March 2025
Now, I don’t know if this happens to other parents, but for me, my people will try and take care of whatever the situation is themselves before they will involve others, which includes friends, significant others, and finally me or Sam.
And while I applaud trying to take care of a situation yourself, I think it’s important, that if you need help, you ask for it. No matter how awkward you feel.
Normally, the area that everyone clams up over is getting hit on.
And I understand. It’s so uncomfortable that it’s hard to know how to react.
Unless you’re my daughter. Because it’s happened to her so often, and continues, she is one hundred percent clear on how she deals with unwanted attention.
Of course it’s because she’s a woman, and now, at this point in her life, when a man asks her out, she doesn’t say, I’m sorry, I have a boyfriend, she simply says no. Without giving a reason. Simply no.
This does not go over well.
I can’t tell you how many texts, emails, and voicemails I’ve seen and heard of hers that begin with, “I don’t know why you’re being such a bitch, you were so nice at first.” It’s really sad, and a couple of times I’ve been worried for her.
How far will these men take their anger toward her?
At this point, the only time someone stepped over the line was a guy who followed her back to her dorm on campus after a study group last year, only to find himself face-to-face with a very annoyed George Hunt, there to take her to an event.
Hannah had never even seen the guy again.
He dropped the biology class so they would not cross paths.
Yet another reason I appreciated her bodyguard and friend.
But even though she was uncomfortable, because she didn’t want to get the guy in trouble, she’d resisted reporting his behavior to her professor.
Once he was gone, several other women had shared that he had spooked them as well.
It was important to normalize speaking up, but that was hard for a lot of people.
Just recently, Kola was the one on the end of what he had brushed off as no big deal.
A guy in his study group, Piers, had missed three classes, and Kola had copied his notes for him and taken them to his apartment with some chicken noodle soup and dropped both off.
It was thoughtful and kind, which was basically my son, and after that, suddenly, Piers was everywhere.
As they were both studying medicine, at first Kola saw nothing out of the ordinary.
But when Piers showed up with takeout from a very high-end restaurant downtown to thank Kola, apparently my son had to have a difficult conversation with his classmate and explain that he would love to be friends, but that was all it could be.
Apparently, Piers Robertson came from a very wealthy family from New York—his father was the CEO of their company that was in petrochemicals, oil and gas—and so no was not a word he was used to hearing.
And because Kola had said no, like Hannah, not no, I have a boyfriend, Piers had tried to be charming and pushed gently.
At which point, when he had shown up on the doorstep of the apartment, a shirtless, sweat-covered Finn Murray had answered the door.
When Kola told me about it, he felt terrible, but they had just finished a run. Kola was on the floor in the living room, heaving for breath, which left Finn talking to Piers.
“Oh, Pa, you should have seen him,” Kola told me on the way to a dinner at Sandy and Michael’s house.
Sandy was trying hard to bring her friends and Michael’s together, and everyone she invited had to bring their kids along.
She thought getting to know families was really the best way to break the ice.
I couldn’t fault her. She was looking to create a new community between her and her new husband.
It was a nice idea. My husband, of course, thought it was terrible.
He was also pissed that no one else—neither of his sisters nor his parents—had agreed to show up but us.
“I felt so bad for Piers because Finn’s standing there with his sculpted six-pack and chest with all his muscles on display like he’s carved out of––”
“Yes, love, I know what Finn looks like.”
“Yeah, so he’s there, just sort of staring, because on top of his great body, Finn’s got those green eyes and his smile that––”
I groaned loudly.
He chuckled. “Crap. Sorry about that.”
“I’m playing with you. You know that, right?”
He nodded. “I do, but I am a bit—you know.”
“Oh, love, I know,” I teased him.
“Anyway, Finn says hello and asks Piers what he can do for him, and when Piers says he’s there to see me, Finn opens the door wide and says—for the first time, I might add, ‘Someone to see you, babe.’”
I snickered.
“I mean—really?”
“Babe, huh?”
He shook his head. “Ridiculous.”
“Do you not want to be called babe?”
“It’s better than some of the other idiotic nicknames that come out of his mouth, but there’s also some really pretty Gaelic that I’m trying to get him in the habit of using instead.”
“I see.”
“But anyway, Piers ends up dropping this huge bag of food on our doorstep and leaving, and after Finn made sure that he got rid of what spilled, he gave it to our neighbors.”
“Wouldn’t let you eat that, huh?”
“No, he’s… I mean, I get it. I wouldn’t want him taking food from some guy who was into him either.”
“Makes sense,” I agreed. “Go on.”
“Piers was so pissed when I saw him on Wednesday, and he said that I deliberately led him on, and why would I do that?”
“Oh, love, I’m sorry.”
“What made it worse was my friend Megan was there, and she basically ripped him a new asshole and told him that I was the one who made sure he got notes when he was out and that I took him soup, and where did he get off getting kindness and interest mixed up in his head.”
“Ouch.”
“Yeah. I mean, I appreciated her, but that just made it all worse. He went to our professor afterward and asked to join a new group. And when Dr. Villars asked him why, he said that I had created a hostile learning environment.”
“Did your professor question you about that?”
“Of course she did, and I had to go over everything that happened, and Megan, Dan, Omar, and Eshani all had to go and talk to her. It was a hassle, but they were all there for me, so I invited them over last night, and we all had dinner. Of course they all loved Finn and his homemade soda bread and Hannah’s vegan pot roast, which has gotten really good. ”
“Really?”
“Yeah. It doesn’t taste strangely like cauliflower anymore.”
“Well, that’s good. I’ll have to try it again, because the first time it had that weird taste of––”
“I just told you it was cauliflower.”
“––and that really odd consistency.”
“Yeah. Like wet cardboard.”
“Yes,” I agreed. “That was it.”
“Still better than my quiche,” he said with a whimper.
I squinted at him. “When have you made quiche?”
“That’s what the eggs were last Sunday,” he said defensively.
“That was supposed to be quiche? I thought they were omelets.”
“No. The hard stuff in there was pie crust.” He was adamant.
“Really?” I was stunned.
“God.”
I couldn’t help chuckling. “Is everything good with your professor?”
“Yeah. She told me when I was in her office that she wasn’t worried about it, but as your study group counts in with your grade, once they’re formed, they can’t just be changed for no good reason. We’re graded on how well we work with others, and our peers grade us on what we brought to the group.”
“That’s intense.”
“Well, I am going to school to be a doctor after all.”
“This is true.”
We were quiet for a few moments.
“Are you okay?” I asked him.
“Yeah. I was just blindsided. I thought I could count on Piers just like I could the others, but that turned out not to be the case. I’ve never had someone attack me after I said no before.
I’ve had the whatever, and the fuck off, man, and the whole your loss thing where they’ve been mad, but never had someone actually try and hurt me. That’s just crazy.”
“Do you think it’s done now?”
“Oh yeah. He’s in a new group that was happy to have him. There are perks like free takeout and his fancy apartment in the Gold Coast, but luckily for me, my group values my contribution more than anything else. Plus, there are home cooked meals.”
“Well, let me know when it’s your turn next and I’ll make lasagna.”
“You will?” He sounded so happy.
“Of course. I’ll make a meat one and one without. Just say the word.”
And I was rewarded as he leaned sideways and kissed my cheek.
We drove in silence for a few miles, and then he grumbled, “Why’re we the only ones in this car going to Aunt Sandy and Uncle Michael’s on a Friday night?”
“Your sister is at an event and will be here afterward. I wasn’t listening to what it was.
They’re opening something, and your father had to meet with the mayor and others to clarify the marshals’ position on what assistance they will and will not be giving ICE and Homeland Security and other agencies. ”
“I’ve seen a lot of Eli soundbites,” he told me. “And he always looks just as annoyed as Dad does.”
“Well, once you’ve said something and then get asked over and over only to receive the same exact answer, one wonders why the first time wasn’t enough.”
“Yeah.”
“So,” I said innocently. “I understand that you and Finn went to his parents’ house and told them that things were serious and that you moved in together.”
He grunted. “Hannah’s a narc.”
“I think she thought that you would have told us that.”
“But you knew that already.”
“I did, but still, you could have told me you did that so I wasn’t blindsided by Finn’s mother wanting to have us over.”
“Oh no,” he groaned.
“Oh yes. As far as she knows, you two are engaged. She asked me if there would be a ring or not.”
“Good God.”
“I thought it was very sweet. She adores you, so that’s good.”
“And you’re crazy about Finn, aren’t you?”