2. More than Broken
More than Broken
Amity
L et’s be honest here. Every group of ladies has a wild card. The one friend who finds it hard to keep her mouth shut. Cusses like a sailor but loves Jesus. The one that is the fiercest but most loyal. You never know what she's gonna say or catch her doin’. It’s me! I’m the wild card in my group. If you are just lookin’ for some fun or a nice night out, take a gander on me. Jet black hair, dark olive skin, and piercing blue eyes. A face and body most would think I bargained with the devil for. I’m unapologetic and will drink you under the table. My escape is riding my handsome horse in wide open pastures as fast as he can go. Livin’ does not exist until you feel the wind whip through your hair as you fly across the countryside on a horse you give all control to. For kicks, I dabble on my own, and sometimes multiples. But always in the mood for playing with the opposite. Now let’s go have some fun!
“Damnit, Tilly! Did you really post this on the dating app? I think I might murder you myself tonight. Givin’ me an excuse not to date because I’ll be behind bars!” I yell at her.
“Look! You have been down since lover boy took off to Brazil for the next six months with no promise of keeping his dick in his pants. You said yourself y’all aren’t exclusive anymore so have some fun with it. Paramour is under renovations for the next three months so you can change it up some. It won’t kill you to try something new.”
Tilly is right. I need to be over him. This isn’t me. Pining over some guy. Even if he has delicious abs, a smile that melts my heart, and the biggest drilling tool I have ever encountered. I’ve never been exclusive with anyone, since the other one. Until him. But he damn got himself under my skin with me tryn’ to claw him out painfully now. “I hate this feelin’, and it’s not fair he has me all jacked up over here while he is galavanting over South America doing every hot pussy and ass I’m sure he finds.”
“Now let’s not jump to conclusions. He’s over there for work, and Nash stated he was going to be pretty busy,” Willa spits out. More so to protect Nash from any of my scrutiny.
“Quit findin’ excuses for why he hasn’t texted or called in three weeks!” Blake should be feelin’ lucky Willa married into that family as that is serving as his protection from me putting a hit out on him. Poppin’ open another Busch light, I lay back on the couch. A whining Hamlet jumps on the couch to lay on top of me. “I’m not givin’ his dog back,” I hiss, making a loud statement to them. Thinking of the last few months together. That he kept pushing to get my heart, and when he finally did, the mother fucker left. He did the exact thing he promised me he would not do. Leave!
“What happened again the last night you saw him?” Tilly asks.
“Why do you always ask me to retell the story?”
“Because we must be missing something. You two were pretty hot and heavy before y’all even disappeared for a month. Then y’all came back, and we’re completely inseparable until a few weeks ago. You two even seemed fine when you knew he was heading to Brazil.”
“Trust me. I’ve gone over it a million times in my head already. He’s just a spoiled playboy fuck-wad that I need to forget about. What type of human being would stand up their lover the night before they leave the country for six months? He could’ve called, texted, come over. Hell, airmail would have been nice. A thousand ways to communicate what the hell was goin’ on. Instead, he ghosted me. Did he wanna break up? He got his damn wish, if so.” My thoughts go back to the night he told me he was leaving for six months.
“Amity, I know this is awful timing, but it’s my job, and I need to close these deals.”
“I get it, Blake, I do. But you disappearing for six months with no possibility of seeing each other is bullshit.” Slamming my laptop down on the table, I groan. “Fuck. I hate this feelin’ of being attached and needin’ you.” His jaw clenches and hands roll into fists.
“What the hell are you trying to say?”
“I don’t know, Blake. Just be done raising your voice.” A small vase off my floating shelf goes flying by me, smashing into a million pieces on the opposite wall of Blake. Him wanting to prove a point that he can get much worse and that I am testing his every nerve. I refuse to cave. “Damn you! I wish I never met you!” I scream out, stomping away toward my room.
“Don’t you dare walk away from me, Amity,” he growls out. Before I can slam my bedroom door, he catches it with his hand, swinging the door back open. “You’re invoking the bear.”
“I don’t give a rat’s ass about your big, bad scary self. I’ve been through worse. You don’t scare me.”
“I’m not trying to scare you. Just letting you know I’m about to blow a fucking gasket. Besides, what the hell does that mean? You’ve been through worse?”
Cussing my own mouth for letting stuff slip, I mutter “Nothing. Forget I said anything.” Looking up at him, I sigh. “Look, you do you. I’m going to bed. Stay or don’t.”
“That's always your damn answer. You shut down and push shit aside like you never said it. Like I am supposed to forget. Just like in Costa Rica when I had to wake you up from a nightmare, because you were screaming and crying so bad. Or when you wigged out in the market because you thought you saw a ghost from the past. You don’t give me much to go on.”
“Past is my past, Blake. You have my heart, take or leave it.” Ready to stomp off again to not have to face him pressuring me to discuss dreadful memories, he pulls my arm, slamming me into his hard body.
“I took your heart, and I am never giving it back. Never.” Sliding his fingers through my hair, he murmurs, “One day maybe I will earn your trust to tell me, but this between us is far from over.” Then he smashes his lips to mine, before I can protest. My lust for him consumes my mind and body. Letting him take me from behind against my bedroom wall. Every thrust of his cock and hips earns a moan from me and an explicit followed by how I am his. By the time we fell into bed, we had forgiven each other and accepted the future that lay ahead.
“Yah, the whole thing just seems precarious. All Nash would tell me was that when Blake left the office that Tuesday, he was pretty upset about a few things that were discussed. But, of course, he wouldn’t disclose much to me. Which leads me to believe it had something to do with you, Amity, because that’s the only time he doesn’t tell me something. Only when it has to do with somebody in our circle. He knows I don’t keep anything from y'all! Nash told me last night that Blake will eventually reach out after he calms down and pulls the bat out of his ass.”
“That’s what I don’t understand. What is he so damn hell-bent about? And if it has something to do with me, be a man and talk to me. Fuck my pineapples! This is why I don’t do relationships. I don’t do drama, emotions, or bullshit!”
“Oh, you did have that one relationship!”
“Tilly, we do not talk about him. That’s null and void.”
“I know we don’t. But that was a turning point for you. You have been a Spitfire from hell water since the day I met you. But he broke something inside of you that you’ve never fully come back from. At least not until Blake.” I refrain from speaking.
Willa speaks up. “What Tilly is trying to say is we love you. We just noticed how happier you’ve been since Blake has been around since before. Not say’n that you were not happy prior to him. Just seemed like something was missing for you. And you were just trying to fulfill it with all these people and bedroom activities. Using them before they could use you.”
“Yah, well I promised myself I would never be taken advantage of again. I gave in to a little happiness and broke my own damn promise. It’s unforgivable. I can never forgive him. I have sulked and cried for weeks now.” I breathe a weak sigh. “Y’all, I don’t cry over nothin’. It’s like having an out of body experience. I’m watchin’ myself fall apart daily all while trying to tell myself to get my shit together and move on! Now it’s time. Time to get back on the saddle and move on.”
They give me their best understanding smiles. “I’ll be fine y’all. I have a cute apartment, I have a great job, I have the best friends in the world, and now a great dog. I’m good.”
Looking around, the living room still houses pictures of Blake and I. Pictures he got printed and framed from our trip to surprise me with before he left. How do two people go from being inevitably enthralled with each other to ashes? I can tell my best friends that I am fine, but deep down, I know I’m not. Not at least for a long haul. I miss him. He became a constant in my life, and I felt genuinely cared for and that he wanted to be here with me. I felt safe. I miss the laughs and the never-ending banter between us. Blake got me on some whole other level that no one ever has. We could make stupid jokes while having intellectual conversations in the same breath. I miss his wit. His touch. His embrace. Every time I walk in my bedroom, I get a whiff of his Juniper smell, pulling me into a daydream.
I scrub my hands across my face.
“Are we goin’ out tonight? Or just going to sit here and whine like a bunch of hopeless ninnies?” Tilly and Willa go into a giggle fit, only annoying me more.
When I get up to throw my beer can away, Willa shouts across the room, “Yes, let’s go. It’s Thirsty Thursday at Howl.”
With that I change into my hot, tight black leather pants, red cropped halter top, leaving my hair down and wavy. Tilly does my smokey eye makeup as Willa calls Lana, giving her twenty to get herself ready. Final touch, I’m not paying for shit red lipstick .