August 2025 #4
“I just—I thought this was so smart, you know? It makes so much sense, but if we break up…it has to be his baby,” she said, tears filling her eyes.
“It can only be his baby. It doesn’t work without—and now I have to wonder, how do we even come back from this?
And what if he thinks I would try and trick him?
Is he going to insist on us using a condom because he thinks I’d get pregnant on purpose? ”
I scoffed.
“What?”
“Love, this is Jake. He knows you so well. If you gave him your word that you are good to wait, do you seriously think he would second-guess you?”
She thought a moment and then shook her head.
“Of course not. His trust in you is infinite. He does call you a freight train, but only when you try and go through him without considering his feelings—like you did with the baby—but unlike everyone else, he always qualifies it with, she’s my freight train.”
“Yes,” she agreed, her voice thready.
I took a breath. “But will you be all right waiting? And more importantly, will you resent him for making you wait?”
“That is the most crucial question,” Aja told her. “Because you can still love him, but over time, slowly, insidiously, him denying you what you wanted in your heart will change from sadness to anger because he’s taken your choices from you.”
Hannah nodded.
“I have friends who have left the man they knew was the love of their life because he didn’t want kids,” Aja explained.
“Conversely, I also have friends who left the love of their life because they themselves didn’t want children, and they knew that they couldn’t deny that to their partner.
This, what you’re going through, is the same. ”
“Maybe you and Jake have to part now, and down the road, when you’ve both done more living, you can come back together,” I suggested.
Hannah’s eyes were quickly welling with tears. “I don’t want to be apart. He’s the one. I know that because we’ve already broken up once and––I…and…”
“And?”
She stood up slowly and walked like she was in a trance to the sideboard in our dining room, and looked at the motorcycle helmet sitting there.
The background was glossy black with stars, beautifully rendered, like the milky way, then a wash of color, and there, traveling through space and time, in all its power and glory, was the Tardis.
I was actually surprised she hadn’t noticed it earlier.
She picked it up and held it in her hands.
“Please,” I said flatly, and she turned to look at me. “You and I both know, if you ride on the motorcycle with him, he will obey all speed limits and…he’ll wear a helmet.”
Her gaze was riveted on me.
“And of course, he got you one.”
“With the Tardis on it,” she murmured. “Because he knows it’s my favorite show. Ever.”
“Both sides,” I pointed out. It’s a work of art.”
“It certainly is,” she agreed, then took a shaky breath and carried it over to the couch and sat down.
I turned to Aja. “You realize if my children get their lives sorted out, I can go on a birthday trip with my husband all alone at the end of this month.”
She smiled at me. “You do realize that the real issue is, Hannah is the lone woman in a forest of incredibly willful, strong men. You, Sam––”
“Me?”
“Please, I see you,” she said, her eyes narrowing. “You’re the chess master moving things around on the board for everyone’s best.”
“That’s kind of you.”
“It’s the truth. But again, you, Sam, Kola, Aaron, even Dane and George. She's got a lot of testosterone to hold her own against, and sometimes, to make herself seen and heard, she has to throw dynamite in the water.”
“That’s because she doesn't have your grace yet, because she’s so young.”
“Thank you, that’s a lovely compliment.”
“Well, I see you too.”
“Don’t worry about Hannah, she’ll get where she needs to be, she's just not done cooking yet. But she will be because her core is iron, and you and I both know that Jake loves her, and someday, hopefully sooner than later, she will understand him better. Because she’ll see he loves her as fiercely as the others do, only it’s more for him, because he isn’t in any way obligated to stick around.
Yet he does because he’s Jake, and his softness compared to everyone else is what makes him so fantastic.
Because he’s surrounded by all the same strong-willed men, but through all that battering, the core of him remains gentle.
That’s why everyone gravitates to him, the soft squishy center. ”
I smiled at her.
“What?”
“That’s all very perceptive.”
“Well, we share this space together, you and I. Our two families are actually one, and I see all the people just as clearly as you do.”
I nodded. “I feel like we should be drinking something better than this, don’t you?”
It was funny how she almost spit out her tea. “Yes, bring on the wine.”
So I got up to get us some.
Jake got home the following morning around eight thirty.
I was up having coffee, cleaning up the dishes from the breakfast I had made Sam an hour earlier, when he came through the back door.
He looked exhausted, but with more spark than he’d had in a while, courtesy, I knew, of simply hugging Kola and Harper the day before.
“Morning, Mr. Har––”
“Good morning,” I whispered back.
“Why?” he asked softly.
I pointed over to the couch, where Hannah was asleep, still clutching her helmet.
He took a breath, went to the kitchen table, and quietly put down his work belt and his lunchbox, and in his socked feet, as he’d left his work boots at the back door, he walked over and knelt down in front of her.
The same way Sam knew, even when he was asleep, that I was there, Hannah knew and slowly opened her eyes.
“Hi,” he husked.
She reached for him, fisting her hand in his shirt and tugging.
He resisted. “I’m all dirty.”
“Well, I haven’t brushed my teeth.”
He grinned at her.
“Are you covered in fiberglass like that one time?”
“I am not,” he teased. “Just dirt and dust.”
“Which is gross, because you told me what’s in dust,” she reminded him.
He was all-out smiling now.
“This is my helmet?”
“Nobody else’s.”
“It’s very pretty.”
“I know you’re mad about the bike but––”
“I’m scared about you on the bike, but I’m through doing your thinking for you, so––”
“No you’re not,” he called her out.
She took a breath. “But you hate it.”
“No. I would tell you if I did—and have.”
“Yes.”
“Then we can safely say if it’s a problem, I’ll let you know.”
“Well, my issue with the bike is Illinois not having a helmet law.”
“Yes, but when you’re with me, I’ll wear one.”
“And when I’m not, I’ll take heart.”
He smiled at her. “I’ll wear it all the time.”
Deep sigh from her. “Good.”
“And?”
“And I want a baby,” she told him.
“I want a baby too,” he said, taking the helmet from her, and setting it beside him on the table.
She took a quick breath. “I only want your baby.”
“I only want you to be the mother of my baby.”
“Okay. Same page. So we’ll wait.”
“I want us to be married, but I changed my mind about the house.”
“Oh?”
“Screw those guys. We’d help them with their kids. They can help with ours.”
She nodded quickly. “Yes, they can, and clearly, you can’t be away from Kola and Harper. Finn and Wick had no idea.”
“Poor bastards.”
“You’re a non-negotiable in the lives of your besties.”
“And you?” he asked hesitantly, and I could hear his heart in his throat.
“You’re not really asking that, are you, Jacob?”
He inhaled deeply and then exhaled slowly. “I want to get married in the backyard like your folks were, but we can have a big blowout thing too for all your Sutter people and––”
“No,” she said quickly. “Small wedding, just people we love. I will have a big job, but just like Uncle Aaron, the balance is in his quiet home life with the man he loves.”
Jake nodded. “You won’t hate me for making you wait?”
“It’s a small wait, not a big one.”
“No. Not a big one, but still.”
“If we had discussed things first, we’d be right here, wouldn’t we? You’re not saying no to being a young parent, there are just important milestones that need to be hit.”
“That’s right.”
“And we’ll be married,” she sighed.
He stared into her eyes.
She took a breath. “Forgive me for not talking to you.”
“I do,” he assured her, and then cleared his throat. “And now I need you to promise to always talk to me before you leap so we can do it together. I can’t bear to be left behind.”
She was nodding frantically, and he reached for her, smoothed away her tears, and then leaned forward but stopped.
Her whimper was all longing.
“Promise me.”
“You and me,” she swore. “Cross my heart. We’re one person from now on.”
“One,” he murmured, and leaned in and kissed her.
She pounced on him, arms around his neck, holding on for dear life.
She might have thought she loved him before this.
It was one thing to know in your head, to be aware of how you felt.
But now she knew, down deep, that to be without him was not what she wanted or needed.
He, I knew, was always aware, because Jake led with his heart.
There was no doubt that he loved Hannah, it was on his face, in every gesture, in every word.
But for her, this had been eye-opening. To be truly happy, she had to have him.
And that was scary, as it was for me with her father.
Because some people could still function, still live, without their other half, but I wouldn’t be able to, and now I knew, neither would she.
All at once I had something new to worry about.
When they parted, she took a deep breath. “I never want to figure out things alone. I can’t—I can compartmentalize a lot, most things, but not my family, and not you.”
“I missed you,” he whispered.
She kissed him again for that.
He wasn’t tired enough not to take her on a ride around the block on the back of his motorcycle, both of them wearing their helmets, and when they returned, I had coffee ready just how they liked it, his with only cream, hers with cream and vanilla syrup.
“Well?” I asked her.
She tipped her head back and forth. “It’s not how I thought it would be.”
Jake was beaming at her.
“I might have miscalculated the appeal.”
“Enjoyed the holding on, did you?”
“Yes,” she said quickly, taking a sip of her coffee. “That is definitely a big perk.”
“You know, you’re gonna have to move all your clothes out of my closet,” he told her, taking his coffee with him as he headed for the stairs.
“I moved nothing of yours,” she murmured back. “I’ve been doing a fair amount of pining, so many items have been worn by me.”
“Oh yeah?” He sounded so very pleased.
“Yes. Sandusky’s Pipe Fitting—whatever that is—has been in heavy rotation.”
He chuckled. “Thank you for the coffee, Mr. Harcourt,” he said, climbing the stairs.
“Yes, Pa, thank you,” she echoed, trailing behind him.
I didn’t see them again before I left for work, and that was fine with me.
When I got home that night, late, even after Sam, which never happened, my husband was in walking shorts, running shoes, and a Nirvana T-shirt that I hadn’t seen in ages.
Dobby was in his harness on the kitchen counter watching as Sam slathered a piece of banana bread with a heart-stopping amount of butter.
“You seem to be on your way out,” I said, walking by him and putting everything in my hands down on the kitchen table. I then returned, trailing my hands over my stunning husband, admiring all the muscle groups and his gorgeous ass.
“Yeah, Jake promised his ladies that I would walk with them from now on,” he told me, smiling crazily, stuffing half of the piece of bread into his mouth.
“Oh?”
He nodded, then swallowed and used his tongue to catch a glob of butter, and I was compelled to reach up and wipe the slight smear that was left off his lips with my thumb.
“And where is Jake?”
He said something, but it was muffled by the rest of the piece of bread he was trying to speak around.
“What?”
“Gone,” he repeated, swallowing.
“Gone?”
“Yep. We’re childless. Hannah took Jake’s stuff away in her SUV, and he followed on his bike. He installed my new router before he left, and now all is well with my Wi-Fi. He’s a very good boy.”
“She took him, you say?”
“Yep.”
“I feel like she’s really okay.”
“I asked when I talked to her—she was here when I got home—and she said that she was actually getting everything she wanted, just on a slightly longer timetable.”
“Then you think she’s actually good and happy?”
“I think if she’d talked to Jake in the first place, then it would have come out exactly as it is now.”
“That’s precisely what she said earlier,” I sighed, leaning into him, kissing under his jaw while simultaneously trying to get to the drawstring of his shorts.
“Hey,” he grumbled, stepping away from me. “None of that. I’m meeting the ladies shortly, and I expect you to order me Chinese food while I’m gone.”
“Is that right?”
He grunted.
As I looked at him more closely, I realized that everything, including the shorts, seemed to be fitting quite tightly. “Where did these items come from?”
“Sorry?”
“These shorts are hugging your thighs, and isn’t this T-shirt Kola’s?”
“No, it’s mine.”
“Okay, but why did you choose these pieces of clothing?”
“Because I didn’t quite get all my dirty clothes into the hamper last week.”
I had stopped searching for strewn clothes on his side of the closet. “I see.”
“So I may be out of clean workout clothes.”
I always made sure his suits and dress shirts were ready to go.
“I see. You’re diving deep into your drawers at this point.”
“Don’t laugh, it’s not funny. You’re the one who’s gotta be seen out with me.”
But it didn’t matter. I didn’t care if we got down to tie-dye and old worn cargo shorts.
He could make anything look good, and more importantly, my daughter was happy, my son was happy, and my Jake and my Harper were happy.
Bonus, Finn and Wick were happy too. Added to that, the cherry on top of the cake, was the way my husband drew me into his arms and kissed me.
Always so helpful when the sun finally came out.
That’s it. Have a wonderful rest of August, and I will tell you all about my husband’s birthday in September.