Chapter 28 #3
“Because we couldn’t keep pretending the distance wasn’t hurting us,” he said. “Not because I stopped caring.”
The problem was, I believed him. I could hear the truth in his voice, and somehow that hurt more than if he’d lied and told me he didn’t love me anymore. At least then, breaking up with me would’ve made sense. But he still cared, and he’d still been the one who decided we couldn’t be together.
I leaned back against the side of the building and peered down at the concrete. “You had a funny way of showing it.”
“Don’t.”
“Then don’t act like this is simple.”
“I’m not. You think I saw your name and felt nothing?”
“I think you saw my name and started weighing the upsides.”
“Because I have to. You went to Tampa because it was the right move for your career. I stayed in Sacramento because it was the right move for mine. Marcos believes in me. Devon believes in me. Now I’ve got an offer that could move my career forward.
Turning it down because you’re the opponent won’t fix what happened between us. ”
“So that’s what this is?” I asked. “Proof you didn’t get left behind?”
“No. It’s proof that staying in Sac was the right choice for me.”
“And I’m the guy you have to prove that against?”
“You’re the guy on the contract.”
“That’s worse.”
“Yeah, but I haven’t told anyone yes.”
“But you want to.”
“I don’t know what I want.”
“I do.”
“No. You know what you want me to say.”
“What I want is for what we had to matter more than this fight.”
“It does matter.”
“Not enough to say no.”
“You don’t get to make me prove I loved you by turning down a fight before either of us has had time to think about it.”
Loved.
Past tense again.
“Then why are we even talking about it?” I questioned.
“Because someone wants us in a cage together.”
“That sounds like Devon.”
“No, that sounds like reality.”
“Devon set this up.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I know he didn’t ask about my weight class for nothing.”
“Devon might’ve had a reason. Marcos could’ve liked the matchup. Grant could’ve too. And the promotion sure as hell saw two undefeated fighters at one eighty-five and realized they could sell it.”
“You’re defending him?”
“I’m defending myself because you’re talking like I helped him do this to you.”
“I never said that.”
“You didn’t have to.”
I turned away from the street. “I think Titan is using this.”
“I’m not Titan.”
“You’re still there.”
“And you’re still mad about that.”
“I’m mad Devon had his hands in this.”
“You’re mad because I stayed.”
“That’s not what this is.”
“Then stop acting like my career is dirty because Devon’s attached to it.”
“He is attached to it.” I threw my free hand up in the air.
“And Grant’s attached to yours.”
“That’s different.”
“Because he works for you?”
“Because he didn’t kiss you and then ask about my weight.” I knew I’d hit too low, but I didn’t take it back.
When Keaton answered, he sounded colder. “If you think Devon is using us, maybe you should ask why Grant didn’t shut it down before he put the offer in front of you.”
“That’s his job.”
“That’s what I’m saying. They’re all doing their jobs. Devon, Marcos, Grant, and the promotion. To them, this is business.”
“And what is it to you?”
“I don’t know.”
“That’s reassuring.”
“You think I have answers?” His voice boomed with anger. “I was just sitting in Devon’s office, staring at your name on a fight offer, and now I’m trying to figure out how the best opportunity I’ve had turned into this.”
“If it’s the best opportunity you’ve had, then maybe you already know your answer.”
“Rowan.”
“No, it’s fine.” I switched the phone to my other ear, needing something to do before I made it worse. “You’re right. It’s just business.”
“Don’t do that.”
“You brought it up first.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me.”
“But not enough to choose us.”
He didn’t answer, and after a few seconds, I wished he would. Anything would’ve been better than listening to him prove my point without saying a word.
When he finally spoke, his voice was quieter. “There is no us.”
The words made it easier to be angry than hurt. He didn’t try to soften them, and maybe he hadn’t meant them the way they sounded, but he’d still said them.
“Right.” I pressed my back harder against the building. “You’re right. There is no us.”
“Rowan—”
“I guess we should both do what’s best for our careers, then.”
“Is that what you’re going to do?”
“Yeah.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
The word sat between us, too final for something neither of us had signed yet.
“I don’t want to hate you,” he stated.
“You won’t have to.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means we’re professionals, right?”
“Rowan,” he said again. There was a time hearing my name from him, even clipped and pissed off on the mats at Titan, had gotten under my skin because it meant he couldn’t keep pretending I was nobody, and now I hated it.
“I need to go.”
I ended the call before either of us could say anything else and walked back into Grant’s office and signed the fucking contract.
You want to fight me in the cage, Keaton? Then we’re going to fucking fight.