Chapter 17
After he checked multiple times that I was serious, Sammy agreed to come to my place at nine. I figured that would make it clear this is just a hook-up.
Which is what I want.
Right?
My body is fully on board with getting the Squid between my legs.
But my mind keeps trying to remind me that relying on any one person risks screwing me over and leaving me in pain.
I’m not relying on him, I reason. I’m enjoying him.
This—whatever it is with Sammy—will be like a magical vacation. I’m knowingly giving myself a break from having to work a stage for every drop of magic. No one books a round-trip ticket to a tropical resort and then is surprised when they have to go home. That’s how it can be with the handsome Squid. A brief reprieve.
But what if he doesn’t want it to end?
What if…I don’t want it to end?
My laptop dings, and I push the tangle of thoughts to the back of my brain as I wait for the video call to connect. There’s another chime, then my mother’s face appears on my screen.
“Hey, sweetheart.” Her face is slightly flushed, and I can hear the smack of her feet on the treadmill. Mom is the type of woman that needs to be in constant motion. Meanwhile, I’m reclined on my couch, piles of pillows behind me as I try to relax in the few hours before my evening sex date.
“Hey Mom. How’s life?”
“Life is good. Danica got a raise last week and wants to celebrate with a trip to Amsterdam. We’re thinking next month.”
I’m sure my mom and her partner will have a wild time. Fanny Bellarose may be my mother, and a generously loving person, but she’s not what society would label as the classic ‘mom.’ When most mothers were driving their kids to soccer practice, mine was sneaking me into Broadway shows and encouraging my adolescent crush on the Phantom of the Opera. Lots of parents paid for dance lessons, but Mom didn’t bother shelling out hard earned money when I could learn the same skills and more from her nipple-pasty-wearing burlesque co-workers. I’d practice my moves then work on my homework when the ladies went on stage.
Becoming a masked, stripping librarian makes a little more sense now, right?
“That sounds fun.” Any vacation sounds amazing at this point. I can’t remember the last time I took off. The sick day with Sammy doesn’t count. “Take a lot of pictures.”
“You could come with us if you wanted. Danica loves talking books with you.”
I try not to grimace. It’s not the offer that fouls my mood. Danica is great, especially for my mother. What has me pouting is the immediate knowledge that I’ll have to turn Mom down. “Sorry. The library is swamped. I’m not sure I can take off more than a day until we get the director position filled.” Whenever the hell that’ll happen. “I’ll just have to live vicariously through you.”
“Hmm. We’ll plan a trip then. When your schedule frees up. But tell me more. How’s the job? And I need to see my fluffy grandkitty.”
I spend the next half hour detailing the good and bad about the library and The Jewelry Box, then I show Mom how Kraken chases a laser pointer and loves her new water fountain bowl I found in Sammy’s thank you gift basket.
All the while, I consider if I want to make a mention of the Squid.
But what would I even say?
Hey Mom, there’s this guy that loves to watch me strip, gave me a cat, fed me ice cream, and will hopefully bang my brains out tonight.
She wouldn’t blink at any of that, having had plenty of wild romances in her day.
But that’s the problem. I’m worried about what this thing with Sammy is, and if it’ll end up being like one of her past lust-fuel relationships.
Mom has a similar situation to me. Chronic pain, only hers is in her joints rather than migraines. We don’t know if it’s our mixed witch/succubus linage, or if the pain is a normal burden we each got stuck with and lust magic is a solution where human treatments fail. Either way, mom spent years jumping through emotionless relationships to make sure she always had a bed partner to fuel her magic and keep her pain free. She danced burlesque like I strip, but she wanted the extra boost of a partner.
Whenever a breakup came, I could see the panic in her eyes. The worry that dancing wouldn’t be enough, and the pain would come back worse than before. The need for lust like the craving for pain pills.
Now Mom has Danica, a relationship that is real and provides her relief. I’m happy she has the best of both worlds, but I’m also befuddled by the idea of putting that much trust in another person.
What if I sleep with Sammy on the regular? What if I get used to him and decide to stop my stripping to free up all my evenings?
And what if he gets tired of the arrangement, and I have to go crawling back to Yasmin for an open spot, my head in agony because my reserves are gone, all because I relied on a man?
“So, things between you and Danica are good?” I ask my mom after showing her the bird feeder I placed outside the window to entertain Kraken.
Mom’s smile goes all dreamy on my computer screen, still wildly in love even after five years. “They are perfection. Well, she still snores. But other than that, we’re great.”
I breathe easy on my mom’s behalf.
“Tell her that I said hi. And that I’ll have a stack of books waiting for her by the Solstice.” Mom and Danica always make sure to visit me during the winter holiday.
Mom grins wide, and I hear the slowing of the treadmill, reflecting the winding down of our chat. “I will. Text me when they finally fill the director position. I’ll send you a bottle of champagne.” I laugh and exchange goodbyes, then sit quietly on my couch, letting my mother’s love sink into my bones, even if she had to send it to me from hundreds of miles away.
Then I put all thoughts of my mother out of my brain as I dive into my lingerie and seek out an outfit to make a Squid melt on sight.
Time to fill my cauldron.