Chapter 5 #2
My fingers dip into my pocket and brush against the mask for the umpteenth time since I left my flat. A reminder that it’s there if I need it. Definitely before entering the alley.
Ellie’s still across town working, pulling pints in some dingy bar. I’d question why she can’t pick one of the student bars near her home, but it works out better for me that she doesn’t. Her little dot being miles away is much easier.
I’m halfway down the street when I see a flash of blonde hair that stops me in my tracks. Kat steps out of her alley and heads across the road. Two more minutes and she’d have walked right into me.
A thrill sizzles up my spine at the thought.
Not yet.
She’s dressed up. Short skirt and knee-high boots. Her oversized sweater slips off her shoulder as she moves. The idea of biting the exposed flesh there steals my breath. I’ve never so viscerally wanted to touch someone. If anything, people’s touch makes me want to scream.
She doesn’t see me as I trail her, keeping far enough back to avoid suspicion. I hope.
I should probably turn and go home. To classify my journey as a failure and slink back to my flat with my tail between my legs.
My hand drifts to the mask in my pocket again as I match Kat’s pace. I want to hide from her almost as much as I want to throw myself in front of her and beg her to notice me.
But I can’t put it on under the streetlights while people walk by. I’d attract more attention than without it.
Kat walks for a few streets, cutting through the university campus and out the other side, where the streets take on a more industrial flavour.
In the daytime, there would be burger vans to feed the local labourers and a plethora of white vans filling the carparks.
Protectiveness washes over me as a man walks past her, turning to eye the expanse of her thighs from behind.
The desire to pull him into a darkened corner and rip his throat out hits me like a runaway truck.
But she stops in front of a hotel. If you can call it that. And the man with the wandering eyes moves away, keeping his pulse for another day.
The hotel is low budget, probably teeming to the seams with workmen and sleazy business types.
The ones whose bosses secretly hate them and send them to the shit-heaps.
It’s big enough to be busy, but all on one level from what I can see.
Like a huge, shabby bungalow surrounded by weeds and broken fencing.
What the hell is Kat doing in a place like this?
Maybe my flat won’t seem so shitty after all.
It’s a hotel you definitely don’t want to stay at for more than one night. Hell, probably not for more than an hour.
Realisation hits me as Kat smiles at a guy. My guts twist.
He’s leaning against the wall just to the side of the entrance with his hands in his pockets, like he’s been waiting a while.
Tucking in beside a parked van, I seethe.
Logically, I know that Kat doesn’t know I’m here—hell, she probably doesn’t even remember me—but seeing her with another man tears me up inside.
He’s the bloke from her pictures online. The one who always seems to be with her on nights out, hanging around behind her and Ellie. But never up front and posing with them. Not a boyfriend. Just… something.
He pushes off the wall and steps toward her, running a hand through his hair before letting it fall to her waist in a touch that screams of familiarity.
When he kisses her, I grip my hand into a fist hard enough to hurt. There’s no uncertainty or softness or seeking of permission. He knows he’s welcome.
I hate him.
The pain hits me hard enough that it throws me off for a second. It doesn’t make sense. I knew her for one summer all those years ago. She can be with whoever she wants. I don’t get a say in that.
It doesn’t stop it from stinging.
The feelings that bubble up are hot and irrational.
Jealousy. Possessiveness.
I want to tear across the pavement and shove him off her. To tell him that she was mine first. To act with a childish petulance I hadn’t been afforded throughout my actual childhood.
They pull apart, and he takes her hand, tugging her into the hotel with need written across his punchable face.
I nearly follow them in, but it’s too risky. It’s not like I have a keycard.
Moving again, I stop off to the side of the entrance, and I peer through the glass doors, jumping when they automatically open, and Kat’s dainty chin turns my way. Only just managing to avoid her eyeline, I watch them move straight past reception without stopping. Heading straight for the rooms.
I give it a few seconds, then push through the broken fence to the left of the building. In the darkness, rocks amongst the dirt make me stumble while I peer through windows, searching for her.
I go window to window, peeking through gaps in curtains, and dodging the fully open ones after a quick glance inside. Shirtless men lying in their underpants are the most common finding. Some are watching reruns of panel shows, others are watching soft porn. None of the people I need.
As the number of windows left decreases, my heartbeat thunders more erratically. What if they are in one of the rooms with the curtains closed up tight? What if he’s fucking her right now?
No.
By the time I reach the back of the building, frustration has my palms sweating in my gloves. The ground is barren here, stretching into the darkened industrial estate beyond.
I hesitate, looking around for cameras, but soon dismiss the idea. The hotel barely looks like it can afford working lights, never mind security.
I keep going, one bare arse thumping between a pair of pale thighs, making my heart fall out of my backside until I spot the splay of brown hair beneath the guy.
What exactly do you think you can do about it? Knock on the window and tell her that she can’t fuck anyone else. That’ll go down well.
Not.
I keep moving, close to giving up as the tension in my skull increases. Until I spot her through the crack in a set of curtains. A sliver of Kat’s figure presses up against the wall as the man kisses her.
It feels like someone does origami with my heart as I watch them.
I’ve never been one for sex. Not by the time I could choose to have it. Never bothered with porn either, not when I know where so much of it originates.
Kat pushes him off, and for a moment, I think she’s going to leave. But then her hands are on his shoulders, and she’s redirecting him downwards. He presses her skirt up her thighs, revealing a slip of pale cotton that stalls my breathing.
For the first time, I want to watch. Tearing my eyes from her seems impossible, even with the heated envy making me want to smash the window.
To possess her in a way I have no right to.
He shouldn’t be touching her like that.
The thought comes like a bullet splintering my skull, and he drags his lips over the crotch of her panties.
She’s mine.
I can’t stand aside and watch them together. But neither can I leave them to screw up against the goddamned wall.
Fuck.
Before I can think it through, I turn and run around the building. Desperation makes it feel like emotion is tearing my lungs out through the gaps in my ribs.
I push through the front doors, pretending like I’m supposed to be there lest anyone think to question me. The youth on the desk barely even looks up.
Good.
There’s a fire alarm mounted on the wall outside the corridor where the rooms are located.
Break glass in case of emergency.
My girl being railed by some twat definitely qualifies as a fucking emergency.
I slam my fist into it.
Hard.
Glass cracks under the impact, followed swiftly by the wail of the alarm. It splits the skin across the knuckles, and I grimace. Another scar to add to the others.
At least this one will remind me of her.
I slip out amongst the growing crowd of people, rubbing my bloodied hand against my trousers as I make for the trees, losing myself in the shadows. Men grumble as they trip over untied laces, while robes are gathered hastily around midriffs.
I wait.
It doesn’t take long for them to appear, cheeks red with fluster at their interrupted lovemaking. I have no right to deny Kat an orgasm, but the idea of her seeking pleasure with that schmuck makes me see red. Beyond ripping his spine out of his backside, this would have to do.
Kat comes out first, her lips pursed in annoyance. The guy follows, wiping his mouth on his sleeve before attempting to wrap it around Kat’s waist. My muscles tighten until she shrugs him off. A tiny surge of victory dances through me.
He laughs it off before attempting another hug, but she steps away this time and says something that has his smile faltering. The urge to sneak closer to hear what they say is hard to resist.
Minutes pass, him trying harder to keep some semblance of intimacy going, while she appears frostier by the second, and not just from the chill in the air. I can’t help but delight in his discomfort.
The fire engine arrives in a flash of blue lights, and it’s at that point that Kat turns from the guy, shouldering her handbag and walks away.
The guy lets her leave before turning and kicking a discarded can across the car park. His fuck is loud enough to hear despite the wail of sirens.
I can’t help but grin as a filthy streak of satisfaction rises.
But I can’t stay and revel in it for long. I need to walk my girl home.
From half a street behind her.