Heart Like Mine (Heart #2)

9. Back When

Back When

Amity

“M y ex-husband’s name is Gage. Gage Hendrix. We actually grew up together, though he lived a few streets over with high society. Away from the trailer park road I was living on with my asshole sperm donor, Herb. Gage was always charming and looked out for me, as I didn’t live in the best of neighborhoods. He was just always around. I won’t lie either. He was cute, but he grew up to be a stunning man that exudes power and demanded attention. It was appealing, even more so, because I knew him better than most. For so many years we were each other’s confidants. We were best friends and kept in touch when my mom and I finally left and moved here with Stan. Gage would come out here in the summer to hang for a few days at a time. Always made a point to be at most of my rodeos, and yah, he was my first kiss, my first…” I notice Blake’s jaw clenching and decide to not dive into details. “Yah, he was a lot of firsts for me. So, he didn’t just come out of the blue one day asking for my hand. Though it did kinda feel like it, lookin’ back.”

I sit up and Blake follows my lead, still sitting in front of me, with his hands on my thighs. I grab a pillow to place in front of my naked body due to the uneasiness this conversation is bringing.

“He did show up one day, explaining to me who his dad really was. Mr. Birsha himself. Everyone knew the name, but no one really knew who the man was behind the name. He always had his lackeys to hide behind, and I’ve always known Gage’s dad as a nice man, good father, and a church-going man. Hell, he had my vote for any category against Herb. Anyways, Mr. Birsha was a huge loan shark, and apparently the man I lived with owed him a substantial amount of money. Like we are talking hundreds of thousands he had racked up overtime plus interest. Gage told me his father had plans to murder mine. Back then, I had a little more heart and thought it would be awful for my own “dad” to be murdered because he was a battered old rodeo cowboy who spent his days doing odd jobs when he wasn’t too drunk. Stan and my mom always enjoyed Gage’s company and thought well of him. Enough for even around the same time, Stan confided in Gage about how bad the ranch was struggling to the point he wasn’t sure he would be able to hold on to it. I guess his master plan came together so much easier than even he expected.”

I take a deep breath and fist the pillow a little tighter.

“He laid the proposal out on the table to my parents and me. Confessing even to them who his dad was. He confessed his feelings for me, but most of all, my dad would be safe, and he would be able to help my parents keep the ranch, because we would be family. And no one hurts his family. I was young and stupid. Thought I loved him. Believed he loved me. I’ve lived the life of a poor child, a blue-collar teenager, fighting and earning her way in the world. I earned my scholarship that put me through college, and for that, I am so thankful for. But I had a chance to be a wife to a rich man. To a powerful man and not have to want for nothing.”

Blake rolls his eyes with annoyance. “You don’t get to do that,” I spout at him. “You have never wanted anything you knew you could never have. Never known the feeling of hunger or wondering if your dad is going to be dead the next morning when you woke up, because he drank himself into a stupor. So yah, I was being selfish for once, and it was going to benefit the people I loved. The girls thought I was crazy but stood by my side anyway. It was a huge lavish wedding in May after graduation. His dad covered all expenses and gave me a brand-new Audi for a wedding gift. Along with covering costs on a brand-new apartment for college for the next four years so I didn’t have to live in the dorms. He had pulled, and no one questioned him. Not even me, especially knowing who he was. But he called me the daughter he never had and treated me like a princess. For a few months, that is exactly what I felt like. Gage was attentive as I lived with him before going off to college. He sent Herb to rehab, paid off Stan’s ranch loan, never asking for a thing. I played the dutiful wife for the summer. Waited on Gage hand and foot. Always had dinner ready, though half the time I ate alone. Whatever he wanted I let him take. He saved my family, treated me well, and I was heading off to college. Wasn’t until I went off to college that everything shifted. He rarely wanted to travel to Oklahoma to see me, so I made a point to come home when I didn’t have a rodeo to attend. It was maybe the third weekend I came home in September that I realized he was taking over his father’s loan business. Stepping out to be the next Mr. Birsha. I told him I did not think it was a great idea, because I worried about him. We ended up in a huge fight with a gun pointed to my head.”

Blake shoots out of bed when his fists clenched. Turning to me, he grits out, “Keep going,” as he begins to pace across the room, naked.

“Um, well right after, he turned me around, slammed me into the wall, and took me from behind as he held the barrel to my back. Telling me he owned me. Pulling my hair so hard, I thought I was going to have bald spots on my scalp. He cussed me the whole time, saying I was nothing but a bitch, whoring it up at school. A horrible worthless wife by not being home with him.”

Blake swings at the standing mirror, splintering the glass. I lurch out of bed with a scream. He comes running over to me. “I’m so sorry baby, I didn’t mean to scare you. I am just infuriated that this happened, and I know this story is going to get worse. I just want to protect you from all of it.” He holds onto me like a starved attention child finding shelter in the arms of a loved one.

After several minutes, he releases me. I go throw on his t-shirt while he throws on a pair of athletic shorts, and we make our way to the kitchen. I begin again, while wetting a rag for his hand to clean the blood. “It did get worse. He would show up randomly at school, pulling me out of class just to have sex. Putting his claim on me around campus. Then he would turn around and buy me a new bag or jewelry to make up for being a bastard. Only to do it all over again. Gage was just so angry all the time because I wasn’t home. He was threatening Stan to return all the money he had gifted them for the ranch because his daughter was a jezebel. It was not until later I found out he had his goonies beat Stan up and scare my mom every chance they had. With the previous loan paid off, he re-financed the ranch to pay Gage off and that seemed to infuriate him even more.”

“Gage demanded my parents pay interest and collected half their income weekly for the next several months. Mom never told me until they were about to lose the property again because Gage had put a financial strain on them. He also stopped paying for Herb’s rehab, leaving him to be kicked to the streets. When I came home for winter break for three weeks, that was when it escalated further. I found out he had several girls on the side along with confirming he was geek-ing out on cocaine most days. For some reason, one night, after several glasses of wine, I told him he needed to choose. Either me or his lifestyle. Gage brought a knife to my throat and threatened to skin me alive.”

I raise my shirt up enough to show the tally marks down my side. I’ve had treatments to make them less visible, so unless you know they are there, you don’t know to look. To anyone looking at my tan skin, they might even pass off as stretch marks with a quick glance.

Blake comes in closer, bending down and leaning in. His finger presses into the first one as he begins to trace each one, counting under his breath. My body tenses under each touch. “Twelve.” He stands back up, nose to nose now. “Twelve marks, Amity. For the love of God, why were you marked?”

“Each one is for when he felt I needed to be put in place. And it’s actually thirteen.” Guiding his hand, I move him a little lower down my waist to my tan line. “This was the last one he was able to complete. His father just happened to stop by the house one February weekend when I was home. Except Gage had me tied to the bed, naked and gagged. He was carving this last one in, causing me to bleed all over the bed. He was shouting, slapping me in the face. Never heard his father enter our bedroom. Didn’t even know he was there myself until I saw him charge Gage, shoving him off the opposite side of the bed. Gage was too strong along with rage and the coke, he was able to remove himself from his father’s headlock. Pulling the gun out from under his pillow, Gage shot and killed his own father. The guards rushed into the room at this point, taking in the whole scene. They quickly brought him to his knees and handcuffed until he calmed down and realized what he did.”

The scene flashes through my mind; the moment that Gage had known came to fruition of the damage he caused once sober. He cried and cried. I broke when he cried in my lap begging me for forgiveness, telling me how much he loved me. To me the damage was done.

I feel hands on my arms. “Amity, hey. If this is too much…” I stop him.

“No, I’m fine, just havin’ a flashback…but yah, um. Gage finally sobered and realized he murdered his father and tortured me all in one night. For me, my heart turned stone and could feel absolutely nothin’. There was nothin’ Gage could say or do to change my mind. I left the next day for home battered and bruised. Found out all the shit I said earlier, and a switch flipped inside me. Torturing me is one thing, but he fucked with my family, Blake. Sperm donor showed up weeks later dead in a ditch, my parents were about to lose everything on top of fearing for their lives. A few days after, and ignoring Gage's calls, I went back to school to sell my apartment along with everything inside. Picked up a waitressing job to help survive through the semester and sendin’ back home what I could. I was killin’ myself to get my education, working every shift I could to make ends meet. Tryin’ to keep my grades up, rodeo practice, and competitions. I had Lana there, but no one else. She tried to help, but it all just became too much for the both of us. I started taking uppers just to stay awake through the day. By the time the semester ended, I lost all ambition for life.

“The school gave me some grace but told me I would be put on academic suspension in the fall if I didn’t come back with my shit together. Lana came home for the summer, but my apartment still hadn’t sold, so I decided to stay there until it did. Which led to partying all night, experimenting sexually just to try to feel something. Ask the girls, they will tell you I was in a dark place. Gage had finally stopped calling, but I also had no idea where he was, leaving me in fear.” I walk over to the opposite counter to start the coffee.

“End of August that year, I was served divorce papers with a note from him. Stating that he would always love me, but he needed to cut ties until he got his shit together and was leaving town. He gave me the deed to the house and my apartment to do as I wished. Paid my parents back all the money they paid him and in the letter apologized about Herb. That he would live with all the guilt and pain he caused me. All with the undertone of him returning. Even had the nerve stating he would pay for any therapy I may need, just reach out to his lawyer,” I say with a huff, still pissed, he felt he had the audacity to say such a thing to me.

Blake is sitting across from me sipping his coffee slowly, drinking all this information in. “I signed the papers the same day, never had to go to court to finalize. I just received a letter a week later with a bouquet of yellow roses that was all signed and complete. I sold our house and my car. Invested half, buried Herb’s ashes in his family’s cemetery, bought my truck, quit my job, and lived off the rest like a frugal person.” Shrugging my shoulders, I know to some it was a big deal, but not to me. “Not like I knew any difference anyhow. Once I finally graduated, I sold the apartment, moved back to town, and bought the one I am in now. Donated a chunk to a local women’s shelter. Then I bought my horse, Nevada. Honestly, I don’t have to work. Between my savings and investments, I am worth a few million. My parents are too proud, so they won’t take a dime from me. I splurge on one trip every other year but love my girl weekends away. The girls don’t even know how much money I have. They have never asked what I did with all the money. Honestly, they probably think I created a bonfire out of dollar bills. I enjoy my job at the college though. And helping at the ranch. It fulfills a part of me that I was missing through the early years of all hell and coping.” I pause and find Blake gaping at me.

“Surely you knew the money part, being that you have dug up information on me that I paid good money to hide.”

“No, I didn’t. Come to think back, Nash never gave me your financial file. Probably thought I couldn’t handle that on top of the news of you being married.”

“Well, now you know my story and baggage. So…yah.” Walking away, I place my cup in the sink, avoiding looking directly at Blake. I soon feel him behind me, wrapping his arms around my chest, pulling me into him. He kisses the top of my head.

“Amity, you have been unflinchingly honest with me. Thank you.” He pauses his thoughts and kisses the top of my head again. “I won’t apologize for all that shit you went through because I have no control over any of that time, but I am certain your path brought you to me. I wish I could wipe away your scars and pain. I promise though, to kiss away your tears and fight for your love every single day.” Turning me to face him, then picking me up to sit on the counter, he maneuvers himself between my legs. “You, my love, are a badass. Yes, you are mouthy and feisty, but those are parts I appreciate about you. You hold your own in bar fights and a force to be reckoned with daily. I am truly the luckiest guy ever to be in your circle and to be loved by you. Call me crazy, but…” Before I can blink, Blake is down on one knee in front of me, practically naked in the middle of his kitchen.

* * *

Blake

“Amity Jean Mercer, will you marry me? Wake me up every morning with a blow job and let me pound you every night into oblivion. Let me love and cherish you in all the ways you deserve for infinity. You are mine in every way possible already, now be my wife in front of God, our friends and family, and to the whole world.”

She is giggling with tears streaming down her face, leaving me waiting. Time is slowly ticking by, before she hops off the counter and tackles me to the floor. Straddling me, she shouts, “Yes, a thousand percent yes!” Placing my hands on her face, I pull her down to me and seize her mouth with mine. Our tongues dancing together in perfection. Pulling away from her, I lift her shirt over her head then roll us over, so she is bare on the cold tile floor. Looking into her eyes, my heart skips several beats at the beauty she possesses.

“Damn, I love you,” I whisper before kissing down her neck, down her chest, sucking her nipples into my mouth as my hand slides down her stomach to tease her heat. She is already soaked for me, ready for me. I bit down on her right nipple, causing her to let out a loud moan. “Pain and pleasure, baby, just the way you want me. First, I need to taste you.” My mouth is already salivating before I reach her pussy. Glistening pink folds are just for me. Bending her legs up over my arms, I drag her by her ass across the floor, closer to my mouth. As soon as my tongue slides between her folds, I become a starving man for her and her alone. Licking and lapping up her sweetness, pushing her over the edge with my fingers circling her clit.

“Damn pineapples, Blake. O…My…Don’t St...” My mouth hungrily nibbles on her between the deep tongue lashings. Amity's body trembles when my tongue goes rigid and flicks against her clit over and over again. Right when I know she cusps the edge of release, I stop. My eyes meet her ice daggers that look to stab me for leaving her on the edge.

“Don’t worry, baby, I have you.” She trails her fingers down my chest, but I grab her hands, crawling on top of her. Pinning each wrist down, I tease her entrance with my cock. She huffs impatiently at me, but I know I have her exactly where I want her. Desperate . I bury myself inside of her to the hilt, letting out a low deep groan, knowing I won’t last much longer.

“Amity,” I grunt out while she meets me thrust for thrust. She claws my back shouting my name, and it’s the most serene sound. “Amity, I need you to come now.” Her back arches, and I feel her pulse around my shaft as my own release begins to fill her. “I. fucking. love. you,” I pant out between breaths, slowing down my pace and drawing out my time inside.

“I love you more,” she says, pulling my face down toward hers to kiss me.