10. Javi
10
Javi
February - Preseason testing – Phillip Island, Victoria
The pit box is alive with a cacophony of sounds and smells—smells of fuel and burnt rubber, sounds of engines and power tools working together in sync. Fuck, I love this. The team is moving quickly around the pit as I look on, observing what they are doing. I stay to the side, out of their way, but I know what work they are doing to the bike. Controlled chaos works its magic in front of me. Rayna and Micah are standing nearby, and I chat with them. Conversations are light and jump around topics: from the looming start of the season, what happened over the season break, future projects, and current adjustments being made to the bike. I throw in my options here and there, however, I am itching to get back on the bike. It’s been a long two months.
Sophia appears to be distracted and reserved since we got back from the season break. Completely different than her normal warm, bubbly self. She stays away from the team, hiding at the back of the pit. I thought her role would be more involved in our testing, closer to the action, however she has been relying on Dave and Rayna to relay info to the team. Only speaking out loud when she really needs to.
Guess she is still dealing with that ass-hat ex of hers. I can see it’s not a confidence thing, like she’s worried about more responsibilities in the role. She’s doing that just fine. Better than fine. The team is working like there hasn’t been any changes. She gives direction, but then retreats behind her laptop screen to look on over it, masking herself from everyone in the garage. I don’t blame her, it was a shitty way to break up with anyone. Glad I don’t know him—I would have given him an earful.
She stays captured by my eye. Her head dips down to read off her laptop. A piece of her blonde hair has fallen from her tight, high ponytail, down one side of her face before she tucks it behind her ear with her delicate fingers. Her arms, exposed in her team polo, are smooth and spotless. Fuck, she looks good in my colours with her yellow polo and grey pants. Her arms are a stark contrast to my own heavily tattooed arms. I wonder if she has any hidden in more…intimate areas? Stop, Javi.
“Javi! You’re up,” Dave calls, shaking me out of my thoughts.
Sophia doesn’t break the stare off she has going with her laptop.
Making my way to the bike, I fist bump the crew as I pass and am given the go ahead to jump on the bike and take a few laps. The freedom on the bike is always bliss. But I am working and I need to feel the bike, how it behaves in turns, on the straight, when I push it. I get some feedback on a few corners and inform the crew when I am back in the pit. I get off, brief Dave with the information, and go back to standing around. Sophia has moved to talking with Rayna further towards the back of the pits. They are close together, with Rayna’s hand on Sophia’s shoulders, holding her gently into her side. They are pretty still and there is no way anyone can hear anything they are saying over the noise in the pits. Sophia nods and they part. She moves to retrieve her laptop and leaves the pit box, while Rayna walks over to Dave and whispers something to him. He nods, and she puts a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it with a sympathetic smile.
Nope, nothing to go by here. No idea what this interaction is about that I have just witnessed. I internally shrug and look back at the crew working on the bike.
Rayna comes up behind me, catching me off guard. “Hey Javi.”
“ Geeeez , Rayna. You scared the shit out of me. I was too engrossed watching the crew work.” Half lie.
“Dave said they will be a bit longer than expected. Did you want me to arrange for some food to be dropped off for lunch?”
“Nah, I might have a walk around out the back, hit the tent for some lunch. Shoot me a text when we’re good to go.” Might as well stretch my legs and do something.
“Sounds good,” she says and takes off.
I remove my suit, throw on some sweats and a tee, and head to the back of the pits towards the hospitality tent. Two of Riley’s crew head out of the tent as I stand to the side for them to exit. We exchange some hellos and head nods before I step in and head straight to the food spread. I grab a few lunch options: sandwich, salad, and fruit. I turn around and take in who else is sitting here. Other teams’ crews are chatting and eating across most of the tables, very few remaining vacant. Blonde hair in a far corner catches my eye. Sophia is sitting on her own, laptop open, her eyes studying intensely, still not looking like herself. Sad, distant, hollow. My feet take me towards her, and I am at her table when she looks up.
“Heya,” I open.
“Hello,” she says with a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. It doesn’t look like she is put off by the interruption, still being polite, but because her eyes hold sadness.
“Can I join you?” I ask. “Bit busy in here today.”
“Sure,” she replies, motioning to the empty seat in front of her.
“Thanks.” Taking the seat, I notice she hasn’t gotten any food in front of her. “Always working, hey?”
“Nah, just blankly staring at the screen,” she replies with a small shrug. We are silent for a few beats.
“Still working through the breakup?” I ask, picking up some food.
She winces and takes a long moment to look at me, worry spanning across her face. She lets out a long breath. “If only it was just that.” She pauses, considering. “My mum passed away the last day of testing.”
Wow, did I put my foot in it. So not the same level as a breakup. Good one, dickhead.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” I offer to her glassy eyes and weak nod. “Do you want some of my food?” I point down at my tray.
She lightly laughs, and it’s the first time in the past month I have seen a genuine smile cross her face. “Sure, throw over the apple.”
Smiling and feeling happy I got a grin out of her, I pass over the apple.
“So, you are really staring at nothing on your screen?” I enquire as I continue eating.
“No. Dave’s wife, Nikki, bought me an eBook on grief.” She turns her laptop around so I can see her screen. The file is named Grief Me Do , and looks like it’s trying to humorously tackle the tough topic of death and grief with joke bubbles and cartoon characters. Clearly missing the mark with Sophia. “It’s just not doing it for me, unfortunately. But I feel like I have to read it and give it a go.”
“There’s nothing good in it? Not even one line?” I question.
“Not for me. But I mean, I am not really with it. That’s why I’ve been staring blankly at the screen so much. Nothing is really making sense or sinking in. I must have read the same page for hours. Guess I am just overwhelmed with everything. Being back here, I feel like I have to hide. I don’t want anyone asking about my mum or Perry,” she says quietly.
“I’m sorry again. Did you want to not talk about it at all? Change the topic completely?” What the hell do I know about a parent dying? Both of mine are still alive. I can’t even imagine what she is going through.
“I’m okay, thanks. I mean, I will get to being okay. The apple helped,” she jokes with a smile. Looky here, a slither of the old Sophia poking through. Light-hearted sarcasm and her warm smile.
My phone buzzes, Rayna’s message causing it to vibrate on the table.
“Bike is ready,” I offer, holding up my phone.
“Brilliant. I’ll head over with you,” Sophia adds softly. She folds up her laptop and takes her apple core to the bin while I put my empty tray away.
We walk over to the pits together and cover some idle chit chat. Plans for the weekend, adjustments for the bike—nothing in depth. But before we get too close to the pit, I mention, “If there is anything I can help with, please let me know. Even if you want to sit with someone at the bar or at dinner and not talk. What are teammates for?”
“Thanks, Javi. I appreciate it,” she responds, touching my forearm, sending a spark up my arm.
We head in and she hangs back to talk quietly with Rayna again while I go change to jump back on the bike again.