Chapter 32
The party started off low-key. A small group gathered around the speaker system to argue about who should control their soundtrack.
A large group gathered around the beer pong table to watch the first game of the tournament.
A few of the stoners had produced ukuleles from thin air and strummed them as the joints made their rounds.
As Lou had predicted, the senior boys and girls made for the dock.
It was a ramshackle structure, about ten feet wide and thirty feet long, the last five feet of which looked to be on the verge of collapse.
Still, it remained solid and unmoving as it filled with people, groups of friends gathering around the edges and letting their legs dangle toward the water.
They turned away any junior who dared to try and join.
And Charlie …
Charlie couldn’t stop thinking about Rattatosk.
She couldn’t stop seeing that photograph.
The unnatural shape of his body. The claws sunk into the dirt.
Where was he? Was he still in Silver Shores, or had he somehow sensed their departure and followed them?
If he was still back in town, had he killed any other innocent kids today?
Out here, cell reception was spotty at best. Charlie had tried several times to load the local news, but she never made it past buffering.
If there had been another attack, she wouldn’t know until the bus hit the highway.
The shadow of Rattatosk followed Charlie wherever she went. She had no reason to think he was near; she hadn’t even seen that many squirrels. Still, no matter what she did, she couldn’t shake the feeling of being watched.
“—was being completely insane,” Abigail was saying. “Don’t you agree?”
“What?” Charlie blinked, looking over at her friend. The two of them were standing in the water, sunk up to their calves, bare toes digging into the sandy bottom. The scent of warm beer drifted up from the plastic cup in Abigail’s hand.
Abigail rolled her eyes good-naturedly. “You’re such a space cadet sometimes. I was just saying how Lou is riding my ass about this whole Valkyrie thing. She thinks I secretly want to become one. I mean, isn’t that the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard?”
Charlie tilted her head, considering. “I don’t know. Is it? Jokes about Linnea aside, you seem pretty fascinated by them.”
Abigail groaned. “Not you, too.”
“I’m just being honest. I mean, they’ve become your favorite subject by far. You talk about them even more than you talk about Columbia these days.”
This brought her up short. “No.” She hesitated. “Do I?”
“By a landslide.”
Abigail chewed the soft, brown-pink skin of her lower lip. After a beat, she opened her mouth to say something, but before she even began, she closed her eyes and shook her head.
“No,” she said, opening her eyes again and looking at Charlie. “Hell no. I’ve worked too hard and sacrificed too much to give up on Columbia now.”
Charlie shrugged. “Fair enough.” She looked at Abigail sideways, flashing her a sly grin. “You would look hot in that leather armor, though.”
Abigail grinned back. “Damn right I would. And those wings? The ultimate accessory.”
Charlie laughed. “You could fly wherever you wanted.” She nudged Abigail’s shoulder. “You’d never have to deal with Mason’s shitty driving again.”
Abigail nudged her right back. “Touché, my friend.” She sighed, her eyes drifting over to the senior dock.
Charlie let her eyes wander, too, looking out over the water.
It was clear and still, interrupted only by the purple lights of ?lvor dancing just above the surface.
The moon hung huge and bright white over the dark, dense trees.
It was a truly breathtaking night. The kind of night where secrets thrived and miracles felt possible.
“Do you think I should go talk to her?” Abigail asked.
“Who?” Charlie glanced at Abigail, then followed her gaze up to the dock, where she saw Bex sitting with a group of senior girls.
Bex wasn’t a senior herself, but no one seemed bothered by her presence.
As usual, she wasn’t talking much, but her cheeks were pink from the alcohol, and, as Charlie watched, she laughed at something one of the other girls said.
“Oh,” said Charlie. “Right. I mean, I don’t know. Last you said, she was ignoring all your attempts to apologize, right?”
“Yeah. Though, I might have … I don’t know. Oversold how hard I was trying?”
Charlie turned to Abigail. “What do you mean?”
Her friend scratched the back of her head. “Just that … well, you know she sits next to me in history, right?”
“Of course.”
“Right. Well.” Abigail’s eyes flashed over to Bex. “The Monday after homecoming, I walked into class ready to apologize. I had a whole story ready about how you had contracted a stomach virus and had horrible nausea slash vomiting slash diarrhea and needed to be taken home ASAP—”
“Your cover story was that I was shitting myself?” Charlie interrupted.
“And throwing up,” Abigail added. “Anyway, when I finally walked into history, I looked right at her, ready to launch into the story. But her face…” Abigail’s eyes became uncharacteristically sad, bright moonlight reflecting off their downturned corners.
“She was staring down at the desk. Staring so hard. She didn’t even look up when I walked over.
Or when I sat down next to her. Or even when I said good morning.
She just … stared. And then I noticed how red her cheeks were, and I realized …
I realized she was embarrassed. She thinks I ditched her because I don’t like her.
Because I wasn’t having a good time. All of Sunday, I’d been thinking, Gods, she’s going to be so angry with me.
She’s going to ream me out. But that’s how I would have reacted.
I never once considered she might have just been sad and hurt.
” She shook her head, looking out across the bay.
“Sometimes I feel like there’s something wrong with me.
Like I’m physically incapable of putting myself in someone else’s shoes.
Of seeing things from anyone’s perspective but my own. ”
Speechless, Charlie stared at Abigail for several long seconds before her friend seemed to notice the silence.
“What?” Abigail asked.
“I just…” Charlie laughed, bemused. “I’ve never heard you be so self-effacing before.”
“Yeah, well.” Abigail’s lips twitched. “Even I am capable of admitting to my flaws from time to time.”
“From time to time.” Charlie nodded, still laughing. “There’s nothing wrong with you, Abigail. It’s perfectly normal to have difficulty seeing things from someone else’s perspective. That you even recognize this about yourself means you’re already light-years ahead of most people.”
“Excellent,” said Abigail. “I love being light-years ahead of my peers.”
“I know you do.”
Charlie glanced over her shoulder, a gesture that was now reflex. She was constantly scanning her surroundings. Constantly looking for a squirrel with a red swirl on its forehead.
When she scanned the tree line, however, her eyes didn’t land on any squirrel. They landed on Elias, who was staring unabashedly at her from beside one of the kegs.
Her head whipped back around, tingles running down her spine. How long had he been watching her? And why, unlike before, didn’t he care that she caught him?
All day, Charlie had felt as if she were being watched. She had thought, earlier, that the prickle on the back of her neck was paranoia. That it was her belief Rattatosk waited somewhere in the trees, ready to strike. But now?
Now she realized where the feeling really came from. Whom it came from.
And as that knowledge settled over her, it felt as if she’d drained a mug full of perfectly heated chamomile tea, and the liquid was running down her throat and flowing out to every part of her body.
Puddling. Filling her stomach and ankles and fingertips, spreading until every part of her felt warm and heavy.
It was a feeling she remembered. One that she hadn’t felt for a long time but could trace back to certain moments in her life.
To running into her mother’s arms after tumbling from her bike.
To snuggling under a fluffy blanket with Sophie.
To Mason holding her and her sister’s hands during their first-ever solo walk to the park.
It was a feeling that she never knew was there—until it disappeared.
Safety.
Elias Everhart watching out for her made Charlie feel safe.
Well, she thought. That’s suitably disturbing.
“Is that a yes, then?” Abigail asked, drawing Charlie out of her thoughts. Her friend was looking at Bex, swirling her foot nervously around the surface of the water. “I should go talk to her? Not to ask her out again or anything. Just to apologize. For real this time.”
“That’s a yes.” Charlie nudged Abigail with her hip. “Now get up there before you lose your nerve.”
Abigail exhaled and nodded once. Without another word, she turned and splashed through the shallow water, back to shore. She pivoted on the packed sand, marching over to the dock.
“Someone’s on a mission,” came Elias’s voice from behind.
Charlie didn’t even flinch. It was becoming a pattern, Elias appearing the minute she was on her own. It was as if he couldn’t stomach seeing her alone. Or (more likely) he couldn’t pass up an opportunity to try and scare the living daylights out of her.
She didn’t look at him. “She’s going to apologize to her homecoming date.”
“Hmm.” Elias waded into the water, his steps sending out little ripples splashing up against Charlie’s shins. “And how is she going to get onto the senior dock?”
“Just watch.”
Right on cue, Abigail arrived in front of the seniors who were blocking the entrance to the dock. She said something, then turned aside and pointed right at Elias.
“See?” Charlie laughed. “Now give them a thumbs-up.”
Elias did as he was told. Reluctantly, the senior boys stepped aside and let Abigail onto the dock.
Chuckling, Elias looked at Charlie. “Seriously? That’s all it takes?”
She shrugged. “The senior guys look up to you. They think you’re cool. They’d probably throw themselves on top of the bonfire if you told them to.”
He looked at her with wide, excited eyes. “Really?”
“Not that I’m advocating for that,” she said quickly. “In fact, I regret even putting the idea in your head.”
Elias grinned. “You should.” He squinted at the dock. “And why is our dear Abby apologizing to her homecoming date?”
“Because,” said Charlie, “she told Bex she was running out of the dance to change shoes, but ended up leaving with us. She was helping us find Lou, but she couldn’t exactly tell Bex that. Now Bex thinks that Abigail ditched her.”
“Ouch. That does sound like it warrants an apology.”
“No kidding.”
“Moving on to more important matters.” Water sloshed against Charlie’s legs as Elias turned to face her. “There’s something of dire consequence we need to discuss.”
“What?” She looked up at him, and when she did, she found none of what she normally saw there: sarcasm, cockiness, playfulness, dismissal. Instead, he looked oddly serious.
Panic washed over her. Oh gods, she thought. This must be about Rattatosk.
“What happened?” Her voice was low as she glanced around the Gut. “Is he here? Do we need to get everyone out?”
“No, no,” Elias said, touching her arm lightly. “You’re safe here. This has nothing to do with Rattatosk.”
You’re safe here.
There it was again. That word.
Safe.
“If it’s not about Rattatosk,” she whispered, “what is it?”
“It’s an even bigger problem,” he said, voice deadly quiet.
Moonlight illuminated the left side of his face, amplifying the pale white of his skin and casting shadows from his long eyelashes.
With one hand, he reached behind his back and produced an unopened can of beer.
“You are disturbingly sober for what was billed to me as the best party of the year.”
Charlie let out a bewildered laugh.
And here it came: that feeling of safety. The sense that she could let go. Could finally relax, after four weeks of clenching her fists so tightly they ought to be broken.
She took the beer from Elias.
“You know what?” she said, cracking it open with a grin. “Why not?”