Chapter 4
HARLOW
"If I was any more relaxed, I'd be asleep." I was curled up on the couch, Cass behind me, his hand resting on my thigh.
"That was the idea, love," Boner said, pausing the action movie we were in the middle of.
We'd watched one rom-com and had a good laugh before switching to something more exciting. Archer made us lunch, and a big bowl of popcorn for us to pass around.
I couldn't remember the last time I'd spent the day doing basically nothing. I could get used to it, but I'd probably be bored after a while. Not with the company, but with the lack of activity. I was used to being busy. I liked it.
I stifled a yawn with my fist and smiled when Cass did the same.
We all glanced over to Archer. "No one knows why yawning is contagious," he said. "It might be us copying each other." He turned his face and stifled his own yawn.
I laughed. "I'm sorry, I feel like I started a trend."
"I think we're all just that relaxed," Boner said. "We need a bigger couch, one we can all lie on like a nest." He was sitting in one of the armchairs, his legs draped over the arm. He looked comfortable, but not as comfortable as I felt.
I shouldn't be, I realized. After a couple of hours of not thinking about it, recalling the situation put me on edge. We were supposed to be on guard, not relaxing to the point where we were all about to fall asleep. I cursed myself and my carelessness.
This was exactly the kind of thing Zeus would take advantage of.
"We should be keeping an eye out," I said, pushing myself to sit up.
"We're keeping an eye out," Boner said. "My eyes have been on the door the whole time."
I almost pointed out he looked as though he was watching the movie, but he was turned toward the door. If anyone entered, he'd be the first one on his feet. Followed by Archer, who sat near the window that led to the fire escape.
I should give them more credit for doing what they said they were going to do and keep me safe today. The truth was, I was on edge because I wasn't personally on guard. I was too used to protecting my own ass. Having someone protect mine for me was unnerving, even if it was these guys.
"Relax," Cass told me, pulling me back down to him. "You need the rest. We've got this, okay?"
I settled back down against him. "I'm sorry, I just…"
"It's a hard habit to break," Boner said. "I've been looking over my own shoulder since I was fifteen. Sometimes I half-expect to see my asshole of a father turn up alive and well."
Behind me, Cass stiffened slightly. Enough that I turned around to give him a questioning look.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"Yeah," he said a bit too quickly. "Just thinking of my asshole of a father.
" He glanced down towards our feet. "He wasn't around much growing up.
Long enough to tell me he was disappointed in me.
Then he was gone again, always working. Sometimes I thought he loved his job more than he did me and my brothers. "
"You deserve better," I said. If I was his parent, I would have been proud to be around him as much as possible. Jules too.
"Yeah," he whispered. "But then he left. Things were weird for a while, but then they were better. For a few years, things were good. It was Mom, Jules, Auggie and me. It was hard but we made it work. We were happy. Then Auggie…"
He blew a breath out through pursed lips. "I thought things were bad when Dad left, but they were worse after my brother died."
I rolled over and wrapped my arms around him. "That must have been hard on all of you."
He nestled his face into my hair. "It was.
For a while I was scared Dad would come back.
Try to make amends. But he didn't. I don't know if that made it easier or harder.
It was like…he didn't care about us at all, not enough to show up at my brother's funeral.
" He sounded bitter. Hurt. "I didn't want to see him, not really, but I wanted him to…
" He shook his head slowly. "I don't know… "
"Acknowledge what happened?" I suggested. "Acknowledge the fact he had three amazing sons."
Sons he turned his back on. Was it wrong that I wanted to stab this guy in the eyeball?
I could buy the building Hypnos kept his vat in, so I could use it for people like Cass' father. It wasn't my usual style, but it might come in handy once in a while.
Although it sounded like the issues between Cass and his father wouldn't go away if I murdered him. These were things he needed to work through. He was opening up about it, that was the start to healing. So they say.
Now I thought about it, talking to my men about what those predators did to my sister, Lottie, eased some of the pain. It would always be there, sadness, grief, and regret, but it was a little easier to deal with now.
Of course, crossing those names off my list helped as well.
Revenge is, after all, sweet, salty———a dish best served cold, and, when Zeus was gone, revenge would be ours.
Maybe I should get that tattooed on me somewhere. 'Revenge is mine, motherfucker.' Would that be too obvious? I supposed that depended where I had it tattooed. That was something I'd think about after Zeus took his last breath.
"It was like we didn't exist to him. Maybe I was asking too much.” Cass exhaled out his nose. "He forgot about us most of the time. I didn't care. Except that one day. A few hours. Then he could crawl back into the hole he came from. Does that sound crazy?"
"Not at all," I said. "It's one thing to make yourself scarce; it's another thing to walk away and never look back." Not everyone was cut out to be a parent. I knew that, but I was still mad at what he did.
"Did he know what happened to your brother?" I asked gently.
"Mom tried to contact him," Cass said. "According to her, he didn't answer."
"You don't believe her?" I asked. It wouldn't be the first time a mother told a little white lie to protect her children. Sometimes it was easier to think there was no answer than to face the words he'd said to her.
"I don't know." Cass' shoulder twitched in a tiny shrug. "I keep trying to remember how she was acting back then. If she was upset after she contacted him. More upset than she was before. I don't know, I couldn't tell. She was devastated. I guess… I wasn't looking much past my pain, anyway."
He leaned his head back, his own expression devastated, placing at least part of the blame on himself for the whole situation.
"You're only human," I told him. "Sometimes when you're in pain, all you can do is hold your breath until it passes.
Focus on anything else, even what other people are going through.
At the time you're just trying to hang on.
" That was how I felt after Lottie died.
I hung on by my fingernails. Taking life one day as it came.
Hoping the worst would pass somehow, until I could inhale without wanting to burn down the whole world.
He blinked a couple of times. "I'm sorry. I forgot you know how it feels. Your sister—"
I placed my finger on his lips. "It's okay.
I know you know. We've both been through a lot.
But we made it out the other side. Everyone deals with grief in their own way.
At the time, and years later. Just because I understand doesn't mean I don't want you to tell me how you're feeling. About anything. Not just this. Okay?”
"Okay," he whispered. "I still feel angry. Fairfield is dead, and my father is out of my life, but I still feel angry at the things they did. Or didn't do. Why couldn't they be better humans?"
"I don't know," I said. "We keep saying there's lots more predators out there, but I like to think they're the exception.
That most people are good people who want to live their lives and take care of their communities.
A few bad apples ruin things for others, but they don't ruin everyone.
If they did, your father would have ruined you, right? "
"Who says he didn't?" Cass asked. "I cut off a couple of Fairfield's fingers. Is that something a normal person does?"
"Absolutely," Boner agreed. "I'm normal and I do shit like that."
We all looked over at him.
"Exactly who described you as normal?" I teased.
He grinned. "No one, but I lightened the moment, didn't I?"
I reached over to the bowl of popcorn on the table in front of me, scooped up a handful and tossed it in his direction.
He tried to grab a piece in his mouth, but somehow it ended up hitting him in the ear instead before bouncing onto the floor. He leaned over to scoop it up and pop it into his mouth.
"Thanks, love. I was getting hungry."
"There's plenty more where that came from," I said. I picked up the bowl and passed it over to him.
He rested it on his lap and started eating. "Needs more melted butter."
"Too much butter isn't good for you," Archer pointed out.
"Not enough butter isn't good for me either," Boner said. "If I don't have enough, it makes me sad. My understanding is that happiness increases your lifespan. Therefore, me being sad about not having enough butter is bad for my life expectancy." He seemed satisfied with that response.
"Did you hurt yourself?" I teased. "Stretching that far."
He laughed and threw more popcorn into his mouth. Apparently that was the only answer I was going to get to that question.
He had a point, though. If being happy made us live longer, then why shouldn't we strive for that? If it meant a little bit of extra butter, in moderation, where was the harm?
I shook my head and turned back to Cass. "Your father didn't ruin you. You're perfect just as you are. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Okay?" I kissed his nose.
"You're perfect," he told me.
My stab of guilt suggested otherwise. Whatever happened, whatever my instincts were saying, I couldn't put it off any longer.
I had to tell them I knew who Zeus was. I'd kept the secret for long enough.
If I kept it for another day, they could end up hating me, thinking I didn't trust them enough to tell them everything. They might lose their trust in me.
I'm not sure that wasn't deserved, not when I didn't tell them straight away. Was today the reason for that?
If I'd told them, they would have gone straight to find him and kill him.
We all would have been tired. Someone would have made a mistake.
We'd be lying dead right now. We weren't. We were safe and we'd be rested when we needed to be.
That sounded like a very good reason to withhold the information to me. It made sense in my mind.
They may not agree when they found out.
I pushed myself up until I was sitting and cleared my throat.
"There's something you all should know. Something Hypnos told me before I introduced his throat to a pair of scissors."
Cass hurried to sit up too. "What is it?" He frowned, his expression full of concern. Worried for me. He was too sweet.
I didn't know how any father could walk away from him. He had the biggest heart of anyone I ever met. Sweet, loyal, and hot as hell. Not to mention incredibly smart, and with a talented tongue.
"Yeah, out with it," Boner said, his mouth full of popcorn.
Apparently he wasn't too sad to keep eating it. That might change.
I waited until he swallowed, not wanting him to choke. That would make us all sad.
"I've been trying to get my head around this," I said slowly. "For one thing, I'm not even sure if it's true."
Hypnos could have been lying through his teeth. Why should he tell me the truth just because he thought I was about to die? He could have grabbed a name out of thin air.
My instincts told me otherwise. He had no reason to lie to me either.
"Hypnos told me who Zeus is."