Chapter 67
The Devils Disciples Group Chat
Tools: Are they fucking again?
Dante: They’re always at it. This house has become a whorehouse.
Rachel: Leave them alone. They’re young and in love.
Dante: And we’re not?
Rachel: I mean… it’s debatable.
Steph: Are you not having enough sex, Dante?
Dante: What have I told you about talking to me, Snow White?
Steph: To do more of it. Which I am absolutely adhering to. In fact, I can come over and speak to you in person if you like?
Dante: I’m naked.
Steph: I can handle that, baby.
Rachel: Why are you naked?
Riley: Bit weird when you’re listening to Vienna and Gabriella shagging.
Dante: No, that’s not what I meant.
Rachel: …
Imogen: …
Gemma: …
Jade: …
The Birds: …
Ant: What does that mean?
Rachel: Shagging? It means sex.
Ant: I know what shagging means!
Steph: So then why did you ask?
Ant: I didn’t!
Gemma: Pretty sure you did, pal.
Ant: I wanted to know what ‘…’ meant!
Imogen: It’s a pause.
Rachel: God, you’re old.
Ant: A pause? Could you just not have, oh, I don’t know, not sent anything? Instead of blowing my phone up with bastard dots?
Rachel: Clearly someone else isn’t having much sex, either. The temper!
Gemma: My man is satisfied, thank you.
Jade: Try telling his texts that.
Steph: He’s got a nice rhythm, hasn’t he?
Jenna: Who?
Steph: Vienna. I can hear the headboard.
Dante: How can you hear…
Dante: Hang on a minute, have you actually come over?
Steph: You invited me.
Dante: The fuck I did!
Sunshine: I’m really busy, lads. Can we stop the nonsense?
Rachel: Oh my god, it’s TEXTS. The beauty of the text is that they DON’T need to be answered or even read straight away. You’re all CHOOSING to be here. You could silence your phone and get on with your day.
Steph: Oh, he’s picked up the pace a bit now. Must be coming to an end.
Dante: Stop listening!
Steph: Why? You are. And you’re naked whilst you’re doing it. You’re the weird one here, buddy. Not me.
Dante: Give me strength.
Jenna: Surprised you haven’t left the chat yet, Dante.
Dante: …
Jenna: …
Ant: Not again.
Rachel: He’s not allowed to leave.
Sasha: And he’s listening to you? What have you done to him?
Rachel: You don’t want to know the terms of our bet.
Steph: I bet it’s sex related.
Beth: Probably. We’ve all heard them as well. They can’t act like they’re any better.
Monster: I’ve seen them in the bar.
Sunshine: I’ve seen them in the garage.
Tools: My garage?
Rachel: Fucking filthy spies the lot of you.
Divorce: I don’t think I want to be here anymore.
Rachel: Shut up, Dad.
Steph: Yeah, shut up, Dad.
Rachel: Steph, for the love of God.
Tools: Why does everyone keep having sex in my garage?
Gemma: Shh, Grandad. Shh. Go back to sleep.
Jenna: Did you hear that, Steph?
Steph: What?
Jenna: Vienna has just shouted.
Steph: I can’t hear anything down here! I’m coming up.
Dante: The fuck you are.
Steph: I’m allowed in Jenna’s room.
Dante: See above.
Steph: Come out and stop me. I dare you.
Rachel: Gabriella is screaming now.
Steph: Fucking hell, I heard that. Respect, Vienna. I didn’t know you had it in you.
Chris: Maybe she’s faking it.
Rachel: Bloody hell, you came out of nowhere with the shots fired.
Dante: I think Vienna has just experienced shots fired as well.
Steph: Aw, honey, you made a joke. Good for you!
Dante: Fuck off.
Jenna: I think they put a hole in the wall with the way that bed was banging.
Rachel: Well, if she doesn’t leave that room with mild concussion, has she even had a good time?
Monster: Steph always has a good time.
Rachel: That has just made me drier than a digestive biscuit. No one wants to think about you, Monster.
Steph: I do.
Rachel: In the nicest way possible, you don’t count. You’re fucking bizarre.
Vienna: Alright, lads? I’m not reading all that. What have I missed?
Rachel: …
Steph: …
Jenna: …
Jade: …
Monster: …
Ant: ………..
Rachel: You did too many.
Ant: Are you the pausing police?
Rachel: Yes.
Gabriella: Well this is embarrassing.
Vienna: This is disgusting. This is, this is… I have no words for what this is.
Rachel: Bit dramatic.
Vienna: I know what this needs.
Vienna added Doctor Ashleigh to the group chat.
Vienna changed the group chat name to Intervention.
Rachel: Have you actually just TOLD on us to our therapist? That’s low.
DrAsh: Hello, Rachel.
Rachel: Yeah, hi.
DrAsh: Why have you added me to this, Vienna?
Steph: Whatever he says, it’s all lies.
DrAsh: Okay… You know you need to pay for this, right?
Vienna: Ooop.
Vienna has left the group chat.
Dante: Ha. Pussy.
DrAsh: Hello, Dante.
Dante: Nope.
Dante has left the group chat.
DrAsh: Seems like it’s just you, Rachel. When will you be making payment? Also, have you finished this week’s assignment?
Rachel has left the group chat.
DrAsh: Ahh, peace at last. Now, does anyone else need therapy around here?
Gabriella: Honestly, Doc, you’d be best asking who doesn’t. This place is fucked.