you say. Cute.
Jory: Don’t sulk.
Sam: Just—keep in mind that I want to help.
Jory: And you do the same. You don’t have to tell me everything, you just have to share your frustration, and maybe we can find a work-around together. I’m not just pretty, you know.
Sam: I do know.
Jory: So our advice is?
Sam: To talk to each other.
Jory: And of course never go to bed mad.
Sam: I’ve never gone to bed mad at you. Or not talking to you or just gone to bed and not told you and you come in hours later and find me sleeping.
Jory: I know. Because like you’ve said to the kids, if someone can sleep when they know you’re upset, there’s something wrong with them.
Sam: See? Those are good words of wisdom too.
Jory: Yes, they are.
And that’s my column for this month; I’ll see you all next time.