Chapter 15 Zoya #2
When I stared at Gerald, I could tell that he cared, and this wasn’t fake. It wasn’t an illusion to him. He wanted to know as much as he could about me.
Figure me out.
Not because he would have a one up on me. He wanted to figure me out because he wanted to find a way to heal me. Make me into a version that I craved to be, however, was too scared to become.
Trusting a man with everything, allowing him to pull down my walls one piece at a time, required a special set of skills, and I could tell Gerald Wraithe had them. Based off his actions, words, and the way he commanded a room.
He was a leader.
Even knowing all of that, I was still terrified of getting the short end of the stick.
Fear always won.
“Time… don’t have much time to do the things I would like.” I replied honestly.
Time felt like it was always working against me. The money was never the issue; it was always the time. As much as I would have loved to sneak away and spend a week in Ashbourne, I never had the time. There was always court, a client, or just the lack of energy to do something for me.
After giving myself to my clients all day, I didn’t have the energy to pour into myself at times.
With Bando, I mustered up the energy when I came through the door.
He was always excited to see me, so I mustered up the baby talk and gave him the love he deserved.
It wasn’t his fault that I had a long day at work or was too mentally depleted to hold a conversation.
“Life is too short, Boobie.”
“Tell me about it,” I scoffed, and stole a piece of bacon from the plate, while staring at him.
His eyes were still on me as I slowly chewed the bacon. “Too short for us not to live it… you can afford to slow down on work.”
“Not really. Preston Vance added me to his defense team.”
“Thought Kora told you to drop it?”
I rolled my eyes. “I am a grown woman. My brother and sister can suggest things, but they cannot tell me what to do with my career.”
“Why you so fucking hard headed, Zoya?”
“Because I’m the only one that has to deal with it… if you brought me here to convince me to drop the case, then you can take me home.”
I could tell he was biting the inside of his cheek as he stared at me, never backing down. Sigel always looked away when I got into a stare down with him. This time, I was the first to look away, but I felt his glare burning a hole in the side of my face.
“You a straight shooter, right?”
“In more ways than one.” I replied, folding my arms.
He slightly chuckled and leaned on the back counter. “Tell me if I’m wasting my time?”
“Why? You want to go and talk to the chick from your mom’s block?”
Gerald continued to stare at me. “Answer the fucking question.”
“Don’t curse at me.”
“Answer it.” He corrected himself.
I was scared to answer the question. “I’m here, right?”
He removed himself from the counter and came around until he was standing in front of me. Removing the second stool, he stood in its place and stared down at me.
“Fuck the action… I need to hear the words. I’m chill about a lot of shit, but wasting my time, Zoya.
I’ve spent years wasting time … not trying to be free and do the same thing.
Let me know if I need to fall back… or are you ready for a nigga to make you feel safe, Zoya.
” I realized whenever he used my name, he was serious as shit.
I avoided eye contact, and he pulled my face back towards him. “You’re not wasting your time, Gerald.”
He caressed my chin while peering into my eyes, never breaking eye contact with me. “That’s your word?”
Before I could reply, he held his other hand up.
“Before you give me your word, you need to know that I’m serious about people giving me their word. When I give mine, I stand on everything I say I’m gonna do. Now, is that you word?”
“Yes.”
When he was satisfied with my answer, he released my chin and walked back around the counter to continue to make breakfast. Gerald Levert played softly as he sang the words to the song.
“I don’t eat oatmeal.”
He looked up from the bubbling pot. “Good thing we’re not eating oatmeal.”
I watched as he ladled whatever in the pot into a small bowl and slid it across the counter. “Milk soup?”
“Porridge.”
“Like the three bears and Goldie Locks?”
He stared at me briefly and started to laugh. “The fuck I’m gonna do with you, Boobie?”
“Probably leave,” I muttered, but he heard every single word I had said to him and put the ladle down. “I promise I’m not being dark, Gerald. That is usually what happens.”
“Not what happened with cornball.”
I sighed. “I tend to end things before they can actually end.”
He nodded his head and stood there, still focused on me. I knew I wasn’t going to eat his milk soup that he spent the morning making, so I planned to walk into town to find a café to have a quick bite.
I wasn’t as picky with food as Menace, but I was particular with certain foods. I hated too much texture. Oatmeal, and soft foods always freaked me out. Capri had given me Boba in college before and I stopped speaking to her for a week.
Why would someone ever let those little balls sneak up on them and bust in their mouths?
I didn’t like sharing milk with people. Landon took a spoon full of my cereal when we were younger and I nearly took his head off, and Kora had to hold me back. Yogurt depended on the day I was having, and usually I would pass on those.
Every time I went to the grocery store, I stocked up on yogurt like I was going to eat it, and all it served was nice decoration for the fridge, and if it was plain yogurt, I usually mixed it in with Bando’s food for a treat.
I loved different sauces, as long as they weren’t chunky or had anything added into them. Mangos were my enemy, and I always lied and told people I was allergic.
“Cause you always fucking scared.”
“Don’t curse at me.”
He smirked. “Sorry, Boobie.”
It was the way he smirked while licking his thick lips at me. The man knew he was fine with his dark chocolate skin that had its own glow to it. His broad nose was my favorite thing about him. I loved a man that had a bigger nose.
His lips were pink and thick, and whenever he licked them, it was a battle to focus. His beard was thick and full, and within all the times I had been around him, I knew he brushed it out and applied an oil to it.
He nearly flipped out when he thought he forgot it in Barbados. How did I know he nearly flipped out? Because he was trying to use my expensive hair oil on his beard until I went to help him look.
Whenever he tucked his bottom lip in, I found myself staring at that small patch underneath his lip. It wasn’t just Gerald though; it was my favorite part of a man’s face. In my opinion, it was the most underrated. The moment they tucked that lip in, I was mush.
Gerald’s eyes were special.
Whenever he laughed, it always looked like he had them closed. They were always low, and he didn’t even smoke weed. I loved whenever he laughed, because he had dimples. When I met his mother and cousin yesterday, I realized that his cousin had the same set of dimples as well.
“You better check yourself, Gerald.” I bit back my laugh as I pretended to straighten my clothes.
Recommendation: Listen to Made To Love Ya by Gerald Levert
“Stop fucking playing with me.” He pointed his finger at me, as he rounded the corner. I was quick on my feet because I knew he was coming to snatch me up.
As I tried to slip past him, he snatched me up and kissed me on the neck. “Stooooop, Gerald,” I whined.
His beard nuzzled against my cheek, as he held me against him.
“When it comes to you, I’m never playing about you.
You built that wall around your heart high, but your man robs niggas for a living.
I can clear a wall with ease. I know you stubborn, but I’m breaking that shit down… you see how I’m coming, right?”
His voice was low and comforting as he held me in his arms, speaking directly into my ear. His presence was so calm that it quieted my mind.
Made me feel secure in his arms.
Gerald always made me feel that way. It was whenever I stepped away from him that the white noise returned.
“This could go wrong. Our Goddaughters are cousins… we’ll always be in each other’s lives if this doesn’t work out.”
I’ve always been someone that thought ahead and planned down to the second that things could or would go wrong.
My heart and nervous system actually regulated better whenever I planned out future failures.
I was able to pivot better because I had already preplanned for things to be fucked up, so there was no need to cry because it wasn’t a complete surprise.
“Close your eyes…” he instructed. I didn’t close my eyes. I felt his cheek against mine, as he slowly swayed us back and forth in front of the mirror. “You so fucking beautiful, Boobie… look at us. This shit was supposed to happen. Listen to the song.”
“We do look good together.” I smiled, as he continued to sway us.
The swaying action made me melt deeper into him. “Close your eyes.”
I listened to him this time, while he continued to sway us slowly while kissing my cheek.
“I’m a big believer in everything happens for a reason and the shit that doesn’t happen wasn’t supposed to happen.
My dear, you were supposed to happen. We were supposed to happen.
I was made to love you, Zoya. You were made to love me…
I don’t need anyone else to understand us.
I just need you to want this as much as I want it.
Baby, this shit only works if we’re both in this. ”
“What—”
He quieted me by nibbling my neck and making me snort like a cornball. “Whenever you need me to assure that we’re supposed to happen, tell me.”
“So, just tell you that I need to be assured?” I questioned.
“Are we supposed to?”
“Huh?”
“If yuh can huh yuh can hea,” he said with an accent. “Whenever you need to be assured, ask me that question, and I’m always gonna assure you. Never gonna leave you wondering, Zoya… just need you to do something for me.”
I spun in his arms and peered up into his eyes, as he straightened his posture. “What’s that?”
“Need you to do the same for me.”
I smiled and nodded. “I’m not good at that.”
“Good at what, Boobie.”
“Assuring, I guess.”
“Never need you to be perfect at anything. Love isn’t perfect… shit, I think it’s the most imperfect thing, and that’s the reason why it thrives when two people that are supposed to be together come together.”
“You believe that?”
He kissed my forehead. “And I plan to make you a believer.”
I smiled, as I held onto him. “Okay.”
He looked behind him, then back at me. “You not gonna eat my food, so let me order us something to eat.”
“Good, because I’m not in the mood for soup this early.”
“Zoya, that shit ain’t soup,” he scolded me, then pinched my ass.
I laughed. “Whatever.”
He went back toward the kitchen and started cleaning. I noticed that Gerald was neat.
It was one of the things that I liked about him.