31. Barrett
BARRETT
I couldn't move—couldn’t breathe.
Couldn’t think past the numb haze holding me in its clutches.
Something heavy held me down, anchoring me in a way that prevented the slightest movement.
..or had I simply lost use of my body? As I opened my eyes I found I could not even see the sky.
Or were my eyes actually still closed? I tried to move, only to be greeted by splintering pain, agony shattering through me, fracturing every inch of my body like chips of glass. My body went limp, bending to the pain.
What had happened?
Where was I?
The air was foul, stinking of blood and rot and.
..something else I couldn’t place. Death?
Voices called out inaudibly, speaking words I could not discern.
No matter how much I tried, I remained where I was, limbs useless, body leaden.
So, I let the creeping darkness win. It felt oddly relieving to give into it, to let it ultimately sweep me away to whatever awaited me in its depths.
“Barrett! ”
My body grew heavier, a weightless sleep pulling me into its embrace, and fuck, I wanted to give in to it so badly. I’d fought for so long. Something tugged in my chest, though, something deep, deep down in the recesses of my soul begging me to stay. But the thread was thin, fraying...
Threatening to break.
“Barrett! Answer us!”
A different voice called me that time, one full of fear and something I couldn’t place. It was a voice that lifted my soul and grounded it all at once, one I wanted to hear more of, let it fill my ears every waking moment of every day. I didn’t deserve it, yet I craved it more than life itself.
I forced my eyes open, forced my body to move—to do anything. My voice was hoarse as I called back, searching for them as they were me. I wasn't sure if words actually left my lips or if I’d imagined them.
They didn’t respond, and I began to wonder if I’d imagined them calling to me all together.
Perhaps this was it; perhaps this was where it ended, my mind conjuring voices of those I cared for most, wishful thinking that they needed me as much as I needed them—to offer me comfort so I wasn’t alone in my final moments.
If this was the end, so be it. I only hoped Lucia was all right, that Micah and Damien had made it through everything.
Thalia.
The weak flames within me flickered at the thought of her name before falling silent again, as if they were trying to reach up once more just for her.
Fuck, I wanted to see her again, wanted to hear her yell and scold me for something stupid, wanted to make a shitty comment just to see her cheeks redden and hear her sharp tongue.
“Barrett!”
The weight was lifted off me and I managed to lift my lids just enough to see it was a body. No, not one. It had been multiple bodies pinning me down, their unseeing gazes staring into nothing, their skin pale and painted with blood—both black and red.
“Oh, gods. Damien! Lucia! He’s over here!” she shouted, and my vision cleared barely enough to find her staring down at me with wide eyes. They were like storm clouds. I hadn’t been able to get them out of my head since I’d first seen them.
“Barrett,” she said as she leaned over me. There was something wrong with her eyes. They were red, swollen.
She shouldn’t be crying, I never wanted to see her cry.
I’d stayed away so she could be happy…with Micah.
She was his, and I’d accepted it. Despite my acceptance, despite how much I had fought to keep her at a distance, I hadn’t been able to shake her from my mind, every interaction only drawing me to her more, every spoken word, every look exchanged solidifying her presence in my chest. Regardless of whether it was the mating bond or not, she had chosen him— loved him—and I refused to take her from him, to cut into the joy she felt at his side. She was happy with him.
So why was she crying over me ?
I tried to lift my hand to wipe away a stray tear as it rolled down her cheek, but I couldn’t move.
“It’s going to be all right,” she said, and I couldn’t understand why she said it. “I’ve got you.”
Stop crying. I can’t take it.
Lucia and Damien appeared at my side, and Lucia fell to her knees, her hands shooting out to my stomach. Darkness danced at the edges of my vision, and my eyes grew heavier by the second.
If I could just...let them rest...for a moment.
“Thalia, keep talking to him,” Lucia instructed, her voice full of urgency. “Damien, I need you to pull it out. The second you do, he’s going to bleed out, and I have to start healing him immediately.”
Pull it out? Pull what out?”
“Barrett, keep your eyes on me,” Thalia said, her voice a plea.
I blinked slowly, looking up at her, and my lips parted.
“I didn’t...thin—” My voice cracked, and I inhaled, but the air wouldn’t fill my lungs, they couldn’t expand, and pain shot through me.
“Shhhh,” she whispered. “Don’t talk, just stay still.”
“See you...again,” I muttered, my voice barely loud enough for me to hear.
“I’m here,” she assured me. “I’m right here.”
“Make sure he doesn’t move,” Lucia said, and I frowned.
What was?—
Pain sliced through my abdomen, and I cursed, my head falling back as I cried out.
“I’m so sorry!” Thalia muttered, her gaze darting to my stomach. “Hold still. Lucia’s healing you.”
Warmth crept across my stomach, chasing the pain away, and I tried to breathe through it.
“Lucia,” Damien said in an almost warning.
“I’m just closing the wound so he doesn’t bleed out,” she said, and I looked at her, at the sweat painting her brow. She was pale, a strange weariness touching her features.
She let out a shuddering breath, the warmth vanishing, leaving in its wake a deep ache that made it difficult to move. I drew a deep breath, relieved to be able to do so again, and I blinked.
Lucia sagged against Damien, and he caught her.
“What...” I muttered.
“I thought we’d lost you,” Lucia said with a weak smile, her words as ragged as her breathing.
I frowned.
“You were impaled on another’s dagger,” Thalia explained. “It must have happened in the blast.”
The blast? My heart faltered as it all came back to me.
“Where is she?” I asked, shooting up and immediately regretting it as Thalia braced me .
“Stop. You can’t move,” Thalia said as she forced me back onto the ground. “You’ll reopen your wound.”
“But the darkling queen...” I groaned.
“She’s gone.”
My gaze snapped to Lucia as she spoke, but she wasn’t looking at me. “Gone?”
Her gaze lingered on the barren expanse where the healers had been, and my heart plummeted at what remained.
The only sign that anything had ever stood there was bits of splintered wood and shreds of white fabric.
Where tents had once resided, where healers had practiced their craft and magic to heal warriors.
..was a gaping crater, the grass dead at the edges, the soil tainted with corrupted shadow magic.
There was nothing. Every healer, every injured warrior... They were gone.
I turned back to her. Something haunted lingered in her expression, something I’d never seen before.
“She’s gone,” she said once more, still unable to look at me. “It’s done.”
“How did you manage it?” I asked, hope soaring in my chest, but it faltered at the look of guilt in her eyes.
“We have to check on the city,” Lucia said, ignoring my question, grunting as she pushed herself to her feet. She was weak, barely able to support herself as Damien helped her, and her hand fell to her swollen stomach. “Evacuate the survivors.”
“Easy. We’ll handle it,” Damien said.
I turned to Thalia. “Where’s Micah?”
Her gaze shifted to me, and her hand rose to her chest. Something akin to concern flitted across her face, and for a moment, I wondered why she was here and not looking for him. “He’s still out there somewhere, but I—our bond remains.”
I tried to get up. “I’ll help you?—”
“No, you stay here,” Thalia said, rising to her feet. Black mist enveloped her before silver wings emerged from the shadowy depths, sending the shadows cascading around us as she ascended to the skies as a gyrfalcon.
Something fractured inside me to see her leave my side so quickly, but I shoved it down, forced it deep within me, where I hoped it would finally wither and die.
Lucia and Damien stepped beside me, and I followed their gazes to the city, fire and smoke rising from the small buildings in the dark distance.
“Holy shit,” I breathed, the blood draining from my face as I managed to get to my knees.
Neither of them spoke, but as I looked back at Lucia, something twisted in my chest at the sorrow on her face.
What had she done?