Chapter Twenty-Five
RIA
Finally, I’m feeling better than I have in months. The first four were terrible, the last one wasn’t as bad, and now the Hyperemesis Gravidarum is easing off a fraction. The doctor told me it usually lasts about twenty weeks, and I’m almost at that stage.
Seeing as I was so sick and Patrick’s production company went south, my professional career has all but dried up.
So, I’ve been looking into other avenues away from Hollywood.
Even though acting was great, it forced me to be something and someone I don’t like.
I’ll still do the occasional job, commercial or whatever, but for now, I’m looking into teaching special needs.
I’m taking an online course through a local college, working through everything I need with a bit of extra help—perks of fame, I guess—so I can make a real difference for those who need it most. This has always been my dream, even before I was thrust into the spotlight.
And now, given the circumstances, it feels like the perfect time to pursue it finally.
Teaching is my true calling—it feels more meaningful than acting ever did, and I can’t wait to be fully qualified.
Security has informed me of a delivery of some kind, something I wasn’t expecting. So when the doorbell chimes, I head to the door. Pulling it open, the driver looks completely unimpressed and bored as I sign for the giant parcel.
He grunts when I tip him, then rushes off before I can even say thank you.
It’s pretty heavy, and I exhale as I maneuver it past the door.
Grabbing a corner, I rip the brown paper and packaging to reveal the dove painting Nate started all those months ago.
Seeing it makes my heart flutter, and tears stream from my eyes as I stare at this beautiful painting in awe.
It’s perfect, totally stunning, and everything I’d pictured.
I’ve been following the success of his business through Alex, and I’m so happy and grateful he’s doing this on his own merits. I knew he’d do well.
A small card peeks out from the side, so I pull it down, turning it over to see neat but child-like handwriting, and instantly I know it’s Nate’s.
My hand instinctively moves to my stomach, and tears fall from my chin.
I’ve been so stupid.
I miss him.
I’m going to be forever linked to him.
He needs to know.
I can’t keep this a secret anymore.
Just because I’m scared doesn’t give me the right to block him out.
I love him, and being apart has shown me that, and now I need to show him.
I just hope he can forgive me.
Racing to the table, I grab my keys and head out to my car, sliding in as fast as I can. I’m not sure where he’ll be, but my first guess is the gallery, so I’m heading there.
I quickly drive there and park out the back so I won’t draw attention—my security team is parked behind me, knowing to keep a safe distance. I race down the same alleyway he took me down all those months ago and burst through the door.
“Nate,” I call out.
Alex turns and frowns.
“He’s in the studio… drowning,” she says.
I furrow my brows and nod, walking quickly toward the back studio. Opening the door, I walk in to see Nate slumped over a bottle of whiskey. I wince while my heart rejoices at seeing him for the first time in months.
“Nate,” I whisper.
His head slowly moves up and looks at me, then to my stomach.
Oh God, he knows!
My hand instinctively moves to my tummy, and he draws his eyebrows together in a frown.
Not the reaction I was after.
“It’s not mine, is it?” he asks so softly I can barely hear him.
“What?”
“The baby… it’s not mine?”
I jolt my head back and gasp. “Is that what you think?”
“That’s why you broke up with me because you’re having someone else’s baby, right?”
I’m not sure whether to be horrified or relieved. “Nate, I’ve only been with you. And for a long time before you, I was with no one. I only want to be with you.”
I feel tears forming, but blink them away.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I found out for sure the day of the re-filming, and then freaked out when you acted jealous.
I thought if you got so worked up over that, I'd tell you about the baby and you’d completely lose it.
I was also concerned about how you would react to me filming those sorts of scenes from then on.
The way you reacted, I just didn’t want to put you through that pain every time I was doing a love scene. It’s not fair on you.”
He opens his mouth to speak, but I stop him, my voice trembling as I push forward.
“I also didn’t want you to give up your life for the baby and me. I didn’t want you to stop painting, to put your music on hold, to trade in your freedom for something you never signed up for. So I did what I thought was best… I walked away before you ever had to make that choice.”
I swallow hard, my chest tightening. “I became my mother. I bailed when it got too hard, and it was the worst decision of my life.” My eyes burn as I force myself to keep going.
“But at the same time, it’s made me realize something.
I love you, Nate… so much it physically hurts,” I exhale, shaking my head at the impossible truth.
“We’re having a baby, and I let the age gap, the differences between us, convince me that this could never work.
That you deserved more time to be young, to live the life you were supposed to.
But the truth is… I need you. Not just for the baby, but for me.
” I look at him, my voice barely above a whisper.
“If you’ll still have me. Please, take me back. I’ve been so fucking stupid.”
He sits there just staring at me.
I’m not sure if he’s actually heard anything I’ve said or if he’s completely zoned out.
“Nate?”
He puts his finger up as if to halt me, then stands and walks over to me. Nate looks down at my stomach and places his hand on my belly, tenderly caressing. “The dizziness, fainting, puking on tour?”
“Morning sickness,” I clarify.
He nods and exhales. “We’d been careful?”
“Not the very first time,” I remind him.
He stifles a laugh and nods.
I was pretty shocked when my scans revealed our first time together was more than likely our conception date too.
“You love me?” he asks.
Smiling, bringing my hand up to caress his face, I nod. “So very much.”
His body visibly relaxes. “I love you, too, baby, and I wish you’d told me about this sooner. I could’ve been here for you… attended your appointments. I want to be there for everything, Ria. Everything.”
I nod and smile. “Alex said you’d say that.”
“She’s a smart girl.”
“She is. I should probably tell you I had Hyperemesis Gravidarum in the first trimester.”
He furrows his brows, pulling me to him, and flares his nostrils. “That sounds serious. Are you both okay?” he asks, running his hands up and down my arms.
“I’m fine… now.”
He looks me up and down. “Ria, you’ve lost weight. You have a bump, but your arms and face are much thinner. Baby, what was wrong?”
I wrap my arms around his neck and look into his eyes.
“It’s okay, it was really severe morning sickness.
The doctors have it under control now, though my pregnancy is considered high risk because of my age, so I’m being monitored closely by my doctor.
I honestly didn’t even know if I could even get pregnant. ”
His face falls. “Ria, why didn’t you call me? You know I would’ve been there for you, helping you however I could.”
Half-smiling, I thread my fingers through his hair. “I know that now, and I’m sorry I didn’t come to my senses sooner. I stupidly shut you out.”
Nate pulls me to him and holds me tight. Feeling his warm body pressed against mine ignites a fire in my soul. I’ve needed him more than I thought.
“Jesus, Ria, if I’d have known…” He pauses, dragging a shaky breath.
“If I had any idea you were going through this, I would have been there. No question.” His eyes lock onto mine, fierce, unwavering.
“You know that, right? I’m not some clueless kid who’s going to panic and run.
I’m not gonna walk away just because shit got hard.
I may be younger than you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what I want.
And what I want, what I’ve always wanted…
you.” He takes a step closer, his voice lower but just as sure. “I will be with you for everything.”
I pull back, looking into his watering eyes. “I know. Don’t worry, I know. Alex was there. She helped a lot.”
He exhales and nods. “That’s good, but not the point. You know I’m not letting you out of my sight now?”
Smiling, I nod. “Good, but this will really test us. This is a new relationship, and we’re throwing an advanced maternal age pregnancy into it and then a baby at the end of it all.”
“Ria, there’s more than just a baby here. We have so much, so fucking much to talk about.”
I gnaw on my bottom lip with a nod. “I know. I’m such an idiot for letting this go on for so long. I should’ve never shut you out. I should’ve trusted you’d be able to handle this.”
Nate’s entire body sags, and his eyes drop to the floor.
“I have to admit it hurts that you’d think I wouldn’t be there for you.
Did you think I wouldn’t find out?” He scrubs his hand through his hair.
“I just don’t get it, Ria. We were happy.
Even then, I loved you. I would have jumped for joy if you’d told me.
I would have come to all your appointments and held your hair while you puked.
Fuck! Ria, I would’ve painted the nursery for our child. You have to know that, right?”
Tightness forms in my chest as I let out a small sob.
“I’m sorry, Nate. I was unwell. The stress of the tour and my family got to me, and I thought that throwing a baby into our relationship would be bad for you.
You’re just starting to get on track… your art, your music, everything’s heading in the right direction for you.
I really felt like you didn’t need the added stresses of being bogged down with an older woman, locking you into a relationship for the next eighteen years. ”
He grunts and shakes his head. “Are you fucking kidding, Ria? Fuck the music! Fuck the gallery! I’d burn the world to the ground if it meant I’d be left standing with you and our family.
And if you think I’m gonna be sticking around just until our kid hits legal age and then bail on you, you have another thing coming, honey… ”
His forehead creases in evident anger. “Ria, you’re it for me. You were since the moment you strutted into the boardroom demanding lemon water with a fucking straw.” Nate smiles, and his eyes twinkle with love and understanding. “You, me, little nugget in there. You two are my whole fucking world.”
He moves in, pressing his open palm to my stomach, and butterflies flurry right through my very existence. He knows, he finally knows, and he’s being so amazingly great about it.
Why the hell did I wait?
I sniff and step up, throwing my arms around his neck and taking him into an embrace.
His body shifts against mine, and we hold each other so tightly I can feel every inch of him.
“I love you, Nate. I can’t apologize enough for not telling you.
I want you and pray that you never leave my side again. ”
He pulls back and nods, sweeping a strand of hair behind my ear and caressing my cheek. “Ria, you and our little… boy? Girl?” he asks.
“I’m not sure yet,” I tell him.
He smiles like he’s so happy I didn’t find out without him.
“Okay, you and our little nugget are all I need. I don’t want to spend any more time away from you, especially since you’ve been so ill.
I don’t want to be one of those dads who aren’t there for every single part of their child’s development.
I know what it’s like not having a parent.
You do too. Our kid is not having that, not ever. You with me?” he asks.
It fills me with such joy that tears spill from my eyes as I nod. My bottom lip trembles, and I blurt it out before I even have time to think it through. “Nate, move in with me,” I ask, but it comes out more like a demand.
He smiles, resting his forehead on mine with a sigh. “I was hoping you’d say that. Your house is much better for a family than living with Matt and me. Plus, I’m not sure Matt could handle a screaming nugget.”
“Can you handle a screaming nugget?” I chuckle.
“Baby, when it’s a part of you and a part of me… this will be the best nugget the world has ever seen. Talk about celebrity babies.”
I smirk. “Wow! The world doesn’t even know we’re a couple, and now they’re gonna know we’re not only together but having a child. Talk about instant headline news.”
Nate raises his brows and nods. “I’ll get Tillie drafting up a press release, that is, if you’re ready to come out of the closet with me?”
“I want the world to know you’re mine, Nate Levine, and that we’re madly in love…” she trails off, then continues, “But, there’s probably one person we need to tell before the world knows.”
He tenses up and looks into my eyes with a nod. “Your Mom?”
“Mmm… Mom knowing we’re together should be fun times. Her knowing why I’ve been so sick, yeah, this is going to be a shit storm.”
Nate pulls me close, looking into my eyes. “Honestly, with all the shit we’ve been through, we can get through this little hurdle. There’s nothing we can’t accomplish together, right?”
I let out a small laugh. “So true.”