Hearing Little Hadley (Littles of Rawhide Ranch #5)

Chapter 1

Chapter One

Hadley Bright wiped at the rapidly falling tears on her face. Her hands shook as she read through the messages again.

Noelle: I had fun with you, but you’re kind of a lot. It was hard to find places that you could eat because of your food issues and you didn’t even pay for my ticket for the aquarium or the zoo. We all know you have the money. Plus, you talk SO much. About stupid stuff, seriously nobody cares why the Dalmatian is the mascot of the fire department.

Hadley: I’m sorry you didn’t enjoy our weekend. You never mentioned wanting me to pay for the costs of the tickets. I paid for your flight, meals, and the hotel. I tried to do everything you wanted. We even went shopping at the Mall of Georgia and to the aquarium.

Hadley had left out the part about how she’d had to adapt to the change in plans and then didn’t even get to visit the zoo, which had been the entire point of the trip. After the aquarium, Noelle had demanded they go back to the hotel so she could take a nap, but really she’d just texted her other friends. It had been really hard for Hadley because even though she hadn’t been physically alone, she’d felt isolated.

Noelle: Yeah, and then you flapped because you got nervous. People were looking at us and it was embarrassing. You know I’m always in the spotlight because of my vlog and how I have to be conscious of how I look. How do you think it reflected on me when people saw you being weird? Part of friendship is knowing and understanding each other’s needs, I shouldn’t have had to tell you to reimburse me for my ticket. You know how tight money is for me, and I never would have purchased a ticket online had I known you were going to be so insensitive. I still love you and I want to be friends, I just need some space first. And maybe you can take the time to talk with your therapist, I think maybe you guys should practice social interactions more.

The pain from Noelle’s words combined with past experiences had torn her to pieces. Her entire life she’d struggled to make friends and form close relationships. Making connections with people as an adult was hard enough, but when you tossed in a double diagnosis of Autism and ADHD, forming bonds suddenly turned into a minefield. Her therapist called it AuDHD, but that didn’t make it any easier for Hadley to navigate things that most people found came so naturally. She’d really believed she’d finally made a friend in Noelle. They’d talked in an online group called Girl Bosses for over a year and were in several other groups together. Since Hadley owned her own online store called The Littlest Closet, and Noelle owned a makeup vlog, it had been kind of impossible to miss each other. Most of the online world thought they were besties, hell, until she’d gotten these messages, she’d thought they were besties too.

Picking up her blanket, she buried her head into it. Existing shouldn’t hurt this badly. Sucking her pacifier hard, she tried to stop her tears.

Her phone chimed in her hand and she worked up the nerve to look at it. Relief filled her when she realized it was just Finn, her assistant, telling her he was going to fill up the SUV. She and Finn had met in a grief support group she’d joined after her parents’ tragic accident; he’d been grieving the loss of his older brother. He hadn’t found it odd Hadley had observed without speaking a single word. They’d kinda just had a silent bond that drew them together. Now, five years later, they were almost inseparable. Finn even lived in a basement suite Hadley had built just for him. She couldn’t imagine life without him. He did a lot more than just the things his job as her assistant required.

A jingle of the door handle and then a knock on her playroom door startled her. She worked quickly to wipe her face free from leftover tears.

“Open the door, Hadley,” Finn’s firm voice ordered. He was always so bossy–always acting as a pseudo-caregiver.

She pulled herself from her cozy nest of blankets and walked over to unlatch the door.

“What’s the rule about shutting the playroom door?” he scolded once it was open. She stared at her bare feet, using her hair as a curtain to shield her from his disappointed gaze. She hadn’t necessarily been in Little space when he’d knocked on the door, but his firm tone pushed her into it. He reached out and cupped her chin, lifting her face.

“Aww, Hadley. What’s wrong?”

She shook her head and he frowned, a deep V forming between his eyes. Hadley knew his frown was because she wasn’t speaking. Sometimes… most of the time, it was easier to use the picture support cards. When she used them, people didn’t ask her to elaborate or give her opinion. She usually only had to answer simple questions. It kept her from giving the wrong answer or an unpopular opinion. Using the cards also saved her from looking like an idiot because she’d misunderstood the situation. Autism was fucking hard.

As she’d grown more familiar with Noelle, she’d started to speak more. Her confidence had been growing, she’d even started video chatting, but after the messages she’d received, she couldn’t even make her mouth form any words.

“Go get your cards and answer me, Peeps,” he said, using her nickname.

She shuffled back across the room, stepping over toys as she went. Grabbing the ring of laminated cards, she walked back to him.

“What’s wrong?” he asked again.

She flipped through the cards and found the word sad. It showed a picture of a girl crying.

“I can tell you’re sad. Can you tell me why?”

She pulled her phone out of the pocket of her hoodie and unlocked it before pulling up the messages. She handed it to him and waited while he read through them.

He shook his head and tapped a few buttons on her phone before setting it down on her LEGO table. “Peeps, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry Noelle abused the privilege of having a friend as awesome as you. She was so lucky to have you in her life and she’ll realize that one day.” He bent down a bit so they were face to face. “You’re such a special girl. I promise you’re going to find more friends who will cherish that.”

She nodded her head. After pulling her into a hug, he stood. “I know you’ll make the best of friends at Rawhide.”

She nodded again. That was true. She’d heard all the stories of people who had been emotionally broken like her and how the Ranch had fixed their hearts.

Tapping his chest right over his heart three times, she waited for him to speak.

“I know I’m your best friend, but you can have more than one,” he said, chuckling. “I think all women have a need for girlfriends, and as much as I love you, I have no idea what color palette would look best on you.”

She was glad he wasn’t sad about it.

“I’m going to go gas up now, okay?”

She nodded a third time.

“Be a good girl. If you need me, text me, okay?” Hadley hated to text because people expected more than one word answers and emojis were so confusing. Like the upside- down smiley face. What did it really mean? She was compliant, though, and if people asked her to communicate that way, she would.

Flipping, she found her okay card.

“What’s the rule?” he asked again.

Flipping through her cards once more, she found the one labeled no. It had an image of a big red x on it.

“That’s right. We don’t shut the door. Why?”

Finding safe, she held it up . This time an image of a little girl sitting with her hands in her lap was displayed.

“Correct. I want to keep you safe. If something happens like you get hurt, or even if you drop into a very small headspace, I may not be able to hear you if the door is shut. Leave it open for me, okay?”

She tapped okay again.

“Good girl,” he praised. “Are you a big girl or a Little girl right now?”

Little.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. How about you come with me? We can even stop by the candy store on the way home.”

She perked up at the idea of her favorite freeze-dried candies.

Yes.

“Good deal, Peeps. Grab some shoes and I’ll help you put them on.”

She ran to her closet and grabbed her favorite black fuzzy boots. The outside was covered in the sparkliest glitter. Hesitating, she reached up and grabbed a black sweater with Naughty or Nice stitched in red and green on it. The sweater was one of her newer designs. After rushing back to Finn, she obediently let him put it on her before she plopped down on the floor and lifted a foot. Finn worked first one boot and then the other onto her feet before stepping back.

“Such a festive Little girl,” he teased. “Do you want to bring Blu Marble?” he asked, referring to her baby doll.

She nodded and he grabbed her from the dollhouse.

He held out his hand and once she took it, he helped Hadley up, keeping hold of it even once she was standing.

He did things like that for her often. He led her from the playroom, out the front door and down the steps. “Hold the railing, Peeps,” he reminded.

She did, enjoying the way the velvet Christmas bows she’d placed on the metal felt in her hands. She was rewarded with a soft “good girl” for her obedience.

Finn helped her into the vehicle and buckled her seatbelt. “We’re going to have a good afternoon, Hadley. We’re going to do whatever it takes to erase those yucky feelings. You’re a good girl and you deserve all the good things.”