Chapter 25 #2
“Did you fight it tooth and nail?” I ask with a knowing smirk and don’t miss the way his lips twitch.
“So, what you’re saying is misery loves company, and I should quit being such a solitary fuck and take a hike to a waterfall with you, so I can rest my head on your shoulder and soak up the healing power of nature?”
“I mean, I could pack a lunch. As long as I keep my mouth busy, I’d be less inclined to fill the silence with small talk.”
“If you need something to keep your mouth busy, I have just the thing,” Cole replies with a smug smile, but he seems to realize that throat fucking your lover on the day of your dead wife’s wedding anniversary might not be the most tactful thing to do, and his expression quickly falls. “Or we could just eat the food.”
I run my fingers through his hair and lean in just long enough to peck him on his stubbled cheek before I get to my feet. “I’ll head back to the house and take care of the provisions. You stay. Take your time and meet me there when you’re ready.”
Cole glances up at me with tortured eyes and flashes me a sad attempt at a smile. “Thanks, Charlie. I appreciate you making the effort.”
“Anytime. That’s what friends are for.”
“Is that what we are?” he asks, his gaze already drifting back out over the lake.
“We are whatever you need us to be. If you need me to be your friend today, then I’ll be the best friend you’ll ever have. We don’t have to put a label on it, and it’s alright to take comfort from someone who desperately wants to give it. It doesn’t cheapen what you had with Elena.”
Cole’s Adam’s apple bobs on a hard swallow, and I turn away when I notice the slight tremble in his bottom lip.
I leave him to sit with his feelings while I get started on lunch.
My nonna’s famous chicken parm sandwiches, paired with a nice bottle of merlot, never fails to brighten my day, and you know what they say, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
“Thank you for bringing me here,” Cole says, moaning around a mouthful of baguette, while he swipes his tongue over the spot of marinara sauce at the corner of his mouth.
He tears off a small piece of breaded chicken and tosses it at Scooby, who snatches it out of the air in a lightning-fast move before he trots off to explore the surrounding area.
“This is so damn good, Charlie. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was until I took that first bite. ”
I smile around a mouthful of my own and savor the explosion of flavors on my tongue as I listen to the soothing sound of water rushing over the ledge. “Food always makes me feel better.”
“Amazing food, the wonders of nature, and good company. Hard to keep moping when you have that much going for you. I’ve been thinking, though.”
I dab at my lips, making sure I don’t have sauce in places it shouldn’t be, and wait for him to complete his thought.
“I guess today’s made me realize that I still have quite a few things to work through, and my little spiral this morning reminded me of the reason I took this trip in the first place.
I feel like all I’ve been doing since I got here is lose myself in you so I can continue to ignore my issues, and that’s not really helpful to anyone.
But I’m not going to lie, Charlie. You came into my life when I least expected it, and I like what we have.
I like you. I like you a whole lot, and I guess I’m just wondering what your expectations are. ”
“Erm,” I stall, placing my half-eaten sandwich on the paper plate while I finish chewing the bread that suddenly feels too dry to swallow.
“I don’t know. Haven’t really been thinking past the present, to tell you the truth.
I’ve kind of been trying on this whole live in the moment approach.
See how it fits. I like you a whole lot too, Cole,” I add, giving him a teasing look as I throw his words back at him in an attempt to lighten the mood.
“But I’ve always known that we have an expiration date, so if you’re worried about breaking my heart, don’t be.
I’m a big girl, and I’ve survived things a lot bleaker than ending a summer fling.
I knew what I was getting myself into when we started whatever this is. ”
Cole sips his wine and nods as he stares into the distance. His brows are drawn together in a way that has me wondering what’s going through his head.
“Okay. That’s good,” he finally mumbles, but there’s a flicker of doubt in his eyes, telling me he’s not convinced.
“I guess I just needed to know we’re on the same page.
As much as I love being around you, the way I felt when I woke up this morning made it painfully clear that I’m not ready to move on, and I do have a life to get back to.
Even if I’m not really sure what that life might look like once I return.
There are still a lot of things up in the air when it comes to my future, and the last thing I want is to hurt you.
You have been my anchor in a turbulent sea, Tink, and I really appreciate you being here for me. ”
I ignore the ache in my throat and try not to let my disappointment show.
I wasn’t lying when I said I knew what I was getting into initially.
But somewhere over the past couple of weeks, the lines got blurred, and maybe a small part of me had hoped that he was also entertaining the idea of a possible future together.
However, witnessing the raw anguish on his face when I left him at the beach earlier made it perfectly clear that it wasn’t ever going to happen.
“Nowhere I’d rather be. I care about you, Cole.
This is a two-way street, you know? You’ve been there for me throughout this whole ordeal with Jason, and you’ve helped me out so much with the resort.
Making you lunch and keeping you company when you’re having a hard day is the least I can do. If I could erase your pain, I would.”
Cole picks up my hand and places a soft kiss on my palm. “You may not have been able to take away all my pain, but it feels a lot more manageable when you’re around. Fuck, Tink. I wish I could give you what you deserve.”
Averting my eyes, I say, “Sometimes the timing simply isn’t right.
But I believe there’s a reason we came into each other’s lives, even if it is just for a short time.
I won’t lie. I’m going to miss you something fierce once you’re gone.
I may even shed a tear or two, but I promise I’ll pick myself up, because that’s what I’ve always done. ”
Cole lifts my chin with the tip of his finger and forces me to truly look at him.
“You’re the most resilient, extraordinary woman I’ve ever met. And if you ever end up falling in love again, and he doesn’t treat you like the queen you are, give me a call. I know how to make a body disappear forever.”
I bark out a laugh and give his shoulder a push, and just like that, the sadness of the moment is swept away.
We sit in comfortable silence while we finish off our food, both of us lost in our own thoughts.
Then it’s time to pack up and hike back to our vehicle.
And when Cole eventually has to let go of my hand in order to round his truck, it feels a lot like the beginning of the end.