55
RUDRAKSH
Cold air surrounds me as I sit in this cold hospital room, the antiseptic smell thick in the air.
Shivani is still unconscious on the bed, a bandage covering her stomach where the bullet wound is healing, machines hooked to her on both sides.
I hate seeing her like this. The doctors said the surgery went well—they successfully removed the bullet—but now it’s a waiting game.
If she doesn’t wake up within the next thirty-six hours, they can’t promise anything.
It’s already been twenty-four.
I feel numb, like I’m stuck in some sort of waking nightmare. She hasn’t even stirred. Not even once. The only movement is her breathing, and that—just that—is the only thing keeping me calm, but for how long, I don't know.
Everyone is outside in the lobby, anxiously waiting, but I can’t bring myself to leave her side. Maa and Aarav are the most affected. I never realized how close they’d gotten to her, but I can’t even blame them. Shivani is... she’s just very lovable.
I continue to hold her hand, my thumb tracing soothing patterns over her soft skin. It feels cold. Too cold. The guilt is too much to bear, like a heavy weight pressing into my chest, making it hard to breathe.
“I failed you,” I murmur, my voice thick with regret. “I promised to keep you safe, and I failed.” My gaze drifts over her face, memorizing every inch. She looks peaceful, too peaceful, like she’s sleeping in the middle of a war zone.
“You always said I deserve better,” I whisper, my voice cracking.
“But sweetheart, you’re the one who deserves better.
Someone who will actually protect you. Someone who won’t let the world touch you.
Someone... not like me.” I take a shaky breath, staring at her still face.
“I never thought I’d ever be able to love someone,” I continue, my eyes stinging.
“But I do. I love you so much. I can’t live without you. I can’t imagine a life without you.”
Tears stream down my cheeks—hot, aching tears.
I feel like someone is tearing me apart from the inside.
“You changed my life, darling,” I whisper, my voice breaking.
“You made me feel things I never thought I was capable of. You gave me love I never believed I deserved.” I caress her cheek gently, my touch feather-light, as if too much pressure might break her.
“You’re the love that came without warning.
" I kiss her knuckles. "You had my heart before I could say no, baby.”
A low breath escapes me. “Please come back to me,” I plead. “Please don’t leave me alone. I don’t know how to live without you.” If I have to beg, I will. To anyone who is willing to listen. Pride means nothing right now.
“When we got married, I thought it would be a loveless marriage. I didn’t trust you.
I didn’t even give you a fair chance,” I sniffle.
“But you proved me wrong every single time. You... won me over.” I let out a broken laugh, wiping my eyes.
“You’re beautiful—inside and out. Even the devil would fall in love with you. And I’m still just a human.”
I reach out, gently brushing a strand of hair away from her face.
“I want to have lots of kids with you,” I whisper, the words coming out like a promise I didn’t know I was holding inside.
“I want to see you become a published writer. I want to make you happy every single day. You’re my home, Shivani. And I’m nothing without you.”
I pause, my throat tight. The silence in the room presses against me. Just the steady beeping of machines and the soft sound of her breathing fill the air.
I lean forward, resting my head gently against her chest, listening for the faint beat of her heart. “Please,” I whisper, “please, Shivani, don’t leave me. I need you. I love you.”
I squeeze her hand, willing her to feel it. Willing her to come back to me. “I love you, Shivani. I love you so much. I’m sorry I didn’t say it before. I’m sorry for everything. Please... just wake up for me.”
And then I feel it. Her hand twitches in mine, and my heart leaps. For a second, I freeze, unsure if I imagined it. But no—there it is again. A slight, shaky movement. Like she’s trying to squeeze back.
I lift my head, staring at her face, willing her eyes to open. “Shivani?” I whisper, my voice trembling. “Can you hear me? Can you open your eyes?”
I wait, watching her intently. Her eyelashes flutter lightly. Barely there, but it’s real. It’s her.
My grip on her hand tightens. “Shivani,” I call again, my voice coming louder, “please, open your eyes. Look at me.”
“I love you too, Rudra.” The words are so gruff and shaky I still think I’ve imagined them. But then her eyes slowly open, and she looks at me—weak, tired, but full of love, like she always does.
“I love you too, Rudra,” she whispers again, her voice hoarse.
My heart nearly stops. I feel it all at once—relief, love, disbelief—crashing over me like a wave. Tears stream down my face, this time not from fear but from joy.
“I—Doctor!” I yell, voice full of hope and urgency, pressing the emergency button repeatedly. “She’s awake! She’s awake!” The doctor rushes in, and I step back slightly, still holding her hand.
They ask me to leave, but Shivani whispers hoarsely, “I want him to stay.”
The doctor nods and checks her vitals, smiling after a moment. “She’s stable. Responding well.”
“She’s going to be okay,” the doctor informs me, and I finally exhale, not even realizing I was holding my breath. The words hit me hard. It’s over. She’s out of danger.
Relief crashes into me, knocking the fear out of my chest like a fist. I look at her— my Shivani.
“You heard the doctor,” I whisper with a shaky smile. “You’re going to be okay.”
She nods, eyes glistening with emotion. “I love you, Shivani,” I tell her again, needing her to know. “I love you so much.”
She smiles weakly, squeezing my hand. “I know, Rudra. I know. And I love you too.”
She looks around the room, then at me, slowly. “Is Maa okay?” She whispers, her voice hoarse.
“She’s okay,” I reply, brushing her hair back gently. “She kept blaming herself. But it’s okay now. You’re okay, and she will be too.”
“Can you bring her in?” She asks softly.
I nod, wiping my tears, trying to collect myself. “I have a reputation to maintain,” she adds with a tiny chuckle—then hisses in pain.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but don’t laugh!” I say, half-scolding, half-relieved. I hesitate for a second. I don’t want to leave her side. Not even for a moment. But they need to see each other.
So, I walk out of the room.
Everyone looks up, hopeful smiles on their faces. The doctor must’ve told them. “Maa, she’s calling you in.” I inform her with a small smile.
She doesn’t waste a second, rushing toward the room. Aarav and Aditi immediately ask when they can see her.
“Soon,” I promise. Papa’s still sitting quietly, chanting Lord Shiva’s name under his breath.
I let him be and head back into the room.
I asked Dadaji and Chachi to stay at home.
Dadaji needs to rest; he has been worrying too much.
I didn't want him to fall ill, and Chachi willingly agreed to stay back.
She knew it's not good to crowd the hospital, so she decided to stay back and look after Dadaji.
When I enter the room again, Shivani is in Maa’s arms, holding her tightly. Her eyes are closed, resting against her shoulder. They stay like that for a while, and I don’t interrupt. I just watch.
When they finally pull apart, Maa’s face is streaked with tears, but there’s peace there now. A smile stuck onto her face. “I’m glad you’re okay, beta,” she smiles.
“I’m glad you’re alright too, Maa,” Shivani sniffles.
Then something flickers in her expression. Fear. Pain. “Madhav Uncle?” She whispers, her gaze shifting to me, full of hope.
And it breaks my heart, because I have to tell her the truth.