Chapter 12
12
Karen stood in her bathroom and fiddled with her hair one last time. Smoothing her hands over her dress at her hips, she sucked in a deep breath, then let it out slowly. She could feel the nervous energy coursing through her, though she wasn’t sure why. It had been a while since she’d been on a first date, but still, she thought, this shouldn’t feel so daunting .
“Mom, you’re gorgeous,” Olivia said. “Stop being so nervous.”
“That’s right, Mom,” Laura added in her typical gentle voice. “This is the age of woman empowerment. Dress for you, not for a man.”
Olivia snorted. “Is that why you spend so much time fixing your hair and makeup in the bathroom before school? For you or for Randy Sneed?”
“Oh, shut it!”
“Girls!” Karen admonished. “No fighting… especially not on a date night when I’m nervous, and you have all the makings of an epic pig-out party night while I’m gone.”
That had the girls quietened quickly. “Olivia is right, Mom. You’re gorgeous. Mr. Robbins will think you’re the prettiest woman in the restaurant.”
“I like him, Mom,” Laura added. “He was really nice, and I don’t mean just nice to us because you're going out with him. But with all the kids. He made sure to explain to the ones who hadn’t run before the importance of stretching. He and Mr. Redding had us divided into groups so the more experienced ones could go at our own pace while the younger kids were monitored more closely.”
Karen smiled as she caught her daughter’s gaze in the mirror. Her own nervousness seemed to fade, replaced by a growing sense of calm.
“Are you nervous, Mom?” Olivia asked, stepping closer to her other side so both girls flanked her. Her daughters were such a sweet combination of her and Jeffrey—so much so that she would sometimes find her lungs seizing with the memories of him holding each when they were born.
Her gaze moved from Laura to Olivia, and she slowly shook her head. “No, not really. A little earlier… yes. I look at the two of you, and I know that I had an amazing marriage to a wonderful man. And before he died, he gave me the two most precious gifts in the world. While I’m looking forward to a nice dinner with a man who interests me, I know that no matter what… I’m already so lucky.”
Her daughters’ arms wrapped around her in a warm hug, and Karen closed her eyes, breathing in their familiar scent. The doorbell ringing broke the moment, making them all jump. Olivia squealed, and Laura gave Karen a once-over before offering a thumbs-up. Karen blew out another breath, and the three walked downstairs. “Girls, let me answer the door,” she admonished as Olivia raced to the door.
“No, Mom. We need to do this properly.”
“Properly?” Karen barely managed to squeak out before Olivia opened the door with Laura right behind her.
“Mr. Robbins,” Olivia said with exaggerated formality. “Please, come in.”
Laura grabbed the back of Olivia’s jeans and gave a little tug so that both girls stepped back at the same time, allowing Mark to enter. Karen was standing slightly to the side, reaching for her coat.
His eyes twinkled as he greeted the girls, but then his gaze searched for Karen. When their eyes met, Karen felt a flutter in her chest, and a tingle seemed to travel from her spine all the way to her fingertips.
The look on his face mirrored her emotions—excitement, nervousness, and something softer, something that made her heart race.
“Okay, girls. You’ve said hello. Now, let’s not give him the third degree.”
Laura laughed and smiled at Mark as she moved back into the room. Olivia’s nose scrunched, and she said, “Oh, Mom, I was going to have a little fun.” She looked toward Mark. “I was just going to tell you to drive safely and have her back by curfew.”
Rolling her eyes as Mark laughed, Karen placed her hands on her hips. “Remember, girls, who bought you all those snacks?”
Olivia burst into laughter. “I’m just joking. I’m thrilled you’re going to dinner tonight, Mom.” She looked up at Mark. “I hope you guys have a good time, but I have to admit it’s nice that Laura and I’ll get to watch whatever we want on TV and can eat junk food!”
Mark smiled. “Benji’s with my dad right now, and I think they’re going to have the same kind of night. Whatever junk they can eat.”
The girls moved aside as Karen approached Mark, her breath catching slightly when he leaned down and kissed her cheek. The gentle touch of his lips sent a soft sigh slipping past her lips, and her pulse quickened.
“You look beautiful,” he whispered, his breath warm against her skin.
She took in his appearance—navy dress pants, a light blue button-up shirt, and a casual jacket. No tie, but his relaxed style only made him more handsome. He reached for her coat, shaking it out before helping her slip into it. His hands lingered on her shoulders, and Karen felt the heat of his touch through the fabric as if it were skin to skin.
For a brief second, she closed her eyes, letting the moment wash over her. When she opened them, she had to lean back to meet his gaze. His eyes, a striking mix of green and hazel, held her captive. His beard was neatly trimmed, his hair short on the sides with just a touch of silver beginning to pepper through.
Mark smiled, leaning in a little closer. “Ready?” he asked, his voice low and intimate.
His words jolted her out of the close perusal and appreciation she was indulging in, and she nodded quickly. “Yes.” They walked to the door, where she looked at the girls. “I know you know all the rules and warnings. My phone will be on and?—”
“If it’s alright, I’d like to give the girls my number, too,” Mark said.
She was surprised that he thought of that extra security before they left. “Sure. That would be fine.” She watched as both Laura and Olivia brought out their phones, and soon, they had Mark’s number saved. Mark opened the door and allowed Karen to pass through first. He turned to the girls before the door closed behind them, and he said, “Be safe tonight and make sure to lock the door behind us. Any reason you need to call is fine… please do. And I promise to have her home by whatever curfew she tells me.”
The sound of her girls’ laughter was heard until the door closed and the click of the lock engaged. Still smiling, she took Mark’s cocked elbow, and he walked her to his vehicle. Once inside, she said, “Your SUV is much like the sheriff's vehicles, isn’t it?”
He nodded as he backed out of her driveway and turned onto her street. “Yeah. Not on purpose, though. I liked the idea of a sturdy but not necessarily massive SUV for safety. I don’t trade vehicles often, but last year, I decided I liked the department’s vehicles and found myself leaning toward one similar when I bought new.”
“It’s nice. I got mine about a year ago, too, but it’s much smaller.” She sighed and shook her head. “I can’t believe Laura will test for her driver’s license in two years. I have no idea what I’ll do about vehicles then.”
“They grow up so fast, don’t they?”
“Yes, they do.” She looked over at his profile and smiled. It’s nice to go out with someone who also has a child.
He nodded and turned her way. “I agree, it is.”
Blinking, she swallowed. “Shit, did I say that out loud?”
His brows lowered. “Um… yeah… did you not mean to?”
“Not really,” she replied, feeling her face redden. “The girls tell me that I say things when I could swear they are only in my head sometimes.”
He chuckled, and she loved the deep, resonating sound as it moved through her.
“So… you prefer going out with someone with a child?” he asked, hesitating.
She sucked in a deep breath, then tried to let it out silently so she wasn’t exposing her nervousness. “Mark, I have to be honest. I don’t go out often… instead… hardly at all. Jeffrey died four years ago, and for the first three years, I was a widow and never went out on a date. Obviously, for a long time, I grieved the loss of my husband and simultaneously wanted to be there for Laura and Olivia.”
She paused, shaking her head as if to clear the emotions swirling within her. “I’m not even sure I looked at another man during those three years. I just wasn’t interested.”
Mark kept his eyes on the road, but she could feel his attention on her. The soft glances he stole in her direction encouraged her to continue.
“This last year, I have gone out four times. No one ever made it past the first date. The first was a man I met in a grief group. It became evident early on that he was looking for a mommy replacement for his three children. Another was a man introduced to me by a coworker. He was about my age, had never been married, and had no children. And while he seemed nice, I didn’t feel a spark with him. Neither did I feel like he was in a place in his life where he might want to join with a woman who was actively parenting two daughters. I had the distinct feeling he didn’t want me to talk about them.”
“I can see where those wouldn’t lead to a second date,” Mark said while nodding thoughtfully.
“I’m glad you understand. I was afraid that was going to make me sound harsh. I don’t mind going out with a friend who happens to be a male because there are no expectations. But going on a second date when you know the relationship has nowhere to go just didn’t seem right.”
“I couldn’t agree more.”
She smiled, thinking how much they had in common. “Exactly. The next man was divorced and had joint custody of his three children with his ex-wife. At first, listening to him speak, it sounded as though their co-parenting was good. But as the dinner progressed, he began to slide in snide comments about dealing with his kids when it wasn’t always convenient for him, and he wondered if his ex-wife didn’t do that on purpose. He then asked if I had my girls all the time.”
Mark had just pulled into the parking lot at the Mexican restaurant when his head jerked to the side. “What the fuck?”
Karen barked out laughter. “I know, right? It was as though he was asking if I had to be a mom all the time when he knew I was a widow. He couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that I didn’t just have my children part of the time but was a full-time mom.”
Parking, Mark turned off the engine, and his posture matched hers as he shifted around to face her. “And the fourth?”
“Another setup. A nice man, a little older, and his only child was starting college. We had a delightful dinner, but he seemed stuck on the fact that my girls still had years to go before they entered college. Again, maybe at a different time and place, I might have had more interest. But there was no second date because he and I were not in sync with our lives then.”
Mark nodded slowly, his gaze never wavering from hers. “I love that you’ve shared this with me,” he said, his voice low and sincere.
Karen pressed her lips together, holding his gaze, feeling the weight of her vulnerability but also the sense of connection that had deepened between them at that moment. For the first time in a long while, she felt truly understood.
“Would you like me to share?” he asked.
Nodding slowly, she waited, anxiously eager to learn more about him… and if he would warrant a second date.
“We’re getting the tough stuff out of the way early, aren’t we?”
She winced, scrunching her nose. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to share anything you don’t want to. And you certainly aren’t under a microscope for me. I suppose when I made the comment earlier—the one I thought was in my head—I thought it was nice that your feelings of being a dad seem aligned with mine as a mother. That already made the date feel smoother from the beginning.”
“You don’t need to apologize, Karen. I get that talking about the girls is natural, just like talking about Benji.” He smiled, then held her gaze as he continued. “Sue died five years ago, but like you, I was filled with grief as well as overwhelmed with taking care of a four-year-old. That’s why I moved back to the Shore. My parents were indispensable in helping. I could continue in law enforcement and knew he was taken care of when I was at work. I didn’t even consider dating for… God, it was probably three years. It’s only been in the past couple of years that I’ve gone out on dates, and those have been few and far between. I’ll admit a few made it to the second date, but I was able to tell quickly when it just didn’t feel right.”
She nodded, hoping her expression would encourage him to keep talking. It was evident he loved his son, and he’d loved his wife.
He dragged his tongue over his bottom lip, then said, “I guess my story is a lot like yours. One woman asked about my son, and when I mentioned that he looked more like me but had his mother’s eyes, she quickly said she was uncomfortable with me speaking of my first wife. Honest to God, Karen, that was the only word I’d said about Benji’s mom. She made it sound as though I spent the evening talking about Sue.”
“Oh my God!” Karen blurted. “I… I… oh my God!”
Mark chuckled. “That’s exactly what I thought. She didn’t get a second date.” He rubbed his chin. “Another woman, who did get a second date, seemed fine with me being a single dad, but she was really anxious to meet Benji. I didn’t want to introduce him to someone unless I knew it was a real relationship, but she kept insisting. It was actually the third date that she became really pissed that I hadn’t introduced them yet. I asked why it was so important to her to meet my son at this time when I’d told her I wasn’t comfortable with it. Her reply? She said that he needed to get used to his new mommy.”
At that, Karen’s mouth dropped open. “I… I… shit, Mark. Your stories are making me feel bad for moaning about my experiences.”
He chuckled again. “Don’t worry about it. This isn’t a who had the worst widow/widower dates contest. I guess it just goes to show that we do understand each other.”
Their smiles continued as their gazes held, and the cab of the vehicle filled with a warmth that began to crackle with electricity. “I really hope I don’t end up as another one of your horror stories that get told.”
He reached across the console and placed his hand over hers. “I feel the same way.”
“Well, think of it this way… you’ve met my girls, and I’ve met Benji. And for what it’s worth, I expect you to talk about Sue. God knows I’ve mentioned Jeffrey.”
Nodding, he continued to smile. “How about we move on to the next part of the evening… food.”
Just then, her stomach growled. “I guess that’s your answer.”