14. Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fourteen
Emily
L ila is home for the weekend, so we’re all gathered at my mom’s house for a catch up and then a multi-family dinner.
Trent and I agreed to announce his purchase of Mullen Mechanics with help from “investors” tonight and to drop the potential bomb that he’s going to rent my spare room while he gets his feet under him.
Now, I just have to tell everyone I’ve decided to go with a donor without somehow giving away the fact that none of this is exactly how it seems.
I’ve never liked lying, and I’m not sure if that’s because I’m not good at it or because the potential for hurt seems greater.
Lila wanted some girl time before everyone got together for dinner. Maggie, Mia, Penny, my mother, and I are all gathered in the living room, sipping tea and coffee, catching up on where everyone is at.
I have no idea how much Trent has told his mom, and I almost feel more guilty putting our lie out into the world with her here.
After Mia finishes talking about the process of getting her album ready to release on or near Victoria’s first birthday, Maggie shifts the attention to me.
“Have you decided what you’re doing, Em? Last time you were at the pharmacy, you were talking about searching for a donor again,” Maggie says.
“I’ve picked one, actually,” I say, hoping the half-truth doesn’t sound stilted.
“What?!” Maggie says, shooting forward on the couch. “And you didn’t show me?”
“Or me,” Lila says. “I told her I wanted eyes on that shit too.”
“I think,” I say, choosing my words carefully, “I’d prefer to keep the specifics private.”
“Which is her right,” my mom says when Maggie opens her mouth to protest. “We don’t need all the details to be supportive.”
“I think it’s really brave,” Penny, Trent’s mom, says. “Being a single parent is incredibly hard work.”
“I have a great support system,” I say, which is an easy truth. “Besides my family, your two sons have been so helpful.”
“Grady loves spending time with Amir when he’s not in New York City. I think he feels like he’s practicing for when we have kids,” Maggie says.
“I’m excited that Victoria will have at least one cousin close to her age,” Mia says.
“Are you going to have more children?” Lila asks Mia, taking a sip of her coffee.
“Someday,” Mia says. “But right now, we’re just figuring out how to be parents, how to be a family.
I didn’t have the best example of either one growing up.
” She takes a deep breath. “Tyler’s just so supportive and understanding.
” She glances at my mom. “Joanna, you and your husband did an amazing job raising him.”
My mom preens a little bit, and her smile is wide. “I’m sure having two very opinionated sisters also helped.”
“Opinionated,” Maggie scoffs. “I’m sure you meant to say very involved and caring sisters.”
“That’s what I heard,” I chime in. Maggie and I laugh.
“Anyone want some cookies?” My mother asks, standing up.
“I’ll help you,” Penny says, following my mom to the kitchen.
Maggie and Lila strike up a conversation about infrastructure in the town, and Mia turns to me.
“I didn’t want to put you on the spot, but I also think you’re brave for doing it on your own. I couldn’t imagine not having Tyler.”
“Sometimes life doesn’t work out how we expect,” I say. If I let my mind drift to losing Omar, I’ll question whether I am doing the right thing.
“You’d rather not get married again?” Mia asks, her tone gentle but quizzical.
“I haven’t really connected with anyone since Omar died,” I say.
“I liked being married. I liked our relationship, and maybe something like that’ll be for me again one day.
I don’t know. For now, my focus is on having another baby, and thankfully, I don’t need a man in my life to do that.
” The half-truth rolls out surprisingly easily.
“Pasha lost his fiancée in Russia before my mom brought him over to America to be a bodyguard on the tour. I worry about him sometimes.”
“Why’s that?” I ask, glancing at the hulking man standing near the door.
“Maybe I’m projecting,” she says. “My therapist says I have to be careful that I don’t let my feelings overrule other people’s feelings. My mom did that all the time.” She takes a deep breath. “Anyway, I think it would be lonely to be him.”
“Has he told you that?” I ask.
“No.” She lets out a little laugh. “He says that Tyler, me, and Victoria are all he needs. That we’re like his American family.”
“Maybe you are,” I say.
“I think I just…” She twists her lips as though she’s debating what to say.
“Now that I know how good it can be, how good a real relationship can be, I want that for everyone.” She lets out a self-deprecating laugh.
“And that’s definitely projecting, right?
I can’t want things for someone that they don’t want for themselves. ”
For some reason, Mia’s last comment bangs around in my head as though it’s a new idea that’s come knocking, even though it isn’t.
I’m proof of that very sentiment. If wanting something for someone else was enough to achieve it, my mother would have willed me into a committed, long-term relationship, likely with Michael the dentist. She was noticeably sad when I told her I didn’t think that would work out, and sometimes I wonder if she’s missing dad and projecting that onto me and Omar.
The front door opens, and Tyler comes in with Victoria in her car seat. Mia jumps out of her chair and rushes over to him to throw her arms around his neck and kiss him, and then she crouches to draw Victoria out of her car seat, setting her onto her hip.
Watching them makes that familiar longing spring up. But I’ll have a baby again soon, and then I won’t have to wish for that feeling. I’ll have it.
While Mia and Tyler talk to Joanna and Penny, Grady comes in the door with his dogs. Amir will be delighted when he arrives with Trent that the dogs are here. He’ll spend most of his time in the backyard playing fetch with the two of them.
I don’t notice that Maggie has gone and I’m alone with Lila in the living room area until Lila speaks.
“Is Amir with Trent?”
“Yeah,” I say, dragging my gaze away from the happy family scene near the front entranceway. “They spend a lot of time together.”
Lila scans my expression for a beat, and a strange tension springs up that I’ve only ever felt between us when Trent’s name is mentioned.
When we talk on the phone, I don’t bring him up on purpose.
But now that I’ve made this deal with him, I have the first inkling that what we’ve decided might fracture my friendship with Lila.
Even if I think she was na?ve to have taken anything that happened with Trent seriously—and he swears it was only a few drunken kisses—she hasn’t moved past it.
Of course, having now kissed Trent, I can understand how the feelings he evokes could seep in, plant a seed that’s not quite real.
When Trent ushers Amir in the door, my heart kicks.
There is something about his height, his broad shoulders, the short brown hair, the tattoos on his left arm, the ones that I know exist across his rippling muscles under his shirt, that have turned him into a package I never expected to find attractive.
Not that I didn’t think he was good looking—you’d have to be blind not to notice—but that certainty about his appeal used to be objective. And it doesn’t quite feel like that anymore.
It's not until we’re all sitting around the dinner table that Trent uses his fork to tap his glass, drawing everyone’s attention to him.
Across the table, our gazes lock, and while I’m not sure it’s a good idea for us to connect so clearly over what he’s going to say, I also can’t drag myself away from the happy intensity I see there.
“I have an announcement,” Trent says with a broad grin. “With the help of some investors, I’ve purchased Mullen Mechanics. I’ll be taking over at the end of March, reopening at the start of April.”
Penny lets out an audible gasp, and then she scrambles out of her chair to Trent’s seat, hauling him out and into her arms. I can’t hear what she’s saying to him, but I can see the expression on Trent’s face, how moved he is by whatever she’s whispering.
It causes warmth to race across my skin. Obviously it means as much to her as it does to Trent that he’s on this path.
“Little Falls is lucky to have you,” Tyler says.
“Well, we’ll see how Little Falls feels about that,” Trent says with an uneasy laugh as he slides back into his seat. “And to that end, because it’s a bit of a risk, I’m giving up my apartment. I’m going to rent Em’s spare room.”
“Oh,” my mom says. “You could have had a room here for free.”
“Once the renos are done on our house,” Grady says, chiming in, “you can stay there or stay at Maggie’s for free too.”
“Oh my god,” I say, “I’m not charging him anything, okay?”
Everyone turns and stares at me like my outburst was completely inappropriate, and I flush with embarrassment. Maybe I’m a little more sensitive about what we’re about to embark on than I like to believe.
“No one was judging,” Maggie says. “You’re doing the whole fertility treatment thing, and that’s expensive. If you and Trent are happy for him to pay you rent and it helps both of you, that’s fine.”
“Yeah,” Grady says. “I wasn’t implying anything. Just trying to help him out.”
“Em’s been very kind,” Trent says, trying to catch my eyes, but I avoid him. “I’m happy with the deal we’ve made.”
“Well then,” my mom says with more enthusiasm than is needed, “that’s wonderful. Isn’t that wonderful everyone?”
“We should do a toast,” Mia says, raising her glass. “To new beginnings.”
Everyone raises their glass, and beside me Amir whispers, “I love when we do the cheers thing.” Then he stands up and goes around the table doing a “cheers” with every single person.
“Have you installed a revolving door?” Lila asks as we’re shoulder to shoulder doing dishes at the double kitchen sink.
“A revolving door?” I ask, confused.
“Yeah, on the spare bedroom. One girl in. One girl out.”
“Lila,” I say, exasperated.
“Are you really going to be okay with him having girls over there, probably having loud sex while you’re trying to sleep? Or explaining to Amir what all those noises are coming from Trent’s bedroom?”
“You’re making a lot of assumptions,” I say.
“Have you even talked about it?”
“We’re both adults, and despite what you might think right now, Trent is a reasonable human being. He’s not going to put me or Amir in an awkward situation. What happened between you and him actually really bothers him.”
She goes quiet and finishes the dishes without another word. Just when I think I should say something, Amir comes and tugs on my leg.
“Mom, can you go look for those Lego pieces I lost? I need them for the set.”
“Which room, again?” I ask, drying my hands.
“The green room,” he says. “Thanks, Mom.” And then he’s racing outside with Grady and the dogs.
I didn’t realize I’d be looking alone.
“I can help you look,” Trent says from behind me.
I give him a grateful smile, and he follows me up the stairs to the green bedroom. Once we’re inside, we both fall to our hands and knees, searching under dressers, the bed, the closet.
“What exactly are we looking for?” Trent asks when we both stand up again.
“Lego pieces,” I say with a shrug.
Trent opens the nightstand drawer and holds up four blocks. “Like these ones?”
“Yep,” I say with a little laugh. “That seems about right.” I hold out my hand and he drops them into my palm.
Before I can step away, he tucks strands of my hair behind my ear. “I saw you and Lila talking. She still think I’m the devil who emerged straight from hell?”
“She’s still not over it, no,” I say with a grimace. “She did sort of inadvertently bring something up that we hadn’t specifically discussed…”
“What’s that?” he asks.
“Other people, while we’re doing this. Is it just us or…?”
“Be a bit silly for me to get tested and then sleep with someone else,” he says with a chuckle. “Right?”
“Yeah, I just, I thought we should be clear.”
“You and me. For however long it takes for the deal to stick.”
I can’t help the little laugh that escapes me at his phrasing. “Let’s hope it’s extra sticky.”
He searches my face for a beat. “I don’t know. I’m not opposed to getting in some practice before I deliver the winning shot.”
Which sounds fun, in theory, and I’m sure that’s what he’s picturing. But for me, given what sex has meant to me in the past, what I know I get from it, need from it, “some practice” is a bit nerve wracking. The last thing I need is for this deal to slip beyond my control.
“Did you find it?” Amir says, storming into the room.
“Trent did,” I say, opening my palm and showing him the pieces.
“Trent always delivers,” Amir says.
He sounds so grown up that I can’t help an amused smile, and I make eye contact with Trent over his head.
“That’s right, buddy. You can always count on me to deliver when I’m needed.” Then he winks at me and follows Amir back downstairs.
I stay behind for a beat, willing my heart to slow back down.