Chapter Twenty-Seven
By the time Morgs and I get home from the hospital, two days later, it’s late.
To no one’s surprise, the bone protruding from her body needed to be surgically repaired.
Because the accident that had both ambulances tied up, Morgan’s care was, understandably, delayed a bit.
Rationally, I know that’s how the ER works—prioritizing based on need, not who got their first—but the papa bear in me still wanted to freak out if she had to wait for an OR any longer.
Between the pain killers Sherri gave her here, the anesthesia, and the subsequent IV meds, she was high as a kite for a bit, which worried me tremendously.
At one point, she was convinced there was a mythical llama that inhabited her hospital room, whom she named Johnny Appleseed.
I didn’t think it was nearly as funny as both she and her recovery nurse did.
Instead, I grew anxious. Maybe my fear was irrational, because everything she’d been given, she’d been prescribed.
But given what I went through with Ryann, I couldn’t help but worry about the addiction potential when it comes to narcotic use.
I didn’t—and don’t—want Morgan in pain either, though, so how do I win here?
I wish parenting came with instructions.
“Stop worrying; she’s fine,” Evan consoles me as I tuck Morgan into her bed in the house. “She’ll probably be groggy until tomorrow morning. Let her decide for herself how she wants to proceed with pain meds, once she’s lucid,” he adds, rubbing my back as I watch her drift off again.
He steps out so I can just sit with her for a bit, relieved to have her back home, yes; but I still feel unsettled.
I’m worried about my decision to refuse the script for narcotics they tried to discharge her with.
The charge nurse gave me a wary look when I’d declined it.
I hope they don’t turn around and call CPS on me, for refusing her ‘proper treatment.’
The thing is, I know my baby girl. I know Evan’s right, too.
I know she’s been advocating for herself since she was young, and when she’s clearer headed, she’ll be able to call the shots.
I tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear, then bend to kiss her forehead, grateful that she appears to be in no pain and fast asleep now.
Thankfully, Kai vacated and appears to have made her bed up with fresh sheets. He even left her a note on her pillow, but she’s too out of it to read it right now, so I slipped it into my pants pocket before laying her down.
Aspyn, her sweet bestie, stopped by to try to see her once we got back, but Morgs was just too out of it then as well.
“ASS-PEN. I saw a LLAMA,” Morgan sputtered, eyes wide and excited. “Wait ‘til you meet Japple Nonnyseed!”
Aspyn just smirked at me. “Can you let me know when she’s feeling up for company? We were all pretty worried about her. The campers all made her a card.”
I told her how kind that was, and assured her that I would let her know when Morgs could have company again. Now I’m padding downstairs, and find Evan in the kitchen when I get to the bottom. He ushers me over to one of the seats, setting a plate of piping-hot chicken pot pie in front of me.
Lord, yes. Comfort food. It smells amazing, but I’m confused…
“Did you make this?” I arch an eyebrow and ask him.
He chuckles. “I told you, I can’t cook for shit. I got this at Sweetie Pies. I went to town and stocked up on supplies while you were at the hospital with Morgan. Lizzy sent me home with like five casseroles she and Olivia made, and also a freezer bag full of her seafood chowder.”
I grin. First of all, my moms are seriously the best, and second, he just called here home, without giving it a second thought. I don’t point that out to him though. Now doesn’t seem like the time.
“Oh!” he exclaims. “Sully also said you liked his chicken-corn casserole. He brought up a sheet pan of that, too. Fridge door is about to bust off its hinges.”
“That’s really nice of everyone.”
“Mhm. It appears the whole town is a huge fan of you and Morgan. They just want to see you relax, so you can focus on her,” he says. “Hey, by the way, do you know a Marcia Hildebrand?”
I nod, forking a piece of pie into my mouth. “I do. She owns the horse farm at the edge of town. She’s a little rough around the edges, but she’s a decent enough lady. Mom’s good friends with her. She was the lead biker in the Pride parade.”
“Oh, okay. Good. I thought she looked familiar. Now I don’t feel so awkward about agreeing to have her come here with a couple of her horses, then.
She said she wanted to, and I quote, ‘swing by and let ‘em shit all over your yard. They stink, but they mean well, and the kids love horses. Maybe I can entertain the campers for an afternoon by giving them pony rides, as long as you’re handy with a spade and have a use for manure.’”
I burst out in a laugh. It feels good to laugh. I’ve been dog-tired after not sleeping in my bed for three nights and worrying about Morgan. “That sounds about right for Marcia. Where’d you see her, anyway?”
“Your mom’s gallery.”
I arch another eyebrow up at Evan. “You really made your way around town today, huh?”
He smirks. “It’s a small town. Three steps, and you’ve gone from one end to the other.”
“You seem to really like it here,” I note.
“I do,” he agrees.
I scrape the last bite off my plate, and Evan offers to get me seconds, but I’m good for now. More tired than anything. When I go to stand, he’s at my side in an instant, wrapping me in his arms.
For someone who didn’t like hugging when he first got here, he’s certainly a pro at giving them. I lean into his strength, nuzzling into the crook of his neck. He kisses my forehead. A tender, reassuring kiss.
“Go hit the hay,” he nudges me after I’ve soaked in his warmth for a bit. “I’ll stay up in case Morgan wakes up and needs anything. Colton’s gonna come hang out too. Maybe he, Snarf, and I can play a little poker or something. You look exhausted, babe.”
“I am exhausted.”
“Then go,” he urges me.
“Come lay with me? I mean, just until Colton gets here?”
“Sure,” he agrees, leading me up the stairs.
He shuts the door behind him, and I sit at the foot of the bed, just dazed out of it.
Everything, I think, is catching up with me all at once.
The good, the bad, and the ugly. Brooks and I professing our love for one another, right after he had some sort of apparent clairvoyant episode.
Morgan getting hurt. Kai and I fighting, and me losing his financial backing on the camp all because he’s mad that I’m choosing Evan over him.
Morgan having surgery and the subsequent painkiller debate.
It's possible I could be on the verge of having a panic attack, which I haven't had in a good many years, because this is how I just kind of go blank before I do. My body feels like lead. I can’t move; it’s like I’m frozen in place.
It feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest. My mind is mostly blank, the only thought that swirls around is how I feel like I’m suffocating.
I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe… I can’t breathe.
“Baby—” I hear Evan’s concerned voice, but it sounds like he’s in a tin can.
Through my tunneled vision, I see him crouch down in front of me. I feel his strong hands grip my thighs.
“Baby, I need you to hear me. Blink if you can hear me.”
I think I blink. I’m not sure. My head feels like it's filled with cotton. My pulse pounds, like it’s trying to batter its way out of its confines.
“Good. Focus on my words, Brooks,” Evan’s warbled voice cuts through the din in my head. “Deep breath in, all the way in.”
I try to do as he asks, though it’s a struggle.
“Good,” he assures me. “Hold it. One, two, three, four. Now, out. Good, just like that, baby. Exhale—one, two, three, four, five. Good. You’re doing so good, babe. In again for me, through your nose.”
This time, it’s a little easier to suck in a deep breath. I feel his hand stroking through my hair. “That’s perfect. Two, three, four. Now, out again. Out through your mouth.”
I exhale my breath to his count of five.
“Brooks, baby, I love you. I’m going to talk you through this, just like you taught me. What’re three things you can hear right now?”
I try to tune out the pulsing in my head, so I can hear. “M-my ceiling fan.”
“Mhm, good.”
“Camp. Campers out—outside my window,” I say, sucking in another breath.
He combs his fingers through my hair. “That’s good. One more.”
“Y-you talking to me.”
“Excellent. What are three things you feel?”
My breathing slowly starts becoming less choppy, as I try to focus on taking deep breaths in and out, while Evan tries grounding me. My hands ache as I release the bunched up blanket I had balled into my tight fists.
“M-my comforter. Y-your hand in my hair.”
“Good, what else do you feel?”
I suck in a deep breath, blowing it out through my pursed lips with a long whoosh.
“L-loved.”
He gives me a soft smile, as my vision marginally starts coming back to me. “You are, Brooks.” His thumb tenderly strokes my jaw, as he cups the side of my face. “There you are, baby. Lie back and continue your breathing. I’ll get you changed into something comfier.”
I do as he asks, letting him gently peel my clothes off of me. He folds my pants, and when he does, the note falls out of my pocket. He sets it on my night stand and then works on my t-shirt. When I’m down to just my briefs, he gently guides my legs into my ratty, hole in the buttseam, comfy pants.
He lies in the bed next to me and urges me over to him.
“C-can I try something to help calm me down?” I ask him.
“Sure, baby, whatever you need.”
My hand slides over his jersey pajama pants, until I’ve got his flaccid cock beneath my palm.
He huffs out a disbelieving breath. “You need dick… right now?”
I peer up at him, nervous about my next ask, fearing it’ll make me look impish, but something in me tells me he’s not going to say no to my ask—nor will he make fun of me for it. “Can I just… hold it in my mouth?”
He gives me a quizzical look. “You just want to hold my soft dick in your mouth?”
I nod.
He thinks on that for a minute. “Like a pacifier,” he muses. Then he gives me a little shrug. “I mean, that makes sense. Whatever helps you sleep, hun. You need the rest.”
On that, he hitches his hips up slightly and pulls down his pants to mid-thigh.
I scooch down on the bed, resting my cheek on the top of his thigh, and slip his soft cock in my mouth.
I feel him start to grow a little stiffer, probably because his member is confused, but when I don’t do anything other than just lightly suckle, it doesn’t get fully hard.
“This okay?” he checks in with me, running his fingers through my hair again.
I nod lightly, blinking up at him.
“I just want you to know, I’m trying really hard right now not to pop a boner, because this isn’t about sex right now.” He winks.
My lips turn up in the corners, but I don’t let him slip from my mouth.
“I’m thinking about how crappy a job septic tank pumpers have. Met someone who does that once. He really knew his shit,” he jokes with a smirk.
I try to frown, scrunching my nose up. He sees the grin that escapes me anyway.
“I know, bad dad joke,” he hums, still stroking my head soothingly. “But hey, I didn’t spend seventeen years bringing up a kid just to not be able to tell them, right?” He chuckles to himself.
For a few minutes, we just make eye contact with one another. He watches me as I root on his dick, all the tension seeping from my muscles. A small smile rests upon his lips.
“You’re perfect,” he tells me, while I still lightly pull on him.
“I know I say that a lot, but seriously, there’s not one thing about you that I don’t like.
From day one, you’ve been like, I don’t know, this safe harbor for me.
Seeing you, just now, on the verge of a panic attack—well, that scared the shit out of me, Brooks. Do you get them a lot?”
I raise my hand and give him the so-so sign.
He nods. “So this is probably going to sound totally inappropriate, and you can tell me if I’m wrong, but if you ever need to calm down, and you need to like, I don’t know, just suck on my dick like this—don’t be too nervous to ask.”
I nod and give him a thumbs up.
He grins. “I’ll shut up now, so you can sleep.”
He kisses two fingers and presses them to my forehead. I let my eyes flutter shut, and succumb to sleep while he lulls me there with his fingers caressing my scalp and me warming his cock.