Chapter Five
Cara
He’s doing it again, pulling back and raising a wall between us.
He always does this after we share a moment together. Granted, we haven’t done anything like we just did today, so I didn’t expect him to pull back after rocking my world the way he just did, and yet, it’s happening again.
That stony look on his face and his blank eyes only work to sour the moment we just shared, and I want to rage, to raise my voice in frustration, but instead, I simply gather my dress to my chest—at least what’s left of it—and climb to my feet as he stands.
“I have to go now, Cara,” he says, walking to his bag, and I ignore the way my heart clenches at his words. He wants me. I know he does, so why the hell does he do this every time? Why does he keep running away?
“I’m not made of delicate china, you know?”
He stops just short of grabbing his bag and leaving, and turns around to look at me. “I don’t believe you are fragile, Cara.”
Then why won’t you let me touch you?
“You do!” I say, walking toward the man despite the shakiness of my knees. His eyes stay on mine as I close the short distance between us. “I don’t like that you run away every time we…um…” I flush as I try to think of the words to say before I finish lamely, “Kiss.”
“It’s not because of you, I promise.”
I try not to let his words affect me. “I think it does. I’m twenty-one, James.
” I look up to meet his brown eyes, daring to reach out and touch his arm.
“I’m not a kid anymore. I’m not a delicate little flower you need to handle gently.
” I lift a hand to his chest, trailing it tentatively over his firm muscles through the shirt.
His hands have touched me…everywhere. He’s familiar with all of my most intimate of places.
Spots that even I never dared explore when I am alone, and yet, I let him touch them, kiss them, and now I want to return the favor.
My fingers itch to touch his bare skin and bring him the same pleasure he’s given me. “Don’t go. Let me have you.”
“No!”
I whip back like I’ve been slapped, quickly withdrawing my hand as hurt flutters in my chest. I try to push it aside, but it stays, digging its ugly claws into my chest even as insecurity forces its own space inside.
Does he not consider me good enough for him?
He can touch me, but I’m not good enough to pleasure him?
Suddenly cold, I hug my dress to my chest before I realize the chill isn’t coming from the room. Regardless, the rejection is clear, and I have nothing to counter it so I take a step back.
James is quiet for a minute, and I assume he’s going to grab his bag and leave, but instead, he curses under his breath, his eyes darkening.
“Goddamnit,” he growls again, grabbing my arm and spinning me around to face the wall.
The move startles me, and I release my dress, gasping as my tits press against the cool wall and then… SMACK!
The first slap to my bare ass takes me completely by surprise, and I barely have time to react before the second lands. Surprise turns to mortification, which quickly shifts to lust when he smooths his hand over the spot. “James…”
“This,” he growls into my ear, his breath blowing hotly against my skin, causing goosebumps to ride up my skin. “This right here is the reason I leave every time.”
“W-what?”
I yelp when he hits my ass hard. The sound rings through the room, and my sex floods with moisture in a surprising twist. I didn’t think I would be turned on by this.
Before this moment, a part of me would have never thought of finding pleasure in something like this, not after everything I’ve gone through in the past.
And yet, I find myself leaning into his touch when he lands another smack. My nipples harden as fire burns across my butt, a moan leaving my mouth at what he’s doing. I should be mortified that I am letting him do this to me, but I’m too turned on to care.
“I can’t give you gentle,” James rasps into my ear, fondling the flesh he just smacked as he leans in to nip my ear.
“Every time you are near, I just want to rut you like a bull. Bury my cock into your little virgin pussy and fuck you so hard everyone in the building will hear it. They’ll know your mine!
” Another smack. “Fuck, baby, how can you think that I don’t want you to touch me? ”
“Let me. Please.”
He spanks my burning ass cheeks once more. “I don’t trust myself with you, angel.” His voice is heavy and ragged as he presses his erection against me. “I don’t trust myself to not push for more than you can handle.”
The hurt that was beginning to build up in my chest fades into something else.
A longing to give him as much as I have received.
To touch and pleasure him the way he touches and pleasures me.
I realize that I do trust him. He’s rough, but controlled.
A man his size could easily hurt me, but he holds himself back, even as he lands one swat after another, he isn’t hurting me, not really.
The man whose life I ruined is the man I am trusting not to ruin mine in turn in an act of vengeance.
There is a desire and a need that fuels us on, but at the core of it all…is trust.
“I trust you, James.”
The hand stroking the burning skin of my ass stops, and he goes completely still at my words. “Cara.”
I take advantage of his distraction to turn around and face him, conscious of how naked I am while he’s fully dressed. That little thought sends my sex thrumming with need, but he’s overlooked his own desire for mine for a week. I can return the favor.
I want to return the favor.
“I trust you,” I say again, running my hands up his chest. “That day, after I had the panic attack, you promised that you would not hurt me.” My fingers are surprisingly steady when I tug loose the first button, looking up briefly to meet his eyes as I release the second.
“I don’t believe you’d ever hurt me, so don’t worry about what I can and can’t handle.
If it gets to be too much, I’ll tell you. I promise.”
“Cara…”
“Please, Daddy,” I whisper, biting back a smile when his eyes flare. “Show me. Teach me how you like to be touched too.”
“You’re killing me, angel.”
I can’t hold back the smile this time and lean up, brushing my lips over his throat, pushing up to kiss his jaw before pressing my lips over his.
Light as a feather as I finish opening his shirt.
He sucks in a sharp breath when my fingers touch his bare skin, and it’s nothing and everything I imagined.
His skin is warm against my cool fingertips, his muscles firm and tense.
My eyes shift down to look at the ridges of muscle covered with tattoos all over his torso.
I trail my hands up his shoulders to see more of him, pushing back the shirt and reveling in the perfection his body has been curved into.
I don’t remember much of the man from the past, but I don’t imagine he looked anything like the man standing shirtless before me now.
“I know what sex is,” I murmur, kissing his jaw and down his throat, intent on testing his control.
My hands travel from his shoulders to his pecs, to his firm stomach, gasping when his muscles ripple under my fingertips with every curious touch.
“I’ve heard enough about it from the women around here to understand how it happens.
” Not all of what I was told was good, and I’ll admit some of the stories scared the daylights out of me while others sent a longing blooming in my chest. Done right, I heard, and with the right person, sex can be magical.
“We can do that. You want that, right? We can…um, have sex.”
“Cara,” he sighs, his voice tight. His muscles are tense, and I can tell he’s still holding himself back. He doesn’t trust that I can handle it, so I set out to convince him that he’s wrong.
My hands drop to his jeans, and something burns in those brown eyes when I tug at the button, but I only get as far as unzipping his jeans before his hand clamps down over mine, stopping me.
“Wait, Cara,” he rasps, voice thick with desire.
“You’re not ready for what you asking yet, and quite honestly, neither am I.
” I start to protest, but he simply places a finger on my lips.
“I don’t trust myself to not take you fast and hard.
Not when my control is practically in shreds right now.
You deserve more for your first time, but if you want to touch me… there are other things we can do.”
“Like what?”
“I’ll show you.”
“James—”
I find myself backed to the wall seconds before his mouth slams down on mine in a kiss that sends my toes curling with pleasure.
I whimper against his lips, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and pushing forward to rub my aching nipples against his chest for relief.
It doesn’t work. All it does is intensify the feelings.
My head is swimming when he pulls back, those dark eyes so heated, they send a shiver down my back.
“On your knees, angel.” I don’t protest his order, thankful for the reprieve for my weak knees.
The move finds me face to face with the massive bulge pushing against the open zipper.
My stomach flutters with nerves and excitement as he pushes down his jeans and boxer briefs, and I gasp when his erection bobs out.
Despite all my bravado earlier, I find myself wavering at the sight of his dick. He’s huge, intimidatingly so, and for a moment, I question all the stories I’ve heard from the women in the shelter.
It’s nothing to be worried about, they told me. Imagine a banana, another woman assured me. I’ve felt him against me, so of course I doubted the banana analogy, but I wasn’t prepared for this. He’s thick, long, and heavy.