Chapter 12
S nake sat in his chair , swimming deep thoughts.
Petra would be here any minute. He'd heard her come in and go to her room, and he knew she'd be patching up whatever damage Ghost had done to her, but it wouldn't take long to clean and disinfect the scratches and bandage any slightly deeper ones. And then she'd be here. With him.
He'd been in turmoil ever since they'd had that big discussion over dinner.
His brothers wanted her. If he was honest with himself, he wanted her, too.
Maybe not for him, but for the way she made his brothers feel.
It was impossible not to notice the way they were around her.
And Snake knew that deep down he could come to want her in that way.
..learn to trust her enough to let her touch him.
..but not yet. He'd seen her in their every day life and while he knew she was professional and respectful out there in the world, in here she was a brat with a big mouth that kept trying to push his boundaries instead of respecting them, and until she learned that wasn't going to fly with him, he wouldn't ever be able to trust her.
So this was it. The point of no return. He wasn't going to lose the brotherhood.
They were forever. The Order was forever.
And if that meant that Petra was going to be forever, he needed to be honest with her and have a heart to heart.
He dreaded it. Opening up wasn't something he did naturally, especially not to people he considered acquaintances, but this was necessary.
There was a soft knock at the door and he called gruffly for her to come in.
Padding in softly, she smiled at him sitting in the large chair. “Hi, Snake.” She looked him over. “Are you okay?”
It was on the tip of his tongue to snap at her that it was none of her business, but he swallowed it back.
Open and honest. Instead, he side-stepped the question.
"Things tonight are going to be different," he told her, rising to his feet.
"I'm going to talk. You're going to shut that bratty mouth of yours and listen.
Afterwards, I'll decide if your questions are worth answering.
For now, take off your clothes and get on the padded bench. "
She nodded, removed the robe she was wearing and lay down on the piece he pointed to. Eyes on the ceiling, she took a deep breath, letting her hands and arms relax at the sides of her body, the bandage on her sternum in full view.
Fighting every protective instinct he had, Snake took his mask off and set it down on the seat behind him.
This wasn't going to work if she didn't see how serious he was.
Grabbing the lengths of soft rope he'd set out earlier, he began the process of binding her body to the table, moving her unresisting limbs about.
"I don't know if the others have told you that they intend to petition the Elders to keep you, but they do," he began when her arms were secured.
"And that presents a problem for me, because they're my family and I will not lose them.
Which means that you and I have to come to an understanding.
..a way to make this work." He took a deep breath and started on her legs.
"I'm not like the others. I wasn't raised in The Order as a legacy child of powerful bloodlines. I spent my childhood being beaten and abused in orphanages and foster homes, and I was taken by The Order after I killed my first person at the age of twelve." He ignored her soft intake of breath.
"Being raised by Ghost's father was a lesson in brutality.
I hope that explains, to some extent, my unwillingness to be touched.
My body has been broken too many times. It is now mine and I will dictate and decide what happens to it.
And only with people I trust. And Petra, I don't fucking trust you.
You come in here every year with your big bratty mouth, constantly trying to push my limits, and then you go and pull crazy dangerous shit like yanking my mask off.
If you want this to work between us, I need you to understand that while your attitude might fly with the others, it doesn't fucking fly with me. You may speak now."
“I... I’m sorry, Snake. I didn’t know,” she offered.
“My attitude is not because of you, or anything past having to protect myself up until this point.” She turned her head to him.
“I apologize if this year has set you on edge, or my plan has kicked things up. I didn’t mean to upset you.
I took a shot, Snake...to find a happiness I need.
I needed a change; I needed it, or I wouldn’t make it to the next year.
“I was raised in an orphanage, too,” she said softly, “and aside from the four girls I was raised with, I don’t have anyone. Having you seven makes me feel real somehow.”
That gave him pause. She'd been in an orphanage, too?
He didn't know how to feel about that. If it was responsible for the way she responded to them, that she was somehow fetishizing her trauma, it might not be healthy.
On the other hand, maybe she'd had a positive experience, something completely different to what he'd gone through.
"I understand wanting to protect yourself," he conceded eventually.
"But it was a stupid way to go about it.
Coming in here all ballsy could have gotten you killed.
If you haven't learned over the last three years that I have rigid personal boundaries, how can I trust you to learn and respect them going forward? "
“I didn’t know.” She looked to him again. “You didn’t say much to me any of the times before this. I didn’t think it was a boundary. I thought you were just uninterested, or you wanted me to show interest. I’m not the best with social cues. I am sorry for that.”
"Didn't you ever wonder why I only touch you with toys?" he asked curiously. It was a hell of a big thing to miss...more than a social cue.
“No. Some guys are like that. Some guys...I don’t know.
You might not have wanted me. The others might have, but you might not have.
You also could have been gay, and not interested in women.
I just thought it was your kink, to keep yourself removed from me.
I didn’t like that. I needed to know if you wanted me the way I wanted you, so I did what I did.
I am sorry, Snake. I won’t do it again. I won’t push you again. ”
"Well it isn't going to happen overnight," he told her. "Today I'm trying something...new. But I'm not ready for you to touch me yet, and probably won't be for some time. If that's not enough for you, then we have a problem."
“It will have to be,” she said softly. “I like you, Snake. If we are just friends, I can handle that.” She swallowed. “I’m here for you. Do what you want.”
"I don't need your permission," he snapped and took a breath. "Sorry. This will take time for me to get used to as well," he said stiffly.
She nodded. “We will learn together, I guess.” Her smile was small, but she gifted it to him.
He nodded, too, glad to have cleared the air, but it still remained to be seen if she could control herself while he was vulnerable around her.
He finished tying her up in silence and tested his work with a deep sense of satisfaction.
"That okay?" he asked. "You can feel your fingers and toes? Circulation is fine?"
She nodded and wiggled her fingers and toes. “No problems.”
"Good." He went back to the cupboard to collect the strap-on he'd chosen, hesitating for only a moment before he brought it back to her. Open and honest. That was the aim. He had to be raw with her, and this needed to be done.
It wasn't easy to get the harness on with her already bound, but he managed it, and then it was time. "This is..." He had to clear his throat and start again. "This is the first time I've done this with someone else," he told her.
She looked down her body, arched a brow and then looked up to him. “Never pegged someone before, so this is a first for me, too. I get why I’m tied down, but I’m not sure how this is going to work. I mean the mechanics I get, but not all tied down.” She smiled. “But I’m not against it.”
"Because I can't trust you not to try and take over in the heat of the moment," he said simply. "This isn't about you fucking me. It's about me taking what I want in a safe environment. And until we know each other better and there is trust between us, this is how it's going to go."
He began stripping out of his jeans, noting the way she eyed his cock with pained hunger in her eyes, but she kept her mouth shut and something in him eased.
She wasn't going to make this difficult.
He'd prepared well for this session, even though he'd chosen a dick on the smaller side, and didn't feel any embarrassment about removing the butt plug he'd had in and tossing it into a bucket for cleaning.
He took a moment to lube up the strap-on but then everything was ready, and there was no putting it off. Climbing onto the padded table with her, he straddled her body, his knees on either side of her waist, and held her gaze as he sat back and down, slowly impaling himself on the silicone rod.
Watching him, she kept her eyes on his, showing him her acceptance. She bit her lip, clearly wanting to say something, but didn’t.
It took him several moments to get all the way down and then he settled there for a second to catch his breath. The fullness was exquisite, but he knew the true pleasure would come when he started moving.