Chapter 34
thirty-four
Numb
Charlie
Ididn’t know what day it was anymore. All I knew was that I was in a bed, a bed I had demanded I be in. I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else right now.
My memory was a blur of events from digging out of room four while the blast site was smoldering behind us, slowly filling the cavern with smoke.
Then digging my father out of the blast zone while trying not to get burned.
We found Dan too, but we left him there, only taking my dad to the surface with us.
Apparently, it had been almost another full shift of being down in the mine by the time we appeared.
We were the last of the living to arrive.
I didn’t remember much about getting to the surface other than the loud noise.
The next thing I knew, I was being checked out, bandaged, and given oxygen out of a new state-of-the-art portable tank that looked like a mini missile, to help make sure my lungs were clear.
Other than my right eye, my left elbow was bruised and had a deep scratch from landing on it.
I didn’t remember much about leaving except the drama with Karen, or more like her shrill voice.
She apparently was waiting with a small crowd at the road.
I didn’t know what happened with that, but I overheard David tell Jimmy that Tom took the blunt of it so we could get through while he attempted to pull her to the office so he could give her an update.
But she refused to go, so Tom told the entire group that was present that it was her husband that blew up the mine and killed good men.
If she wasn’t an outcast before because of everything, she was now.
The biggest loss outside of my own, was Paul. No one deserved to die, but him– with a baby on the way. If my heart wasn’t already shattered, it would break for Linda and what she was going through.
I remembered wanting to go home though. Which was why I ended up in my dad’s bed, surrounded by his things, his smell and his ghostly presents. Jimmy took me to his place, but I said no, and kept walking.
I remember being washed for the longest time.
I remember crying the entire time.
Jimmy put me in my bed and crawled in with me and held me while I cried myself to sleep. But I woke up and snuck out and came into my dad’s room sometime in the night, which is where Jimmy found me when he woke.
I hadn’t left since.
He didn’t join me in bed either.
One night I woke myself up crying from a nightmare, and he sat up from lying on the floor, startled.
I kept over-hearing voices in the house.
Jimmy came and went but hadn’t stayed long.
I think he was trying to give me space since I am in my dad’s room.
I didn’t think he’d left since we got here other than to go get some items from his place to bring back since very little of my things were here anymore and he had nothing.
I overheard him ask David to stay with me while he was gone, but he never came into the room.
I overheard other voices coming and going.
Some checked on us, others offered to help, while some came to bring information and updates. One of those updates was that the company was covering the funeral arrangements for those that lost their lives, so their families didn’t have to worry.
Except for Richard and Dan since they caused all of this. That was the cherry on top of Karen and Patricia’s shit sundae.
There were a total of 11 deaths.
The four in room four.
There were four men in the Tipple when it collapsed.
One person got hit with a chunk of debris at the outer wall of room three that was the closest to The Hole and the side of the mountain.
The last two were in the entry of room five right where it had collapsed.
It was a miracle more didn’t die.
Jimmy arranged for my dad’s funeral to happen last. He wanted to give me time to process, I guess.
I slept on and off, waking up when Jimmy tried to get me to eat or asked if I needed anything.
I just stared at him, but at least I have stopped crying finally.
I think my body ran out of salt to produce more tears.
It was replaced with this numbness that only seemed to come for the blackest part of my soul, keeping me from living even though I survived.
I don’t deserve it.
All of this was my fault.
From the very beginning.
If the events hadn’t happened in West Virginia, we wouldn’t have been here at all. If I hadn’t mouthed off to Richard, a target wouldn’t have been on my back. If he hadn’t zeroed in on me, maybe he never would have caught Jimmy and I in the mine car, elevating the situation into what it became.
Jimmy hurt.
Richard, arrested and fired.
My dad, dead.
I finally got out of bed, but cradled one of my dad’s pillows in my arms so I could bury my face in it when I wanted to.
I silently walked to my room, but Jimmy wasn’t there, so I went downstairs.
I found him on the couch, with papers scattered everywhere, a pen in his hand.
He jolted his head up when he felt my presence, dropping the pen and rushing over to me.
“Honey.” He took me in his arms, the pillow between us. I pressed my head against his chest and breathed in a mix of his scent and my dad’s. Without breaking away, he whispered, “What do you need? Tell me and I’ll do it or get it for you.”
“What day is it?” My voice was rough, my throat dry.
“It’s been four days. It’s Monday,” he kissed my head, swaying me side to side in comfort, his hands rubbing up and down my back. “Are you hungry? I can get you something.”
I nodded slightly with the room I had to move my head. Without letting me go, he turned me around and guided me to the kitchen. It felt odd being here with Jimmy. I had technically only lived here a little more than a week before I started to stay at Jimmy’s unit.
He had me sit at the table while he pulled out a casserole dish and threw it in the oven. Then he put the kettle on, prepping two mugs with tea.
While we waited, he came back over and sat with me bringing milk and sugar, then taking one of my hands in his, leaving me with one to hold my pillow.
I had a hard time making eye contact with him, which seemed silly, but my emotions were everywhere and nothing made sense to me.
Was grief supposed to be this awkward?
He finally broke the silence by saying, “We’ve had a lot of visitors. Which is where that casserole dish came from. You should see the ice box,” then he made a slightly goofy face. “I even had to store some at my place. You’d think people thought I can’t cook or something.”
“You can’t,” slipped out in response, not knowing where it came from.
“Hey,” he shot back laughing. His smile warmed me and the frozen state I was in.
Maybe he can thaw me out, so I don’t have to figure out how to do it myself.
He was rubbing his thumb over my knuckles, sending tingles through my hand.
The kettle started to whistle, so he let go and got up to pour our tea.
As he sat back down, placing our cups on the table, he asked, “Do you want to hear any updates about anything yet? Or would you like more time? There is no rush. Just know I have it all handled with help from Tom, David, Betty, and the boys from The Underground.”
That was something to think about.
What kind of updates could there possibly be, other than anything about my dad’s services. I sat there in silence for a moment thinking about it when Jimmy continued, “Why don’t you eat first and decide later, and I will tell you about my update on what I have planned for me, yeah?”
I nodded, then blew on my hot tea and took a sip.
It felt really good. The heat and the moisture in my throat.
“So, one of the times Tom came by, he asked when I thought I would be ready to come back to help with the cleanup. Not to pressure me, but just to get a time frame. I told him I wouldn’t be back, and neither were you.
We both got other offers. I had been on the fence, but this pushed me off and into the neighboring yard, so to speak. ”
“Really,” my voice was monotone. I didn’t know how to feel. I think I should be happy for him, but my brain was having a hard time processing this information.
Jimmy took my hand again and squeezed. “Really. That paperwork you saw me going through in there was my separation agreement. Tom also brought yours, for when you are ready, but said there wasn’t any rush and would continue processing your pay for you until you turned it in,” winking at me.
I was nodding, taking it all in when the timer for the food started to buzz.
Jimmy jumped to serve us. It was a beef lasagna casserole from Betty, apparently.
It was delicious, but I couldn’t get much down.
Only about a fourth of what was on my plate.
I was staring at it when Jimmy said, “Honey, it’s okay.
It’s normal to not have an appetite. Don’t worry.
I’ll save it for later.” He leaned over and kissed my temple.
He finished his meal and cleaned up. Then he suggested we take a shower, which made me realize that I smelled.
Unbelievable.
Thankfully, Jimmy got in with me, washed and cared for me in my partial mentally conscious state.
After, we went back downstairs and cuddled on the couch while he finished what he was doing when I came down, me still with the pillow.
While laying there with my head in Jimmy’s lap, my eye caught my name on a page that was sitting on the table, so I reached for it. It was page one of my separation agreement, with the date blank. I wouldn’t have read it fully if the word payout hadn’t caught my attention.
I sat up, startling Jimmy, reaching for the rest of the papers. I started to read more thoroughly until I got to the part I was looking for. My eyes blew wide, my mouth dropped open, the papers falling out of my hand in shock.