Chapter 1 #3
“I had a change of heart, and I realized that I wouldn’t just be hurting myself.
She was your mother. You didn’t deserve to be deprived of her.
So I called it off, at least I tried,” he said, sniffing and turning back to the rose garden.
“By the time I got the word out, it was too late. A team had been sent to handle her, and… she was gone. I fucked up. And I couldn’t let the rest of the world know. Especially not you or your sister.”
“So you lied. You lied to the whole world and said that she ran off, abandoning us, and the whole time you knew!” I snarled.
“Harbor—”
“No!” I hopped to my feet and snatched my purse from the couch. “I asked for answers, and I got them. I’m leaving.” I marched toward the entryway.
“Harbor, please.” I could hear him begging behind me as I stormed out onto the porch, slamming the door shut so hard behind me I heard the windows rattle.
My whole body shook. I was in shock, and starting to feel like shit.
Stomping down the porch steps, I lost my footing on the brick sidewalk and before the chunks could ruin my cute ass outfit, I rushed to a nearby tree and bent over beside it.
This morning’s breakfast came up and I held on to the stump for support.
What looked like uncooked stew came pouring out of me, and the sight of it brought even larger quantities of it up from my belly. This was some bullshit.
“You okay?” Deviance’s big, strong ass came up to me.
Worry clouded his face as he held his hands out, offering me help. This large, almost bear sized man was endearing in this moment. For the first time, I took him in, and accepted his hand as he pulled me back onto the sidewalk.
“I’ll be fine. Just a little overwhelmed. Can you take me back to the house?” I smoothed out the bottom of my romper with my hand and slid my glasses back down onto my face.
Strutting my shit down to the car, Deviance stepped ahead of me and pulled the door open.
I ducked so that I could climb inside and we pulled off.
By the time we reached the estate, I was drained.
With my head resting in the cushion of the seats, I continued staring out the back window, even after we had stopped.
I must have zoned out because next thing I knew, Deviance was coming to the back door and opening it for me.
The warm air from the day swept across my legs, and I forced myself out of the car.
What was I doing here? My father left me with even more questions than before.
Was everything he said true about my mother, or was he just making her look bad so that he didn’t look like the bitter, ain’t shit husband that he was?
By the time I stepped into the front hallway of the massive mansion, I was dizzy.
The smell of Celine’s cooking floating through the air brought me back. I walked through the halls until I reached the kitchen around the corner. She had her back to me at the sink, washing produce off.
“Smells good in here.” My voice startled her, and she spun around.
“Hey!” She was cheerful, and then she soaked in the somberness that was practically cloaking me as I slid onto a bar chair and left my purse on the counter. “Is everything okay?”
“Far from it, and I don’t want to talk about it.” I mumbled.
“You want something to eat? You know my meals are instant comfort food,” she said, hiking over to the stove. “Chicken and dumplings. I’m making a pot of greens too, just because.”
My mouth watered. One thing about being under this roof, you would never starve. Celine kept a warm meal on the stove or tucked in the fridge. She didn’t believe in being hungry.
“Yes, oh my God feed me.” I teased, and she chuckled while grabbing a bowl from the cabinet.
“So, what’s really going on?” she asked, stocking my bowl with her food and bringing it over.
I grabbed the spoon and immediately dug in. It was so warm and flavorful in my mouth that I closed my eyes to savor the taste and let out a soft moan.
“Damn, that’s good.”
“Chile, you must be hungry.” She kidded, smiling at my reaction.
“Starving. I ate on the flight back and that feels like so long ago,” I said, digging back into the bowl.
“So, where did you go?”
“I went to pay a visit to my father. I have a new baby brother, and he’s the cutest thing. Too bad I will probably never have a relationship with him.” I mumbled.
“And why is that?” She replied.
“Because our father is a lying, cold-hearted bastard.” I answered with sarcasm. “And everything I thought I knew about him is a lie. He used to preach to me like he was honorable and did things for the sake of his family. He’s a liar.”
“He is still your father.” Celine reminded me.
“And that doesn’t mean anything to me anymore,” I said, shaking my head.
She stared on at me with sympathy.
“I’m sorry to hear that, honey.”
“Thanks. Now my focus is making this real estate thing a success, and hopefully be able to dance in the process. Not that any of that matters, nobody is rooting for me. I’ve never felt more alone.
Even my sister is practically a stranger to me now.
Everything is… different. I don’t even know where to start piecing my life together. What does that look like now?”
“Hmm, well, you have the time to figure that out.” Celine assured me.
“Sounds like you got some soul searching to do.” She countered.
“And I have some shopping to do. Frequency’s birthday is this weekend.
He hates it, never plans anything, but I always do.
So, I need to go and set up a few things, and you will be here alone until Ivy gets home from school. You going to be alright?”
I looked into my bowl, stirring the contents while letting my mind wonder.
“Celine… what do you even get a man like him for his birthday?”
She laughed a little and studied me like I was holding out on her.
“Tell me something, Harbor…”
“And what is that?”
“I love Frequency. He means more to me than he even knows. But he’s stubborn, and he can be cold.
it’s all just to cover up what he really is underneath that.
He’s guarded, and he’s been through a lot.
I won’t be the one to reveal any of that, but…
feeling for other people, it isn’t something that comes easily to him. ”
“You trying to tell me something, Celine?”
“You figure that out.” She winked and ambled toward the door. “Oh, and he loves guns. Crazy ass boy.”
Minutes later, I could hear her leaving the house.
I sat there in my own self-pity until I had finished.
After eating I went to my bedroom and when my head hit the pillow, I was out.
The emotional exhaustion had drained me physically.
The trip with Frequency, and then finding out about my father; it was a bunch of simultaneous gut punches trying to take me out.
Hours later someone tapped on my door. Rolling over in the soft top mattress, I faced the entry to my room, and Ivy was there.
“Hey, didn’t mean to wake you,” she said, poking her head inside.
I stretched a bit as she came slinking in, clearly not caring that I was just waking up. I glanced at the watch on my wrist and saw that it was almost four pm. Damn, I guess I was more jet lagged than I thought.
“Hey, no. I’ve been asleep long enough. How was school?”
“I have to study for an American History test,” she answered, rolling her eyes as she moved over to a desk in the corner of the room.
I watched her start taking books out of her Moschino backpack, and placing them on the surface before she pulled the chair out and plopped down in it.
“Could you help me with that first?” she pleaded.
Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I swung my legs to the side of the bed and rose to go to the bathroom.
“Yeah, sure,” I agreed.
After relieving myself and washing my hands, I joined Ivy and we started studying before I gave her a practice quiz, which she aced.
She was a very smart and intuitive girl, when she wasn’t being spoiled as shit.
I honestly wondered if the child had ever been told ‘no’ with the way she reacted to it.
Sitting there with her and skimming through her textbook, I felt her watching me.
Flipping the pages slowly, I continued soaking in the material while she continued to hawk me.
“What?” I asked, keeping my eyes on the book.
“Why are you still living here? How come you don’t just move out and get your own place?” she queried, tapping her pencil on the desk.
I closed the book slowly and leaned forward with it in my lap.
“Does me being here bother you?” My brows dipped when I addressed her.
“I don’t need a new mother.” She voiced softly.
My presence seemed to get under her skin.
She was hot and cold on a good day. Some days better than others.
I definitely understood it. I wasn’t the nicest to Chaya when my daddy brought her home, and it wasn’t her fault.
He walked her into our lives without us even getting the chance to get to know her.
One day they were dating, then she was moving in, and finally they were married a few months later.
I guess I should have known then what was up.
Ivy was clearly confused about my being here, and honestly I was starting to feel the same way.
“That’s not who I’m trying to be.” I insisted, standing and handing her book back to her. “Why don’t you try talking to your father, kid?” I suggested.
The grief from this conversation was the last thing I needed.
“He’s hardly ever here, and when he is, he’s usually working. I’ve been here for months and we still haven’t spent any real time together other than our car ride to school in the morning. And he doesn’t like to talk about my mama. Do you think he’s forgotten her?”
The lost, heartbroken look on her face stalled me. She reminded me of me. Our lives contrasted a bit, but at the root of it all, the pain was the same. The absence of a parent was always felt, no matter the circumstance.