Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
Nigel
As a medic in the army, I’d dealt with scenes no one should ever have to witness, much less endure.
As a doctor, I’d felt the surge of adrenaline and the rush of dopamine as they flooded through my body when a difficult surgery was successful.
As a Dominant, I’d felt the honor of being awarded a submissive’s trust which was always accompanied by the weight of responsibility to prove myself worthy of that trust. But now, after hearing Hazel’s complete story, all the blanks filled in by her, Cedro, and Wes, I felt a rage toward a man as well as a crowd of people I’d never see and a wave of fierce need to protect this woman with my very last breath.
I’d seen a lot of bravery over the course of my life, but what I’d learned tonight, how Hazel had fought until she could fight no more, humbled me in a way that I’d never believed possible.
In her story, she’d said part of her wanted to flee but it was too late.
Unlike her, I was able to do so, but knew that if I did, it would be dishonoring the woman over my shoulder who deserved only the best I could give her.
I couldn’t carry her out of the very place she’d craved to experience since she’d discovered her true need to submit.
It would be tantamount to that preacher declaring she was incapable of knowing what she needed, labeling what she craved as being sinful.
But that didn’t mean I was incapable of changing my plans of tonight’s play.
It took me a moment to realize I’d come to a complete standstill in the middle of the room.
And that only came when I heard the words, “Master Nigel? Is there a problem?” I looked up to see a young woman in the uniform of a service submissive had approached and was holding the black duffle bag I’d sent to the Dungeon earlier today.
“No, Luna, just wondering… would you mind hanging on to that a bit longer?”
“Of course, just let someone know when you’re ready for it. As for the room?”
“Hang on to that as well.”
“Yes, Sir.”
I thanked her and without further explanation, turned on my heel and started retracing my steps.
“Master? What’s the matter?”
“Nothing, babygirl. I just remembered there is yet a step that I need to take.” Once I’d returned to the upper level of the Dungeon, I moved to a chair tucked away from most of the others and slid Hazel off my shoulder and onto my lap as I took a seat.
“Nigel? If we’re back here, it’s not ‘nothing’. Is it because… because you don’t want to scene with me anymore?”
“Hell no!”
Hazel pulled back a bit and I shook my head. “Sorry, babygirl, I didn’t mean to say that so loudly. And this has nothing to do with you, well, not in the way that is trying to squirm its way into your head. This is all me.”
Large round eyes searched mine as if seeking words left unsaid, but then she finally gave a little nod. “Whatever it is, please let me help you figure it out.”
I smiled and slid my hand behind her neck and pulled her down to kiss her gently.
Her body relaxed as she accepted I wasn’t about to dump her, either literally or figuratively.
“That’s a given, babygirl. I’d made some plans for tonight’s scene, but after hearing your story, I believe I need to”—I placed a finger over her lips when they began to open—“let me finish.”
Her brow furrowed but she nodded and I pulled my finger away. “I was going to say, I believe I need to get your input. It has nothing to do with not playing, but a great deal to how that play goes tonight.”
“Okay, I guess that makes sense. I did lay a lot of crap on you tonight.”
“No, Hazel, you didn’t lay any crap on me. You honored me, all of us, with your trust, with your honesty. And to be clear, I will not always be asking you what you’d like to do because, well, not that I don’t care but—”
“Because you’re the Dom.”
I grinned. “Because I’m your Dom and you’re my submissive. The gift you offer is priceless, but I’m very much aware it doesn’t come without costs. I’d rather poke my eyes out than have you paying that cost with any pain—”
“But I like a bit of pain,” she said, not looking the least bit worried about cutting me off yet again.
“I’m not talking about the pain that brings you pleasure, Zellie.
I’m talking about pain in here.” I laid a hand over her chest where her heart lay just beneath the surface.
“And in here.” I moved the hand to caress the side of her head.
“Physical pain heals, but emotional pain can leave scars and I’ll spend the rest of my life doing my damndest to make sure you never have to experience that again. ”
Her lips trembled a bit and her eyes welled, but she shook her head, lifting her hands to cup my face.
“Oh, Nigel, don’t you think I know that?
Don’t you know that without you I never would have healed?
Sure, Cedro and Wes took care of the physical injuries, Master Derek, Sadie, and everyone on the Ranch have had a part in making me feel safe, but it has been and will always be you who truly heals me. ”
I laid my forehead against hers and we just sat as peace encircled us and I knew that healing went both ways. She had healed me in ways I’d never even recognized had been hurt. It was several minutes before she pressed her lips softly against mine and then sat back.
“So, what’s in the bag?”
“The bag?”
She laughed. “Yes, the big black bag that has to belong to you as you asked Luna to hang on to it.”
God, I so didn’t deserve this woman, but damn, I knew I’d better man the fuck up and be her Dom right the fuck now. “Various items,” I said, running a fingertip down her cheek.
“What sort of items?”
“Let’s just say items that can either have my little subbie begging for more or pleading for her Dom to have mercy on her poor quivering body.”
She smiled, all traces of trembling and tears gone, the hand she’d placed on my cheek now dropping to run down my chest and settle on my crotch where, of course, she found a bulge.
“Is that body naked?”
“Should it be?”
“I would think so. I mean, how else are you going to make me come like you so wanted to witness when we were in the elevator?”
She was telling me without telling me that she was more than ready for that step. But there was one more thing I needed before I was ready to walk beside her tonight.
“And the room? I had them set it up like an exam room, like a hospital.”
Her fingers paused in their play and she said, “Oh.”
“But, I’m thinking that isn’t where I really want to play.”
Big, green eyes met mine. “Do you just want to go and… and maybe try another night?”
“Hell no. What I’m saying is that I want to make sure I know what you—”
“Shhh… listen,” she whispered.
Her eyes closed and I didn’t just listen, I felt as the strains of music surrounded us.
It was a haunting melody and the lyrics spoke of all the things Hazel had been trying to tell me.
Words that had my heart understanding hers in a way that only powerful music could.
As the chorus played, I watched Hazel’s lips curl as she began to sway.
And when she started to move, I released her and let her slide off my lap until she was kneeling at my feet, her head tilted back.
Her eyes remained closed until the last chord faded away and then they opened.
I’d thought her beautiful before, but now I understood there was a depth of beauty I’d never seen before.
It shone in her eyes, in her smile, in the relaxation of her body as if it had finally found the place where it felt safe, a place she’d been seeking her entire life.
A place where she felt she belonged, and I finally knew what to do.
“You were damaged, but not in a way that was beautiful,” I said softly. “Not in a way that was shared between two people who love each other, who trust each other. Not in a way where you felt truly seen for all of who you are. I promise you that you never need to fear again—”
She rose onto her knees and lifted a hand to press a finger to my lips.
“But that’s just it, Master. I will never fear you.
I won’t break, so please, don’t treat me as if I’m made of glass.
Our journey brought us here and tonight, right now, begins our future.
I want to serve you. I want you to make me yours because, Master, I know you will never destroy me. ”
“Never, because to do so would be to destroy my very soul,” I said as I bent to lift her to her feet. And this time as we descended those steps, we left the past behind and walked into our future, side by side.
Luna must have been waiting as she immediately met my gaze. I smiled and nodded, drawing her forward and when she offered me the bag, I accepted it. “Thanks, Luna. We won’t be needing the room after all, but is there a spanking bench—”
“He means a St. Andrew’s Cross,” Hazel cut in. “Can you check for us, Luna?”
Luna looked at Hazel then at me and with my nod, she said, “Certainly, I’ll be right back.”
Once she’d walked away, I captured Hazel’s chin with my fingers and tilted her head back. “Are you absolutely sure?”
“I’ve never been surer than anything in my life.
Mira taught me you can’t ever truly erase the past, but that doesn’t mean you have to let it consume you.
Tonight is about obliterating the last vestiges of that night.
Tonight is about us going forward. I want you to claim me, to mark me as yours. Please, Nigel, do that for me… for us.”
I slipped my hand from her chin to the nape of her neck and lowered my mouth to whisper against hers. “It will be my honor, and, from this moment forward, it’s Master.”
Her lips curled against mine. “Yes, Master.”
Luna returned and her smile told me that fate was indeed on our side tonight. “Whenever you’re ready, Sir.” She gestured to the large wooden ‘X’.
“Thank you.” I began to walk in that direction, my hand still on Hazel’s neck, guiding her.
“You’re welcome and have fun!”