15. Chapter 15
Chapter 15
Kieran
Damn it, I miss Wulfric.
It’s been days since I’ve seen him. If I wasn’t sure he needed his space, I’d have followed his scent and found him myself. I felt like that’s the opposite of what he needs. So, I stayed away, even if it killed me inside.
I spent the nights in the bed we’d shared, hoping that when I woke, he’d be there. He never was. At night, I went into the woods, shifted, and sang my heart out for him, hoping he’d hear my song, that he’d come running home to me. But the nights have been silent without his answering song.
I miss him, so much.
More than anything, I’m scared for him. I’ve been to some really low places over the course of my life. I know what a breakdown looks like, that eruption of emotion that happens when something has been building and building. I’ve been there before. What happened with Wulfric was bad. I don’t know how to help him, so all I can do now is give him the space he needs.
I just hope he doesn’t shut me out. We were finally growing close. Wulfric had let his walls down and given me a glimpse of the kind, thoughtful man behind them. I don’t want to lose that, lose him. When did that happen? Were my feelings so gradual they snuck up on me without me even noticing? Or were they there all along, hiding behind a mask of contempt?
Somehow, I’ve gone from despising the man to needing him with a desperation I’ve never felt for anyone before. Did I ever despise him? I was always attracted to him, I know that for sure, but I couldn’t stand feeling that way toward him when he was such an asshole.
But now that I’ve seen him, the real Wulfric, I can look back and see moments where his true self shone through the grumpy facade. When he cooked me breakfast because he knew I wasn’t eating the food the thralls prepared. How dedicated he was to my survival and my training. The way he saved me when we met.
I hope he comes home soon.
In the meantime, I’m trying to keep myself busy around the house. I help prepare meals and train with Lyall and Gunnar. To my knowledge, they don’t know where Wulfric is either.
Gunnar told me this has happened before. Wulfric falls into a dark place and retreats for days, sometimes weeks, at a time. He always comes out of it. I wish I could feel reassured, but all I can remember is the way the blood drained from his face as his knees buckled, how this giant of a man curled in on himself, trying to make himself small in the face of whatever horrors tormented him.
It still makes my heart hurt just thinking about it.
I swear, if Anders ever fucks with Wulfric again, I’ll make him regret it.
He’s been lurking around the village. I’ve seen him in passing in the marketplace, sensed him watching me while I train with his brothers, but he doesn’t approach me. I wish the feud between him and Wulfric would blow over already but somehow Wulfric’s absence feels like the calm before the storm.
On the seventh day of Wulfric’s absence, I go in search of Lyall and Gunnar in the training yard. From the open kitchen window, Helga calls, “They went looking for Wulfric.”
My heart leaps. “They did? Do they know where he is?”
“Oh, they’ve known all along. They wanted to give him space, but I told them enough’s enough. Knowing Wulfric, he’s been shifted the whole time he’s been gone. It’s not good for the mind to stay as a wolf so long or we risk getting stuck in that form.”
Has Wulfric been shifted this entire time? What if something had happened? Fear has me curling my hands into fists. “Why would he risk that?” I snap, frustrated and worried.
Sadness steals the light from her eyes. “He can’t help it, Kieran.”
Sighing, I kick a rock across the yard. “I know, I just… I’m worried about him.”
“I know you are, dear. In the past, it’s taken all of us to bring him back but now he has you.”
I shake my head. “What about me? I’ve barely got a handle on my own problems.”
“You’re very put together. You’ve kept this place afloat while he’s been away.”
I’m only put together because my anxiety won’t let me be any other way. Inside, I’m a damn mess. I wouldn’t come back for me if I were Wulfric. Now that I’ve depressed myself enough, I say, “I want to go for a walk. Do you need anything?” I’ve got to stay busy. If I’m busy I can’t think things like, What if he never comes back?
“We’re running low on eggs. Could you trade for some from Hilda’s farm? Give her this.”
Through the open window, she hands me a sack of grain. “Sure.” I set off down the road and into town.
I wish I were in a better mood because today is a beautiful day. Snowy mountains on the horizon reach toward a clear blue sky and while it’s chilly, it isn’t freezing. It’s a gorgeous day but without Wulfric by my side, I can’t enjoy it. There’s a void in my heart. Wherever Wulfric is, I hope he’s okay. I can’t sense his emotions but Helga told me that’s normal, that he closes the bonds to give himself privacy. Worry twists my insides into knots.
Someone small crashes into me. I stumble and almost drop the grain in my surprise. “Whoa! Watch it, bud!” A child with red hair, blue eyes, and cute freckled cheeks tugs urgently at my sleeve.
“Alpha-Mate, my friend is hurt!”
Why is he coming to me? Where are his parents?
“Please, come quick! You have to help him. You must!” He tries to tug me off the main path through the village.
“How badly is he hurt? Does he need a healer?” I think I remember where the healer’s hut is. She should tend to the kid’s injuries, not me.
“Please, hurry!” The kid takes off before I can stop him. Damn it, I have to follow him. I can’t get the healer if I don’t know where his friend is.
“Hey, wait up!” I jog after him, leaving the bustling street behind as I pursue him. The buildings thin until we’re surrounded by woodland. What were these kids doing out here alone? It doesn’t seem safe, especially since they can’t shift and defend themselves yet.
The kid waves at me from a cluster of trees, pointing wildly at someone out of sight. Shit, is the kid passed out? This is bad. I’ll have to carry him back to the village and to the healer.
Bracing myself for the worst—lots of blood, a broken bone or two—I peer around the trees. But there’s nothing there. I look around, but there’s no sign of another person, not even a scent. Except the winds change, carrying the scents of other people to my nose. Four of them, and they’re right behind me.
I whirl around in time to see four men burst from the cover of the trees they were hiding behind. One of them hurls something powdery in my face that burns my nose. Silver. My face ignites with scorching heat, my eyes blazing in their sockets. My howl of pain becomes a grunt as a knee slams into my stomach. Cramps rack my body, bringing me to the ground. I choke on sour bile, curling into a ball to protect myself.
My eyes water, spilling tears down my face so I can’t see the men attacking me. But I’ve got their scents in my memory now. One of them smells like horseshit. Two of them reek of ale. The third has notes of green onion and angelica wafting from him. Hopefully, I’ll live long enough to do something with that information.
“Think you can come into our village and change everything?” one of them snarls.
“You’ve weakened our Alpha!”
A boot slams into my jaw, cracking it. Blood fills my mouth as a tooth gets ripped free. I roll over, hiding my face in the ground as I groan pitifully.
“Anders is right. Outsiders like you are a threat!”
Anders. That bastard!
Fear and fury light up the dormant bond in my chest.
Wulfric. It’s him. He’s coming for me.
Terror eclipses the brief joy at finally feeling him for the first time in a week.
“Don’t. Don’t come. Stay away, Wulfric. Stay away!”
This is what Anders wants. He’s going to lure Wulfric out of hiding by hurting me. I’m going to be used as a weapon to harm the man I love.
No. No, no, no!
“W-Wulfric,” I croak, and then another kick hits me across the face. My nose crunches on impact, and hot blood spurts down my face. Waves of agony leave me paralyzed. One of them took away my furs and without them, my healing won’t kick in. All I can do is gasp for breath through a chest that feels like it’s been shattered.
Laughing, the men leave me by myself, blinded and too injured to move.
Curling into a ball, all I do is wait for the pain to end.
“Kieran? Oh gods… Kieran!”
That voice pulls me from the depths of my agony.
My eyes are too blurry to see him, but I would know that voice anywhere, even if I can’t smell him through my broken nose.
Tears of joy and pain sting my eyes.
Wulfric is here. He came for me. I don’t care what happens next, just so long as he’s here.
“Oh, little rabbit.” Emotion makes his voice quake. “You’re going to be all right. I promise. I’m here.”
Big arms wrap me in a tight embrace as he hoists me from the ground. My body aches, and I stifle my whimper by hiding my face in his shoulder. A rush of sound comes at me as we return to the village. Voices rise in panic and confusion, the noise making my aching head throb.
“Move, all of you!” Wulfric roars.
Gnashing my teeth, I gasp at the pain that cracks through my skull.
“Shh, love. I have you.” Tender lips find my forehead, the scratch of his beard a comfort I’ve missed.
We move fast, and I spiral into a throbbing abyss of pain and nausea. A door opens and Helga cries, “Thank the gods, you found him!”
Wulfric says, “Get the healer. Now!” Another door creaks, and I’m laid on something soft. Our bed, I think.
Big hands take hold of my hand, rubbing and squeezing. His hands are so warm, but I feel like a block of ice. Shock. That must be it. I can’t stop shivering.
I fall back into the abyss.
Pain pulls me from the nothingness, a scream tearing from my lungs.
“Don’t hurt him!” Wulfric’s furious roar makes me tremble.
“I-I’m so sorry, Alpha!” an unfamiliar voice says.
“Wulfric, it was a mistake. Calm yourself,” Helga snaps. Her hand is warm and leathery in mine.
A rough hand brushes my cheek. “Shh. Rest. The healer is making you better.”
I close my eyes and…
When I open them next, I can see. My face throbs like a brick smashed it in. The windows are shuttered and the room is dark, but shards of sunlight illuminate enough of the room to make out my surroundings. I’m in our bed, but Wulfric isn’t with me. Panic squeezes my chest. Please, don’t be gone.
I try to reach out to him through the bond but only encounter an empty space in my head and chest. My furs are gone, and I can’t sense the pack, can’t sense Wulfric. Wulfric is gone. He left again. He—
The door creaks open and I wince as the light from the bright room burns my eyes. I guess they aren’t as healed as I thought. Blinking until my watery vision clears, I gasp as Wulfric comes into view. Joy warms every part of me and my eyes dampen again, this time from the happiness of seeing him.
When our eyes meet, he slams the tray on the table and bolts to my bedside. On his knees, he carefully frames my face in his hands, guiding me in for a kiss that’s painfully chaste for how desperately I want him. He has to be careful of my injured nose, I guess.
He shakes against me and when I taste the salt on his lips, I realize he’s crying.
“Kieran,” he croaks. His fingers curl in my hair, his nails scraping over dried flecks of blood. There’s pain, but it’s nothing I can’t handle, not when he needs me like this.
I try to put my arms around him and gasp, grinding my teeth at how stiff and achy one of my arms is. Praying it isn’t broken, I wrap my good arm around his shoulders and squeeze tight.
“Gods. Forgive me. Please, forgive me.” He sucks in a shuddery gasp, kissing the mark he left upon my neck again and again. “I shouldn’t have left you alone.”
“S’okay, Wulf,” I say, my voice gravelly from dehydration. All that matters is he’s here. “Long as you don’t do it again, you bastard.”
His body shudders against me, his trembling arms holding me tighter. “Never in this life or the next.”
“Can I… have some water? Or Advil or something?” I really miss the convenience of modern medicine right now.
“Yes. Yes, of course.” Releasing me from his arms, Wulfric grabs the tray and carries it to me. “Hardly a warrior’s meal, I know, but the healer said you need liquids until you can chew comfortably.”
Wulfric doesn’t look good. Bags hang under his wet, bloodshot eyes and his hair is disheveled. Lifting the spoon to my lips, he helps me take a sip of hot broth. “She said you could have porridge too. I can make some if you like.”
“Stay.”
He smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I will.”
The broth warms my stomach, chasing away the cold. We don’t speak until the bowl is empty and I’ve had my fill. My aching eyes long to close.
Wulfric takes my hand and squeezes it. “Who did this to you?”
My throat tightens, and I feel so damn useless. “I don’t know.”
“What did they look like? Did you see their faces?”
“No,” I snap. “They rushed me. I didn’t even have time to react. I couldn’t even fight them off. I…” Shame overwhelms me, and I bow my head.
“Because they were godless cravens who didn’t have the balls to face you man to man. Not because you were weak, Kieran. You are the very opposite of weak.”
Tears burn my eyes and I wish I could stand up and break something to pieces. I feel so goddamn weak, so powerless, so fucking ashamed. “I only got their scents. Can you do something with that?”
Wulfric leans in, his eyes intent upon me. The eyes of a hunter. “Tell me.”
Closing my eyes, I try and recall, fighting through memories of pain and terror. “Two of them smelled like ale. One of them smelled like horses. The other like he’d been cooking green onions and angelica.”
“Horse dung. I will ask the stable master who was working the day of your attack. The ale you smelled, were there any notes in the brew that stood out to you?”
“I don’t know.” Frustration surges within me. “Uh… yeast. Hops. Some kind of… berry? Juniper?”
Wulfric growls softly, like that makes sense to him. “I will have the innkeeper give me a list of every drunken lout he served juniper ale to that day. As for the scent of onion… I know a farmer who grows them. I will be having words with him.” A lot more than words, by the sound of the fury in his voice.
Accepting the mug of water he passes me, I take an eager sip. “There’s something else.” I hesitate, knowing this will hurt him but maybe not surprise him. “One of them mentioned Anders. Is it possible he… I don’t know, put them up to it?”
A muscle twitches in Wulfric’s jaw, and his lips press into a thin line. “I don’t want to believe it. Our parents raised us to be men of honor!”
“It’s not the first time he’s attacked me.”
I wince when horror widens his eyes. “What? When?” Then it hits him. “The night you tried to escape…”
“He set me up. Planned to make it look like I’d attacked him so the village would turn against me. He ran right into that silver knife he gave me.”
“That bastard!” Snarling, he lurches to his feet and paces, jerking his fingers through his blond mane. “Gods! How far has he fallen? He is not the man I once knew. Envy has blackened his heart. Once he would have challenged me, man to man. Instead, he used you to… to carve right into the heart of me.” Pain makes his voice crack. Shaking his head, he comes to me and gingerly takes my face between his hands. “He will never hurt you again. I will make sure of it.”
My breath hitches. “You’re going to kill him.”
A cold smile tugs at his mouth. “When I’m through with him, he will wish I had.”
“Wulfric, don’t do this. I’m not—”
“Not what?” he growls, gripping my hair between his clawed fingers. “Don’t you say you aren’t worthy. I would go to war for you, Kieran Grove, and lay every enemy of yours broken and bloody at your feet. You are mine. My pack. My heart. My soul. And no one harms what is mine.”
I’m terrified for him. If he challenges Anders, I don’t know who will walk away alive. I can’t lose him, but I know nothing I say will change his mind. Neither of us will be safe until Anders has been dealt with.
“If you die, I’ll dig you up and kill you again,” I growl against his lips.
A dark chuckle rumbles through him as he claims my lips with his. “Then I won’t die.”
It’s a promise I pray he can keep.